textfiles/magazines/ATI/ati152.txt

From editor@intst.com Sun Nov  8 18:07:23 1998
Date: Sat, 7 Nov 1998 22:49:23 -0600 (CST)
From: The Editor and Chief <editor@intst.com>
Reply-To: ati@intst.com
To: ati@intst.com
Subject: ati152.txt (fwd)
Resent-Date: Sat,  7 Nov 98 21:55:44 CST
Resent-From: <editor@intst.com>
Resent-To: editor@ns2.cross-roads1.com

***********************
*HEY HEY HEY; IT'S ATI*
***********************



ATI 152.                           06NOV98
The Television will Not be ReVoLuTioNiZeD.





JINGLING ALONG 
   with Johann Jacovitz JingleSpoofer.

When it's time to be hip.
One Song stands clear.
Year after year,
Well, if you've got the hooch.
We've got the beer:
Olde Hooch beer.
   <voiceover> Olde Hooch beer. 
	       From the makers of Mulder Beer, comes
	       Olde Hooch. If you've got it, we'll 
	       do ya... right!




"Violence to art reserves a special place in hell."
      --dante--

TO: Cuando Caliente El Sol. El "Unico" Traduccion Mejor 
    Love all the music with heart
    That's all the muse wants.
    Translate the best that you can
    Or not at all.

    Just promise me this 
    "Las palabras,"
    From the Spanish
    To the Anglo  o o o...      o o o...

    When you are figurative 
    Or when you're way off
    Love all the music with heart
    As if you mean it.

    Don't give me your HALF-
    ass translations
    circ'ml'cutions 
    Love the music
    Don't be lazy
    Feel-it-in-your-heart!

    Don't forget this is art.




   a
   A   tTTTt IiIiI
  A A    T     I
 AaAaA   T     I     152!!!
 A   A   T     I
Aa   aAtTTTt IiIiI

   the house that ANARCHY built.










th tlvsn wll nt b rvltnzd!!!



TAG LINES
     Not Just For Madison Avenue Anymore.


Hello there,
Prime Anarchist here. 
Here's some #'s and then some letters, and then
the meaty portion of this gigantic pome we call
ATI. ACTIVIST Time to be Illustrious.

http://www.etwebs.net/kennyl/ar-to-rs.html
http://www.synapse.net/~kgerken
http://www.unit.somewhere.net
http://www.xs4all.nl
http://spin.com.mx/~hugalde/poe-mal.html#ini
http://vvv.com/~tommy
http://www.dogeatdogfilms.com/message.html
http://www.popandpolitics.com/essays/penis.html
http://www.ezln.org




Our Phemus, Lettuce, Onions and Tobasco section:

Dear ATI, 
if Marco wasn't a droogy- I would asume that ati 
was the new wave suburban kids making their clockwork 
punk newstand while cashing in. . .err. . .out on
webaritous.
Don't get me wrong, marc didn't fill etext.org with 147-151 
and I was having activism withdrawl, at least until my boy 
ric told him that I locked myself into a room and would not 
come out until I got some ATI- 
  Future wishes, no more hippy stuff (weak poems and crap), 
60's are over- 
peace. . .(is) out.
STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV


ATI
Do you accept ads or sponsorship? 
Thanks for your help.
Dave
<<<<<<<<<<< NEXXON  AUDIO and SECURITY >>>>>>>>>>>
 Over 2,000 items, 40 brands, Free Shipping, 
 Satisfaction Guaranteed, Major brands, Amps, 
 Woofers, EQ, CD Players, Speakers, Etc.           
 Please visit the website:   
 http://www.nexxon.com 
     [No, but thanks for asking.
      I'm going to reprint this, including your URL 
      because a lot of other "zineriters" read this 
      zine every week. Perhaps you'll bump into some 
      that ARE commercial.
      I chose to do this because you seem much more 
      "human" than the average "requester of strange 
      requests, commercial in nature."]

