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Jonas E'Zine, Volume 2, Issue 5 (C) 1996 by Jonas Productions,
all rights reserved. Copyrights to stories, articles, and illustrations
are the property of their creators, unless otherwise noted. The
contents of this publication may not be reproduced in whole or in
part without consent of the copyright owner. Jonas may be freely
distributed as long as this notice remains in place, and
no fee is charged for it's retrieval.
I try to run from things I can't face,
but I'm tripping on my shoelace.
Little John / "Shoelace"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonas E'Zine Volume 2, Issue 5 July 28, 1996
Contents:
(1) - Edicius' Editorial
(2) - untitled #1 [poem] - by Oodles
(3) - How I Got This Way [essay] / by Oodles
(4) - "My Name Is Jonas" [story] / by The Masked Marauder
(5) - Truth in the Electronic Age [essay] / by Auren Hoffman
(6) - "End of Eternity" [story] / by Eerie
(7) - "The Day" [story] / by Edicius
(8) - "Deceptive Media Experience" [story] / by Jestapher
(9) - Reviews
(10) - News Clips
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
(1) - Edicius' Editorial
Tonight, I made a revelation.
I am going to stop fooling myself. I am going to stop shaping myself,
manipulating myself into someone who I'm not.
For the last two weeks, I've been telling myself that there is something
wrong with me. If I want to do anything, if I want a girlfriend, I have
to change. Not a physical change, I don't care if I lose or gain ten
pounds at this point. No, a mental change. I feel that there is so much
wrong with me.. That if I am to succeed in anything, I have to change.
But I don't need that anymore. If someone became friends with me, and
tried to manipulate me into something I wasn't, I would lose them so
quickly. Why can't I lose myself? Why can't I convince myself that I'm
perfectly fine?
Tonight, I did.
I had a good night, I have no complaints about anything I did. I came
home at one o'clock in the morning, and talked to my best friend, Maureen.
Right now, no one knows me better then my friend Maureen. I love her,
we're just really close. No one knows me better now, and no one has ever
known me this good. I help her with her problems, and she helps me with
my problems.
Tonight, we talked as always. I don't know what it is, but something
happened tonight. Something majestic. During the course of our
conversation, I finally realized that I'm perfectly fine. I'm at an inner
peace right now, the war has stopped. There is, and was, no reason for me
to hate myself.
I believe that love exists, but it's not going to touch everyone. You
also can't gain love, if you don't let it in your heart to begin with. I
don't know if I'm ever going to find love. Let me clarify, I don't know
if I ever _want_ to find love. I haven't found it yet, so I'm not going
out of my way to find it now. In the end, we will get what we all
deserve.
-----
I don't want a relationship, I just want to hold someone. I want to hold
them in my arms, and have them know that they are safe and protected. I
don't want sex or any of the related things, I just want to hold a girl in
my arms. I can't hold her and make her feel safe all the time, but if she
keeps that image in her mind, I will be happy. If one day, she's feeling
bad, she can recall the fact that I held her in my arms, and how safe she
felt. I'll always be there for that person, and they have to know it.
I'm a romantic at heart. I don't want to go out and get laid. I don't
care if a girl goes down on me or whatever. I want the simplier things.
I want to hold a girl, and never let go. I want to give her a simple kiss
on her neck. I believe that a simple kiss will convey so many more
emotions then anything else. I don't want head, I want to hold.
-----
I may seem like an average sixteen year old, but these are my thoughts.
There's so much in this world right now, I'm going to conquer it. I'm
going to get it all, and never let go. I'm going to find someone who I
can really love, who I can love back, and never let go.
One day, I'm going to get what I deserve. It could be tommorow, it could
be at my death; but one day, I will be truely happy.
If I could ask for just one thing in life, I would ask that no one ever
feels uncomfortable, scared, or sad around me. I don't want people to be
intimidated around me, there's no reason to. I want people to respect me
and like me for who I am.
----------
As far as news this month, uh, I don't know much. I would like to thank
everyone who wrote this month. People who've written for Jonas in the
past, like The Masked Marauder and Auren Hoffman, and people who are 'new'
to the 'zine, like Oodles, Eerie, and Jestapher.
I apologize for the fact that I didn't put the web version of Jonas 19 up.
I'm a fuckin' lazy ass, sue me, ok? I will have a web version of this one
up, so don't fret, cupcake.
If you are in a band, or run a 'zine, contact me! Email me. I'm always
interested in recieving demos and cds and 'zines to review. I love them,
I am also interested in doing more interviews with bands and more
full-length articles on bands. So contact me, ok?
Next issue, we should have a post office box, yippie!
Have a nice day.
-- Edicius
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(2) - untitled #1 - by oodles
in this dark deslote place which i call reality,
stands a young girl trying to break free.
from societies standards and expectations,
into who she dreams and hopes she can be
they can not stop her,
they will not turn her away.
she will make her own decisions
and be happy one day.
she will stand up on her own,
so that all may see.
in this dark deslote place,
that girl is me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(3) - How I Got This Way - by Oodles
How have I gotten this way? Well, I suppose it all started originally in
1993.
It was christmas, and the previous year my parents had bought me a
computer, so that year they decided to buy me a modem. It was a cheap
2400 baud modem that came with a "Prodigy" startup pack, but it ran and it
changed my life forever.
