98 lines
4.8 KiB
Modula-2
98 lines
4.8 KiB
Modula-2
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> After a recent bout with intestinal challenges, I came up with some more
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> types of shit. For the benefit of those who have not seen the orginal post,
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> here is the shi....ah.... meat of it.
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>
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>
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> Mark Elliot: THE SHIT LIST
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> Ghost Shit -- You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but
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> there's no shit in the toilet.
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> Teflon Coated Shit -- Comes out so slick, clean, and easy that you don't even
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> feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper. You have to look for
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> the shit in the toilet to be sure you did it.
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> Gooey Shit -- This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times
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> and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in
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> you underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid
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> marks in the toilet.
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> Second Thought Shit -- You're all done wiping you ass and you're about to stand
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> up when you realize it...you've got to shit more.
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> Pop A Vein In Your Forehead Shit -- This is the kind of shit that killed Elvis
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> It just doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling,
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> and purple from straining so hard.
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> Richard Simmons Shit -- You shit so much, you lose 10 pounds.
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> Right Now Shit -- You better be within 30 seconds a toilet. Usually it has
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> it's head out before you get your pants down.
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> Green Shit -- Comes the day after eating a big spinach salad.
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> King Kong or Commode Choker Shit -- This shit is so big that you know it won't
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> go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat
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> hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's
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> house.
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> Cork Shit -- (Also known as Floaters) Even after the third flush, it's still
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> floating in there. My God! How do I get rid of it?! This shit also
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> usually happens at someone else's house.
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> Wet Cheeks Shit -- This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash
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> that gets your ass all wet.
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> Wish Shit -- You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit.
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> Cement Block Shit or Oh God! Shit -- You wish you'd gotten a spinal block
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> before you shit.
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> Snake Shit -- This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb
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> and at least 3 feet long.
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> Mexican Food Shit -- (Also Called Screamers) You'll know it's alright to eat
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> again when your asshole stops burning.
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> Beer Drunk Shit -- This happens the day after the night before. Normally your
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> shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD! Usually there's
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> someone standing outside waiting to use the bathroom. This kind of
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> shit also usually happens at someone else's house.
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>
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>
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>
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>
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> New and improved shit.
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>
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> Burning Ass Shit -- Self explanitory. Usually occurs after eating Burning
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> Mouth Indian food.
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>
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> Firecracker Shit -- This shit comes out in little explosions. Like a string of
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> firecrackers. Just when you think the last blew, wait, there's
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> more shit to come. Interspersed with flagellations.
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>
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> Volcano Shit -- Not liquid and not solid, this shit sort of emerges from your
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> ass in a continuous flow. Usually happens when you are in a hurry or
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> ate Indian food the night before.
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>
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> Nuclear Shit -- One huge King Kong log explosion followed by a solid
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> outpouring of shit in varying textures and densities. Asshole
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> radiates for awhile afterwards.
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>
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> Shy Shit -- Combination of Wish Shit and Second Thought Shit. It's going to
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> come out. No it's not. Yes it is. No it's NOT. Best bet is to force
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> to become the Pop A Vein in Your Forehead Shit.
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>
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> Sex Shit -- Incredible urge to deficate caused by increased movement of
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> internal organs due to the act of sex. This shit kind of sneaks up
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> on you. Your never quite sure whether it will emerge in solid or
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> gaseous state.
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>
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> SHIT! Shit. -- This shit gives you ample warning of it's impending arrival.
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> Yet, you are still unable to find ac(commode)ations. Usually on long
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> airline flights with equally long latrine lines, during traffic, in the
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> middle of a conference or meeting. If serviced early enough, it is
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> Teflon shit. If late enough, Cement Block Shit.
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>
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> Baby Shit -- Self explanatory. Output often more attractive and seemingly
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> palatable then input. Comes in a variety of colors and textures.
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>
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> SLOW Shit -- Much like Shy Shit except you have the feeling of continuous,
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> albeit miniscule progress. Coaxing and straining does not help.
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> Get a good book and relax. This shit is in no hurry.
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>
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> AcId ShIt -_ Occurs the morning after taking two hits of acid and getting
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> the munchies. You're not quite sure what it is you ate, but from
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> the looks of this shit, it must have been something really gnarly.
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> May come in colors, might just seem that way. Spend more time
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> admiring it then delivering it.
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>
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> Politically correct term for Shit: Nutritionally Challenged Output.
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>
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>
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