79 lines
4.4 KiB
Plaintext
79 lines
4.4 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
||
|
|
%%% %%% %%%% %%% %% %%%%%
|
||
|
|
%%%% %%%% %% %%%% %% %% %%
|
||
|
|
%% %%% %% %% %% %% %% %% %%
|
||
|
|
%% % %% %% %% %%%% %% %%
|
||
|
|
%% %% %%%% %% %%% %%%%%
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
// // //// ////// ////// //
|
||
|
|
\\ \ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\
|
||
|
|
// /// // //////// ////// ////// //
|
||
|
|
\\\\ \\\\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\
|
||
|
|
/// /// // // // // // //
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
[ Mind Warp - Volume #1, Issue #12, File #023 ]
|
||
|
|
[ "Whining about 'The Lion King' :)" by Mustaine ]
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
|
I Hate Cartoons: "The Lion King"
|
||
|
|
[Mustaine/Influenza]
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
I had the misfortune of seeing "The Lion King" the other day. Needless
|
||
|
|
to say, I have lost all faith in Disney. That is, what little respect I
|
||
|
|
actually held for Disney is all gone. Aw, scratch that. Disney just sucks,
|
||
|
|
got it? Now, back to the point. Where was I.....OH!
|
||
|
|
Like I said, or maybe i didn't...but who cares. I went to see the
|
||
|
|
Lion King. Not willingly of course. You see, my girlfriend...she prefers
|
||
|
|
to go unnamed when I write these articles...but Arsonist's Arsenal members
|
||
|
|
know her as Sarcasm...anyway, she was pissed at me so I had to go see Lion
|
||
|
|
King to otherwise avoid a tragic end to a relationship. You see I worked
|
||
|
|
all day, and had told her the day previous(like the day b4) that we might
|
||
|
|
go out and do something. KEY WORD is MIGHT. Not a promise...just "MIGHT."
|
||
|
|
At any rate, I had to work ALL morning and most of the afternoon, and didn't
|
||
|
|
get home till like 5. I then took a nap for about 15 minutes before she
|
||
|
|
called and started crying because I broke a date that I hadn't even really
|
||
|
|
promised to take her on. UGH. ANYWAYS...she suckered me to go see this
|
||
|
|
damn movie. AND NOW...for the review.
|
||
|
|
The Lion King. Hated it. Ok...this thing was a cartoon. Normal
|
||
|
|
people would have just avoided it because of that fact. Also...Disney
|
||
|
|
made it! Now who in their right mind would go see this film? Going on.
|
||
|
|
Plus..this story had way too much violence for a cartoon. G.I. Joe at
|
||
|
|
least didn't show the characters getting stamped by a wild rush of
|
||
|
|
uncontrolable zoo animals. Lemme start at the beginning.
|
||
|
|
1) Movie opens....stupid song...lots of cartoon thingy's.
|
||
|
|
2) Like this baby lion was born to the Lion KING!
|
||
|
|
(He's like the main character...I forget the bugger's name.)
|
||
|
|
3) The next few hours like we meet the bad guys, which are the
|
||
|
|
Lion's King's bro..Scar, and three hyenas...one of em is the voice
|
||
|
|
of Whoopie Goldberg. <kewl>
|
||
|
|
4) Next like they kill off the dad, blame it on the kid...and then
|
||
|
|
the kid leaves for some nearby forest.
|
||
|
|
5) Introduce some little rodent d00d with a farting pig. They
|
||
|
|
befriend the idiot. (The little lion d00d.)
|
||
|
|
6) Like they go off and grow up.
|
||
|
|
7) Back at the first place, like Scar and the hyenas take over
|
||
|
|
and make all the other animals miserable. (One might add that
|
||
|
|
they eat a LOT of zebra legs.)
|
||
|
|
8) Oh yeah...back in the beginning the little bugger d00d had a
|
||
|
|
girlfriend. She like leaves from the Scar d00d and comes
|
||
|
|
to the forest place.
|
||
|
|
9) Bugger d00d reunites with girl, they go resolve to go fight
|
||
|
|
Scar. (It's a lot bigger than that..but let's just say a monkey
|
||
|
|
and the ghost of bugger's dad convince bugger to go get Scar.)
|
||
|
|
10) Bugger goes to Scar...there's a neato cartoon slow-mo fight...
|
||
|
|
11) Scar gets killed by the hyena.
|
||
|
|
12) All is well.
|
||
|
|
13) A new bugger gets born from the mating of bugger and girlyfriend.
|
||
|
|
14) Closing Credits.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Ok. That was the whole movie. And I had to watch it to save my
|
||
|
|
relationship with my girlfriend. What a bitch. (The experience...not
|
||
|
|
my girlfriend.) Ok. That's it. Don't go see the movie. Disney sucks.
|
||
|
|
Etc., etc..
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Mustaine / iNFLueNZa iNC. / 1994
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
==============================================================================
|
||
|
|
Call Arsonist's Arsenal BBS the Mind Warp WHQ - (301) 208-0847
|
||
|
|
==============================================================================
|