I first got onto Prodigy and quickly learned how to use the forums and I
could communicate with people through messages in forums and emails. I
started associating with some people, and soon they told me about this
thing they do called "bbsing." I wasn't really sure exactly what it was
or what I could do with it, let alone HOW to do it. But I followed their
advice and tried it out.
The person who originally mentioned it to me, gave me the phone number of
a Pennsyvanian bbs and told me how to call it. It was a little one line
board in Pittsburgh. At the time, I didn't KNOW it was in Pittsburgh or I
would not have called, that is definitly NOT local. But I was young and
naive and believed everything this Prodigy kid told me.
The board basically sucked, I could do nothing, it wasn't even a Macintosh
board so I couldn't use the files available.
You can imagine how surprised I was, as well as my parents, when we got a
300 dollar phone bill that month. I had no idea I had spent so much money
on a board that sucked so much. I had no idea there were MBBS chat boards
with 30 lines or even the internet, I thought that was the best it got.
Of course I assumed all modeming sucked and the person on Prodigy was
stupid. I put the modem away in a closet, never used it again and went on
with my life. My computer was there to type up homework and do work for
my parents, that was the extent of it.
One day, my father brought home a BBS list for me. He told me a friend at
work had given it to him, made sure all the numbers were local, and told me
I should try it out.
It was the _Allen Joffes BBS List_. One of the numbers was a board called
Clockwork. I dialed it up. It had so many phone lines, I could talk to
other people while I was on, I was amazed.
I had used all fake information as I had been told by my parents. They
told me to NEVER give out real information over a computer, that all the
people on it were psycho and would come after me, and I did not want that
to happen.
I made up a fake identity for myself, from that day on I would be known as
Karen Southport. I had a fake address, phone number, birthday- everything.
to me, Karen became real because I always had to refer to her, I had to
become her to stay on the boards I called.
At first the idea of having this fake identity was fun for me, i could be
whoever i wanted to be and no one would know the difference. Anything I
said, as far as others were concerned, was the truth about myself. But
soon I grew to lose myself in this identity and actually wanted to reveal
things about my life to these people, but following my parents strict
advice, I did not.
From Clockwork I got banned for life, for some reasons which we will not
discuss today.. But, in the time I was on Clockwork, I did receieve some
other BBS phone numbers, such as Onix.
Onix was the turning point for me, in a way you could say Onix changed my
life forever. It was the starting point of the real turnaround. I logged
on, with my fake info as always. The only difference being the handle
Karen was taken, so I shortened it to the first thing I could think of,
"kar".
Day after day, I began talking to the other users. The people on Onix
seemed to know each other, and some were even my age. They were friends,
they hung out outside the modem. I was astonished by this, and I wanted a
part of it. I became closer and closer to these people who knew me as
Karen as the days went on.
One day I decided to let it all go, I wanted to tell them the truth about
me. Despite what my parents had said, I had grown to trust them. They
accepted me despite my lies, it was wonderful. I let the sysop know who I
really was and he changed my account info immediately and just told me to
never do it again.
From that day on, I was no longer Karen, I was Kim. I was me. I soon ran
out of days on Onix, and after mooching from the users on there, I decided
to move on, to Gamepower. I'm sure a lot of people had their modeming
start on Gamepower, and even met some of their best friends on there, I
know I did.
I remmeber the first night I logged on there, two users, Iceman and Billie
Joe (whose name is Mark), were in the teleconference. It was a few days
after the Green Day concert, and me being an alterna-teen at the time
totally jumped all over the user Billie Joe.
We started talking about became amazing friends. Soon we had decided to
meet. We met at a movie theatre one day, it was very awkward. We saw
that horrible movie where Adam Sandler goes back to school.. but i digress. We got along pretty well despite the awkwardness. We kept talking on the phone, and
met again a few more times in person. Then one day, he asked me to go
out with him.
That user I had met one day logging onto a board, still a bit unsure of
myself and of modeming, was now my boyfriend.
I was shocked at first that i could become so close to someone over a
modem, and that this someone had turned into a relationship for me. Even
though Mark and i eventually went our seperate ways and broke up, outgrew
my shyness of meeting new people by meeting many of his friends who soon
became my friends also, and became who I am today.
I have experienced numerous things through the modem, met so many good
friends and have had so many interesting situations. I honestly think if
i did not take that step of meeting Mark in person and starting a real
relationship with him that i would be here talking to you all today, i
would still be a scared little girl behind her computer screen knowing no
one and afraid to reveal her true self to anyone.
The day I logged onto Onix really did change my life forever. If it
wasn't for Onix I would not have called Gamepower, had not met Mark and
would not be me, the Kim I am today. I have had bad experiences, and
sometimes I have wished I had never turned on this damned modem, but the
good outweighs the bad, and I am very happy I have become who I am all
because of it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
(4) - "My Name Is Jonas" - by The Masked Marauder
Fresh & clean, a new beginning. The ultimate chance to turn back time, to
undo all of the mistakes that had been made this far. To start over &
re-create what once was. But at the same time, be totally & unequivicably
whole. No pre-conceived notions of who he was, or what he stood for. Less
tangles to wade through in the never-ending search to connect, in the
machinery of night.
This was it, Head & Shoulders was correct, live & let live.
-----
The first day of school was always the hardest. He knew no one, & no one
knew him. It was scarey, being in a new place, with a whole bunch of new
faces all around him, talking & chattering in unison. It was exhilerating
too, it was a whole new world waiting for him.
