317 lines
14 KiB
Plaintext
317 lines
14 KiB
Plaintext
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From: dgreen@smurf.sti.com (Dan R. Greening)
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Newsgroups: soc.motss
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Subject: The SmurfCode.
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Date: 5 Jan 1993 14:18:03 -0800
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Organization: Software Transformation, Inc.
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Message-ID: <1id1erINNlc5@smurf.sti.com>
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Lines: 308
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doug@cc.ysu.edu (Doug Sewell) wrote:
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>Anonymous FTP to spdcc.com. Get /pub/NBCS.V1.9, it explains the entire
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>bear-codes (the most popular/common encoding). I haven't seen the Smurf
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>codes, Pig codes, etc. posted for a while. Chances are, you'll be inun-
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>dated with e-mailed copies of the bear-codes.
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>
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>Incidentally, the other codes were generally parodies of the bear-codes,
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>which themselves aren't completely serious.
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For the benefit of those have never met a smurf, here are the smurf codes
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as I last saw them. (Please don't assume I'm in any way related to the
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smurfs--I'm a business person who cannot be bothered with these
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trivialities.) I have asked the head of the motss cabal to install it
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on the official cabal server. Until then, here is the Official Smurf Code.
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Regards,
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____
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\ /Dan Greening Software Transformation 1601 Saratoga-Sunnyvale Rd, #100
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\/dgreen@sti.com (408) 973-8081 x313 Cupertino, CA 95014
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B0 f-- t+ w-- k m- h-(0) r++ p+ q
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S9 b++ g l- y-- z++(suits) n++ o++ x++ a+ u++ v+ j++
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----------------------- SmurfCODE(TM) 1.04 -------------------------------
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(c) Copyright 1990, by The SmurfGANG, Inc.
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A word about the code: The smurfcode was developed painstakingly by
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*very*small*, *blue*, *cute*little*creatures* called Smurfs, organized
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into a maternal botherhood called the Smurf Gang. Smurfs are
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*loveable*, *cuddly* beings who *love* to be *squeezed*
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ever-so-gently. They especially like *blueberry*ice*cream*. They
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occasionally ring *cute*little*bells*. And they just want to be
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*your*friends*.
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Certain smurfs are particularly good at defending Canada against
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invaders, marketing Smurf products, presiding over vice, acting very
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innocent or pompous, describing the historical value of Smurfs,
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howling at the moon, speaking in Smurf Lingo (Smurf's up!), etc.
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Since Smurfs and their *friends* have so many varied qualities, we
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have devised a *really*neat* method for uniquely identifying them.
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Furthermore, since Smurfs and Bears now intermingle frequently, the
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Smurfcode is deliberately orthogonal to Bearcode version 1.7.
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Characteristic letters from both systems may be intermingled to form a
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Smurfurr code or a Bluebear code.
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The most obvious characteristic of a Smurf is its giggle, so we
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logically begin there. Using a capital "S" to denote "SMURF", we have
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added a sub-class characterizing silliness, which combines a smurf's
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tee-hee, chortle, guffaw, and overall humor qualities, unambiguously
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numbered 0 to 9 as follows:
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0 - (Little/no humor, or incredibly sparse) We're talking
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Mona Lisa here. One would never mistake such a meager
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smile for a smirk. Postings from these Smurfs are
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invariably serious, though they take undisplayed joy in
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humorous postings by others.
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1 - (VERY slight smirk) This is the kind of smirk people
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display when they want to signal to other Smurf's that
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they MIGHT be a Smurf. No raised eyebrows appear. No
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erect tongue-in-cheek. Usage indicates probable closet
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smurf.
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2 - (Smirk) This unmistakable characteristic indicates an
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unabashed delight in the silliness of others, but may
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indicate non-participation. These Smurfs never post
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original, humorous articles on their own, but they may,
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rarely, followup with a smart-remark.
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3 - (Tee-hee) A giggle in all respects, but very quiet.
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4 - (Laugh) Occasionally makes light fun of self or others,
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particularly friendly others. Enjoys a good joke.
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5 - (Chortle) Makes light fun of self or others.
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6 - (Chortle Plus) Makes light fun of self, world, or others.
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Has been known to laugh at PSAT, SAT, GRE, GMAT test or
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final exam questions, during the examination period.
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7 - (Guffaw or Meep) Can make fun of most things, including
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obnoxious people or situations.
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8 - (Snort) Loves to make fun of anything. This can border
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on bad-taste, but appreciators abound.
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9 - (Snort with Acrobatics) Intrusively humorous in finding
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fun. Wildly ridiculous, often ignored or disliked.
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Zany. Wacky.
