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Initial commit
2021-04-15 13:31:59 -05:00
c:\Qedit TopSecret.doc
Bad Sector(s) on disk C:\
Sector(s) Not found
(A)bort (R)etry (I)can load it but I'd have to kill you afterwards.
Datawaste Productions
Is
Proud to Present:
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<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>ISSUE III VOLUME I SERIES I<><49><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
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A feeble attempt at humor slightly related to anything
dealing with the online community.
STAFF
Editor in chief and
Vice-God of Branch Dividians: Vince Lortho, Elric,
Vocus Sadri, Lord of Vabul
Sanitation engineer.
Submitting Writers:
No one that I know of.
One was written while
under the influence of
a Quija board.
Volume 0 April 1994 Number 0C
1 Amazing Intro Screen
2 To PC or not to PC?
3 Nuts & Bolts & Orcs
4 Taglines
5 Top Ten List
6 Killer Hamsters
7 Crap
8 TOP SECRET Info
Are you politically Correct? I doubt it but you may be Mentally challenged.
Written by Saul Jerushalmy & Rens Zbignigwiuw X. I think?
Q: WHAT IS P.C.?
PC stands for Politically Correct. We of the Politically Correct
philosophy believe in increasing a tolerance for a DIVERSITY of cultures,
race, gender, ideology and alternate lifestyles. Politically Correctness
is the only social and morally acceptable outlook. Anyone who disagrees
with this philosophy is bigoted, biased, sexist, and/or closed-minded.
Q: WHY SHOULD I BE PC?
Being PC is fun. PCism is not just an attitude, it is a way of life! PC
offers the satisfaction of knowing that you are undoing the social
evils of centuries of oppression.
Q: I AM A WHITE MALE. CAN I STILL BE PC?
Sure. You just have to feel very guilty.
Q: WHY?
If you are a white male, your ancestors were responsible for practically
every injustice in the world- slavery, war, genocide and plaid sportscoats.
That means that YOU are partially responsible for these atrocities. Now
it is time to balance the scales of justice for the descendants of those
individuals whose ancestors your ancestors pushed down.
Q: HOW?
It's simple. You've got to be careful what you say, what you think, and
what you do. You just don't want to offend anyone.
Q: YOU MEAN I SHOULD GUARD AGAINST OFFENDING ANYONE?
That's right. Being offensive is destructive, and will not make the world
a harmonious utopia, like in John Lennon's IMAGINE.
Q: HOW ELSE CAN I BE PC?
Oh, there are lots of ways. For example, why buy regular ice cream when you
can buy "Rain Forest Crunch?" Segrega..whoops..separate all of your garbage
into different containers: glass, metal, white paper, blue paper, plastic,
etc. Make sure that all your make-up has not been tested on animals. Try to
find at least sixty ways to use your water; when you take a shower, brush your
teeth at the same time. Then don't let the water go down the drain, use it to
irrigate your lawn. Or better yet, replace your lawn with a vegetable garden.
Don't use aerosol. And by all means, don't burn or deface our flag. Remember,
as a citizen of the United States, your living in God's country.
If you are fortunate enough to know your ethnic heritage, dress the part!
Don't do drugs. You should listen to at least one of the following PC
musicians: U2, REM, Sinead O'Connor, Sting, or KD Lang.
Harrass people who wear fur coats. Remind them that an innocent baby seal was
mercilessly clubbed. Or just yell, "FUR." They hate that.
And don't EVER eat meat.
Q: DON'T EAT MEAT? WHY NOT?!
Cows are animals, just like humans are animals. That means that they have
rights. When you eat meat, you're oppressing animals!
Q: SO ALL KILLING IS BAD?
No, not always. Sometimes killing can be justified, like in the Persian
Gulf. You have to be able to tell when an animal has rights, and when
it doesn't.
Q: HOW DO I KNOW WHEN AN ANIMAL HAS RIGHTS?
The general rule is as follows:
IF AN ANIMAL IS RARE, PRETTY, BIG, CUTE, FURRY,
HUGGABLE, OR LOVABLE, THEN IT HAS RIGHTS.