S
H 
U
T

D
O
W
N

T
H
E

S
C
H
O
O
L

O
F

T
H
E

A
M
E
R
I
C
A
S
!!!      SHUT DOWN THE SOA. SHUT DOWN THE SOA. school of the americas.
	  c              f      h            s
	   h                     e            s
	    o                                  a
	     o                                  s
	      l                                  s
						  i
						   n
<BOOK EXCERPT>                                      s
I'm typing this in from "Cash" Johnny Cash's newest autobiography. 
I think he's written about 3 of them.
    page 189
     I've also been playing with my Tibetan singing bowl, 
which has its own wonderful world of sound. It's made of 
seven different kinds of metals - gold, silver, brass, 
bronze and metals from the meteorites that land intact 
on the mountain peaks of the Himalayas, where there's less
atmosphere than anywhere else on earth to burn them up before 
impact. The bowl produces the most amazing variety of sustained, 
unearthly tones. It comes with an instrument, wrapped in chamois 
leather, resembling the kind of pestle you use to crush corn or 
rock salt in a mortar. You rub that around the rim - how fast 
and hard you rub determines the pitch and intensity of the tone 
the bowl produces - and then you put your face down into the 
bowl and listen. It feels like hearing a pipe organ in a
cathedral. It's a wonderful tool for taking me to another, 
more peaceful place.
</BOOK EXCERPT>


     ati@etext.org --        --  th tlvsn wll nt b rvltnzd!!!    

PO Box 11715                            
Eugene, OR 97440                        
isco@efn.org
bigmnt@efn.org                          
lpsg@efn.org                            
PRESS RELEASE PRESS RELEASE PRESS RELEASE PRESS RELEASE PRESS RELEASE
		COLUMBUS ARRESTED AND DEPORTED
		Eugene, Oregon USA October 12, 1998 
 Admiral Christopher Columbus, infamous explorer and pillager of 
already occupied continents, was arrested Monday at the University 
of Oregon in Eugene.  He was charged with aggravated murder, 
first degree rape, first degree sodomy, kidnapping, theft, fraud, 
assault with deadly intent, trespass, and criminal mischief when 
a bystander witnessed the Admiral accosting students, yelling 
"Happy Genocide Day!" demanding gold and threatening to cut off 
their hands or abduct and sell them into slavery.
  "Get outta here with your rotten attitude!"  Heckled University 
students, who tried to chase him away, throwing rocks and beer bottles.
  Travelling with fencing "Conquistadores", Spanish soldiers in heavy
armament, Columbus roared defiantly when confronted by students.  
  "What!? It's MY holiday.  Happy Genocide!"  Fleeing citizens 
arrest and assaulting a bus dirver, he was pepper-sprayed by Eugene 
Police and subdued. 
  King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain were arrested by Customs 
Agents at the Madrid Airport trying to transport stolen property- 
gold from Jews and Indians, and could not be reached for comment.
  Witnesses said Columbus cowered and waived his Miranda rights while 
taken into custody, muttering about "liberal plots" against him.  
A search warrant was served on his ship, which was towed by a 
mountain bike.  When searched by EPD several dredlocked EarthFirst!ers 
were found in the hull and released.  "Discovered" in Columbus' ship 
were ten dozen bars of Black Hills gold, several hundred million board 
feet of timber stolen from the Willamette National Forest, and a card 
from a Florence-area developer.
  Suspicious the Admiral was hording other contraband, the EPD strip
searched him and held him at the Lane County Corrections Facility until
Friday.  Determining that the nefarious colonist suffers from paranoid
schizophrenia with delusions of grandeur, Health Officers forcibly
administered Halizon, Lane County Corrections officials said.
  The Conquistadores were arrested at the California-Mexican border 
by the Mexican Army.  Extradited to Mexico City they face similar 
charges and if convicted, the death penalty by a Mexican Firing Squad, 
according to an Amnesty International press release.
  Christopher Columbus was deported by the Immigration and 
Naturalization Service Friday to Geneva and charged for violating 
international laws against slavery, torture, genocide and ecocide.  
He, Ferdinand and Isabella face a United Nations tribunal comprised 
of Pagans, Jews, Moors, African-Americans and Indigenous Americans.
   Call (541) 607-7064 or e-mail isco@efn.org for more information.
				-0-



FEAR & LOATHING In Las Vegas will be out Nov 17th
for any who missed the Big Picture.
[prime note: i did too and i'm ticked.]