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Using this scheme, one can narrow a creature down to a subclass,
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though occasional intractables fall between two classes. The end
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result is left to the creature classifying. One may use a hybrid
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designation for those who vary across time (example: S0/9). The
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number closest to "S" indicates the most probable state.
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Negative numbers indicate complainers, largely negative numbers
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designate frequent whiners or complainers. Combinations of negative
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and positive numbers can appear.
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---------------- Other SmurfCODE(TM) Classifiers ------------------
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While humor is a big part of little smurfs, other things even them
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out. Please note that smurfs are not necessarily twinks. However,
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since so *many* smurfs *are*, we have incorporated some twink
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associated characteristics.
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b - Color of Blue. Typically an indicator of one's
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affiliation with the official Smurf Gang.
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b No affiliation with gang, enjoys Gang.
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b+ Occasionally sends mail to Gang members.
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b++ Either a Gang member or a public supporter
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of same.
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b- Irritated by Smurf Gang members.
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b-- Frequently calls Smurf exterminators.
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g - Smurfensual gratification. Indicates *sweetness*,
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charm, or a disarmingly smooth and silver tongue.
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Tendency to evoke *blue*fuzzies* in the reader.
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g A sweet smurf (smiles, can laugh, makes your day
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a *nicer* one).
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g+ Definite hint of maple sugar. Even Smurfs get
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tickled here.
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g++ Saccharin (550 times sweeter than sugar). A
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Smurf *fantasy* come true: the Snuggle Fabric
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Softener Bear.
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g- Ascerbic, chilly whit, but tolerable, as long as you
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wear your sweater. Smurf *briefs* recommended.
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g-- Mr. Scrooge, the Sour Pickle Person of the year (can't
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POSSIBLY be a Smurf!...)
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l - Laugh quality.
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l Middle C octave.
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l+ Two octaves above middle C.
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l++ Four octaves above middle C.
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l- Two octaves below middle C.
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l-- Four octaves below middle C.
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y - Yellow quality. Twinkiness (or the Blonde Hair Factor).
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y Not much twinkie material. Looks blonde but generally
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doesn't act blonde (a la Andy :^) )
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y+ Some twinkie attitudes, acts blonde sometimes, but
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usually kept under control.
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y++ Young, and dumb, and full of fun. The only thing you
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can do here is use it and throw it out, cause ya know,
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"She's an... airhead!..."
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y- Not twinkie-like at all. In fact, just a tad too serious.
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y-- Works for DeBeer's producing diamonds (shove a piece of
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coal up THAT one and get a diamond).
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y/ Doesn't look like a twinkie, but has a definite peroxide
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smell on the inside.
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y* Looks like a twinkie, but isn't at all.
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z - Fashion statement.
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z Wears different clothes every day.
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z+ Never wears white colors in fall and winter. Vogue, GQ.
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z++ Black, period. Darling, where *did* you get that haircut?
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z- Wears same clothes every day (or always jeans/T-shirts).
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z-- Wears green snakeskin panties with clashing purple boa.
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z/ Doesn't wear clothes, or hates them with a passion.
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An entirely different fashion statement!
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n - kNowledge. Indicates familiarity with Smurfs and
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their history.
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n Smurfs are blue.
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n+ Smurfs are on TV. Chick Corea loves Smurfs.
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n++ Smurf hats are fashioned after those worn
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during the French revolution.
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n- Smurfs are stupid.
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n-- Smurfs are mean.
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o - Obnoxiousness. Can be an indicator of the *number*
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of *stars* used in postings, or the *causticness* of
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*wit*.
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o A little *snotty*, only *mildly* irritating,
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*might* be *unintentional*.
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o+ Sarcasm designated by *smileys* or *stars*.
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Some people call this *fun*.
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o++ Undesignated sarcasm, no apologies, they
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mean *business*, and are likely to get the
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*business*.
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o- Light humor only, never a victim other
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than self, a *gentle* soul. With training,
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a *very* *good* Smurf candidate.
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o-- Only the *very* lightest of self-humor.
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x - Exceptionalism. An indication of pomposity or
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self-glorification.
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x Slightly pompous, occasionally puts on
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airs. Sometimes embarrassed about it.
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x+ Pompous and self-important.
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Perfectly Putrid Perfidious Pamela Petulance.
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x++ Exaggerated pomposity and self-importance.
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Bombastic Beulah Bluster.
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x- Somewhat meek.
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Modest Mincing Minney Mouse.
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x-- Self-depreciating.
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Disparaging Debby.
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a - Articulateness. An indication
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of facility with language, particularly written English.
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a Misspellings rare. Unobtrusive grammatical
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errors.
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a+ Likes to use gargantuan words, occasional
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mistakes.
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a++ No mistakes, wildly descriptive phrases.
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a- Common boo-boos: noone, their/there/they're,
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hear/here.
