textfiles/humor/hi.tec

From GORMAN_B@PRIME1.LANCASHIRE-POLY.AC.UK Tue Oct  3 20:05:33 1989
From: GORMAN_B@PRIME1.LANCASHIRE-POLY.AC.UK
Subject:      Ailments

[]  Have  you exhausted the excuses for taking a day off? Are all your
    grannies dead? Does  the  boss no longer believe the one about the
    crippled aunt who keeps falling over?

[]  They're all in a  new  book,  "The Complete Hypochondriac", by the
    american author Dr E R Plunkett, published by  Robert  Hale  #5.95

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AIR CONTROLLERS SYNDROME: Peptic  ulcers  occuring  among  air traffic
controllers, as a result of job stress  {Illinois Medical Journal, 72}

ALOPECIA WALKMANIA: Loss of hair from prolonged use of personal stereo
headphones.        {Journal of the American Medical Association, 1984}

ANCHORMAN GLAZE: Glazed-eye look of TV anchorman caused  by looking at
the teleprompter through glaring camera lights.
                                {Syracuse, New York, TV station, 1960}

ARTIC TEMPER: Extreme irritability developing amongst arctic explorers
exposed to darkness, monotony, isolation and sensory depravation.
                                                        {Lancet, 1910}

BARBERS BREASTS: Irritation of female hairdressers' nipples  caused by
penetrating hair clippings.
                         {Clinical and Experimental Dermatology, 1982}

BEER DRINKERS FINGER: Swelling,  bluish discoloration  and wasting  of
finger caused by placing pop-top beer can rings on finger.  {JAMA, 68}

BINGO BRAIN: The headache assocated  with carbon monoxide intoxication
which occurs after spending long hours in smoke filled bingo halls.
                                  {Canadian Medical Association, 1982}

BIRDWATCHERS TWITCH: The nervous excitement of  spotting a species for
the first time.                                  {New Scientist, 1982}

BODY BUILDERS PSYCHOSIS: Psychotic episodes associated with the use of
anabolic   steroids;   causing   hallucinations,  paranoid  delusions,
grandiose beliefs and manic-depressive sysmptoms.       {Lancet, 1987}

BOOKSELLERS BENDS: Sickness caused  by changes in atmospheric pressure
as the book the customer wants is always on the top shelf.         {?}

BULL MENS HAND: Numbness and pain  in  the  index  and  middle fingers
amongst  artificial  inseminators  of  cattle  due to the constrictive
effect of the rubber gloves and sleeve worn for this purpose.
                                     {Irish Medical Association, 1974}

CASINO FEET: Soreness of the feet  caused by standing in front of slot
machines for long periods of time.     {Wilmington Morning Star, 1981}

CHICKEN NECK WRINGERS FINGER: Partial  dislocation  and  arthritis  of
middle finger joint from  continued  use  of  this finger to dislocate
chickens necks for slaughtering.                   {BMA Journal, 1955}

CHRISTMAS DEPRESSION: Psychological stress during holidays  related to
the use of alcohol and social pressures.                  {JAMA, 1982}

CREDIT-CARD-ITIS: Pain over the buttock and down thigh due to pressure
on nerve from a wallet stuffed with credit cards.
                                   {New England Medical Journal, 1966}

DISCO DIGIT: A sore finger from snapping fingers while dancing.
                                         {New England Medical Journal}

DOG WALKERS ELBOW: Pain caused by constant tension and tugs from a dog
leash.                             {New England Medical Journal, 1979}

ELECTRONIC SPACE-WAR VIDEO-GAME EPILEPSY: Epilepsy   caused   by   the
flashing lights of electronic video games.         {BMA Journal, 1982}

ESPRESSO WRIST: Pain in espresso coffee machine operators  from strong
wrist motions required to make the coffee.                {JAMA, 1956}

FLIP-FLOP DERMATITIS: Skin   disease  on  feet  from   wearing  rubber
flip-flops.                                        {BMA Journal, 1965}

FRISBEE FINGER: Cutting of finger from strenuous throwing of a frisbee
                                   {New England Medical Journal, 1975}

GENU AMORIS: Swelling and  pain  in  the  knee  from making love in an
unusual position.             {Arthritis and Rheumatism Journal, 1976}

GOLF ARM: Shoulder  and  elbow pain  after too many  rounds  of  golf.
                                                   {BMA Journal, 1896}

GUITARISTS GROIN: Inflammation of  veins  on inside of thigh caused by
pressure of guitar.                                {BMA Journal, 1974}

HOOKERS ELBOW: Painful  shoulder  swelling   suffered   by   fishermen
repeatedly jerking upwards on a fishing line.
                                   {New England Medical Journal, 1981}

