109 lines
3.7 KiB
Plaintext
109 lines
3.7 KiB
Plaintext
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From gmw1@cunixd.cc.columbia.edu Wed Mar 15 18:30:05 1989
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From: gmw1@cunixd.cc.columbia.edu (Gabe M Wiener)
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Subject: Writing a research paper
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Keywords: chuckle
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Date: 16 Mar 89 00:30:05 GMT
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(This is one of those xeroxes you keep seeing in your desk drawer. No idea
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where it originated.)
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GLOSSARY FOR RESEARCH PAPERS: Strictly Speaking
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THEY WRITE THEY MEAN
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It has long been known that... I haven't bothered to look up
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the original reference
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...of great theoretical and practical ...interesting to me
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importance
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While it has not been possible to The experiments didn't work
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provide definite answers to these out, but I figured I could at
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questions. least get a publication out
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of it.
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The W-Pb system was chosen as The fellow in the next lab had
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especially suitable to show the some already made up
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predicted behavior...
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High purity... Composition unknown except
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Very high purity... for the exaggerated claims of
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Extremely high purity... the supplier
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Super-purity...
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Spectroscopically pure...
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A fiducial reference line... A scratch
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Three of the samples were The results of the others
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chosen for detailed study... didn't make sense and were
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ignored..
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...handled with extreme care during ...not dropped on the floor
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the experiments
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Typical results are shown... The best results are shown...
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Although some detail has been lost It is impossible to tell from
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in reproduction, it is clear from the the micrograph
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original micrograph that...
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Presumably at longer times... I didn't take the time to find
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out
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The agreement with the predicted fair
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curve is excellent
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good poor
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satisfactory doubtful
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fair imaginary
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...as good as could be expected non-existent
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These results will be reported at I might get around to this
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a later date sometime
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The most reliable values are those He was a student of mine
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of Jones
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It is suggested that...
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It is believed that... I think...
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It may be that...
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It is generally believed that.... I have such a good objection
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to this answer that I shall
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now raise it.
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It is clear that much additional I don't understand it
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work will be required before a
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complete understanding...
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Unfortunately, a quantitative theory Neither does anybody else
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to account for these effects has not
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been formulated
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Correct within an order of magnitude Wrong
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It is to be hoped that this work This paper isn't very good but
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will stimulate further work in the field neither are any of the others
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on this miserable subject
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Thanks are due to Joe Glotz for Glotz did the work and Doe
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assistance with the experiments and explained what it meant.
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to John Doe for valuable discussions.
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-----------
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Gabe Wiener Columbia University
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--
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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.UUCP
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Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
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I reply to all submissions, but about 30% of the replies bounce.
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