143 lines
7.9 KiB
Plaintext
143 lines
7.9 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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What Are You Really Like?
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-------------------------
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Many times I have been up late on the phone with one random friend or
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another, and quite often I get the question (not in these words, but
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in the general sense) "What are you really like?"
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Do you want to know what I'm really like?
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If you want to know that, then you'd have to know why.
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And if you want to know why, open your eyes, glue your ass to your chair,
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and keep your finger postitioned over that pagedown key.
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---
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I was the kid who was always picked on. I was the dork who wasn't good
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for anything except to make the little Commie 64's work in elementry
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school. If i opened my mouth to say ANYTHING, some kid four inches taller
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and twenty pounds heavier would come shut it for me. Of course, being the
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first kid with braces and zits in the sixth grade helped it along.
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I was the outcast. Me and my friends are outcasts. I see cliques of people
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running up and down the street downtown, and i compare them to my group
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of friends. We are the outcasts. I the the leader of the outcasts, or so
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i've been told.
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But it wasn't always that way. Very rarely was I able to spend time with
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my friends. I was grounded for weeks upon weeks. I had privledges taken
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away as if they were articles of clothing. Come home five minutes late?
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Blam. You lose your computer for a month.
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Around 7th grade i started running away from home. Frequently. The longest
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i stayed away was a week, but it got worse. I could not control my temper.
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I got in fights even when i knew i had no chance and got the shit beat out
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of me. Didn't matter, i couldn't help it. Eight grade came drugs. Pot was
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my personal favorite. Still is.
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I met the first love of my life. The only, it seems. She dumped me so
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hard i cried for three days on end. Afterwards i was numb. So numb. I
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couldn't feel anything for anyone. And so began the practice of bottling
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up my feelings.
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In 9th grade, i dropped acid for the first time. i started seeing life in
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a different light. Smoked pot every day. Grades dropped, grounding con-
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tinued. I became suicidal and spent my eighth and ninth grade years
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slicing my wrists to see the blood. My parents threw me in a inpatient
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psychiatry unit for a week, to see if it would get better. I let it get
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better just because the people there were worse then me.
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The summer after my ninth grades year, i ran away from home yet
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again and moved in when four friends who got me hooked on crank for nearly
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two months straight. My real friends i didn't see forever, and when i did,
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i was told i looked like a skeleton from so much nose powder and not enough
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food. I swear i almost died one night, after smoking a half ounce
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with three people, i staggered around the house in a stupor, when my room-
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mate told me to take several lines of crank. I passed out for four days and
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didn't fully recover for two months. The same night i set the bathroom on
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fire and moved out the next day.
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Living back with my parents was hell. Smoked more pot. After two months of
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tenth grade, I was tossed into a continuation high school with the types of
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people i hate. Gangbangers, violent crack addicts, the works. I started
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going crazy there, shaving my head in weird styles, then just completely
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off. I hadn't had a girlfriend in two and a half years, and i was still
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hating it.
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I don't really remember my full 10th and 11th grade years except that i
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dropped out of high school after i finish 10th grade. I smoked so much
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pot i became incredibly stupid and forgetful. I bet i would be a l33t h4x0r
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if i could remember half the shit i read. It is now the middle of what
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would be my 12th grade year. My father gave me money to sign up for the
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fall semester several months ago. I took the money and spent it on drugs,
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and dropped out of school after three days. It was four months before my
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parents found out.
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Here i am now.
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And you want to know what kind of person I am?
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I'll tell you.
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I hate people. I hate confrontations. I hate you. I hate myself. I hate
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the people who try to tell me what's best for me. I hate the people who
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envy me because of my lifestyle. I will never tell you how i feel, because
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i don't want you to know my weaknesses. People used to know, but now they
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won't. I will never SHOW you how i feel, because i don't want you making
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fun of me. I hate being judged. You will never see the inside of me. I
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may tell you in a momemt of softness, but soon my shell will harden and
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you will be left to wonder if it's true. It is true, but it amazes you
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because i don't seem like the type. I refuse to release my secrets to
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anyone. People cannot keep their mouths shut. I have withdrawn from my
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family. I can't talk to them anymore, they don't understand. And neither
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do you.
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If you want to know the real me, treat me like a person. Treat me like I
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have feelings, and i want to be known and loved. Don't make fun of me.
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Don't criticize me. If i do or say something stupid, don't laugh at me,
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it will only make you one more person i hate.
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All i'm asking is that someone tries to understand me.
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-anonymous.
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world through T.Y.M.E.
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, etc etc... =
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= Internet : jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= gote land +27.31.441115 =
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= Arrested Development +31.77.3547477 =
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= Global Chaos +61.2.681.2837 =
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= Chemical Persuasion 203.324.0894 Undrgrnd Indust/Inc. 207.490.2158 =
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= Damnation 212.861.0580 Damnation -Toll Free 888.803.8490 =
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= Hacker's Haven 303.516.9969 Unholiness Rising 303.980.2404 =
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= E.L.F. (NUP) 314.272.3426 Misery 318.625.4532 =
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= Dungeon Sys. Inc. 410.263.2258 Psykodelik Images -- Down -- =
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= Paradise Lost 414.476.3181 Black SunShine 513.891.3465 =
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= underworld_1995.com 514.683.1894 Digital Fallout 516.378.6640 =
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= PSYCHOSiS 613.836.7211 Bad Trip 615.870.8805 =
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= Plan 9 716.881.3663 suicidal chaos 718.592.1083 =
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= Damaged 801.944.7353 The Death Star Bar 805.872.3151 =
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= Purple Hell 806.791.0747 BloodNet 901.872.8615 =
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= Atrocity Exhibition 905.796.3385 Phoenix Modernz 908.830.8265 =
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= The Keg 914.234.9674 that stupid place 215.985.0462 =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Files through AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.LEMMING.COM/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.PRISM.NET/pub/users/mercuri/zines/fuck =
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= FTP.WINTERNET.COM/users/craigb/fuck =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= ETEXT.ARCHIVE.UMICH.EDU - /pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.prism.net/zineworld/fuck/ =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author =
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