137 lines
7.1 KiB
Plaintext
137 lines
7.1 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Fuckin' Tech Support
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--------------------
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Tech support. What a fuckin' joke. Are there any fucking
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requirements whatsoever for this job? I can just imagine how the
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interviews for these brainless positions go.
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"Can you read?"
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"Sorta"
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"Can you use a computer?"
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"Does a microwave count?"
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"Close enough. When can you start?"
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Can anyone guess who I just got off the phone with? Yup, fuckin'
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tech support.
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I was trying to set up a friend's computer to use the 'net. Every
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thing seemed to be set up correctly, but the software still failed to
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initialize the modem.
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After trying everything I could think of, I finally gave in and called
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the ISPs technical support line. I was on hold for an hour and a half
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before the bastard finally answered.
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I told him what the problem was and he gave me some modem strings
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to try, none of which worked.
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Actually, what he said went a little more like this:
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Him: Are you at your computer?
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Me: Yes
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Him: Ok, is Windows open?
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Me: Yes
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Him: Ok, click on the Applications window and then double click on Notepad.
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Me: Is it ok if I just hit <ALT><F><O> type notepad and hit enter since
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I don't have an Applications window cuz I renamed it and deleted all
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the worthless files out of it?
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Him: I guess so.
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Me: Next?
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Him: type in C:\iexplore\modems2.ini (or something close to that)
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Me: Even though I'm using Netscape?
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Him: Um, didn't you get Internet Explorer software with your account?
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Me: Yeah, it's in the trash beside the AOL software.
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Him: Well maybe that's your problem.
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Me: Maybe so, but I guess we won't know until we get the damn logon program
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to work so I can sign on and find out, now will we?
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So anyway, I changed the damn modem string like 3 times and none of
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them worked.
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"Your modem must be broken," was his brilliant summation.
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"Um...then why the hell does it work fine with other programs?"
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"Are you sure about that?" he asked.
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"Well, I suppose it could have been a drug induced hallucination,
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except I don't do drugs."
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"I don't see how, if it's messed up."
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"What's your e-mail address?" I asked him.
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He told me and I signed onto a shell account via Windoze Terminal and
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e-mailed him.
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"Does it look like it works, dumbass?"
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I could tell by the tone of his voice that he had received it.
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"Well if you can sign on, what's your problem?" he asked, snottily.
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"I can only sign onto a shell account and the people who own the
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account can barely use Windows 3.1, let alone Unix."
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"Well then you'll just have to call the company that made the modem."
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Then the fucker hung up on me.
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After signing onto my hotmail account via Lynx and e-mail bombing
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the son-of-a-bitch, I dug out the manual for the modem.
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"What the fuck?" The fucking customer service line was long distance.
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I dialed it, bitching all the time.
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"Best Data customer service. How may I help you?"
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"I need to talk to somebody in tech support and this is a long distance
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call, so make it fast."
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Forty-five fucking minutes later some fucking Mexican answered the
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phone. Not to sound racist, but I've never met a Mexican that could use a
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computer. Then again, I'm from the mid-west, so that might explain it. But
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anyway.
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I told him what the problem was and he actually figured out what was
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wrong. After having me perform a test to confirm his hypothesis, he told me
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he would have to send me some software to fix it.
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Not wanting to wait a week, I asked him if there was anywhere I could
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download it and he said no.
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After I got off the phone with him, I signed onto Lycos. (It seriously
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sucks with Lynx, but I had no choice.)
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I did a quick search and soon found the program in question on one of
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Best Data's competitor's web site. I downloaded it in under 5 minutes and
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soon had it up and running.
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Well, we were finally up and running albeit at a whopping 14.4 kbps,
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so we decided to upgrade the modem as well. (I had already tripled the RAM
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early that day.)
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They didn't have much money to spend, so I had them call all the
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electronics stores in the county and check on 28.8 as well as 33.6 modems.
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(The whole county has less than 20,000 people.)
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Only one even carried modems, and they didn't have any in stock. (These
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are the same geniuses that sold us an 8 meg RAM simm in a Ziploc bag.)
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The brilliant gurus at Radio Shack informed us that nobody sold 28.8
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modems anymore and that everybody used 56.6.
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I told him that if he could find an ISP within 100 miles of us that
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used 56.6, then I'd show him a computer that could run Win95 quickly on 4
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megs of RAM. Once again I got hung up on.
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We eventually drove 100 miles to the nearest OfficeMax. I asked the
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stocker where the modems were and he went to the back to ask.
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In the meantime, I found the modems, grabbed a 33.6 and checked out
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before he made it back.
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We eventually got everything up and running and now they're surfing the
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net with the rest of the world. (I was surprised that they even had an ISP
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in a town of 350 people.)
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Anyway, let me close with a big fuck you to NetINS, Best Data, Radio
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Shack, OfficeMax and the Spice Girls.
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And an especially big FUCK YOU to Packard Bell who just had a fucking
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commercial on TV talking about how great their customer service is. It'd
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better be fucking great since it's a fucking 900#.
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-InVerse
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inverse@atheist.com
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with =
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= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
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= http://www.simunye.com/fuck =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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