textfiles/humor/xtermin8.hum

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~~~~~             Leech Extermination Guide Version One                    ~~~~~
~~~~                        By Xerox Zeke                                   ~~~~
~~~                        Copyright @1985                                   ~~~
~~                A Three Sheets to the Wind Production                       ~~
~                          SOFDOX Krackers                                     ~
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                        WARNING LABEL REQUIRED
This g-file does not contain text-trix of any kind. Nor does it contain text
graphics, besides the opening banner. It also makes many references to "leeches"
and "losers". If you are easily offended by this type of file, you're a fucking
asshole, so hit ESC or <SPACE> or whatever right now...

Fucked up again, you say? And on a Sunday? Who cares, I say. It's the best way
(some say the only way) to write files. So, here we go with Everyone's Handy
Guide to Leech Detection and Extermination...

Step One: Detection

You know there's a leech on your system as soon as you look at the user logs one
day and find that 90% of your files were downloaded. At noon. At 300 baud. With
ASCII -=and=- XMODEM transfers. That's if you're lucky. If you have what we call
a Leech Supreme, 100% of your files will have been downloaded by a Super-Leech
program. Of course, this will be written on BASIC. What it does, basically, is
use wildcards and auto-modem commands/macros to send one file after another, til
it sucks the system dry. So, check out who it was and prepare for the next step:

Step Two: Reflection

Let's examine the leech mentality for a minute. What exactly makes a leech do
what he does, namely, take without giving. There are many possible explanations,
I will go over the most common here.

 -One-up-man-ship, or Keeping Up With The Joneses. In this case, the leech wants
merely to have more and better stuff than anyone else, be it gfiles or wares. He
does this in the easiest way possible. This type of leech tends to treat U/L'ing
as "a waste of time."

 -Personal satisfaction. This type of leech thinks of leeching as a hobby. He
could just as well be out collecting fossil rocks or butterflies or something
equally stupid were it not for computers. He doesn't care how much stuff other
people have, he just wants the satisfaction of seeing his own collection grow.

 -Pure material gain. This type of leech knows exactly what he is doing, and
does it merely so he has good things to "trade" with other people. Of course,
when its by mail, he never gives his address ("you send me yours first!") and
when by AE or Cat-Fur/Send, he never gives his phone number (again, "you go
first!")

 -Getting stuff for his AE or BBS. Naturally, it always sucks anyway. The only
files there are things like "How to Hijack a School Bus" (yes, classic, but Old!
Old! OLD!) and "How to make Three Way Calls" (old AND worthless, by now.) And
he puts very strict time and download limits on everyone...

Step Three: Evaluation

You now must evaluate the leech, considering everything he has taken, everything
he has given (very doubtful, but if so, must be considered), whatever he posted,
and his apparent maturity level. His maturity or immaturity will be obvious in
his posts. If he hasn't posted anything, look at his newuser questionare, but it
is by now a waste of time...
If his posts seem like he is a knowledgeable person, but slightly immature, you
might consider lowering his time limit and exchanging mail with him for a while.
Careful discussions and lessons in maturity and what is cool, etc., will be re-
warded with a brand-new person; one who any sysop would be proud to have.
If his posts are not very knowledgeable, but mature and sound like the person is
willing to learn, treat as above. A good thing to do would be to give him the
BIOC-003 series and let him learn on his own for a time, then return to the BBS.
If he treats other users with the respect they deserve, and knows who the losers
are by the way they post, he is a good candidate. Teach him well.
If his posts are generally stupid, try to treat a worthless subject as if it
were something totally awesome ("net-worx modz"), get rid of him.
If he rags on cool users for no reason whatsoever, delete the fucker.
If he seems very mature and knowledgeable, but still seems to leech like crazy,
I would suggest lowering his access level until he A) uploads something, or B)
learns to save his leeching for the wee hours of the morn when not too many
other users are trying to get on...
If he leeches and leeches and leeches and begs for more, no matter what you tell
him, time and time again, do the following:
  1) Delete him from the system.
  2) Pass around his questionare to other sysops in case he tries to get on
     their system.
  3) Make his life miserable by using his fone # and address, etc., anyway you
     feel like.
Remember: If a person seems cool and mature, but doesn't know much, TEACH HIM!
There are too many un-educated potential pirates, hackers, phreakers, etc., in
the world today. It's up to us to pass on our skills to a new generation...

SOFDOX Krackers
December 27th 1985!/-\!/-\!/-\!/-\!/-\!
OK, so I lied about the text-trix...