201 lines
9.5 KiB
Plaintext
201 lines
9.5 KiB
Plaintext
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:-)Managing Interpersonal Relationships
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Here is a memory refresher for those who have taken the "Managing
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Interpersonal Relationships" (MIR) course. If you haven't taken
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the course yet, you can read these notes and won't have to! Any
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similarity between characters or events in this posting and characters
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(living or dead) or events in real life is purely (or puerilely)
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coincidental.
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Michael Schoonover (303) 229-3552
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michael@hpfcla.hp.com Hewlett-Packard Co.
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notes from
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"MANGLING IMPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS"
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Copious research has conclusively shown that there are exactly
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two dimensions to human personality: self-control and evangelism.
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THE SELF-CONTROL SCALE
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The self-control scale denotes the degree to which a person maintains
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control of his or her emotions. Humans are evenly distributed along
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this scale with Spock at one end (although he is really half Vulcan) and
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Sally Field at the other (see Figure 1).
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Figure 1. Self-Control Scale
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Self-Control
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+---------------------------------------+
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Spock Sally Field
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Shows absolutely no Operates purely on
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emotion whatsoever, unless emotion. Cries when
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under the influence of mind- reading "The Family Circus"
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altering drugs, such as pod or when nominated for an
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spray. Oscar.
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THE EVANGELISM SCALE
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The evangelism scale denotes the degree to which a person forces his
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or her opinions and beliefs on others. Like the self-control scale,
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humans are evenly distributed on this scale, with Supreme Court
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nominees on one end and Jimmy Swaggert at the other (see Figure 2).
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Figure 2. Evangelism Scale
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Evangelism
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+---------------------------------------+
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Supreme Court Justice David Souter Swaggert
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(before being nominated)
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Opinions could not Offers opinions freely
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even be extricated and without provocation,
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through Senate judicial often frothing at the
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hearings. mouth and sweating
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profusely.
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WHERE ARE YOU ON THE SCALES?
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Where each person falls on the self-control and evangelism scales is
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genetically predetermined and can be calculated from a questionnaire of
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20 or so questions that you give to five of your friends/coworkers.
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This questionnaire was scientifically engineered and is backed up by
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copious research, so regardless of who answers this questionnaire
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(convenience store clerks, your mother, your worst enemies), your
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location on the scales is always the same. Oh, there have been some
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exceptions, but they were due to people getting confused when filling in
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the dots on the questionnaire.
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THE PERSONALITY QUADRANTS
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Copious research has shown that there are four quadrants in which we
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can stereotype human personalities (see Figure 3). This graph is
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derived from the two personality scales, with Evangelism as the X axis
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and Self-Control as the Y axis.
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Figure 3. The Personality Quadrants
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low E v a n g e l i s m high
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(0) +--------------------------+--------------------------+(20)
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| Anal-Retentives | Megalomaniacs |
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C +--------------------------+--------------------------+
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t | Spineless Wimps | Psychotics |
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+--------------------------+--------------------------+
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high
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(20)
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Once your location on the scales is determined, we can plot your
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personality on a graph and pigeon-hole you for life! For example, if
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your questionnaire shows 1 on the Self-Control scale and 1 on the
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Evangelism scale, you would be classified as an Anal-Retentive, and
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are probably enjoying these numbers immensely. If you scored 19 on
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Self-Control and 19 on Evangelism, you are a Psychotic and are
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probably throwing a tantrum at this moment. Of course, there is no
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value judgement placed on any location in the quadrant: It's OK to be
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a Spineless Wimp; it's OK to by Psychotic; it's OK to be where-ever
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you are (although YOUR location is rather abnormal).
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By definition, the personality type of a particular quadrant hates the
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personality type in the opposite quadrant. So, ARs hate Psychotics and
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vice versa; likewise for SWs and Megalomaniacs. Understanding the hatred
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between these groups is the first step to building good teamwork!
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The Anal-Retentive Quadrant (The Author's Quadrant!)
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Characteristics: Good with numbers, likes to work with machines
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more than humans, not fun at parties (unless everyone
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else is AR also), lots of them are engineers.
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Nicknames: Einstein, Good Engineer, Boring, The Computer
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Favorite Phrase: I need more data.
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Handles Conflict by: Playing video games.
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Famous ARs: Carl Sagan, Ayn Rand
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The Spineless Wimps Quadrant
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Characteristics: Always friendly, always agreeable, make you feel good
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until you turn your back on them, soft handshake, good
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at organizing parties.
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Nicknames: Ol' Reliable, Mr(s). Happy, Two-Faced Rat
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Favorite Phrase: I agree.
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Handles Conflict by: Giving in and then not inviting you to the next party.
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Famous SWs: George Bush, Dan Quayle
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The Megalomaniacs Quadrant
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Characteristics: Cold, decisive, power-hungry, has delusions of
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grandeur, lets you know where you stand (usually within
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earshot of a crowd), dictatorial.
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Nicknames: Idi Amin, The Dictator, The Robot, The Rotten Bastard
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Favorite Phrase: You're wrong!
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Handles Conflict by: Killing those who disagree.
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Famous Ms: Saddam Hussain, Alexander Haig
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The Psychotics Quadrant
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Characteristics: Bubbly, bubbly, so-bubbly-you-want-to-strangle-them,
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obnoxious, insecure, humorous, fun at parties
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(especially when throwing a temper tantrum).
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Nicknames: Barrel-O-Fun, The Clown, The Psycho
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Favorite Phrase: I have a vision.
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Handles Conflict by: Threatening to kill self and everyone else.
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Famous Ps: Sam Kinnison, Sally Field
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THE FLEXIBILITY SCALE
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In addition to the four quadrants, there is another dimension to
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personality (even though I said there were only two before). This other
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dimension is flexibility, also known as schizophrenia. This scale
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denotes how well can a person fake another personality type (see Figure 4).
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Figure 4. The Flexibility Scale
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+--------------+--------------+-----------------+----------------+
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Catatonic Paranoid Split Personality Triphrenia Quadrophenia
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Does not even Most people Manages to fake Three The ultimate
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have a are here. an additional personalities! in flexibil-
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personality. personality. ity. Can
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fake all four
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personality
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types.
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Although we can never change our basic location in the personality
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quadrants, we can strive for and achieve greater flexibility! For
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example, you may be merely paranoid now, but with a little work in this
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course, you could become a split personality or even quadrophenic! The
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key to flexibility is understanding the other personality types so that
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you can quickly and easily pigeon-hole those around you and understand
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what makes them tick. Once you know how to do this, you will find that
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it is much easier to manipulate those around you!
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SUMMARY
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You now know everything you need to better mangle impersonal
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relationships. Good luck! And remember: It's much easier to work
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with people once you've stereotyped them.
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