92 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
92 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
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: :::. : ____,
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In Memory, : :: : : |_ _; Karl Marx
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,~~ : :::'istorted : `|| says:
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--)( : :::. :::: : || "Aufheben!"
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()= : :: :igital ::. rection : []
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HOOKAH! : :::' :::: :
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: :
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27 April 1994 : Text File #29 Mongoloid Telecom
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:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
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The Cult of Sid
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---------------
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By: Spirit of Entropy/Elminster
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This text file may seem rather odd to you at first. As you read it,
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however, you'll realize how much it makes sense .. and how it can impact in a
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positive way on your life!
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I have been involved in learning about the different religions of the world
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for several years. I particularly enjoy learning about the pre-xtian pagan
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religions of the world. One day, while contemplating the complexities of the
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universe ... I had a revelation. It's all so simple! God, the creeator of the
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universe, the one and only god... is a monkey! That's right. God is a cute,
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brown, small brown monkey named Sid. Sid lives in a celestial plane, its
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focal point being a huge bananna tree on which Sid chooses to spend his time.
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As I continued to marvel at my discovery, I believe Sid gave me the gift of
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knowledge. He told me who he was, what he believed, and most importantly ...
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the secret of life!
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Sid is a friendly, loving, compassionate being. He doesn't want to hurt
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anyone or control them. He doesn't get angry. He doesn't get jealous.
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Sometimes, people make him sad by doing mean things. Most of the time though,
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he's in a pretty decent mood. Sid created the universe because he wanted other
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beings to have fun with. Some of the beings were nice, and had fun playing
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with Sid. Other beings were selfish, and were jealous that Sid was so popular
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and powerful. One of these beings turned to evil, and became the anti-Sid.
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This being and the rest of the resentful beings decided to attack Sid. Well,
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it didn't work. He just made them go to another place he created just for
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them. The other beings told Sid that they would like other people to play
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with. So, Sid created the universe and the earth and all of the other planets.
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The primates were his creations, and he played with them. The anti-Sid though,
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was looking for trouble. He taught them to make weapons and hurt each other.
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Sid gave the primates the ability to reason and make their own decisions .. so
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some of them could figure out how stupid they were being.
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Anyway, the end result is us. We know how to have fun and be nice to other
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people. The anti-Sid is always around trying to stir-up trouble as usual
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though.
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When a person discovers the secret purpose of life - to enjoy it, to learn,
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and to be nice to other people, Sid takes them to Sidland when they die. They
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hang with him, and just enjoy the rest of eternity. Sometimes, he gives them
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planets to take care of and whatnot. People who are mean, violent, or
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otherwise fuck up your life .. well ... they get reincarnated until they can
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figure things out.
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The holy symbol of Sid is the bananna. Anyone can be a priest of Sid, as
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long as you ask nicely. If you mess up, you always get another chance. Eating
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banannas can bring a follower special blessing. If someone doesn't believe in
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Sid, he doesn't mind. Anyone can receive Sid's blessing, as long as they're
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nice people ... no matter what they believe or who they are.
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May you be blessed with potassium goodness!
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-=* Spirit of Entropy/Elminster ... Prophet of Sid.
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`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'
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Distorted Digital Erection
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An AUFHEBEN Production! Support Boards: Tyrant: Number:
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"Why, I don't know much of The Necropolis .. DDE WHQ!.. 216.PRI.VATE
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anything!" -Eraserhead Radio KAOS ... Moonshadow .. 216.830.4657
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The Sewers ... Aligator King 513.229.1965
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_Submission Policy_: Distorted Digital Erection LOVES to get subs!
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If you write something - anything - send it to us and we'll get it
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to press. For contacting DDE, see below.
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CHECK for MORE Distorted Digital Erection in the NEAR future!
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Want to be a support board for DDE? Download ALL the DDE's,
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create a file sig on your board, and let me know. Your BBS will
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be listed. TO CONTACT US: Send e-mail to Amphetamine Gobbler
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on Radio KAOS, or send Internet mail to aufheben@aol.com
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`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'
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-eof-
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