71 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
71 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #670
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "I Tricked Some Fat Kid Today"
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
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888 888 888 888 888 " by RottenZ
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 5/31/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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Some of you may know this; I'm not sure how extensively the darker
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rumors about me have spread. I'll let you in on the secret, though, since
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this short tail depends on you knowing. I am a mage. That's right, a real,
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living, breathing magic user. My specialty is polymorphing. If you've
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never played Warcraft 2, I'll let you know what that is, as well. I can
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change shapes to emulate different people or objects. Girls are my
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specialty. I really enjoy pretending to be girls. That way, I can trick
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poor losers into thinking I'm interested in them, all the while secretly
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smiling on the inside, knowing that I myself am not a girl at all, but a
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guy.
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Anyway, today was great. I pretended to be this girl in jeans and
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platform shoes. I walked around campus for awhile, looking for my target.
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Trust me, this is U of I, there is no shortage of young nerds just ripe for
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the taking. Today I found my mark with little to no trouble.
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He was fat, that was the first thing I noticed. Fat, with poofy,
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ridiculous hair that almost made me laugh out loud when I first saw it. He
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was just sitting on a bench, resting his rolls of obese grandeur, futilely
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scanning some dumb book in front of him. Around his massive gourd he'd
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somehow managed to fit a pair of headphones, although God knows how he
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managed that. He was gently rocking away to whatever rotten crap he was
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listening to and reading. Maybe just enjoy the nice day. So I decided to
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ruin it for him.
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Carefully, I sat down next to him. I knew he saw me; I could feel
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him undressing my soft, supple body with his whore eyes. I imagined that
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he'd probably never seen an exposed bosom in his life, which made me even
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more pleased. Yet he just sat there. Clearly, a girl walking up and
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sitting next to a guy, when there are empty seats elsewhere, is a sign that
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conversation might not be too bad an option, although I've found that stupid
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nerds are too timid to say anything at all, even if they want to, which just
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makes things even hotter. And of course, he just sat there, like some big
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retard... heck, maybe he even WAS a retard, and didn't say a word, despite
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the numerous glances.
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Soon, I began to smoke. I could tell he didn't smoke because he
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didn't look or smell the part, and, well, he just wasn't COOL enough, just
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to see if he'd get me to stop. But he didn't. He simply allowed me to keep
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on smoking. It was really quite amusing. I just sat there, staring off
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into the distance, and this big dumb pretended to listen to his music and
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read, all the while fucking me within his mind. I'm not one to get turned
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on by such things, but if I were, I would have been very turned on, despite
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the fact that this person was a hideous beast.
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It was even funnier when his CD player died. Do you know what he
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did when his CD player died? He PRETENDED to listen to music, just so he
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didn't have to talk to me! I mean, what if I really weren't a guy? What if
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he was missing out on talking to the perfect person for him? (Clearly this
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couldn't be the case, for there is no "perfect" person for someone who looks
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like THAT) It didn't matter, though. He just sat there, stupidly,
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pretending to read.
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Soon I got up and walked behind a van, disappearing. But I've often
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thought back to that glorious day when I tricked a big, fat, ugly retard
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into falling in love with me.
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #670 - WRITTEN BY: ROTTENZ - 5/31/99 ]
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