He looked down at the small print-out that his schedule was on & found his
first class, English.
"Room 216? I didn't know there was a second level to this school." he
muttered as he wandered along through the hall. "I guess I should ask
someone, too bad I don't _know_ anyone." he said under his breath.
So he just kept walking, now looking for someone he could ask. He didn't
want just anyone, he wanted someone that wouldn't take him at face value &
then push him away, he wanted someone he had things in common with,
someone that would know him without talking to him.
"Who am I kidding? There is no one like that, no one could be that
perfect for him." he said. Oops, this time a group of girls saw him
talking to himself & gave him quizzical looks. Once he passed, he heard
their muffled laughter. Oh well.
He was now insanely lost & had no earthly clue where room 216 was. With
no apparent alternative, he just continued to walk & search for someone
that looked like they would be cool about giving him directions.
He had never been an extroverted person & when in a situation that
commanded him to associate expressly with others before thinking
everything through, he usually screwed up the situation quite royally. But
his current situation was getting him nowhere but late & lost, & it was
increasingly obvious that some action needed to be taken.
Just as he made this decision, he walked up on someone that had a familiar
air to him, this guy was a pretty average person physically, but had an
intelligent look in his eyes. He realized that they guy reminded him of
him. Ladies & gentleman, we have our first candidate.
-----
"Hi, uhm, sorry to bother you but, uhm, do you know where room 216 is?" he
stammered out.
"Uh, hi. Yes, in fact, I do. Go up those stairs <pointing down the hall>
& go left. Keep going for awhile & it will be like the sixth or seventh
door on your right." said the stranger.
"Whoa, ok. Thanks for the help." he replied.
"Hey, are you new here? I don't think I've seen you before." asked the
mystery socialite.
"Yeah, I just moved here." he quickly answered.
"Cool, I'm Adam. If you need anything else, just find me." said the
potentially cool guy named Adam.
"Uhm, thanks, I just might do that." he said.
"No problem, by the way, whats your name?" asked Adam.
-----
Everything just seems so stilted. I don't understand why it has to be so
hard for me to meet new people. People have become the supreme judge of
me. & I don't know when I became so vulnerable. I feel like I let people
in so far, but not far enough. They feel me distance myself from them &
then leave. That small rejection of me hurts, even though I brought it
on.
But it isn't only that I'm so extremely nervous about entering this new
social situation. I have so many opportunities, so many choices; but I am
so damn afraid of making the wrong ones. I don't want to end up hurt &
alone. What combination is going to make me happy?
Doesn't he know how hard this is on me? I don't know how I should feel
right now. I'm so insanely confused about things. I am so relieved to be
starting over in a new situation but this is where I have to pick. Make or
break, so to speak.
I've never been a terribly confident person, but I don't think it is fair
to me or to those around me to let social issues slide because I don't
feel comfortable enough with myself to be extroverted. I guess the most
important thing I should be asking myself is why.
I don't have the luxury of blaming these types of feelings on any
traumatic experience from my childhood, for the most part, I've had a
pretty good life. Something has made me different from the others, I've
felt that strange separation from the beginning. There was always an air
of un- familiarity when others dealt with him, almost as if he was never a
part of them, he had never made the team.
I think too much. Maybe that's it. I over-analyze & blow everything out
of proportion in every facet of my life, & I still haven't met one other
person that does the same way. It isn't that I can't find others just
like me, no, that would be too specific; I can't find others that
_resemble_ me.
But maybe it isn't just my fault, maybe it isn't my own behavior that
causes this. I guess what I hope for in this move is a sort of
connection. If I could find someone that I could relate to, I would be
truly happy.
Well, I don't think that is it either. Admittedly I am lonely, but making
a friend isn't going to immediately take all that pain away, not in a
million years. I think that my problem is that I try too hard & when I
fail, I fall to pieces & resort to feeling sorry for myself.
So many questions, no answers. It is almost as if I have to start with
the most complex & soul-searching questions & work my way down from there.
I'll have to answer questions like "Who am I?" before I can answer little
questions like "What is my name?"
-----
"My name is Jonas."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(5) - Truth in the Electronic Age - by Auren Hoffman
People are too quick to accept someone's word as truth in today's world of
moving electrons and instant media. Every television station, newspaper,
magazine, and radio show is biased. There is no such thing as totally
objective, nonpartisan reporting. Media should be biased - but they
should be forthcoming about the bias.
CNN news reports always defend Clinton at any cost while the Wall Street
Journal can always find the up-side to a Republican folly. The Washington
Times and the Washington Post usually report on the same story in two very
different ways. But the average reader, watcher, or listener does not
understand this. The average Joe needs to be taught that what the media
reports, and how it reports, reflects upon the personal views of those who
are doing the reporting (or those who own the media).
Listening to news reports is almost like overhearing a locker-room
conversation about Sally sleeping with the football team and Jim killing
his math teacher. There is probably some truth to the report but rarely
is it fully accurate. Sally probably slept with only one football player
and Jim probably said that he wanted to beat up his math teacher. Every
time a story is reported it gets transformed. News reports are no
different from the game "telephone" that you used to play when you were a
kid.