Examine the following chart:
RIGHTS NO RIGHTS
-------- -----------
cows cockroaches
cute bunnies flies
dolphins in tuna nets tuna in tuna nets
whales sharks
red squirrels gray squirrels
owls loggers
harbor seals barnacles
Q: WOW. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO BE PC?
Hug a tree. Rejoice each day in our cultural differences, for they are what
gives flavour to our great country. Get in touch with your sexual identity.
Check your refrigerator for freon leaks. Subscribe to National Geographic.
Search it for neat non-Western cultural traditions and costumes. After you
read it, use the paper as an alternate fuel source.
Q: I'M NOT SURE ABOUT ALL OF THIS.
If you are feeling unsure about your motivation, just remember. YOU ARE
RIGHT. It's that simple. You are right.
Q: HOW DO I KNOW IF AN ACTION IS UN-PC?
Good question. It's important to know when someone is saying something
insensitive so that you can have that person removed from society. The
guideline is as follows:
Is the confrontation between two white people?
Yes -> The liberal is right.
No -> The white person is oppressing the ethnic person.
Remember, many seemingly obvious issues, such as the railroading
of Mayor Marion Barry, or the Clarence Thomas issue, are really race issues.
Here's a fun practice drill for you: See how many newspaper articles you can
make into race bias stories. It's fun! Some PCers are so good they can make
the weather report look like a KKK pamphlet!
Q: WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I SEE SOMEONE DO SOMETHING NON-PC?
It all depends on the situation. If you are not in a position of authority,
by all means report this activity immediately to whomever is in charge. If
your school leader, employer, or superior is hip to the trend of the 90s,
she or he will take the necessary steps to have the insensitive offender
disciplined.
Q: BUT ISN'T THAT CENSORSHIP?
The Constitution never meant for racism, sexism and insensitivity to be
espoused by anyone. That's not what free speech is about. Some call it
censorship. PCers call it "selective" speech. Saying something negative
about a particular race or gender is just as damaging as, say, punching
them in the face. We just can't allow that kind of verbal assault.
Q: I'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT PC WORDS TO REPLACE "BLACK," "INDIAN." ETC.
Yes. That's part of the PC movement. You see, part of the way we think
about people comes directly from the words we use to describe them. Take
"black" for instance. Why should a person be judged by the color of their
skin?
Q: YOU MEAN THEY SHOULD RATHER BE JUDGED BY THE CONTENT OF THEIR CHARACTER?
No, I mean they should be judged by where their ancestors are from. If your
great grandparents are from Africa, or Asia, or wherever, then you should
be identified by that fact. You can even apply for special scholarships!
Q: I'M A MIXTURE OF FRENCH, GERMAN, ENGLISH, AND RUSSIAN. CAN I GET ONE?
No, there are no scholarships for any of those. Sorry. If you are a woman,
however, there should be plenty.
Q: HEY, WOULDN'T A WHITE PERSON FROM LIBYA OR EGYPT TECHNICALLY BE AN
AFRICAN-AMERICAN?
Technically, yes. But that's not the kind of African-American we mean.
That is, we're REALLY talking about skin color, but we're pretending that
we aren't. Another example: A white South-African U.S. immigrant is not
an African-American either.
Q: HOW CAN I LEARN TO MAKE MY LANGUAGE MORE POLITICALLY CORRECT?
For more help, see the PC LEXICON at the end of the handbook.
Q: I'D LIKE MY CHILD TO BE PC. WHAT CAN I DO?
Well, for one thing, we should forcibly encourage students to volunteer
their time with philanthropies. Also, we should re-emphasize non-Western
perspectives on history. Finally, we should re-structure tests and quizzes
to reflect cultural biases.
Q: I DON'T GET IT.
Well, the way the system works now, "select" under-represented minorities
who tend to do worse on entrance tests have lower standards of admissions
at school and work and receive preferential treatment. This is unfair and
wrong.
Q: IT IS?
Yes. The truly PC way to do it is to have a different grading scale for
different groups which gives or subtracts points from the final score,
depending on who is taking the test. If you are white, then you have been
benefited by society during your life. That means that you lose
ten to fifteen points to make the test fair to everyone else.
