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111 lines
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[ Mind Warp - Volume #1, Issue #7, File #018 ]
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[ "Kids...They suck." by Mustaine ]
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Kids...They suck
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[Mustaine/Influenza]
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And I don't mean big kids by that title. I mean little kids. No, not
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kids. Brats. Cause that's what they are y'know...BRATS. Little idiotic,
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smelly, grungy, whiny, full of boogers, smartassed, evil heathen who were
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spawned out of an act that SHOULD have required a condom.
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Let me start over. I, MuSTaiNe, the guy who hates PaNTeRa, loves girls,
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hates school, and is alwayz in need of money....yeah folks...it's REALLY me
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again...am gonna tell you a little teeny story about a really bad week at
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work. And I mean bad. So bad that if another little snotty kid ever gets
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so much as a mile near me again I am gonna maime IT sooooo bad that the word
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puzzle will have a new meaning. ( I obviously had a lousy WEEK at work if
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none of you have figured it out yet... )
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The sad part is, this week's not over for me yet. When I'm done writing
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this, I will go back to sleep, get up in the morning, shower, and go back to
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WORK. I will have to deal with 3-9 year old asswipes who worship the Mighty
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Morphin Power Rangers...and Beavis and Butthead. But anyway, I digress
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three paragraphs too many....
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It all started calmly enough...get to work at 8, wait around till 8:30
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when all the campers arrive, and check the roster to see how many kids are
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coming that day for camp. Easy right? WRONG. I check the roster. 45
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fucking rugrats. 45!!!! More good news. Two instructors call in sick. That
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leaves me.....and then some girl who just started work today...and PoRNLo, my
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darling little hyper-assed brutha. Happy Happy Joy Joy. 3 Instructors, 45
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kids. This definitly sucks.
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Gymnastics camp is bad enough with all day physical activites, in 90
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degree weather, with braindead children...without having to deal with two
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instructors. But that, as they say...is life. And MINE FUCKING SUCKED.
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So first event comes for the kids. Good, they're not bored yet...they
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just feel the tension of an instructor overwhelmed by so many ugly looking,
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foul-smelling little keebler-ites. Enter a 5 year old. Pick ANY 5 year old.
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In this case, we have Tyler, the wonder dweeb. Tyler doesn't want to do first
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event, so Tyler decides to kick the instructor..guess where?...in the balls.
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Thanks Tyler. Instructor, now sounding like Michael Jackson, calls for help.
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The two remaining instructors rush over...leaving their kids unattended. OH
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SHIT.
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The other two groups now running amuck, are fighting over who has the
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most navel dirt in their belly-buttons. JOY. Fights ensue, and the
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instructors rush to intervene. More kicks to the balls. THIS instructor WAS
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NOT a happy camper. Now keep in mind, this was first event. A typical day
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at a gymnastics camp usually holds 12-13 events. Woo.
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I won't finish my story, it's kinda obvious what happened. All hell
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broke loose, but eventually things calmed down. One kid flushed a toilet,
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with another camper stuck IN that toilet. One camper ripped MY shirt, while
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biting a chuck into my nipple. One camper snapped another camper's bra...OH.
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GOOD one there eh? WRONG. They are 9 year olds. THEY DON'T NEED BRAS...
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Anyway....
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There was a point to this whole thing. Kids suck. Kill them if you see
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them. I think all kids should be shot, hung, maimed, drowned, or smothered
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to death. My gymnastics instructing group came up with several good ways to
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accomplish this. I have compiled them into a list. Please read this list,
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and if you ever run into one of my kids, KILL THEM.
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SoMe WaYS To MaiMe a KiD oR 2...
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1) Make nooses, and fucking hang them.
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2) Take their necks...and SNAP them.
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3) Leave them in the toilet..and flush a lot.
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4) KICK them in the balls and see how they like it.
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5) Play bungee jumpin...and cut their line.
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6) Hit them with water balloons...filled with acid.
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7) Don't give them water after making them run the mile.
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8) Your spottin' them right? DROP THEM.
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9) Pull that Mighty Morphin Power shit kicks on them...
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(I figure why the hell not, it hurts when THEY do it...)
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10) Beat the living shit out of them with a broom.
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11) Fill their confiscated Super Soaker with Clorox...and shoot them.
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12) Let them play sword fights...with real bats..no padding.
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13) Play Vanilla Ice all day long for them.
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14) Play Milli Vanilli all day long for them.
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15) Hit them with your car.
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16) Give them one of your M-80's that you just bought in South Carolina..
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..and shove it down their pants.
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17) Push the vending machines down on them.
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18) Lock them in the bathrooms.
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19) Scream into the microphone with the little snots GLUED to the
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speakers.
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20) Drop large blunt objects on their sexual reproductive organs.
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Wow...I think I'm done. Later d00dz. Just remember the kewl part
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of this story..I get to go back tommorrow for more.
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MuSstaine / iNFLueNZa iNC. / 1994
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==============================================================================
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Call Arsonist's Arsenal BBS the Mind Warp WHQ - (301) 208-0847
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==============================================================================
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