I discussed this topic with a friend of mine who said, "I don't believe
news stories immediately when I hear them, but, I tend to believe it after
hearing the same story from multiple sources." My friend has the wrong
attitude. How many times have you heard that the Republicans are cutting
Medicare? At least 1000. But the GOP proposed to increase Medicare -
they just want a smaller increase than the Democrats. Government
officials, sports figures, and businesspeople should always be innocent
until proven guilty. Remember, Sally's rumor probably got around her high
school too.
All said, however, you have to believe in something -- though you can't
take a report only at face value. I never believe "facts" until I
complete the proper research and take some time to determine my opinion.
For instance, I believe the world is round and have not joined the "Flat
Earth Society." I don't have any real proof of the world's shape and I
never tried to sail around the world, but a preponderance of the evidence
suggests that the world is indeed round.
With information overload coming at our population, many of us choose a
medium to filter the information for us. This is very dangerous. We
should take advantage of the availability of news from different sources
and determine our opinions after thought and rational decision making.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(6) - "Dead Star" - by Eerie-Kun
1
No matter was going to happen, he wouldn't let it go.
Come on, it's his fuckin' destiny, after all. And who are we to even
think about screwing up with his destiny?
That's even though we all know destiny is fake, of course.
'Cause yeah, sure, there's all this cause to effect gibberish in action.
It is there. We can't get rid of it. He being no more powerful than
anyone makes no exception. He's stuck with the causes. Stuck in pure
chaos.
Many times he thought: "I'm so fuckin' alone." That was true. He
couldn't be closer to the truth, actually. By feeding his conscience with
that sole statement, he was giving himself the awareness of his own
nature. This, even if he hadn't the cleverness to understand it. Yet.
He also possessed the essence of drama. He was blessed with the purity of
murder. The cause made him become a criminal. He was what he was, no
less, no more, as transparent as transparent could be.
Maybe that's what led him to his loss. His lack of self-deformation. The
fact that he had nothing to exaggerate. The only notion he had the
knowledge of, that was related to the process of altering an outsider's
view of him, was his capacity to blur himself. Which, of course, didn't
help all that much.
The state of panic, which had its hold on him on a regular basis, was
always striking in a cold, telegraphical fashion, except maybe for a
couple times when he simply couldn't control it. Violence sometimes
overcame his will. It was the only way to escape without drowning into
insanity.
.. Or wasn't he already insane? As panic engulfed his mind so many times,
he could only wonder. 'Cause hey, maybe after all it's the insanity that
gets lost into himself. Just like so many lacks, so many losses, so many
holes would have left that many square miles of dead areas where unknown
residues of bad trips can sleep, ready to be awaken by the tiniest spark
of blatant panic lights - Just like hazard spots.
But since those areas were dead, they wouldn't hurt. They would just
become significative. They would just get a name. They would just
provoke unwanted souvenirs. They would just recall otherwise long since
faded memories. He's lost everything about his past already. All he has
left is the blurring veil. & maybe, he thought, this one's fading as
well.
And now he was about to do something terrible, & no one could ever
understand it because no one was aware of the whole cause to effect
process. People tend to think that you can set your life your own way.
They tend to believe that if you're doing wrong, it's your fault. They
might be right, but even they couldn't have any power over their destiny
even if they wanted to. They don't have the knowledge. They don't have
the patience.
He has spent the whole afternoon trying to write the god damn letter. For
some reason he had to explain the unexplainable. Of course it was
impossible. Maybe he even knew it. Cause to effect. Had he sent it, he
could have hoped for something that was also impossible. That litterally
fucked him up.
So instead, he did it. He went past that limit he thought he would never
get past.
And when, on the day after, he realized the whole mess he was into now, he
was way beyond rationnality. The cops were gonna get his ass if he didn't
move, quick. Like, now. He knew he had only one place to go. The lack
of choice appeared as so obvious that the panic increased again,
fullfilling all the dead areas of his mind. As usual.
---
2
That specific morning, the outside weather was as bold as a drawing drawn
from an unsharpened pencil.
The images were bigger than children images. They were strong, wide &
scraped. The whole city appeared as vague yet defined shapes, as if water
covered it. Its staticness was moving, swirling, crawling. He had no
fear at the moment, being way too busy with the contemplative state he's
almost consciously put himself in.
There was too much caffeine & other types of speeders in his blood anyway.
Everytime he'd check his watch he'd notice how much his hand would shake.
That reminded him of how frail his body was. It was way less strong than
average Joe's & to some extent it was enough to scare him. Actually,
everything that reminded him of what he was, scared the shit outta him.
It came to a point where he was scared of being scared.
But still he would keep on falling into nothingness, for no apparent reason.
After "I'm so fuckin' alone" often came "I'm tired."
He walked a couple blocks, not even thinking of hiding. There was no need
to hide. Admiring the highness of the cold buildings surrounding all of
him was way too important for now. And since it was so ephemere, there
was no way of getting back to it "later".
As if there was a future anyway - That's bullshit for dreamers.
As if there was a need to save for later use. He sure wasn't dumb. He
knew the basics of immediateness & temporal destruction. He had learned
many things from the day he grew up for real & killed the kid he was. One
of them was to never take anything as granted. And that philosophy
inconsciently morphing his mind, he never had any concrete gain, never
would.
A sudden feeling of rapture filled him for a few seconds & it was so
terrible it almost made him cry.
---
3
- Alright, so what's up man?
The fact that Rory would show up at his place at 8 in the morning didn't
seem to affect Eric too much. Maybe he was used to it. Maybe he didn't
mind being awaken that early. Or maybe didn't he even sleep last night.