Q: I GUESS THAT SOUNDS RIGHT.
It IS right. That's the beauty of PC.
Q: WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL OF?
Humor. PC people take every comment VERY seriously. We will not accept
any comment, joke, remark, or anything that sounds like it could be a
racial slur.
Q: GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE.
"What's black and white and red all over?" has been staple humor for
decades. Not PC---it can be taken the wrong way.
In every day speech, try to use phrases like,
"Isn't that the pot calling the kettle African-American." Any racial jokes
or jokes even mentioning culture or gender should be omitted. True, this
mostly limits comedy to the level of sitcoms, but that's the price you pay for
social equality.
Q: IS THAT ALL THERE IS TO IT?
Yes. The Politically Correct belief is essentially a recognition that
people are diversely equal. We rejoice in this equality by treating
people differently based on their equal individuality. Hop aboard the
bandwagon... Be PC. Or you're an intolerant, racist, sexist insensitive
pig.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
PC LEXICON
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Insensitive Term" "Preferred Term"
------------------ ----------------
-> ETHNICITY <-
(PC people do not recognize the term, "race," as valid)
Black - African-American
(NOTE: DOES NOT INCLUDE
LIBYANS, EGYPTIONS, WHITE S-AFRICANS.
DOES INCLUDE
PEOPLE WITH DARK SKIN REGARDLESS OF
WHERE THEY ARE FROM OR WHERE THEY LIVE.)
Oriental - Asian-American
(NOTE: NOT CONSIDERED "REAL" MINORITIES
SINCE THEY TEND TO DO WELL)
Indian - Native-American
(NOTE: THE FOLLOWING TEAMS ARE NOT PC:
Atlanta Braves
Cleveland Indians
Kansas City Chiefs
Washington Redskins
AVOID THESE CITIES!!!)
Chicano - Hispanic
(NOTE: THE FOLLOWING ARE NOT PC:
Cheech and Chong
Chico and the Man episodes
Cisco Kid
Rosarita Salsa
Speedy Gonzales
AVOID! AVOID!)
Towel Head/ Ay-Rab - Arab-American
White Trash - PC Unaware
Rustically Inclined
WASP (white male) - Insensitive Cultural Oppressor (ICO)
-> GENDER <-
(PC people don't like the word "sex" as it has confusing connotations)
Woman - Womyn, Vaginal-American
Girl - Pre-Womyn
Housewife - Domestic Engineer
Fireman - Firefighter
Stewardess - Flight Attendant
Meter Maid - Parking Enforcement Aduciator
Post Man - Post Person
Mail Man - Person Person
Policeman (cop, pig) - Law Enforcement Officer
Baton Boy
Cal. Clubber
Prostitute - Sex Surrogate
(Teen Victim. See: Broken Home)
Mankind, Human - Earth Children
-> PEOPLE : SUB-GROUPS <-
Handicapped - Physically Challenged
Differently Abled
Handi-Capable
(Blind - Optically Darker
Photonically Non-receptive
Deaf - Visually Oriented)
Poor - Economically Unprepared
Bum - Homeless Person
Displaced Homeowner
Philosophy Major
Hunter - Animal Assassin
Meat Mercenary
Bambi Butcher
Whaler - Blubber Lovers
Old Person / Elderly - 4th-Dimentionally Extended
Gerontologically Advanced
Conservative - Right Wing Extremist Fascist Pig
Drug Addict - Chemically Challenged
Bald - Comb-Free
Bisexual - Sexually Non-preferential
Midget, Dwarf - Little People
Vertically Challenged
Convict - Socially Separated
Insane People - Selectively Perceptive
Mental Explorers
(person with) (person with)
Learning Disability - Self-Paced Cognitive Ability
Tree-Hugger - Environmental Activist
Logger - Wood Weasel
Paper Pirate
Treeslayer
Dead People - Dysfunctional Earth Children
-> MISCELLANEOUS <-
Broken Home - Dysfunctional Family
HouseBroken - Family Disfunction
Cattle Ranch - Cattle Concentration Camp (CCC)
"Moo-shwitz"
Senile Bag o' Bones - Alzheimer's Victim
Ghetto/Barrio - (EHA) Ethnically Homogenous Area
Pre-Integrated Pre-Nirvana
Hamburger - Seared Mutilated Animal Flesh (SMAF)
Cheeseburger - Adding Insult to Injury
Cheating (in School) - Academic Dishonesty
Used Books - Recycled Books
Trees - Oxygen Exchange Units
Gang - Youth Group
Pimp-mobile, Low-rider - Culturally Responsive Transportation Option
Drunk/Trashed - Spatially Perplexed
Slum - (EOZ) Economic Oppression Zone
Delicatessen - Corpse Farm
Charnel House
---------------------------------------------------------------
Heres some I found:
* = Indicates ones written by myself
Dead: Persons of reduced metabolic Activity
Biologically challenged
Vertically Challenged.
