156 lines
7.4 KiB
Plaintext
156 lines
7.4 KiB
Plaintext
|
<20> <20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20>
|
|||
|
|
<20><> <20><> <20> <20> <20>
|
|||
|
|
<20> <20> <20> <20> <20>
|
|||
|
|
BLaH <20> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20>
|
|||
|
|
File <20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> Written August 3rd, 1992
|
|||
|
|
#009 <20> <20>ig <20>ong <20><><EFBFBD> <20>nd <20> <20>airy
|
|||
|
|
<20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20>
|
|||
|
|
<20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20><>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Presents
|
|||
|
|
<20> <20><> <20>
|
|||
|
|
"101 Ways To Kill or Maim a Senior Citizen"
|
|||
|
|
<20> by <20>
|
|||
|
|
Chessman
|
|||
|
|
<20> <20><> <20>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
{----------------------------------------------------------------------}
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
1. Beat them silly with their walking stick
|
|||
|
|
2. Take away their Clapper
|
|||
|
|
3. Put a rabid rat in their pink fluffy slippers
|
|||
|
|
4. Put spikes on the seat of their wheelchair
|
|||
|
|
5. Put cyanide in their tea bags
|
|||
|
|
6. Strap two huge speakers to their head and play Megadeath until their
|
|||
|
|
head explodes
|
|||
|
|
7. Tell them that huge electrical thing is their bathroom
|
|||
|
|
8. Push them into the oven when they're making dinner
|
|||
|
|
9. Float a poisonous frog in their oatmeal
|
|||
|
|
10. Tell them that the little red sign says "WALK"
|
|||
|
|
11. Cut their hair <Remember Sampson?>
|
|||
|
|
12. Feed them clay, while assuring them that it IS squash
|
|||
|
|
13. Make them sit on the wing of the plane
|
|||
|
|
14. Clip some jumpers to your engine and tell them to hook the cables
|
|||
|
|
to their ears
|
|||
|
|
15. Tell them Orville Reddenbacher is younger and better looking
|
|||
|
|
16. "Don't worry Grandma, I'll hold the ladder...."
|
|||
|
|
17. Tell them you need to give them an autopsy for a school report
|
|||
|
|
18. Put their head in the fan and tell them they're at the beauty parlor
|
|||
|
|
19. Wheel them right into the deep end of the pool
|
|||
|
|
20. Sell them to science
|
|||
|
|
21. Take Wheel of Fortune off the air
|
|||
|
|
22. Put them in the moving van with the rest of the "antiques"
|
|||
|
|
23. Ask them if they want to go out in the snow, and make them into a
|
|||
|
|
snowman
|
|||
|
|
24. Put out a contract on them
|
|||
|
|
25. Make them go to Mexico City and drink the water
|
|||
|
|
26. Buy a pit bull and make them scratch its tummy
|
|||
|
|
27. "A little farther grandma.. there's a sand bar out there somewhere..."
|
|||
|
|
28. Replace their fiber with heroine
|
|||
|
|
29. Convince them it was their fault the "where's the beef" lady died
|
|||
|
|
30. Next time their thirsty put the hose in their mouth and turn it on
|
|||
|
|
full blast
|
|||
|
|
31. Put them in a box and give them to the UPS guy as a gift
|
|||
|
|
32. Tell them the roof is a slide
|
|||
|
|
33. Convince them it IS safe to bungee jump with dental floss
|
|||
|
|
34. Incite a riot at the local bingo parlor
|
|||
|
|
35. Tell them to answer the iron
|
|||
|
|
36. Stab them with a pitchfork while they work in the garden
|
|||
|
|
37. Introduce them to Jeffery Dahmer
|
|||
|
|
38. "You stand here and tell me if the headlights work..."
|
|||
|
|
39. Strangle them with their Depends
|
|||
|
|
40. Put them on a pair of Rollerblades and push them down the highway
|
|||
|
|
41. Stick a battery onto a stick and tell them it's a lollipop
|
|||
|
|
42. Push them into some quicksand
|
|||
|
|
43. Feed then Indian food
|
|||
|
|
44. Have the Keebler Elves repeatedly assualt them
|
|||
|
|
45. Open a window and tell them their room is through there
|
|||
|
|
46. Give them to a group of bikers in exchange for a k-rad Harley Davidson
|
|||
|
|
sticker
|
|||
|
|
47. "My bazooka's clogged. Will you look in and see what's wrong..."
|
|||
|
|
48. Give them a stick of dynamite and say it's a candle
|
|||
|
|
49. Give them a banana and when they open their mouth shove it in and choke
|
|||
|
|
them
|
|||
|
|
50. Put them on the swing and push it REAL high
|
|||
|
|
51. Ask them if they want to play jacks and when they grab the ball, pick
|
|||
|
|
up the jacks and throw them in their eyes
|
|||
|
|
52. Set up Monopoly and insist that you be the thimble
|
|||
|
|
53. Wallpaper them to the wall and leave them there until they stop kicking
|
|||
|
|
54. "I bet you can't stick your hand into the paper shredder..."
