textfiles/magazines/HOE/hoe-0959.txt

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 ggg          "The Advantages of Actually Listening to People"         ggg
 $$$                             by -> Mogel                           $$$
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 $$$        [ HOE E-Zine #959 -- 12/14/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ]     .,$$$
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	This might be obvious to a lot of people, but the sheer act of
 listening to sounds that produce words ejecting from other peoples'
 mouths can actually help you gain the upper hand in any situation.  Not
 only do words contain standard asked-and-answered meanings:  assembled,
 they also encode all sorts of delicious information.
	Within five minutes of talking with someone, you can gain a
 relatively accurate estimation of the speaker's personality, attitudes,
 and desires, even when they're not explicitly stated -- it's the
 psychological choices behind the mechanics of their sentences that give
 it away, baby.
	Wow!  That sounds cool so it probably isn't!
	Okay, here goes.  The only skill you need to mind-read is a
 sensitivity to the subtle world of implication and connotation, as people
 often know (consciously or unconsciously) their underlying desires even
 before uttering a word.
	But before you even attempt to decode these treasures, you must
 try hard to pay rapt attention to a conversation, without appearing too
 eager, judgemental, or harsh.  This is harder than it sounds--trying to
 actually follow some people is a feat in itself, believe me.
	Let's look at the following example.

	I Am An Example ==> "I want to go to the store."

	Prosodic information - the inflections used in a sentence - can
 certainly be helpful, but it's not *required* for the current analysis,
 as word choice in itself can carry sufficient meaning to work with.
	Let's take a look at why the speaker in this example has 
 constructed this specific sentence from these particular words:

         "I" -> stresses active independence -- this is not a passive 
                beginning.  this person has chosen the path of
                assertiveness.
      "want" -> clear and direct.  I am someone who acknowledges my wants.
  "to go to" -> a pretty general way to refer to travel.
 "the store" -> you know, the store.

	Obviously the process of analyzing word-choice is very, very anal,
 and you certainly can't rely on any one sentence for information.  The
 only way this works is by collecting sentence after sentence, breaking
 down the subtle implications within them and figuring out their relations
 to each other.  In other words, look at context:
	The example above is a very general sentence that could mean
 anything from "I am not putting out any effort into expressing what I
 want I JUST WANNA GO TO THE STORE"--a blanket desire to get to the
 store--to "I am SO not interested in what you have to say, i'd rather be
 shopping for groceries."

	In the "general" example above, if the person continued for five
 minutes, CONSTANTLY being like this, or displaying some other pervasive
 characteristic, by paying attention to the patterns of both their word
 choice and their sentences, you will gain clearer insight into whom
 you're speaking with.

	After all, the words we choose are not accidental.  You can try to
 'fake it', but for the careful listener, it's eventually going to leak
 out.  If you really *are* arrogant, you can pretend to not be for quite a
 while, but it's inevitable that eventually subtle elements of arrogance
 are going to leak through.  This is why paying attention to subtlety is
 useful.

	I think it's only fair that I give a quick reference for exactly
 how this model plays out in the analyser's head:

	- When someone chooses an interesting word (or any word, if you're
          fast enough of a thinker to pick at each and every one), try to
          quickly think up as many possible, alternative choices the
          speaker in question could have made for the sentence.
        - Try to quickly add up those possibilities.
        - Consider the CONTEXT of the situation -- this will probably
          knock out a number of your alternatives.
        - With the final number of possible choices they COULD have made,
          you can then compare them to the word choice they DID make.
          It's more than likely their choice of words will at this point
          give you a hint about them.  Collect hints.

	Obviously this process takes some practice, and should become
 somewhat instinctual.  In a surprisingly short amount of time, you'll be
 able to do this on the fly.  Actually, the biggest problem you may have
 with this entire model is simply the fact that some people will be
 completely shocked that there's actually someone listening to
 them--perhaps for the first time in their lives.
	If we're on the same page, you've probably become aware that if
 you can use this model to identify what type of person someone is by
 paying attention to their word choices, there is certainly the
 possibility to manipulate.  This is sometimes what the infamous "macker"
 does.  It is possible to tap into the subtle desires of a speaker and
 twist things to your advantage.  I rarely would encourage such behavior,
 since honesty is far cooler (and funnier, really), but certainly you can
 figure out ways to make this model work for you.

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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!              HOE #959, BY MOGEL - 12/14/99 ]