98 lines
4.2 KiB
Plaintext
98 lines
4.2 KiB
Plaintext
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(Taken from Omni's Last Word page, written by Mitch Coleman and Dave Jaffe.)
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For years we've known that television signals from Earth were leaking
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into space, ready to be intercepted be other intelligent civilizations. But
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some experts have suggested the reverse is also true. Television broadcasts
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from other civilizations could be heading our way.
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For that reason, a few scientists here on Earth have been using
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powerful television antennas to scan the heavens for broadcast signals that
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would confirm the existence of intelligent, televised life elsewhere in the
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cosmos.
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Recently scientists at a remote listening station in Arizona received
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signals that gave Earthlings their first look at television from outer
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space. After logging a month's worth of viewing, one researcher turned his
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notes over to reporters, with the warning, "If you think our TV is bad, take
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a look at what they're watching." His book showed the following:
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SCIENCE FORUM. "Oxygen: The Silent Killer." A group of methane-breathing
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environmentalists participate in a lively panel disscussion - - - until
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someone opens a window.
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COOKING WITH BLEZNIK. Bleznik, a sentient vegetable and TV chef
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extraordinaire of Traloc IV, gives tips on frugal cooking using inexpensive
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cuts of meat, soup stock, and bits of himself.
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CELEBRITY SLAM-DUNK COMPETITION. Some of the galaxy's stars test their
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skills against the hapless Dunk of Gamma III.
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THIS OLD STARSHIP. Tyo shows how drilling a hole in the wall to hang a
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picture can kill everyone on the ship.
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THE BALTORIAN SPORTSMAN. The crew of the Stalker return from a remote
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planet with their latest alien creatures, a Judgecrater and a Jimmyhoffa,
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whom they attempt to mate.
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THE DODECAHEDRON OF FORTUNE. Contestants on Dirvac II spin a
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multidimensional shape to win new life forms pointed to by the mute but
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lovely, green-skinned Xxanna White.
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YOGAGA. Classes in meditative positions showing how to reduce stress in the
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arms, shoulders, upper back, lower back, front upper arms, mid-rear quasi
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back, shoulder gills, brachiated knuckle flaps, and hind lower shoulderlike
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foreback.
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THE COSBY SHOW. They get it there, too.
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I LOVE LOO-Z. Loo-Z and Rick-E plan simultaneous surprise parties, and both
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hide their gifts in the matter/antimatter descrambler! Rick-E is furious.
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NATIONAL GEOGALACTIC SPECIAL. "The Gentle Giants of Gorn." The gentle,
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helpless Gornian monolith creatures are examined and slowly tipped over.
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60 NANOSECONDS. A very, very, very quick look at something fuzzy.
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20 BILLION YEARS IN REVIEW. A half-hour magazine show that examines
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everything that has happen since the dawn of time. Also, a look at
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nuclear-winter fashions.
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CAN YOU EAT THIS? Contestants from all over the galaxy compete to see who
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can eat the most members of the studio audience.
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ANAEROBICS. The microscopic precision-ski tean of Medea II performs
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anaerobic exercises, then turns into vinegar.
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NATURE'S INCREDIBLE MIMICS. The rock lizards of Trelgath: Are the lizards
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mimicking rocks, or . . . just rocks?
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ALL MY SPORES. The Bo'liks spilt up and become thousands of little Bo'liks:
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Tandar regains the sight in 823 of his eyes.
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FOUL-UPS, BLEEPS, AND MEGATON MISTAKES. A show on how hilarious goofs and
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practical jokes led to the end of civilization as we know it on Xanthor.
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WORLDS AT WAR (documentary series). Tonight's episode focuses on the
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warlike banana-shaped inhabitants of Bronos and their doomed alliance with
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the Chimpanzians.
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CREATURE FEATURE (movie). I Married A Lifeless Lump of Protoplasm.
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Incredibly dense Xaxian woman marries title lump.
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GOOD MORNING, SCHLLBCHFNNDR (a kind of talk show). On today's show the
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asexual hosts have as guests the living-crystal creatures of Lesk, which
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they interview in a quiet voice; and experts who debate the question, The
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speed of light - - - should it be reduced to 55,000 miles per second?
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HERE COME THE SZAZBECKS! The hilarious antics of the Szazbecks. The
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Szazbecks' picnic is ruined when Shenith forgets the ammonia dip.
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PICTURE IN THE SKY. Astonomers in the Centauri cluster take the viewers on
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a tour of their most famous constellations, including The Guy With One
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Enormous Foot, The Straight Line, and The Big Bucket of Dots.
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(Typed in by Stud Muffin. CTV (Cosmos TV))
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