|
|||
|
|
55. Stick them with pins
|
|||
|
|
56. Have them stand under an apple tree and shake it real hard so they get
|
|||
|
|
pelted by falling apples
|
|||
|
|
57. Convince them your little brother will only love them if they go down
|
|||
|
|
the chimney on their way inside
|
|||
|
|
58. Knock them into the head of the mafia as he leaves the courthouse
|
|||
|
|
59. Put them in a nursing home
|
|||
|
|
60. Put them on the barbeque after telling them it will kill their warts
|
|||
|
|
61. Place each of their fingers into a pencil sharpener
|
|||
|
|
62. Send them to training camp with the Bears
|
|||
|
|
63. Dress them up like Rodney King and have them speed along in front of the
|
|||
|
|
police station
|
|||
|
|
64. Tell them a bull really is a gentle creature
|
|||
|
|
65. Test their elasticity by putting them on a stretching rack
|
|||
|
|
66. Make them drink acrylic paint while telling them it's from the fountain
|
|||
|
|
of youth
|
|||
|
|
67. Take them to the gas station and hold their nose saying, "I don't want
|
|||
|
|
you to take in any fumes," and when they open their mouth to breathe
|
|||
|
|
stick the gas thing in and push it.
|
|||
|
|
68. Roll them up and smoke them
|
|||
|
|
69. Dress up like Peter Pan and tell them they can fly but only from really
|
|||
|
|
high places
|
|||
|
|
70. Leave them out in the sun and watch them dehydrate
|
|||
|
|
71. Take them on safari and push them into a den of lions
|
|||
|
|
72. Squirt them with acid
|
|||
|
|
73. Have them breathe pure radon
|
|||
|
|
74. Send them to Chernobyl for a summer get away
|
|||
|
|
75. Tell them the best stores are on Three Mile Island
|
|||
|
|
76. Have them sit on a cactus
|
|||
|
|
77. Put a set of horns on them and push them into a field of Buckmasters
|
|||
|
|
78. Put their tongue in a light socket
|
|||
|
|
79. Take away their glasses and put them in a room covered with sharp
|
|||
|
|
objects
|
|||
|
|
80. Lay a mattress across railroad tracks and put them there
|
|||
|
|
81. Claim they're possessed by demons and remove they're stomach and feet
|
|||
|
|
82. Cut off their legs and make a hat
|
|||
|
|
83. Make them into a cool, frosty slurpy
|
|||
|
|
84. Tie them to a camel and have it walk off
|
|||
|
|
85. Waltz with them until they turn into butter
|
|||
|
|
86. Send them in a boat to get an eye-witness account of a tropical storm
|
|||
|
|
87. Put a straw in their nostrils and suck the life right out of them
|
|||
|
|
88. Play baseball with their head
|
|||
|
|
89. Practice for your Biology final on them
|
|||
|
|
90. Give them thermite instead of Metamucil
|
|||
|
|
91. Put a bomb in their hair-nets
|
|||
|
|
92. Sweep up a slaughter house with them
|
|||
|
|
93. Make them move the piano into the garage... and then move it back
|
|||
|
|
94. Kick them with wooden shoes
|
|||
|
|
95. Push them off the high dive into an empty pool
|
|||
|
|
96. Flick cigarette butts at them until they go insane
|
|||
|
|
97. Put a live lobster in their underwear
|
|||
|
|
98. Pack them into a nuclear bomb and drop them somewhere in the USSR
|
|||
|
|
99. Beat them to a bloody pulp with a hammer
|
|||
|
|
100. Light their hair on fire
|
|||
|
|
101. Put tapeworms in their dentures
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Wow! It's a real testament to the human spirit that I finshed that.
|
|||
|
|
After 47 I just ran out of ideas, which probably shows by the last few....
|
|||
|
|
Nevertheless I hope you enjoyed this Za/\/y BLaH release as much as I
|
|||
|
|
enjoyed making it.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
{---End of File... Safe-T-Nutz 0.90<EFBFBD> says "7600 Bytes Total"--------------}
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
BLaH, as of now, is: REMEBER
|
|||
|
|
Chessman -------
|
|||
|
|
Guido Sanchez If it says BLaH, it probably isn't...
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"Whenever I hear the name Guido Sanchez,
|
|||
|
|
I have to laugh, because who is that guy?"
|
|||
|
|
-Chessman
|
|||
|
|
BLaH <sigh>ts
|
|||
|
|
Nun-Beaters Anonymous | <708>251-5094 | 110/16.8k
|
|||
|
|
Hell Bound | <708>965-8965 | 2400/14.4k
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
{--The Wall..anything on the WEST is pure, the EAST is evil---------------}
|
|||
|
|
So which side are we on?
|
|||
|
|
|