168 lines
5.9 KiB
Plaintext
168 lines
5.9 KiB
Plaintext
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #839
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "ROTTWEILER the STORY!"
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
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888 888 888 888 888 " by Lapse
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 9/20/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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Hello kiddies! Welcome to another one of my humble tales.
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Aren't dogs lovable? So cute and furry! They way they wag their
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tails and lick your face.
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I have a friend who covers her crotch with peanut butter... but that
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is another story.
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ANYWAYS...
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I love dogs. Rottweilers are one of my favorites. One day I took my
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friend Timmy to see one...
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It was a beautiful sunny day. I told my mom that i was going for a
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walk.
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She kissed me on the cheek and gave me a cookie. Chocolate chip my
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favorite!
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As I walked outside I could feel the warmth of the sun on my face.
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The wind rustled in the trees and the birds sung a wonderful song.
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Being a kid on a Saturday afternoon is a wonderful thing. As I turned the
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corner I saw Sammy the mailman. I could hear him saying the same thing he
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says every afternoon...
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"OH DEAR GOD SOMEONE HELP ME!!! AIIIGH!!! AAAAAAIIIIIGGGHH!!!!!"
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My nieghboors dog Cuddles was feeling playfull as usual.
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As I walked by he saw me and said:
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"For the love of God kid throw me that spray can by your feet, it
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rolled away when this dog leaped on me!"
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I looked down to see a small spray can.
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"Why?" I said.
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"DON"T ASK ME WHY JUST THROW ME THE GAWDDAMMED FUCKING CAN!!!!"
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Well since he was going to be rude about it I walked over To Timmy's
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house.
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"YOU FUCKING LITTLE BASTARD!!!! AAAAAAIIIIGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!" he
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screamed as Cuddles dragged him into the tiny dog house.
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My mom sure makes a good cookie.
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I rung Timmy's doorbell and he came outside.
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"Come on, well go to UDF and get some ice cream!" I said.
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"Cool!" Timmy said.
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We walked together down the street. As we came across Cuddles house,
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we saw him sitting in the front yard with what looked like Sammy's shoe. I
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guess Sammy must have left Cuddles another shoe to play with. I walked up
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to the dog.
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"That dog looks mean." Timmy said.
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"Oh he is just lovable, if you don't make any sudden movements." I
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said as I petted the warm fuzzy dog. It dropped the shoe and started
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licking my hand.
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"Oh, okay." Timmy said as he too walked up to Cuddles.
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When Cuddles saw Timmy, it ran up to him. A big thick broken chain
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dragged behind Cuddles.
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It knocked him over and started licking his face. Timmy and I
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laughed. This was a big goofy playful dog. After a while Millie the owner
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came out. MIllie was a nice lady. She would always tell us stories about
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her job and how people would put money on her leg. She said she was a good
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dancer.
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"Dinner time Cuddles, oh hi kids!" she said.
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"Hi Miss MIllie", we both said.
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"I see you were playing with Cuddles again! I'm going to have to get
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a stronger chain, he is not supposed to be in the front yard!"
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Timmy and I giggled.
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"Would you like some milk and cookies?" she said.
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Timmy and I rushed the door.
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After having our fill of cookies we bid Millie farewell and started
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along our way.
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"That sure was fun!" Timmy said.
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"Sure was nice of her to give us a bath afterwards, I usually don't
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like baths, but somehow with her it's different." I said.
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Timmy giggled.
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We walked a few blocks and we were almost to the store when Timmy
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pulled something out of his pocket.
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"Look at this, I found it in Millie's front yard, I think it's breath
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mint!" Timmy said as held up Sammy's small spraycan.
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"Some type of breath mint called Mace."
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Timmy sprayed some into his mouth before I could warn him that he
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should'nt use something that has been on the dirty ground.
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Timmy had a look of surprise on his face.
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I guess he did'nt expect it to be so minty.
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"Was it good?" I asked.
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He opened his mouth while making a weird throaty noise. His tounge
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was bright red and he started drooling like a baby.
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"AAAAGK GAAHHGGG!" he said.
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"Thats gross, my granpa makes noises like that when he hacks up a
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loogy, YOU'RE SICK!" I said.
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Tears welled up in Timmy's eyes. I guess I must have hurt his
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feelings.
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He fell to the ground and rolled out into the street just as a huge
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truck rolled by. I heard a huge smacking sound and a crunch.
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Before I knew it police and ambulances were on the scene.
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They asked where the mace came from, I told them that it belonged to
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Sammy the mailman.
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They offered me a ride home but I told them that I did not live so
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far away.
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As I walked home, I noticed that I had speckles of blood on me. I
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was dirty, and after all the time and care Miss Millie took cleaning me up.
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I decided that i had to go back. I hoped that she would'nt be too mad that
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I ruined her good work. I couldn't go home, my mom would kill me for being
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so messy.
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To my surprise Miss Millie was happy to see me. I told her I fell
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down a hill so she wouldn't worry about Timmy. I was smart enough to
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scratch myself up before she saw me.
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Miss Millie was such a nice lady. She gave me milk and cookies, a
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sponge bath, and she kissed the scratches to make the pain go away.
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The next afternoon I noticed Cuddles playing with a new mailman.
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #839 - WRITTEN BY: LAPSE - 9/20/99 ]
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