* Anti-life
* Cardiovascularpulmularilly challenged
* Dehanced motion capabilities
Obese: Differently Weighted
* Quantitative mass acceleration oriented
Person of matter
Gravitationally challenged
* Horizontial expansion syndrome
psychopath:
Socially misalligned
Pregnant:
Parasitic oppression
Janitor:
Sanitation Engineer
Dish washer:
Utensil Sanitation personell
Hamburger flipper:
* Manipulator of Seared Mutated animal flesh (SMAF)
for monitery misalligned cattle murder
facilities (see Ranches)
Deaf:
Aurally challenged
Fishing:
Where fish are murdered
Ranch:
Where cows are murdered
Egg ranch:
Where Unborn Chickens are murdered.
Dairy Farm:
Where cattle are raped.
Conservative:
Reactionary, Wrong, (See psychopath)
Bald:
Follicularly challenged
Black:
Oppressed minority
White:
Pigmentally challenged
Male:
Y-Chromosomally afflicted
----------------------------------------------------------------
If you think of anymore let me know about them.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Nuts & Bolts & Orcs
by Vince Lortho
The other day I was talking to my shrink and he told me that I was
living in a fantasy world with delusions of imaginary mental powers.
"That's the craziest thing I have ever heard!", I Shouted.
"You are nuts.", He shouted back. His cute secretary winch came in
and asked if everything was alright. I cast a charm person spell but she
made her saving through and resisted. The shrink, whom was a second level
illusionist showed me some cards with ink blots on them. He asked me what
they looked like.
#1: A giant torg eating a dwarf.
#2: A fireball exploding in a bugbears belly
#3: Two winged red-dragons being slain by Elric, Vocus Sadri
#4: A mage casting an icestorm spell
#5: Nuts & Bolts & an Orc.
"I give up!" He shouted.
"Ok Peck! prepare for a flogging you fiend"
I pulled out my plastic spoon +3. I hit him on the skull doing 12
points of damage and he went unconscious. The winch came in and started
screaming. I attempted to cast another charm person spell but failed.
"damn!" I grabbed her butt and gained 120 experience.
I walked out and cast a hold person spell on the Mage in the
hall. He just sat there and slobbered on himself. It worked. Good. I need to
rest and get my spells restored. At that moment a White Knight charges me
with a stun gun +2 and cloak of entanglement. I charged and hit him for
1d8 +3 damage to the head. He staggered and lost his turn. I began to cast
a fireball spell. It backfired and hit the peasant down the hall killing him.
I gained 24 experience points. The White knight, whom was out of his
armor, charged. I flee'd and found a secret door. I pushed it open and
found
a broom and a plunger+2.
"Oh well it will have to do." I said. I hid and waited to ambush the
Knight. I recognized the insignia upon his breast. He was a Knight of the
Berrymore Correction facitilty. A very powerful ring of knights. But unlike
the Knights of the Los Angeles who wear some sort of mystical armor that
my weapons cannot penetrate. I hope never to meet them again. The knight
passed by.
"Aha!" I exclaimed.
He was startled and I had the first strike. I swung with the
plunger+2 and missed. He charged and attacked with his magical stun-gun.
I took 2d10 damage and failed my saving throw against electric
missles. I awoke in a white room with a small portal I had a cloak of
entanglement on.