HOUSWIFITIS: Nervous  symptoms   related  to  spending  too much  time
managing a busy household.                         {Centrescope, 1976}

HUMPERS LUMP: Swelling suffered by hotel porters  from  lugging  heavy
bags.                                  {Diseases of Occupations, 1975}

ICE-CREAM FROSTBITE: Frostbite on the lips from prolonged contact with
ice-cream.                         {New England Medical Journal, 1982}

JAZZ BALLET BOTTOM: Painful   abscesses   suffered   by   dancers  who
frequently spin on their bottoms.              {Daily Telegraph, 1987}

JEANS FOLLICULITIS: Irritation  of  the hair follicles  on the bottom,
groin, and thighs caused by ultra-tight jeans.
                                   {New England Medical Journal, 1981}

JOGGERS NIPPLE: Nipple irritation caused  by shirt friction when women
joggers dont wear a bra.           {New England Medical Journal, 1977}

JOYSTICK DIGIT: Trigger finger pain following  prolonged  use of video
game joysticks.                                           {JAMA, 1987}

KNIFE SHARPENERS CRAMP: Painful hand swelling from sharpening too many
knives.                                {Diseases of Occupations, 1975}

LABEL LICKERS TONGUE: Ulcers in mouth from sensitivity to stick labels
                                              {Dangerous Trades, 1902}

LOVERS PALSY: Numbness of forearm from compression of nerve trapped in
an unusual position.               {Western Journal of Medicine, 1977}

MONEY COUNTERS CRAMP: Painful  seisure of  muscles from  counting  too
much cash.                            {English University Press, 1975}

MOTORWAY BLUES: The  sort  of  headaches noted by drivers on congested
motorways.                                         {BMA Journal, 1963}

NUNS KNEE: Swelling of  kneeecap  from  repeated  kneeling  in prayer.
                                       {Diseases of Occupations, 1975}

OYSTER SHUCKERS KERATITIS: Eye irritation from  contact with fragments
of oyster shells.                                  {BMA Journal, 1896}

PANTIE GIRDLE SYNDROME: Tingling or swelling of feet  from  wearing  a
too-tight pantie girdle.                           {BMA Journal, 1972}

PLAYERS LIVER: The  hazard of spending too long in the bar instead  of
playing the game.                       {Encyclopedia of Sports, 1971}

QUICK-DRAW LEG: Bullet wound in leg from practising fast draw from gun
in belt holster.                                          {JAMA, 1966}

REFLEX HORN SYNDROME: Tendency for  drivers waiting in traffic jams to
toot horns.                        {New England Medical Journal, 1976}

RETIRED HUSBAND SYNDROME: Tension,  headaches,  depression and anxiety
felt by women whose husbands have just retired.
                                   {Western Journal of Medicine, 1984}

SEAMSTRESSES BOTTOM: Hardening of skin following  long-term  trauma of
rocking on the hips while operating a sewing machine.
                                     {American Family Physician, 1979}

SICK SANTAS SYNDROME: Low back pain from lifting  heavy  children  and
parcels and aquired illnesses from multiple contact with kids.
                                                          {JAMA, 1986}

SLOT MACHINE TENDINITIS: Tenderness of the shoulder  from playing slot
machines.                          {New England Medical Journal, 1981}

SYNDROME SYNDROME: Any medical reaction to reading about other peoples
syndromes.                                   {British Medical Journal}

TELEVISION LEGS: Loss  of  normal  flexibility of the legs  from being
slumped in a chair in front of the box for too long.      {JAMA, 1958}

TOILET SEAT DERMATITIS: Skin irritation on  buttocks from spending too
much time on the toilet.                {Archive of Dermatology, 1933}

UNIFORM RASH: Skin irritation of neck, chest and arms from wearing new
uniforms.                                                  {BMJ, 1973}

VOLKSWAGEN DERMATITIS: Allergic skin reaction caused by  rubber bumper
guards.                                 {Archive of Dermatology, 1971}

WANKERS CRAMP: ..............                                   {trad}

WELLIE THROWERS FINGER: Injury to finger joints  sustained  in  wellie
throwing contests.                                         {BMJ, 1986}

WORKING WIFE SYNDROME: Fatigue, irritability, headaches and diminished
sex drive from strain of doing two jobs.                {Lancet, 1966}

YOGA FOOT DROP: Paralysis  of  foot  due  to  compounded pressure from
practicing Yoga positions.                                {JAMA, 1971}

ZIP INJURY: Injury to the penis from entrapment in zip.    {BMJ, 1977}

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|                Source: The Sun, September 28th 1989                |
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