123 lines
7.3 KiB
Plaintext
123 lines
7.3 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
|||
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|||
|
|
= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
|
|||
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
What's Wrong With You?
|
|||
|
|
----------------------
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The time has come, I feel the writers block that's been sitting
|
|||
|
|
behind my eyes has finally vanished, and it seems I can get the words that
|
|||
|
|
I think all day out onto some form of media. Usually, it's just a case of
|
|||
|
|
being too disgusted to write, thinking that nobody will appreciate it
|
|||
|
|
anyway, or look at it and think it's just a file of meaningless bitching
|
|||
|
|
and nitpicking.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Most of the past year and a half of my life has been pretty unpleasant, for
|
|||
|
|
different reasons. Mostly, it's been caring about someone I'd never have a
|
|||
|
|
chance with, worthless jobs and bullshit friends. Don't make the assumption
|
|||
|
|
that every minute that has passed has been miserable for me. I have had a
|
|||
|
|
lot of good times, and have good memories of this part of my life, but
|
|||
|
|
there are a lot of bad spots of it, and I can't blame all of it on other
|
|||
|
|
people. I'll be the first to admit that I cause some of my own problems,
|
|||
|
|
but since I'm the only one to blame for those, I can generally deal with
|
|||
|
|
them. The things that really get to me are the problems that can't really
|
|||
|
|
be blamed on a person. Somehow, things are easier to deal with if there's
|
|||
|
|
someone to point at and say, "This is all because of you."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I can't really blame anyone for my dead end job except myself, and that's
|
|||
|
|
not really a big problem. I'm just starting to get sick of going in for 8
|
|||
|
|
hours a day, taking shit from customers, co-workers, and bosses, being
|
|||
|
|
underpaid, doing far more and better work for the company than they deserve
|
|||
|
|
and getting jack shit in recognition for it. I guess I'm ok with the whole
|
|||
|
|
thing though. I mean, this is the wonderful world of having a career. It's
|
|||
|
|
a lot easier to get up and go in the morning when I think about the
|
|||
|
|
prospect of being homeless, and sleeping on someone^<5E>s couch when I can't
|
|||
|
|
pay my rent. I didn't even bother going to work today, mostly because I'm
|
|||
|
|
so disgusted with the whole work experience there. The part about this that
|
|||
|
|
bothers me is that I'm already fed up with this, and I'll pretty much need
|
|||
|
|
to hold a job for most of the rest of my life. The idea of doing this sort
|
|||
|
|
of shit for the next 50 or so years is a tiring one, but I'll manage, I
|
|||
|
|
always seem to find a way.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
My friends are another thing that brings me grief from time to time. I have
|
|||
|
|
a lot of good friends, who I know would do anything for me, and then a few
|
|||
|
|
fair-weather friends, but everyone has those. You can get used to it. There
|
|||
|
|
are times, though, that I need people not to give me shit about my fuck-ups
|
|||
|
|
and shortcomings, and nobody seems to recognize this. I go through times
|
|||
|
|
that I need to be left alone, without any social contact other than my
|
|||
|
|
computer and music. Some people just can't tell or don't care when these
|
|||
|
|
times are, and that can be bad. I retreat into my shell and try to avoid
|
|||
|
|
the word for a while, and people keep poking at me, with whatever goal they
|
|||
|
|
have in mind. All that really does is show me who my best friends are, and
|
|||
|
|
brings me closer to them.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Caring about someone is probably the worst thing that has ever happened to
|
|||
|
|
me. Most people consider this a good thing, probably because it's worked
|
|||
|
|
out for them at least once in their lives. When I realize that someone
|
|||
|
|
(read: female) means something to me, the first thing that goes through my
|
|||
|
|
head is "Oh shit."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Yeah, I'm being pessimistic about it, but I always seem to care about
|
|||
|
|
people I can never have, so it seems like this will be an ongoing thing.
|
|||
|
|
This sort of problem is probably the worst, and there's not a lot that can
|
|||
|
|
be done about it. There are some standard responses to it: you can beat the
|
|||
|
|
fuck out of the nearest solid object, you can hop a bus and leave town, or
|
|||
|
|
you can try your friendly neighborhood liquor store. None of them really
|
|||
|
|
help much, but this is a kind of situation where you can't really sit
|
|||
|
|
around and do nothing, it leaves you with a feeling that you must do
|
|||
|
|
something about it, no matter how futile it may be.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I tried the drinking route, it didn't help much, but it makes you forget,
|
|||
|
|
makes the time go by a bit faster, and when you come out of it, memories
|
|||
|
|
are hazy. It doesn't really do anything to change the outcome, and you'll
|
|||
|
|
probably just end up looking like a fool because of over-consumption.
|
|||
|
|
Eventually, I got out of this because a friend told me that the person I
|
|||
|
|
was drinking over thought it was a big negative, so I cut down hard, which
|
|||
|
|
anyone who has known me as of late will find a big shock. I had my friends
|
|||
|
|
and a lot of other people I really respect telling me to stop drinking, and
|
|||
|
|
I brushed them off, just telling them that I would be fine and to mind
|
|||
|
|
their own business. Anyone who has asked me this will be happy to know that
|
|||
|
|
I finally did, but not because of their requests, and things look pretty
|
|||
|
|
much the same. I guess there is something to be said for seeing every day
|
|||
|
|
with clarity, even if I don't have the brainpower to interpret it properly.
|
|||
|
|
I'm just kind of tired of being put down as immature because of things like
|
|||
|
|
this, just because I care about shit, and sometimes, things just fucking
|
|||
|
|
get to me.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I feel kind of empty now that I've gotten these thoughts out of my head and
|
|||
|
|
into a place where the rest of the world can see them, even if they didn't
|
|||
|
|
make the transition to text as well as they should have. Very few people
|
|||
|
|
are talented enough to get things out of their mind without them changing.
|
|||
|
|
Maybe somehow, this will point me at some sort of solution for my problems,
|
|||
|
|
I originally thought that just toughing them out would work, and they would
|
|||
|
|
eventually resolve themselves, but that hasn't seemed to work, so I guess
|
|||
|
|
it's time to find something else to try. When I'm happy again, I'll be the
|
|||
|
|
person that everyone knew before, always able to make someone laugh, never
|
|||
|
|
tired, always up for something to do. I'll be glad to see that version of
|
|||
|
|
me back again. I kinda miss him.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
A wink, a smile, and a kiss good-bye.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
el_jefe
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|||
|
|
= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
|
|||
|
|
= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
|
|||
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|||
|
|
= To receive new issues through mail, mail majordomo@attrition.org with =
|
|||
|
|
= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
|
|||
|
|
= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
|
|||
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|||
|
|
= AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
|
|||
|
|
= FTP.DTO.NET /pub/zines/fuck =
|
|||
|
|
= FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK =
|
|||
|
|
= WWW http://www.attrition.org/~fuck =
|
|||
|
|
= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
|
|||
|
|
= http://aomt.netmegs.com/fuck =
|
|||
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|||
|
|
= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
|
|||
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|||
|
|
|