I couldn't cast a spell with my arms bound. Oh well, I advanced a level
when I killed that bum and I'll gain a fireball spell.
And to believe they think I'm crazy. They'll see.
F.R.E.: 86
F.G.L.: 3
G.F.I.: 5
What have You done to frustrate a LIBERAL Today?
Nurse! I said: "SLIP off his SPECtacles!"
Suicide Hotline...please hold for the next available..."
486SX: When only the most recent mediocrity will do...
A KGB keyboard has no <ESC> key.
A living example of Artificial Intelligence.
Aliens have invaded Earth! How else do you explain DOS?
Sir Lancelot, you have chain mail in Knight's Conference.
I can see clearly now, my brain is gone.....
---> Chelsea has two mommies.
"Security to bridge!!! Data is being formatted!"
I played poker with tarot cards: got a flush and five people died.
9 out of 10 rotweilers prefer Jehovah's Witnesses.
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> Don't panic.. it's only a virus <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
Conservative: (n) Liberal who has been mugged.
'Build a watch in 56,179 easy steps' by C. Forsberg.
747s are nice, but Town Cars don't fall 30,000ft.
I'd prefer the non-smoking lifeboat, please."
Last words at R&E's BBS: "Russ, go see who's at the door"
Top 10 Things That'll Get You Kicked Out of a Department Store - December
22, 1992
10. Macing a perfume tester.
9. You and a friend each stand in one leg of the extra-large slacks.
8. Announce over K-Mart loudspeaker that for next 15 minutes, all male
shoppers can take a shot at Jaclyn Smith.
7. Try on red-and-white striped sweater, walk around store screaming,
"I'm Waldo!"
6. Repeatedly ask salesman in men's department to measure your inseam.
5. Squeeze into outfit from kids' department, tell clerk you "can't
find Mommy."
4. Your idea of testing a mattress involves a Thermos-full of Rob Roys
and a couple of hookers.
3. Block the down escalator for an hour doing Stairmaster-style workout.
2. Keep shouting from dressing room: "Boy - do I look weird naked!"
1. Licking the mannequins.
I posted this on my UFO conference once and well, it wasn't that funny
but a few people laughed so I degrade my wit once more.
CHECK YOUR HAMSTER cage... it could contain a space alien.
That is the astonishing warning going out to the nation's homes after an
incredible security blunder. The tiny invaders from space have ended up in pet
shops and been sold as hamsters.
The furry and highly intelligent creatures were captured after their space
craft crashed near a Coast Guard station off the coast of Maine three years
ago.
They were taken to a top secret center in Maryland while scientists tried to
find out more about them. But animal' rights activists raided the center last
month and took them away in a truck after packing them in pet store crates.
Then, in an astonishing twist of fate, the activists' truck was stopped by
police who took the crates away believing they had been taken from a chain of
pet stores. A police official has told the FBI: "We then made a real snafu and
returned them to what we thought were the owners. By the time we realized our
error, it was to late and the pet wholesaler had distributed the 'hamsters'
all over the U.S."
A top level government official admitted the blunder to the SUN and says:
"They may look cute and cuddly, but they are fierce warriors." Officials warn
that more than 3.000 of the hamster like aliens were freed.
The FBI, Secret Service, U.S. Marshals and ATF agents are sweeping the nations
pet stores in hopes of capturing the four inch high aliens and returning them
to the detention compound. The unnamed spokesman says that almost 1,800 have
been rounded up so far, but about 1,200 are still on the loose.
"Most of these are probably held in cages by unwary children," he says.
"They're almost in distinguishable from real hamsters, except for pointed ears
and dazzling green eyes. and a small triangular brand with a star inside their
left ears.
"They also tend to walk on their rear legs more than real hamsters, and use
their front paws like hands. "The aliens are very intelligent and dexterous
and use tools very effectively. They can turn a sewing needle or a razor blade
into a deadly weapon." The aliens also appear to chatter more than real
hamsters, especially among themselves.
"They are actually speaking to each other," says the spokesman. "Some also
attempt to converse with humans but we have not yet been able to completely
understand their language. "They are not friends. Their purpose is to conquer
Earth but it appears they had no idea how big humans are and they feel overawed
by our size."
