101 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
101 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTACY PRESS RELEASE #275 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Libertarians" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Nybar !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 11/6/98 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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This is a true life story. I'll tell it first person.
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One summer there was this 15 year old ice skater, real fucking
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little idiot, and her mother, who is the stupidest person I have ever
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seen. Anyway, she was giving me a ride somewhere or other when the
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conversation turned to politics.
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She started singing the praise of Pat Buchachan, and I merely
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innocently said "How can you like that fucking populist robber baron?",
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to which she replied, "Well, if you have another one of those little
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outbursts I'm turning this car around (into traffic?) and driving right
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back home. By the way, I don't like that kind of language either."
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Later, she said that welfare was 85 percent of the nations
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budget, and I told her it was B.S. and asked her for a source. She said
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"Newsweek. It's a fact." After that I calmly explained about how much
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of an idiot she was to her, and she actually TURNED THE CAR AROUND (well
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not into traffic), did a U-turn, and drove me home. Ohh man, what an
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idiot -- that's supposed to be an *idle threat*, you tard! I don't know
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how people like this even get driver's liscenses, too dumb to live.
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Anyway, I had to live with this person and her idiot daughter for
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a whole summer. They even took my fucking room. The way to get revenge
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on people like this is a slow, systematic revenge, not one act. It
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started with a few relatively innocent pranks: dildo in her purse during
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buisness meeting, tacs on the bed, urine in her apple cider, when finally
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I learned she had a boyfriend. This was going to be my triumphant
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victory. I kicked down his door, put a pillow over his head, knocked his
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head against the wall a few times to knock him out, and tied him up with
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leather ropes after putting him in panties and a bra. Then, I continued
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by taking a bunch of pictures. When he was finally awake, I started a
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tape recorder out of his sight, started whipping him. The ensuing
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conversation went as follows:
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"Are you a republican?"
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"Y--" <CRacK(that's the crack of the whip baby)>
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"Are you a republican?"
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"Y--" <CRacK>
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"Are you a democrat?"
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"Umm, ye--" <CRACK>
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"Don't lie to me you swine, are you a democrat?"
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"Yes! YES--" <CRACK>
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"Fucking democrat, I hate democrats, are you sure you are?" <CRACK>
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"N-" <CRACK>
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"Then what are you?" <CRACK>
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"A libertarian!"
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"And what do you think about Pat Buchachan?"
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"He's an asshole!" <CRACk>
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"Ok, that was the last one, as a blow against PC thugs everywhere,
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and I've let you off. Don't worry, I called the vice squad, they will be
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happy to save you from yourself." <I switch the tape off.>
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"HAHAHA! This will show you how it feels, fuckin Republican. Oh,
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by the way, I'm sending the tape to your idiotic grrl friend. See ya."
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The moral of this story?
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Libertarians: We're not all wusses and vegitarians this
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time around.
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!!========================================================================!!
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This next story was inspired by the movie "Freaky Friday", which
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finally led me to speak out against idiocy. And the Beefheart song,
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"White Jam".
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"But wait, there's more!" (hehe, shining force 2 rocks!)
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Nybar: "Look, gems."
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Barbara, the stupid woman: "Hm, I think I will put one on."
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Nybar: "Me too!"
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Nybar's Brain: <in a gerbil voice> "Nybar! Nybar! Be careful, these gems
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utilize the power of thought!"
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Nybar: "Well, then I have nothing to worry about from her..."
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Later, after the newest episode of Star Trek, Deep Space 9, Nybar
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is thinks to himself, "Hmm, I wish there was a way that I could masturbate
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nonstop for 2 hours."
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*vwooo*!!@@!..
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Nybar: <in barbara's body> "If I'm in her body, then... she must be in
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my body!!" Next saturday...
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Nybar: "Hm, I believe I prefer the kind of vibrator without wings...
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EeweeweweeAHAEHEH! That one was good."
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #275 - WRITTEN BY: NYBAR - 11/6/98 !!
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