Who knows. Who cares. Rory wouldn't even ask why.
- I'm fucked up.
- Why so?
- I dunno. Weird shit.
- Want some coffee?
- Sure.
- Well, go make some.
The place was way too hot, as usual. There was a small fan in the corner
of the room & that was all. Eric didn't seem to care about the heat.
- So what exactly did fuck you up?
Rory drank some coffee, slowly. There was no point in increasing his
body's inner temperature. Well, not all of a sudden, like that.
- You don't wanna know.
- Well, if you say so ..
Why did he come here, anyway? He had no clue. He knew eric would give
him nothing near a warm smile or a comprehensive ear. There was probably
nowhere else to go. He namechecked all the other places where he could
have went & it seemed to him that none of them would have provided what he
required.
Of course he didn't know what exactly was his need. The definition of the
word "need" itself was far away from the exact unnamed, abstract concept
he'd be reffering to. It was beyond the limitations related to the human
ability to give names.
The radio was turned on. Some guy talking about stuff. Morning shit he
didn't care about. When the guy stopped talking, Eric turned it off,
because he didn't want to hear the music.
- Why don'tcha leave it on?
- I don't care about music.
- How come?
- You gotta be weak to listen to music. It's a fuckin' crutch.
Rory categorized the thought as "bizarre" & drank some more coffee. Maybe
Eric has evolved more than anyone else. It was possible. If evolution
shows, he thought, then he is way further than us in his way to perfection
- But then again what's the point in going that far if it makes you
distant, thus not perfect?
-----
The rest of "Dead Star", a 25 chapter story, is being released soon by
Eerie-Kun and Doomed to Obscurity Productions.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(7) - "The Day" - by Edicius
He felt a tremble in his arm, and quickly licked his lips. She was so
close to him, and he couldn't believe it. He'd never been this close to a
girl before. He wanted to reach out and kiss her, but deep inside, he
couldn't. He knew that would be too forward. Instead, he offered her a
sip from his Coke, and continued the small talk they had been making.
Every minute that he thought of her, his heart would melt. He'd never
really liked a person as much as he liked this girl. Right here and now,
she was sitting next to him in ths small town Burger King. He liked
everything about her: her hair, her eyes, her hands .. he even liked the
way that the small dob of ketchup stuck to her cheek, just next to her
lips.
"You have ketchup on your lips, dear."
She quickly wiped it off, and they continued with their conversation. He
listened, as much as his heart would allow him to. Everytime he looked
into her eyes, his heart would just melt again. Everytime they talked,
he would think highly of her. He placed her on a pedistol above all
others.. His utmost desire in life was to have this girl right now.
Then the realistic side of him jumped in and said, "wait a minute."
As much as he wanted this girl, he knew he could never have her. No girl
would could want him, at least at their age. When people are young,
they're supposed to fall in love and just have sex. It's an unwritten
rule, no relationships until you're older. How old, he wasn't sure. He
just knew that right now, he couldn't have her. He wasn't funny, at least
all the time. He wasn't one that would make her laugh constantly. Hell,
he couldn't even make her laugh part of the time. Somewhere, he thought,
the joke always loses its funny-ness during the trip from his mind to his
mouth.
He was also romantic. That wasn't something a girl his age would want.
Again, it goes back to the unwritten rule. Girls his age don't want to be
charmed and cared for, they're too independent for that. Especially since
that whole feminist movement. "Chivilry is dead," he thought. Girls, or
should he attempt to say, women his age don't want to be treated nice,
they want to be treated like shit. Simply because, no girl his age wants
a relationship.
He had friends of his that were girls.. Sometimes he wondered how in the
world he ever managed to become friends with them. He felt so comfortable
around them, but this one girl was driving him nuts. Not the nuts that
would make a person commit suicide, but a nuts that would make a person
fall in love. All of the time he spent thinking about her was time he
loved. He loved to think about her.. He'd rehearse what he would say to
her a million times, but he could barely squeak out a "would you like some
of my fries?" Its easy to talk to someone when you don't want anything
else, maybe some guys are meant to be friends with girls, but never
anything more. He'd often think that he was that guy.
He'd always look forward into the future, and know that one day he'll find
a girl that he could truely love. Actually, he already found her, and she
was sitting right next to him. He'd met the same type of girl a few
months before. He really liked her, but she didn't want him. Although he
was prepared to give her the world, and treat her like a princess, she
didn't want that. So, he'd always known that one day, he could would find
a girl that he could like, that would like him back.
"How come that day isn't today," he thought.
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(8) "Deceptive Media Experience" - by Jestapher
I was ecstatic when my father allowed me to "christen" Television. It was
unlike anything I ever knew. As I pulled the knob, I encountered a
feeling I have yet to experience again in my life. It was a feeling of
comfort and joy. With this feeling, I knew Television was good.
Every day after school, I would race home, throw my schoolbag on the
couch, and pull the knob that threw life into Television. I grew closer
to It every day. It was the only one to whom I could disclose my
thoughts. Television was my psychiatrist. Television was my friend.
Television was my entertainment. We lived in silent bliss. That is,
until that bliss was imposed upon.
For his birthday that year, my brother received an Atari. It was a device
that threw a game onto Television's screen. Television didn't mind
invasion by the machine, and if It didn't mind, neither did I. It was a
Friday night when my parents went out to the theater. They had been
planning to see a performance of this certain opera for months now. They
asked if I wanted to attend, but I laughed at the idea. Why go to an
opera when I could spend an evening at home with Television?