----------------------------------
ATI - The Rag Read Round the Earth
----------------------------------


     [ed note: the phollowing's a keeper because its 
      beautiful metaphor far outweighs any 
      ethnocentricism involved.]

I Want A Loan
	  --by Humor Break (494)

  An old native American  wanted a loan for $500. 
The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are 
you going to do with the money?" 
  "Take jewlery to city and sell it," was the response. 
  "What have you got for collateral?" 
  "Don't know collateral." 
  "Well that's something of value that would cover the 
cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?" 
  "Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup." 
The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?" 
  "Yes, I have a horse." 
  "How old is it?" 
   "Don't know, has no teeth." 
Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. 
Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. 
He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. 
He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan
off.
  "What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" 
  "Put in teepee." 
  "Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked. 
  "Don't know deposit." 
  "You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. 
When you want to use it you can withdraw it." 
The old Indian leaned across the desk, 
"What you got for collateral?"


Abbie Hoffman Activist Foundation, Inc.
Box 908
Murray Hill Station
NY NY 10156



I GOT A MESSAGE TODAY, FOLKS, VIA SOME TIN
CANS... THEY HELPED ME RECALL THAT IT WAS 
BEHIND BARS, AMIDST FOUR HUNDRED CONS, THAT
I ENJOYED THE BEST THANKSGIVING OF MY LIFE.
  ME AND THE OTHER GUYS FILED IN FROM THE
YARD - THOSE OF US WHO WEREN'T IN SOLITARY -
AND LINED UP IN THE DINING HALL. GOING THRU
THE CHOW LINE, WE GOT TO TAKE AS BIG A HELPING
AS WE WANTED - I GUESS EVEN IN THE CALABOZO
WARDEN VIGLIETTA RECOGNIZED THE NEED TO 
OVERINDULGE ON THAT DAY OF ALL DAYS. PLASTIC
PLATES BRIMMING WITH PRESSED TURKEY AND
SWEET POTATOES AND GREEN BEANS...
  AND, AFTER A BRIEF INTERRUPTION WHEN ONE OF
THE NEW GUYS TRIED TO LIFT A CLEAVER FROM THE 
KITCHEN, JOY KING GEORGE GOT UP ON A CHAIR
AND QUOTED A PASSAGE FROM  P I L G R I M ' S
P R O G R E S S.  AND THEN, MAN, WE JUST ALL
DUG IN.
  JOY KING'S PUNK, JUNIOR THE WEATHERMAN,
BROKE OUT A JUG OF APPLEJACK HE'D BEEN FERMENT-
ING SINCE THE FOURTH OF JULY, AND WE PASSED
THAT UNDER THE TABLE, SPIKING OUR CIDER WHEN
WE WERE FREE OF WATCHING EYES. AND I REMEMBER
THAT DOUG HANSON ACTUALLY GOT A LITTLE
WACKED ON THE STUFF - STABBED SOME GUY JUST 
FOR PINCHING HIS YAMS. AND LITTLE BILLY BODNER 
TRIED TO GET A ROUND OF CHRISTMAS CAROLS
GOING, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS A MONTH EARLY.
  THE MELLOW SWEETNESS OF PUMPKIN PIE OFF A
PRISON SPOON IS SOMETHING YOU WILL NEVER FORGET.
     (excerted (lifted) out of Chris-In-The-Morning)


   th tlvsn wll nt b rvltnzd!!!       ati@etext.org

House SPEAKer Leaves SandBOX.
(PAWN) Newport, RI - For the first time in 113 years Brutus
"Newt" GangReich will step down as BoxSpeaker, saying "I'm
not playing any more."
   Accused of whining, vetting, six of the 7 deadly sins,
and now being a quitter, GangReich had this to say.
   "If we can't play by my rules, the way I want to, with
me winning all the time, then I don't want to play," he
snivelled snot on his sleeve loudly. He said he's going
home to live with his sister.
   "My sister has a bigger sandbox," said GangReich at an
open press conference in Newport, the first in his career.
   "Anyways, we can make our own rules, and play all day,"
he said. GangReich will be sorely remembered.

