132 lines
8.9 KiB
Plaintext
132 lines
8.9 KiB
Plaintext
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GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
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T h e G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e ,
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I n c o r p o r a t e d
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_____ ____
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// | \
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\\___// \/\/ |____/
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Presents:
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"Only Tomorrow"
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Also titled "I Can't Remember Yesterday"
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(A Disappointing History of the 1990s)
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by Lobo and Bob the Master of the World
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-=[Explanation]=-
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This is a silly assignment that we had in our American History class. The
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teacher referred to the assignment as "Hallway Foo-foo". Anyway, we were
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supposed to do something relating to the 1920s and/or _Only Yesterday_, a book
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that we were supposed to read that called itself "An Informal History of the
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1920s". This file is basically what Bob and I wrote because we did not want to
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do a stupid picture of a flapper like almost everyone else did. This was
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originally subtitled "A Crappy History of the 1990s", but we changed that. It's
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kind of silly, I must admit, but at least we've changed the grammar and spelling
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errors from the original. This is written in a somewhat boring style, similar
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to the parts of the book that we actually read. It is, IMHO, one of the worst
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books ever written. I couldn't even read it all, it was so bad.
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Well, without further ado, here it comes....
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-Lobo
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-=[Only Tomorrow]=-
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Prelude - October 1989
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If time were to suddenly turn back to the earliest days of "alternative"
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rock, and you were to look about you, what would seem strange to you? Since
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1989, the circumstances of American life have been transformed --- yes, but
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exactly how?
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Mr. Wilder has some Hammer pants on today. You remember MC HAMMER; you
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can't touch this, eh? [The original version said, "You remember MC HAMMER; you
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can't touch his black ass." We changed it for obvious reasons.] Well, he is
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soon to fade from popularity. Anyway, music is just not what it used to be.
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There's all of this "rap" music which is soon to mutate into "Gangsta Rap" which
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corrupts the minds of our youth. Mr. Wilder turns on the radio, and out blasts
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some Techno Garbage. Hey, it's what's popular. Mr. Wilder goes to work; he's
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an underpaid high school math teacher. After teaching badly all day, he heads
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home and stops on the way for a bottle of Vodka. It was a good year, 1989, but
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it was soon to be followed by years of decadence. The best part of this year
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was that _Batman_ came out.
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Nineteen ninety passed quickly by, and in came 1991. The Persian Gulf War
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was this year. _Die For Oil, Sucker_ was Jello Biafra's (the former singer of
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the Dead Kennedys) hit Spoken Word album expressing his disgust with the
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government. Lots of good, stout American lads fell to appease the wishes of
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Bush, "el presidente." In this war, we fought to protect our own interests,
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instead of promoting "world peace," an idea left behind in the 1980s. Mr.
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Wilder's reserve unit was sent into action, albeit against the wishes of the
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entire unit. Mr. Wilder takes off his Hammer pants to put on leather and
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chains. After the U.S. kicked Saddam's "buttocks," we journey to the glorious
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election days of 1992. The Olympics were in Barcelona that year. Wait a
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minute, we forgot to mention something: who is Saddam? Saddam Hussein was the
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military dictator of Iraq, fully capable of using nuclear weapons but without
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the "cajones" to use them. [That sentence was originally: "Saddam Hussein was
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the leader of Iraq who was worshipped by many as a modern-day messiah."] He
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invaded the tiny country of Kuwait, only to anger the U.S. by cutting off a
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valuable oil supplier. Well, that's the story. Now, this was the rise of the
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student teachers, [We included this to anger our student teacher.] leading to
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its untimely collapse on X-Day (July 5, 1998 @ 7:00am) when the world as we knew
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it ended and the Church of the SubGenius was saved by the aliens.
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In comes the election of our president, a time when fear grips the populace
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as some politician assumes command. This year the lucky winner was Billy
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Clinton, a fellow from Arkansas. His administration, relatively uneventful, is
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full of political strife, controversy, capitalist dogma.....well, not really.
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[Our teacher is a big Clinton supporter, so we put this in to anger her.] It
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wasn't BAD; it just didn't accomplish much. Next, we move on the perhaps the
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most important year of the decade, maybe even the century. Okay, maybe not the
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century, but it was cool. The foundation of GwD, the GREENY world Domination
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Task Force, was laid by Lobo and Seth The Man. This organization assumed
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control in the years following X-Day. But that's 1998, and this is 1993. Mr.
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Wilder, our blatant rip-off of Mr. Smith [a character in _Only Yesterday_], is a
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member of GwD, but only because chicks dig guys in GwD. Mr. Wilder has access
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to the preachings of the organization through the bulletin board systems,
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exploring miscellaneous text files about life. Oh yeah, one last thing.
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Melissa Etheridge [sp?] sang at Billy's inaugural ball, which was a big deal
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because she is a lesbian and our society has yet to accept alternative
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lifestyles.
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In 1994, lots of younguns advanced to high school. [This is a reference to
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our sophomore year which began in 1994.] Also, "Alternative Music" took over
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the music charts. This style of music is to punk rock as glam-rock of the 1980s
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was to real rock and roll. That's right, it's a cheap knock off of a brilliant
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musical style. But I digress. The government debated a lot of stuff that
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really doesn't matter in the long run. Clinton's administration was involved in
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a scandal called "Whitewater" which was really just a code name given to it by
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the Cuban government who later tried to assume command of the U.S. (this
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happened in 1997). The Winter Olympics were in Lillehammer, Norway. This is
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significant because it was only two years after the last Winter Olympics. This
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was the Olympic Committee's way of trying to maximize profits by having Olympic
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Games every two years, rather than having winter and summer games in the same
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year. The World Cup of Soccer was in the U.S. this year. Mr. Wilder competed,
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but lost the game for the U.S. team. A Colombian man was killed because he
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scored on his own team.
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In 1995, Bill Gates attempted to conquer the planet with his release of
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Micro$oft Windows95, which attempted to make good computers into bad ones. The
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United States finally involved itself in a conflict on the Balkan Peninsula
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which they had debated about for years. Mr. Wilder went crazy and stole a tank
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from a depot in San Diego. [We think that's where it was. Yeah.] He drove it
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on the highway, but got stuck on the median. When the military captured him,
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they shot him without asking questions because, "he could have shot somebody."
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Too bad there was not any ammunition in the tank. Shoot first, ask questions
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later. It wasn't really Mr. Wilder, but no one seemed to have noticed.
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Everything else is irrelevant until that fateful day in 1998, but that is
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another story.
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-----------------------------<GwD Command Centers>------------------------------
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Chaos (806)797-7501 | Brazen's Hell (301)776-8259
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GridPoint Durant (405)920-1347 | The Lagoon (203)638-3712
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Purple Hell (806)791-0747 | Altered Reality (203)925-8349
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The Snake's Den (806)793-3779 | Cell Block 4 (806)612-8694
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The Siege Perilous (806)762-0948 | Static Line (806)747-0802
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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ftp =-= ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Greeny
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www -=- http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2334/index.html
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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* GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 *
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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"The public be damned." - William Vanderbilt
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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-+- F Y M -+-
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GR33NY LIK3S mash3d p0tat03s
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/---------------\
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copyright (c) 1996 by Bob T.M.o.t.W. and Lobo of GwD, Inc. :FIGHT THE POWER:
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GREENY world Domination Task Force copyright (c) 1993 by Lobo : GwD :
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All rights reserved \---------------/
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GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD51
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