They left for the theater directly after dinner. My brother headed
straight for his Atari. Knowing I would have no luck trying to fight him
for control of Television, I decided to go to my room and wait patiently
for him to finish with his games. I looked out of my door -- from which I
could see a small portion of the living room including Television, the
Atari and my brother -- every five minutes. After what seemed like the
hundredth time I looked, I saw my brother cursing at Television for losing
his game. This angered me, and I continued to watch him play another
game. When he lost this game, he leaned forward and struck a blow against
the side of Television. At this point, I was infuriated. How could he
take his frustrations out on my one true friend when in reality, it was
his fault? Or was it the Atari's fault for encouraging these
frustrations?
I ran to my brother's bedroom and took his baseball bat in hand. I crept
to the entrance of the living room and quickly plotted my attack. Without
hesitation, I burst into the room and brought a mighty blow upon the
Atari. Pieces of plastic flew in every direction. Television went from a
vision of Pong to a black and white chaos. I raised the bat over my head
and delivered another tremendous blow unto the Atari. At this point, my
brother had recovered from the shock of the attack. He lunged at me from
his position on the floor. I flew back and landed hard on the ground. The
momentum of my fall thrust my head backwards and it stopped only when it
met the floor. I opened my eyes to find my brother coming toward me like
a towering skyscraper -- an enraged skyscraper without an Atari.
I was afraid. I had no idea what he intended to do. Rather than find
out, I took grip of the bat and with a single swing to the shin, I sent my
brother crumbling to the floor. As he fell, I rose. I clung to the bat.
It was the only defense I had. I had stopped recognizing the body on the
floor as my brother; it was now only a silhouette that threatened my
safety. The silhouette rose from the floor slowly. It stood ten feet
away from me and didn't move. It stood there as if it were waiting for
the pain I had inflicted to leave. Suddenly, it raced forward. In an
unconscious reaction, I brought the bat back, and in the same motion,
brought it forward with great might. As the bat flew toward my brother,
he charged toward the bat. The bat met my brother's head altering the
direction in which he charged. The silhouette soared passed me hitting
the floor with a "thud."
Except for the sound of a scrambled Television channel, the room was
silent. My brother lied face down on the floor. What had I done? I
knelt down over my brother's body, and turned him onto his back. I did
all the things Television taught me to do in a time like this. I checked
his mouth for breathing -- nothing. Then I put my ear to his chest --
nothing. Frantically, I checked his pulse--nothing. He couldn't be dead,
it wasn't a serious blow. At this point, I couldn't even remember cutting
my brother down, I was only trying to comfort my conscience. I could see
an enormous bruise on his head. Then a trickle of blood came from his
nose. I knew he was dead.
I began to cry an angry cry. I searched for a reason behind it all. Then
it came to me -- Television. Television was the root of it all. It
betrayed me. I rose from the floor and took a swing at the television.
The screen shattered, and sparks flew out. With my swing forward, I
brought forth all my rage, and with my recoil, came sadness and
depression. I had killed my most precious gifts in all the world,
Television and my brother. I stood there, and the bat slipped from my
hands. Finally I collapsed onto the floor crying.
My parents never knew the full truth of what happened. I told them my
brother and had argued and he started hitting me. In self defense, I took
up arms. Television was just an innocent casualty. I underwent
psychiatric therapy for "my benefit," which lasted many years. We never
replaced Television, or my brother.
Many years later, when the hands of time covered our wounds, I received a
computer to help me with my low school grades. The actual effect was
exactly the opposite of the hypothesized effect, but with the computer,
came a modem, and with a modem, came the world. There was more to life
than school. The computer proved that to me. Now I use the Internet a
minimum of 10 hours a day. It would never betray me like my family or
Television.
To know the Internet is to know love.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(9) - Reviews
Concerts:
Summerland Tour '96 - July 20, 1996, Garden State Arts Center, Holmdel, NJ
The idea seems simple enough, and has been done before: get three bands
that currently have big-selling records out now, and a fourth band that
sucks to make them all look better. For the Summer of '96, those three
bands are Everclear, Spacehog, and Tracy Bonham. The fourth band would be
Seven Year Bitch, although, Everclear gets the "sucky" spot, too.
You take a look at the lineup, and clearly, it's a lineup that is going to
attract a lot of alternateens. Especially considering the fact that this
show took place at a large (15,000 capacity) ampitherater, and not a one
or two thousand seat club. That way, parents feel safe dropping off their
kids at this place.
You know, if I see one more twelve year old, with brand new Airwalks,
freshly died hair, and a Lollapalooza '96 t-shirt, I'm going to shoot
myself.
Anyway, let's get to the bands.
Seven Year Bitch is quite possibly one of the worst bands I've ever seen
in my life. They were too dependent on their bass drum & guitar and a
distorted guitar. Their lead singer's voice was really shrill, one of
those voices that went right through you. If they learned how to play
their instruments, maybe explored other parts of the drumset besides the
bass drum, and screamed a lot less, they could be better. But, they're
one of the worst things I've ever seen.
During the set change, a man introduced himself to the crowd as Arthur
something or another, Japan's only one man band. It was a good way to
pass the normally boring time while the stage crew fixes the drums and
ampifliers and such. He played about two or three songs between each set
change, for a total of seven or so. Included in his cover songs were
"Pretty Woman", the Japanese version of "Achy-Breaky-Heart", and a mixture
of songs by Elvis and the Beatles.
