58 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
58 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
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"Wet Dream in Atlantis"
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It was April, the 41st, being a quadruple leap year, I was driving in downtown
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Atlantis. My barracuda was in the shop, so I was in a rented sting-ray, and it
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was overheating. So I pulled into a Shell station. They said I'd blown a seal.
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I said:"Fix the damn thing, and leave my private life out of it, okay pal?"
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While they were doing that, I walked over to a place called the Oyster Bar...a
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real dive. But I knew the owner. He used to play for the Dolphins. I said:"Hi
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Gill!" You have to yell, he's hard of herring.
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Gill was also down on his luck. Fact is, he was barely keeping his head below
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water. I bellied up to the sand bar. He poured me the usual. Rusty snail,
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hold the grunion, shaken, not stirred. With a peanut butter and jellyfish
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sandwich on the side...Heavy on the mako. I slipped him a fin...on porpoise. I
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was feeling good, and I even dropped a sanddollar in the box for Jerry's
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squids...for the hallibut.
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Well, the place was crowded. We were packed in like sardines. They were all
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there to listen to the big band sounds of Tommy Dorsol. What soul...Tommy was
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rocking the place with a very popular tuna, "Salmon Enchanted Evening". And the
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stage was surrounded by screaming groupers, probally there to see the bass
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player. One of them, was this cute little yellowtail. And she was giving me
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the eye. So, I figured this was my chance for a little fun...Yo know, a piece
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of Pieces...
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But she said things I just couldn't fathom. She was just too deep. She
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seemed to be under a lot of pressure. Boy, could she drink. She drank like
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a...she drank a lot. I said:"What's your sign?" She said "Aquarium". "Great!
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Let's get tanked!"
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I invited her up to my place, for a little midnight bait. I said, "Come on,
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baby, it'll only take a few minnows." She threw me that same old line:"Not
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tonight, I got a haddock."
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And she wasn't kidding either, 'cause in came the biggest, meanest looking
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haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike. He was covered with muscles. He came
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over to me, and said:"Listen shrimp, don't you come trolling around here." What
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a crab. This guy was steamed. I could see the...anchor...in his eyes.
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I turned to him and said:"Ah! Baloynie! You're just being shellfish!" Well,
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I knew there was going to be trouble, and so did Gill, because he was already on
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the phone with the cods. The haddock hits me with a sucker punch. I catch him
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with a left hook. He "eels" over. It was a fluke, yet there he was, lying on
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the deck, flat as a mackrel. "Kelpless". I said, "Forget the cods, Gill, this
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guy's going to need a strugeon. The yellowtail was impressed with the way I
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landed her boyfriend. She came over to me, and said:"Hey big boy. You're
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really a game fish. What's your name?" I said:"Marlin."
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Well, from then on, we had a whale of a time. I took her to dinner. I took
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her to dance. I bought her a bouquet of flouders. And then I went home with
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her...and what did I get for my trouble? A case of the clams.
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1984 - Kip a-dotta(?)
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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