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a-- Doesn't bother to correct any typos.
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u - Untruthfulness. Designates the frequency of completely
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fabricated situations, people, emotions.
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u Occasional use of literary license.
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u+ Half-truths abound.
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u++ Complete fictions.
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u- Completely truthful.
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u-- Corrects others' "obvious" fictions (see x).
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Note: u++-- is possible.
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v - Valley (or other stereotypical) talk. Odd though it
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may seem, Smurfs originated in France, but can often
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speak fluent valley (San Fernando, not Loire).
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v+ Like a little weird stereotypical talk, OK?
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v++ Get on your like way rad stick and get outta
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here. She is *such* a babe. Gidget!
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v- Never generates unusual lingo, even
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inadvertantly.
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v-- Would like to jail all cunning linguists.
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j - Jokes or puns.
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j Likes jokes.
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j+ Promotes an occasional obvious joke or pun.
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j++ Often includes a concealed joke or pun,
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sometimes requiring special understanding.
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j- Doesn't get jokes.
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j-- Jokes are un-PC.
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In cases where you are guessing, append "?". In cases where you are
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obfuscating the truth, use ":". In cases where the particular
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attribute is as good as a prototype, use "!".
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Any b[++] n[++] o[++] (x or x++) u[++] j+[+] report to me
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immediately.
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---------------------- Specific Examples --------------------------
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Coyote B. Smurf B4 f++ c k m+ r++
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S6 b++ g++ l- n+ o x- a u+ v j+
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President of Vice B0 f t- w c- d++ (cd) k++ m h- r- p++ q/4
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S8 b++ g+/++ l y+ z++/z/ n++ o++ x++ a+ u j++
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Piece Maker B0/3V f t w- dc k+ s--! mV h- r- p
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S5/6/9 b++ g++ l+ y+ z/ n+ o-+ x- a u-+ j/++
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Director of Marketing B0 f+ w- c d m+ h-(4) r
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S6 b++ g++ l y++ n+ o++ x+ a+ u++ v++ j
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Mr. Cute Harp Seal B0 f-- w- c r p
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(JA's favorite smurf?) S2 b++ g++ l y z n+ o- x- a u- v j+
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Pope Innocenti B0 f-- t+ w-- k m- h-(0) r++ p+ q
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S9 b++ g l- y-- z++(suits) n++ o++ x++ a+ u++ v+ j++
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Righteous Babe B0 f-- t+ w-- k m- h-(0) r++ p+ q
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S6 b++ g++ l++ y++ z n- x- o a u++ v++ j
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Jonah the Arcmaker S7 b++ g++ y n++ z+? o x a l?! v?! j++
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Miss Piggy B-1 f-- t-- w++ c- d++ k++ m- h- r-- p++ q+++
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S4 b g+ l++ y+ z+ n? o+ x++ a+ u v+ j+
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------ others
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Asmodeus S-9/9 b--! g--! l- y--! z- n--! o++ x++ a- u++-- v-- j+
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Bobby Bear Cub S4/-4 b+ g++ n o- x a-- u- v j+
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Connie Fazzio S6 b+ g+ y+ z? n+ o+ x a+ u v+ j++
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Fuzz Madison S-9 b--! g- l=0 y++/-- z? n--! o++ x++ u- v- j-
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Jess Anderson S-5/6 b- n- o+ x+ a+ u+-- j++ g+- y-++ l
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Fruitbat S8 b++ g++ l-- n+ o x+ a++ u v+ j++
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JoJo Francis S9 b+ g++ n+ o+ x++ a++ u++ v++ j++
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Joe Chapman S8 b? g n? o x+ a++ u j++
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Robert Kelly S6 b++ g l- y+ z+ n+ o++ x a- u- v- j+
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David Baxter S3 b? n o+ x a u++ v j+ l- y g/- z--
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Nigel Whitfield S3 b+ n o- x- a+ u+ v- j+ l y- z+ g/+
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Jack Carroll S2 b? n o-- x a++ u- v j g l- y
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Gerry Swetsky S5 b+ n o- x- a u? v j+ g l- y+
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Henry Mensch S0 b+/- n+ o+ x+ a- u-? v j- g- y-+
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Wendy Thrash S6/7 b++ n+ o x a+ u+/++ v j++ g+/++ l--: y z--:
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Jeffrey Kain S4 b g l+ y+ z++ n o+ x+ a u/+ v+ j+
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Rich Braun S1 b++ g+ l y+ z n o- x a+ u- v j+
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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--
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____
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\ /Dan Greening Software Transformation 1601 Saratoga-Sunnyvale Rd, #100
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\/dgreen@sti.com (408) 973-8081 x313 Cupertino, CA 95014
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