108 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
108 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
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<20> <20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20>
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<20><> <20><> <20> <20> <20>
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<20> <20> <20> <20> <20>
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BLaH <20> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20>
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File <20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> Written August 5th, 1992
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#016 <20> <20>ig <20>ong <20><><EFBFBD> <20>nd <20> <20>airy
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<20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20>
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<20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20><>
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Presents
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<20> <20><> <20>
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"The Fine Art of BBS Warring"
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<20> by <20>
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Constantine
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<20> <20><> <20>
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Originally descended from the archaic rites of Oriental blademasters,
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the BBS flame-war represents both the epoch and the nadir (look that up in
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your Fuck n' Wagnalls) of computer culture. It can be a battle of wits
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between worthy opponents, each building on the last's insult to reach
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repartee of classic proportions. Or, more often, it looks like this:
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#1: You suck. You suck big donkey dicks.
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#2: Yeah? Your MOM sucks big donkey dicks. And YOU suck big donkey
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dicks.
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#1: Well, you still suck.
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#2: So do you!
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Sad picture, isn't it? This file is the beginning of an eventual
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tutorial on the fine art of BBS warring. Read and learn, but remember
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the ancient Oriental proverb that likened the warrior's wit to his blade--
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both, it is said, may cut a tin can in half, but only the wise man will
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still be able to slice a tomato.
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CHOOSING YOUR VICTIM
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Most BBSes that allow warring have a special base set aside for
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the purpose. If so, don't piss off your sysop by taking it outside the
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base-- that makes the war personal, and can get a LOT of people upset
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at you. With that in mind, scan through the messages and look for a
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suitable victim. Let's say that you read this:
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#1: You make me retch with pity for your pathetic attempts to attack
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me, you bile-licking, phlegm-drinking, mucuous-drenched excuse for
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a Bee-Gees fan.
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#2: Yeah? Well, you suck big donkey dicks!
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Hmmm.. #1 has been doing this for a while, and he seems rather
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literate. Probably a local heavyweight, and more than a challenge for
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a first-time warrior. #2, on the other hand, is such a pushover that
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anyone challenging him would have to be the kind of person who kicks
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stray animals.
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#2, right? I would, too. This is called "getting a notch on
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your gunbelt".
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THE INITIAL ATTACK
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If you are attacked on a flame board, then you're in luck- YOU
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get to make the response, and the burden is on the attacker. If not,
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you're going to have to throw the first punch. When composing your
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insult, make sure that you don't have any glaring loopholes that a crafty
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opponent can exploit-- wordplay is the name of the game. The first attack
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is a dangerous position, but sooner or later, you'll be in the most
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comfortable place..
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DEFENSE
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That's right-- unlike many sports, the BEST place to be in a
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flame war is on the defense. Why? Because your opponent has just HANDED
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you a post to rip on, and the worse a fighter he is, the more openings
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there will be for YOU. Simply break down his insult, turn it around,
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and throw it back at him. Here is a VERY simple example, a classic
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"mama/yo mama" counter attack:
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#1: Hey, your mom is great in bed.
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#2: Is that what YOUR mom told you?
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Rather than refuting the actual statement, the warrior lets the
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main "sting" go in favour of building on the insult and rebounding it.
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Keeping your cool is paramount-- the kind of person who gets upset by
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a flame post (which are usually not personal) and starts whining about
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it to the sysop is the kind of person who shouldn't HAVE a modem in the
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first place.
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SUMMARY
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In short, be nasty and have fun. The BBS flame-war is one of
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the most honorable and time-tried contests between computerists (most
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of whom are smarter than the average Joe), and well worth experiencing
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first-hand. I am currently devising an actual rules-set (involving
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scoring and a referee) to bring this art form into a higher ground,
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and will make it available freely to all when it is completed-- until
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then, keep on flaming.
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[Guidonote: I have warred with Connie before, it is a treat, heaping insult
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upon insult. Have fun and go with it!]
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{---End of File... Safe-T-Nutz v0.90<EFBFBD> says "4988 Bytes Total"---------------}
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Yah, well, lick my love pump you weasel-mammaried plot of sloth dung..
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For BLaHfiles, old, current and new, call these fine BLaH <sigh>ts...
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Nun-Beaters Anonymous | <780>251-5094 | 110/16.8k
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The Insane Asylum | <305>927-3028 | 2400/16.8k
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The Realm of Death | <419>475-3089 | 2400/16.8k
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BLaH : "We're not as original as you think"
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{---Propaganda Line, stand in it to get some potatoes...--------------------}
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