59 lines
2.4 KiB
Plaintext
59 lines
2.4 KiB
Plaintext
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MAKING YOUR SERVICEMAN FEEL WELCOME
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1. Do not call for service until everyone that uses the machine has
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had a chance to correct the problem. Whenever possible, all controls
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and adjusting screws should be turned.
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2. After several days, when the machine malfunction has become a
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major emergency, place an urgent call for service. Fridays are best
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but anytime after 4 pm is fine.
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3. The minute the serviceman arrives, ask what caused the delay.
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Make it clear how desperately you need the machine and ask when it
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will be back in service.
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4. The machine should be practically inaccessible due to boxes of
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recycled computer paper and cards. Make certain that the lights are
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off in the room where the machine is located and no one is oin the
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area that knows how to turn them on. Always have one or two half-cups
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of coffee lying about.
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5. Hide the service history log. Keep making refrence to the man who
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was here for the same problem last week.
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6. Alert all personnel that the serviceman has arrived so that each
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one can drop by and give their version of what is wrong, and provide
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suggestions on how to fix it.
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7. Have at least eight graduate engineers drop by to ask highly
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technical questions which are in no way related to the immediate
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problem.
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8. Assign someone to supervise the repair. A person who has never
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seen the machine before is preferred. And one who can keep up a
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steady stream of chatter is a plus.
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9. Wait until there are parts and pieces spread out all over the
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floor, then ask when the machine will be ready.
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10. Wait until the service man is looking at a schematic diagram and
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then ask him "what that thingamabob is for." After you have his
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attention, ask again when it will be fixed and mention that "time is
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money, you know."
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11. When the repair is completed, tell him what a swell job he did.
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Tell him the job should be swell-- it took long enough.
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12. Ask the serviceman what the rates are, and then ask for a
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discount because you are such a good customer.
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13. After he is gone, call his supervisor and say the machine is
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worse now than before. Follow up with a letter and copies to the home
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office.
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14. Follow these rules faithfully and remember the serviceman's
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motto: "DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY CAN DO IT TO YOU."
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15. Computer hardware is like an erect penis: It stays up if you
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don't fuck with it.
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