102 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
102 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
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T ||==\\ || || ||==\\ ||==|| || || B L E N D E R C O R P O R A T I O N
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|| || || || || || || \\ // ------------------------------------
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H || || || || ||==// ||=|| >|< >>> Presents <<<
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|| || || || || \\ || // \\ E-TALES1.DBC
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E ||==// \\==// || \\ ||==|| || || #018-SB08 -- [02/07/92]
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______________________________________________________________________________
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Elementary School Tales
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--------------------
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by Snarfblat (Age 7 - 8)
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[These are tales Snarfblat wrote while in Second and Third grade, circa
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1981, I think. He dredged them up from his secret storage areas and I picked
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out the best bunch. This _is_ quality literature. Each one of these took up
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an entire side of wide-ruled yellow school paper, the kind that smells funky
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and probably gets little kids high. Enjoy. - R. Tox]
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Problems of a Giant
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A giant has a hard time getting ice cream because he has to get some
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snow and put in the flavoring which is hard to get because it is buried ten
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feet in the ground in Africa.
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The Shadow
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Once there was a cat named Shadow. But the cat looked just like his
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shadow. He used to run around and pretend to be two shadows. People who saw
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him ran away. They thought he was two shadows.
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Mittens
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-------
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My cat is named Mittens. He is gray with white paws. When he's bad, I
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pick him up and spin him around. He has killed a bird and a rabbit in the
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past week, but he's still good.
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Forgetful Jerry
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---------------
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Forgetful Jerry is a brown dog with white spots. If you ask him what his
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name is, he'll tell you after thinking for ten hours. He has a thing in his
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throat that lets him talk.
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Bla!
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----
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I don't like salad. It's poisonous! Sometimes it looks like it has
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little bugs in it. Nothing is worse than salad! My brother likes salad
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because he's just as bad. Salad is green and wet and awful! It's also mushy!
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Untitled
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--------
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One day I was eating my leg
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when my brother leaned over and bit my head
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I fell off my chair and went through the floor
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and my head went rolling out the door.
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Mom called the doctor; he said, "Yup."
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but he drove off a cliff and his car blew up.
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he was in it, so he died
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that must have been a discouraging ride.
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Haiku
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-----
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Waves roll on the sand
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But they can be dangerous
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A wave drowns my cat
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The wind is so strong
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That it blew my cat to Mars
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Martians will kill him
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Untitled 2
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----------
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One day Gig, the gnome, came out of his igloo.
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"I have made the greatest machine ever. it is the Stepladder-Sleigh." he
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said as he pulled a cover off of a machine. Everyone stared at it.
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It was a sleigh with a stepladder on the back. The stepladder was used
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to highjack a gigantic raccoon.
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Then some chimes rang, and Agide unveiled an emerald green spaceship.
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Twenty-five gnomes tried to get in it.
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"No, don't!", cried Agide. "The green light may blind you!" The gnomes
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got out, but Scrooge pushed them back in. Then he made a grimace face and ran
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away. Then Gig took off after him in the Stepladder-Sleigh. Scrooge had only
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gone ten feet when Gig reached him, highjacked him, and stabbed him with a
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metric ruler.
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______________________________________________________________________________
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(C)1992 by The Durex Blender Corporation & Snarfblat, th' Fork of Spoon
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All Rights Available at the Door. No Reservations.
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*** Spread the word of Turnex, the Blender for the Next Millenium. ***
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The Durex Blender Corporation : Boston (617) 696-8156 - 24oo/8N1 - 24 hours
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