textfiles/magazines/HOE/hoe-0102.txt

                  -> hogs of entropy -|- issue #102 <-

                     ::   .:        ...       .,::::::
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            ,od8"   888   "88o  "888,_ _,88P   888oo,__   "8bo,
            YM"     MMM    YMM    "YMMMMMP"    """"YUMMM    "MP

                          >> "i'm so stupid" <<

                                   *or*

                     >> "the beginning of the end" <<

                             -::: by trip :::-

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	3/27/97, approxamately 1:00pm.

	(knock knock)

   	I opened the door, not really knowing what to expect. It was only 1,
or so, and i was just barely getting out of the shower, my hair still wet,
walking around in a pair of white boxers, when wet, probably exposed my
penis. 

   	But that's ok, it was only Kim, she'd seen it before. 

   	"Oh, hi. I wasn't expecting you."

   	I've learned to be very careful of what words i choose to use with
her, she has her own way of twisting and contorting my words into what she
sees fit. "Would you pass the salami?" may seem innocent enough, when
spoken in my plain speaking voice, but whenever she repeats it .. "And he
said, 'Would YOU pass the SALAMI?'," totally changing the entire meaning
of it.  I do my best not to upset her, it's not a good idea. 

   	"I told you I was coming over, god." She rolled her eyes and walked
in. 

   	Yeah, but she didn't say WHEN.

   	She strolled into the bedroom, and flopped her Elmo backpack on the
ground. My room is a mess, at least she doesn't bitch at me about that. 

   	"What's wrong?" She had a sad, distant look on her face. A look I've
gotten pretty used to. 

   	"The people at the DMV said my birth certificate was invalid or some-
thing. I was like, 'Hello, I was born, I'm right fucking here!' but they
told me I have to write to the hospital in Texas where I was born to get
some proof of my birth." 

   	She had studied all night the night before to get her permit; she was
well over the age required to get her permit, she just had never bothered
to grow up and get her shit together. Being denied her permit for the time
being was as bad as killing her dog. 

   	"And everywhere we went, men just bothered me .. saying rude things to
even in front of my _mom_. Hell, I was even dressed respectably, nothing
revealing at all. It was worse then when I wear what I normally do, which
makes me look like a slut." 

   	She WAS right about that ...

   	She laid down on the bed, petting Clarence, my cat.

   	I laid down with her, trying not to do anything to annoy her. I kissed
her forehead; no response. As I did it, I daydreamed of her talking to one
of her friends the next day... 

   	(70's flashback type screen blur)
   	"He was such a gentleman. All he did was kiss my forehead."
   	(70's flashback type screen blur)

   	I REALLY did want to be a gentleman, but, being the male I am, my lust
didn't take long to take over.

   	We laid in bed, talking little nothings. I got her to smile.

   	She began to unbutton her shirt.

   	"What-cha dooooin'?" I smiled.

   	"Getting comfortable."
   
-/- interlude

   	The phone just rang, as I type this. I hope it isn't her, I hope it
isn't her, I'd hate to have to lie to her about what I'm doing. 'Oh ..
just writing about how horrible you are,' didn't sound nearly as good as
'Oh .. just watching Beavis & Butthead.'

   	Ahh, good. It was just someone calling my BBS.

-/-

   	I moved from my position next to her, & told Clarence to get lost. He
immediately complied. I was now lying on top of her. 

   	"What-cha thiiinkin'?"
   	GOD I FUCKING HATE THAT QUESTION.
   	What the hell did she want to hear? 'Oh, I was just mentally debating
who captured the feeling of the Renassaince the best.'
   	"Wondering if the bra you're wearing has the clasp in the front or in
the back." 
   	"It's in the back."
   	"You know i can't fucking figure those things out, you do it."
   	She undid her bra with one hand, like she has so many times before.
   	Her bra was now lying crumpled next to her crumpled shirt on the
floor, near the crumpled afore-mentioned Elmo backpack. 
   	I began to suck on her left nipple, playing with the right one with my
right hand. She was enjoying it, arching her back.

   	(70's flashback type screen blur)
   	"He was such a gentleman. All he did was kiss my forehead."
   	(70's flashback type screen blur)

   	*click* The Franky Bones tape stopped. 
   	"The music stopped."
   	GEE, NO SHIT?
   	I got up and went to the tape deck as slow as I could to flip the
tape. 
   	I knew what she was doing, I was just giving her time.
   	"What-cha doooin'?"
    	"*giggle* Oh, nothin'."
   	I returned to her under the comforter, her pants were gone. She was
wearing her fuzzy velvet panties, the ones she knew I loved. 
   	We stayed under the comforter a while, kissing, talking, laughing. We
were having a good time. We just happened to be mostly nude. 
   	"What-cha thiiinkin'?"
   	Hah. This time _I_ got _her_. 
   	"That this is all we have. And it's ok."
   	She had been talking lately about how we have no relationship except
my bed, which isn't true, but it's easy to see where she would say that.
She walked in depressed, within half an hour her nipple was in my mouth. 
   	It destroyed me. It broke my heart into 2 distinct pieces. I wanted it
not to be true, I knew it wasn't, yet it was very obvious what made her
say it. 

   	(70's flashback type screen blur)
   	"He was such a gentleman. All he did was kiss my forehead."
   	(70's flashback type screen blur)

   	*bzzzz*
   	"Ignore it."
   	"No... hand me my pager."
   	I fumbled around the desk, found her pager, and handed it to her.
   	"It's my dad. I have to call him."
   	"Guh..."
   	I handed her the phone.
   	"Hi daddy... the bad man at the DMV... yeah... Mom was pissed......" 
   	She finishes her conversation with the man who saw me ONCE, for less
than a second, and has hated me ever since. That was 3 years ago. He even
forgot my name, he think's it's Mike. 
  	"What's wrong?"
   	WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG? YOU JUST DESTROYED
ME, THAT'S WHATS FUCKING WRONG.
   	"What you just said."
   	I glanced at the clock. 3:40. I had to be at the bus stop to make it
to work on time in about 20 minutes. 
   	"I have to go to work."
   	"Please, don't go." She pulled me to her and kissed me.
   	I had been glancing at the clock occasionally .. I had to get out of
bed eventually, sex was now completely gone. 'Maybe I'll get a quick
blowjob...'
   	I stayed.
   	"Why is it so hard to understand? It's true."
   	"No it isn't. I have to go to work."
   	"Please, don't go." She pulled me to her and kissed me.
   	I fell into her, sighing. She laughed.
   	*ring*
   	"Hello?... No..." I slipped my finger under her panties, in between
        her vaginal lips. She was somewhat moist, but not really. Damn.
	"ok, bye." 
   	"You did that while you were on the PHONE? You are SO bad!"
   	3:47.
   	"I REALLY have to go."
   	"What am I supposed to do? Just stay here?"
   	"Sure."
   	I quickly dressed.
   	"Turn off the lights and lock ..."
   	"I know."
   	I was just sitting down on the bench when the bus pulled up. I made
it. 

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* (c) HoE publications & metalchick.  HoE #102 - written by trip - 6/11/97 *