The 20 foot craft was detained with relative ease by the Coast Guard because
the crash had disabled its weaponry and most of the aliens had been knocked
unconscious.
Their warlike nature was exposed when several of them exited the ship firing
"ray guns" at the Coast Guardsmen. The attack was quickly neutralized by two
blasts from a pump action shotgun.
Security forces disarmed the aliens still in the ship and took them in cages to
the center in Maryland. The inside government source added: "From what we
have learned we believe they came as scouts for an invasion force circling
Jupiter. So far we've managed to convince the main force commander that we'll
be too tough a nut for them to crack, but we have no idea just how large that
force is and what sort of weapons they have. We must capture all the aliens
right away.
"We don't want any of them to find a way to communicate with the main armada
near Jupiter. The aliens' weapons are impressive. They have greater range than
anything we possess but they are only geared to knock out small creatures and
only succeed in giving humans slight burns.
A group of animal rights activists released the aliens - believing they were
real hamsters and that the government was using them in some bizarre experiment
- by breaking into the compound and hauling the cages off on trucks. Their plan
was to take them into the Smokey Mountains and release them, but police foiled
their scheme."
One pet shop owner in the suburbs of Los Angeles confessed he had been visited
by police looking for "stolen hamsters." Ronald McAury said: "They sure were
mysterious about it. I could not make out why they had protective clothing and
were armed to the teeth.
They looked at my hamsters and went away without taking anything."
Is your hamster an alien? Contact us on the SUN's Alien Hotline number (407)
997-7733.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Yes, by all means check your hamsters! It could save your life! :-)
Our Official distribution sites:
I have cut out a few BBS's. I cut out H.O.L.E. Due to the fact
that It is mostly amiga based and I wanted to keep only two BBS's
per area in Ohio. I also cut Bait House for the same reason and
because I don't like the sysop and his friends. I cut another one
but I can't remember the name of it now.
Places I can be reached:
-=United States=-
INTERNET
Anonymous FTP Site: ftp.erinet.com :
/pub/badsectr/Bad_Sector: Bad Sector Mags
/pub/badsectr/Patriot: OHIO Patriot Archives
--Ohio--
Scotts Place BBS
(513)236-9771 v.32bis 19.2 Acct: Vince Lortho
(513)237-9776 v.32bis 14.4 Note: Great BBS
(513)236-9786 v.32bis 19.2 4 CD's + 1.3 gigs
Sysop: Scott Brown
Fido: 1:110/615
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Wolverines lair
(513)422-9652 USR HST DS 16.8 Acct: Bad Sector
Sysop: Peter Mengel Note: Renegade
Fido: 1:110/525 alpha site.
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CCS
(513)424-2495 Boca 14.4 Acct: BAD SECTOR
Sysop: Paul Sink Note: Only BBS where
Fido: 1:110:??? I paid money to!
------------------------------------------------------------------
J&J's BBS
(513)233-0917 (5 lines) Acct: Bad Sector
Sysop: Joseph Caplinger & Joe Jr. Note: Great BBS
Fido: <<No FIDO>> First Distro site!
2.3 gigs Total
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Personal Payphone (513)743-9324 Ask for Piss Boy
If you give over $100.00 donations I will write a two page
Add-on how much of a great person you are and give you a floppy disk
Chock full o' Bad Sectors.
If Your BBS wants to be a distribution Site (I don't know why?) then
Email me on these fine BBS's above or send me email at the above address.
If you send it I'll read it to. I only allow two BBS's in one area.
I may allow one more Dayton BBS but only if they give me Leech status on
their BBS. This magazine may be going onto the Internet. I not sure yet.
Also I may have a couple of Groupies in Penn. and Belgium. I really don't
expect this Mag to go this far. I have heard rumors that Aliens abducted
someone while reading this Mag and they have decided to invade. I contacted
Zeta Reticuli II and they told me that it was a hoax and relations with
the Democratic party are still intact.
DISCLAIMER
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Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not
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sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for
some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For
recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age.
If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable
parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to
change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage
necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes
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fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substaintial amount of
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