HOTEL RESERVATION SERvice FOR MOOSUP TRAVELERS.
Moosup, CT (PAWN) Prime Anarchist World News Journalists
went to Moosup, Connecticut this week to see the new system.
   Any business travelers heading to Moosup this winter can
take advantage of a free business travel hotel reservation
service to find available and comfortable hotel rooms in the
downtown business area and the area surrounding Cranberry
Navel International Airport.
   Central rez service can find rooms beginning at $39 and
can also find affordable weekend rates for weekend getaways.
CRS's toll-free number is 1-800-548-3311 and operates every
day from 5:30 am to 9:30 pm.

THE sPORTS CoLUMn
(SPAWN) Sporty Anarchy Whirled News.
[Sporty Anarchy will be writing occasional sports
 columns for ATI whenever the mood is right (and
 whenever Ginger is indisposed)]
    Local newscaster, Heather Hayes, will be dating
the single Green Bay Packagers, leaving speculation
as to who will service the married ones.
    Beginning Sunday, Hayes, Green Bay's resident
gorgious older babe anchorwoman will broadcast 
live via webcam from a not-yet-disclosed hotel-room
in Pittsburgh. Which single Packager she will date is
also as yet undisclosed. Hayes says she will date a
different Packager each week as part of her Eligible
Bachelors series, and will give live reports of her
dating via the webcam as well as day old feeds of 
play-by-play complete with slow motion and bad 
70's wah-wah peddle music.
    "I'll be the sports version of Anais Nine," said
Hayes.
    Chris Eliot volunteered to interview the married
Packagers saying that since the movie "Something About
Mary," he's got more access to Brett Fave than even his 
wife, but NBC26 is just not telling.
    As soon as this columnist knows which hotel, which
Green Bay Packager, and which webpage: you'll hear it
here first.

---
ATI, the Carnegie Hall of Zines.
---

th tlvsn wll nt b rvltnzd!!!   http://www.thepentagon.com/primeanarchist

"Any fool can use an adjective."
     -- Alan Kellerman.
	DePere, WI.

GOOD SUGGESTION: A Valued Lesson.
    a poem by marco
Atticus,
   Thanks for the -
   Thanks a lot.
   I'm so grateful.
   For even just
   Being there, but,
   Thanks for the 
   Twelve dollar and
   Ninety-five cent
   Spanish lesson.


6 Month Lease
    another poem by marco

My dad was the Apollo of Angio-plasty
They do a lot of them now
He was number 71 or so in the
Country
Maybe the world
Yale wanted him to write a position paper
What it's like to get a new lease on life
Thanks to a balloon that ripped through his veins
Like a friendlier kind of clot.
He declined.
He died a week or two later. Waiting for the doctor's
OK
To begin jogging instead of walking the miles each day.

Did we lose our sensibility when we lost Apollo?



MORE PARODY:
Welcome back my friends
To the Song that never ends
I'm so glad you could append
Listen up, listen up.
It's on every radio station.
Just like musical masturbation.
Hear me,
See me,
Cheer me,
Be me.


   "No, that wasn't me, I'm the one you've got to kiss
to get a ticket."
      --Robin, a DNA/Fingerprint/VoicePrint analyst for AOL.


ATI Carefully made with old fashioned computers, brewed
    with high fructose attitude, citric acid (provides 
    tartness) and humour (as opposed to humor) 
    Not distributed by Lipton/Pepsi/Nestle. Eaglewood, NJ.
    Seinfeld was not eaten by a Taco Bell mascot during the
    making of this issue.

Send all contributions to: 
ati@etext.org

Get back issues at:
http://www.thepentagon.com/primeanarchist

Join the listserv by sending:
subscribe ATI
to
listserv@intst.com



As per usual, ends here with a poem, 
because after it's over, 
alls we' lef' w/ is the myth.

A Haiku Haiku
   by http://marco.franklins.net
   for Raysa.

   Sometimes I write too
Many haiku; and sometimes - I
   Just don't write any.












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