The next band, well, person to come up was Tracy Bonham. She walked out
with violin in hand, and just started screeching at it. She said a few
words, then her bassist and drummer joined her, and they went into an
amazing version of Pavement's "AT&T." It amazed me, because she played
the whole song without a guitarist, with her violin doing the guitar
parts. She then went on to play a number of songs, including her current
hits "The One" and her mega-hit "Mother Mother." She is a very impressive
musician, one some songs she switched the guitar she was playing for a
different guitar, then she would switch again for the violin, all in one
song. She really amazed me.
After some more songs from the one man band, came the band I was wanting
to see, Spacehog.
Lights turned off, you hear a distored robotic voice saying, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, Spacehog," and then some disco music, you have the four members
run out to shake everyone's hand before they played. Me, with my second
row seats, I got to shake guitarist Jonny Cragg's hand. Then they went
into a song by the name of "New Jack City." They went on to play their
hits from their current album, _Resident Alien_, like "In the Meantime",
"Cruel to be Kind", and "Space is the Place."
Spacehog is a great live band. They don't just play for the audience,
they play with the audience. They do a sing along with the crowd, in
which everyone had to sing the words "la la la la lala la" along with the
band. They just had this general stage presence, they talked to the
crowd, made the crowd feel involved. It wasn't like you just put on a CD
really loud, and jumped around. They were there, and you could tell it.
I was really upset when they left the stage, because I felt they weren't
there long enough. I saw them once before, and they played for over an
hour. That was because they were the headliner of the show. I really
suggest that Spacehog is the headliner of any tours they have in the
future. That is, if they're touring with bands of the caliber that
they're touring with on Summerland.
Everclear came on, and got all the alternateens bopping. All the kids who
were drinking during Spacehog and Tracy Bonham, and missed great
performances, rushed the stage to try to mosh. The fact is, you just
can't mosh at a place that has seats and a lot of really well trained
security guards. I give the gaurds a lot of credit, they had the aisles
of the venue clear during the entire performance. So, I don't think there
was any serious "moshing", just a lot of people jumping up and down.
I give Everclear a lot of credit. They played a really energetic
performance. However, they played too much _for_ the crowd. The complete
antithesis of Spacehog. They sang, ran around a lot, and that was it.
Hardly any interaction between them and the crowd. As a live band, I
thought they were really sub-par. The vocals were drowned out by the
guitars. Of course, they played their hits from their newest album,
_Sparkle and Fade_, including "Heroin Girl", "Heartspark Dollarsign", and
"Santa Monica." They butchered Tom Petty's "American Girl," during the
encore. You can't play that song with screeching guitars and bad vocals.
On a good note, it was nice to see Art Alexakis (the lead singer of
Everclear) dancing with his four year old daughter during Tracy Bonham's
set. His daughter could be seen just offstage touting a Mickey Mouse doll
during Everclear's set, with his wife just behind her. It brought a real
family treat to the event.
In a brief rundown, Seven Year Bitch is the worst thing I've ever seen,
Tracy Bonham is really good, Spacehog is great, and Everclear needs to
work on their stage act more.
----------
CDs/LPs:
Brian Hartzog / The Smashing of Pictures / Hartzog Sound
Simple guitar sounds, combined with a straight-forward funk sound and
great poetic lyrics. Brian Hartzog presents all of this in his debut
album, The Smashing of Pictures.
Hartzog wrote, performed, and produced every track on this album. This is
a very talented man, his views are firmly shown through his lyrics. All
of his songs are simply amazing, there is no better way to put it. The
songs range from rock and pop-ish ("Oh! Yoko/Dear John" & "Common Ground")
to more funk and rap sounds ("The Thing You Love"). There are strong and
classic guitar riffs ("The Smashing of Pictures"), and songs that are
somewhat spoken word ("The Thing You Love").
Overall, this is an amazing album. Hartzog combines classic guitar riffs
with funk. For one man to write, perform, and produce every single track
on a simply _GREAT_ album, it astonishes me. Hartzog does in one album,
what many bands hope to do in their carears.
Grade: A+
-----
Ted Holden / Killermyway / Tiki God Music
In a time when mainstream music consists of hard-edge acts, it's great to
hear a good, back-to-basics, rock CD. Philadelphia-based musician, Ted
Holden, gives a great album that, unlike a lot of mainstream music, is
easy to listen to.
Holden presents the listener with a wide range of sounds over the course
of a 11 track CD. He lures you in with Tom Petty-esque sounds in his
first track and single, "Too Good." He then goes into harder and darker
sounds in tracks like "4 Walls Down" and "Raw." While he goes into a
harder sound, he still keeps the same easy listening appeal evident
throughout the album.
His lyrics are full of passion and darkness. "4 Walls Down" was inspired
by Quentin Tarantino's movie Reservoir Dogs. After reading two recent
books about serial killers, Holden wrote the bluesy song "Related."
"Related" poses the question, "What's it like to be related to a serial
killer?"
My personal favorite track is "Poor Man's Picasso." This is a more
"poppy" song then the rest of the songs on the album, and it presents the
listener with the same passionate lyrics that heard throughout the record.
Holden gives a solid follow-up to his 1993 release, What Pulls Gravity.
