85 lines
3.7 KiB
Plaintext
85 lines
3.7 KiB
Plaintext
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hogs of entropy corporation special report 114
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__________________________________________________
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/
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--------------/__--------__--------__-------------
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/ ) / ) /___)
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____________/___/_____(___/_____(___ _____________
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>> "the boy who seeks happiness meets darkthrone" <<
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by -> murmur
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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"they call me fitzsimmons
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but i'm not quite sure why
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i just seek eternal happiness
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do you know where it lies?"
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such is the song of fitzsimmons, the boy who seeks happiness. my, if
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he hasn't had one hell of a time finding that darned happiness. he keeps
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going around and singing his song and annoying the shit out of people just
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because he wants to be happy - as if the dumb fucker wasn't happy enough!
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one day fitzsimmons was racing around some green hills somewhere and
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he came upon some unusually toad shaped people and he sang his song.
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"they call me fitzsimmons,
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but i'm not quite sure why.
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i just seek eternal happiness,
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do you know where it lies?"
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the toad people directed fitzsimmons to the large area of land known
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vaguely as the "scandinavian peninsula". little did fitzsimmons know that
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happiness does not exist in scandinavia, all that exist in scandinavia are
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higher tax rates, advanced welfare states, & fjords.
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well, fitzsimmons got to that scandinavia place and he found this
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charming place called helsinki and he sang his song to some people on the
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street.
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"they call me fitzsimmons,
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but i'm not quite sure why.
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i just seek eternal happiness,
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do you know where it lies?"
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the poor finns didn't know what the hell the idiot north american was
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talking about, but someone thought he might be talking about whales. they
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told him to go to norway.
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fitzsimmons found the mythical norway, although he took a very
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ridiculous path to get there. i mean, helsinki isn't that far from norway,
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but i'll be damned if he didn't somehow go through al's meats. well, there
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he was in norway and he sang his song for somebody who paid too much in
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taxes.
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"they call me fitzsimmons,
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but i'm not quite sure why.
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i just seek eternal happiness,
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do you know where it lies?"
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the conservative norseman didn't really care to deal with him so he
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muttered something about eronymous and left. thinking this was a clue,
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fitzsimmons asked people about the mysterious "eronymous" until a youth
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informed him that it was not eronymous, but in fact the mythical lord
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grishnackh that he should seek. eronymous was dead.
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so fitzsimmons searched for lord grishnach and was subsequently
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informed that darkthrone was on the abandoned apple hill. there are no
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abandoned apple hills in norway, of course, but fitzsimmons rummaged his way
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there and encountered the members of the real norwegian black metal band
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darkthrone, fronted by lord grishnackh.
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"they call me fitzsimmons,
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but i'm not quite sure why.
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i just seek eternal happiness,
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do you know where it lies?"
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lord grishnackh feasted on fitzsimmons's soul that night and the
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editor was too lazy to go back and change any verb tenses to make that
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apparent.
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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* (c) HoE publications. HoE #114 -- written by murmur -- 6/11/97 *
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