100 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
100 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
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Weird News: Volume One
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OH THOSE COPS!!
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- At a high-school basketball game in February, Oklahoma City
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Police officer Eldridge Wyatt became dissatisfied that no fouls
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were being called on "No. 21" and walked onto the court to point
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out the player's elbowing to the referees. When referee Stan
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Guffey told Wyatt to leave the officiating to him, Wyatt arrested
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Guffey. Guffey was unarrested a few minutes later so that the game
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could continue, but when a reporter asked Wyatt after the game what
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had happened, Wyatt tried to arrest him, too.
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PAY ATTENTION DUDES!
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- Lynne F. Herron, 33, was hired recently as a municipal bus
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driver in Cleveland by the Regional Transit Authority. She had
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just been fired as a municipal train driver after an accident that
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injured 14 people, which she caused by deliberately disengaging a
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safety system. The city's labor contract requires that anyone
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fired for a train accident be rehired as a bus driver.
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- A West Chester, Pa., urologist reported in an issue of
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`Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality' last year that a man had
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checked himself into an emergency room with pain resulting from a
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swollen and apparently lacerated scrotum. Days after the doctor
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repaired the patient's condition, the man confided that he had been
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masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of
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a piece of machinery at work during his lunch hour when he leaned
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too close as he approached orgasm and suffered an industrial
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accident. He then used a heavy duty stapling gun to close the
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wound.
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- Motorcyclist David Gripon was injured in a collision near
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Escondito, Calif., in July when he lost control of his bike on
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Interstate 15. As Gripon came alongside a car with bare feet
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sticking out of the passenger window, he reached out to tickle them
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and ran into the car in front of him.
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- Montesano, Wash., government prosecutor Steward Menefee
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announced in November that he would not seek a tougher penalty
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against convicted murderer Lee Bake, because the required
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"aggravated circumstances" were not present. Bake had gouged the
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victim's eyes with a screwdriver, stabbed her to death, and drunk
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her blood.
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- Malaysian Deputy Interior Minister Megat Junid Ayob told an
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anti-drug conference in January in Kuala Lampur that shortages in
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heroin and cannabis have caused some addicts to get high by
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sniffing fresh cow dung. Addicts put a coconut shell over the
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party, with a hole at the top for sniffing.
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- Recently in a New York City supermarket, according to a `New
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York Daily News' story, a customer became upset that another woman
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was abusing the maximum limit for items at an express checkout line
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and precipitated a loud argument, which culminated with the angry
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woman shouting at the queue-abuser, "I spit into your groceries."
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the alleged queue-abuser was the wife of reputed mobster John
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Gotti. Victoria Gotti said she "used connections" to trace the
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woman's license plate, went to the woman's home, and dumped a box
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of dog feces on her.
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- In December, Washington State Reformatory officials they had
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erred in obliging a 53 year old inmate's job preference to work in
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the prison's printing plant. He was serving time for forgery, and
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officials uncovered, during a routine inspection of his quarters,
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forged birth certificates, marriage licenses, and a paycheck stub.
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An official said the prison tries to get inmates jobs "based on
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their interests."
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AS IN REAL WEIRD
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- Transsexual Baroness Maria Thyssen von Hexun, formerly James
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Gonzales, was sentenced to four years in prison in Denver in
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October, for bilking an elderly woman out of several thousand
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dollars. As her sentence was pronounced, the 6 foot, 220 pound
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baroness rolled her eyes and objected, "I've been involved with
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nothing but a bunch of jerks. They don't listen. They lose
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things." Her attorney told the judge that "these things happen,"
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referring to the baroness' fantasies that she was a baroness.
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REAL DUMB
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- Prison escapee James Sanders was captured by federal agents
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at his home in Stinnett, Texas, in January after 17 years on the
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lam, during which he had established a new life, married, and
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fathered a daughter. Agents were tipped off when Sanders, out of
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curiosity, telephoned the FBI to ask whether they were still
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pursuing James Sanders.
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MAJOR BAD SPORT
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- In February, Marc Cienkowski, 26, confessed to the murder last
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July of his friend, Michael Klucznik, 31, in Doylestown Borough,
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Pa., after a dispute over a game of Monopoly. Cienkowski shot
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Klucznik through the heart, using a bow and arrow. According to
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the district attorney, "[Cienkowski] wanted to be the car rather
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than the thimble or the hat."
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