Killermyway is an amazing record, and it boggles my mind that a talented
musician like Holden gets passed up in the mainstream media to bands like
Green Day and Everclear.
Soon, Holden will get what he deserves after putting out an album that
accomplishes the simple feat of having good music.
Grade: A
----------
'Zines:
Big*Geek Magazine - Issue 3 (May/June '96)
As always, my favorite print 'zine comes through with another great issue.
Brian Geek (aka Kojak) gives us amazingly good fiction ("Captavation"), a
story about how the punk scene in Glenview, Illinois was destroyed by one
person, stories from his trips to St. Louis and Nashville, and his normal
dose of music and 'zine reviews. This has been one of my favorite 'zines,
and with each issue B*G grows and becomes so much better.
Plus, there's a nifty picture of Brian Geek on the cover!
Cost: $.50 (and some stamps?)
Address: Big*Geek/PO Box 319/Glenview, IL 60025
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(10) - News Clips - compiled by Edicius
Teen-ager charged in slaying of acquaintance he met online
- The youth is accused of assaulting the victim, who was allegedly shot by
another man.
The Associated Press
TRENTON - A Hamilton Township teen-ager has been arrested in connection
with a murder case in which a man allegedly killed another man he met
through a sexually orientated chat room on a computer service, prosecutors
said.
Reno Reali, 16, was arrested Wednesday and charged with assaulting murder
victim Jesse M. Unger, 39, of Hamilton, who was then allegdly shot and
killed by 38-year-old George H. Hemenway.
Hemenway has been charged with murder, weapons offenses and tampering with
evidence.
Mercer County Prosecutor Maryann Bielamowicz would no confirm the identity
of the arrested suspect, but Reali's father confirmed the name.
Robert Reali said Hemenway invited Reno Reali and Unger to his East Windsor
Township home and ordered Reali to hit Unger with a pipe. Hemenway then
allegedly shot Unger. Hemenway allegedly was angry about a sexual
encounter Unger had with the juvenile about a month earlier, police said.
"We can't believe these chargers against our son," Reali said. "He was
expected to be the star witness in the case against Hemenway. He helped
police understand the case and put the case together."
Police were alerted to the killing Jan. 4 when another friend Hemenway met
through an online service called to report seeing the body of a white male
in Hemenway's basement.
Michelle R. Benson, 24, of Trenton said Hemenway asked her and another
friend, later identified as 23-year-old Timothy R. Brown of Hightstown to
help remove the body from the house. She later said Hemenway told her he
had shot Unger on Jan. 3.
Police went to Hemenway's house and, looking through a basement window,
saw what they believed was a body wrapped in a tarp lying on the flood,
police said.
Hemenway and his 77-year-old father, Lowell T. Hemenway, were taken into
custody. The elder Hemenway was home at the time of the shooting, but
apparently was not involved in the slaying.
Brown and Benson were charged with tampering with evidence and released on
their own recognizance.
Following his arrest, Reali was taken to Mercer County Youth House in
Ewing Township to await a hearing.
----------
From "Dear Abby", 7/22/96,
_Deceit surrounds online romance_
Dear Abby: I am a 45-year-old, divorced Michigan man who has been
communicating over the Internet with a 41-year-old Australian woman for
more than two months. Kate (not her real name) slated in our first
"meeting" (in an online chat room) that she was unhappy in her marriage.
Even though she was married, I thought it would be interesting to talk to
someone so far away.
We seemed to really click, exchanged photos, and even talked on the
telephone a few times. Our online communication has always been leasant
and satisfying -- nothing sexual, just fliratious.
We have reached the point where we feel we may have started something we
might want to continue. Kate has told her family and friends that she
wants to come to America to visit me for a month, and I have agreed to pay
half her airfare.
Ordinarily I would not allow myself to get involved with a married woman,
but I can't deny I have strong feelings for Kate and want to see her.
Does this sound like destiny or an online infatuation that has gone too
far? Kate is getting a passport and may arrive within the month. Have we
lost our common sense, or does this sond like two people taking a chance
on happiness?
-- D.K. in Michigan
Dear D.K.: It sounds like asking for trouble to me. Aside from the fact
that you are carrying on with a married woman, Kate may not be wat you
expect. I recently heard about a teen who was communicating online with a
female he thought was about his age; when they met, he found out she was a
76-year-old granny!
Before you spring for tickets, ask yourself if you could ever trust a
woman who cheats on her husband.
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Jonas would like to thank the following people for their help, work, or
cooperation in this issue of Jonas e'Zine,
Jon Vena and WHTG-FM, Abbott Promotions, Hartzog Sound, Tiki God Music,
Belial, Maureen V., Oodles, The Masked Marauder, Auren Hoffman, Eerie,
Jestapher, Mogel, Grey Hawk, Mindcrime, Seta, and a lot of others.
Jonas loves you all.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonas e'Zine -- Issue Twenty
Released July 28, 1996
send all questions, comments, and other regards to - edi@cybercomm.net
send all mail to Edicius (Tom Sullivan) to - edi@cybercomm.net
if you'd like to exchange erotic email with someone named Belial,
then write - belial@cybercomm.net
Visit our WebSite - http://www.cybercomm.net/~edi/jonas.html
Visit our FTPSite - ftp://ftp.etext.org/pub/Zines/Jonas
Jonas: It's more than a 'zine, it's a lifestyle.
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