62 lines
2.5 KiB
Plaintext
62 lines
2.5 KiB
Plaintext
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From nobody@prles2.UUCP Sun Apr 9 15:32:48 1989
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From: nobody@prles2.UUCP (nobody)
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Subject: Sexist joke - female Chemistry students only...
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Anyone got the other half of this ? I can't believe it doesn't exist.
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CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
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Element: Woman
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Symbol: Wo
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Discoverer: Adam
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Quantitative Analysis: Accepted at 36-24-36, though isotopes ranging from
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25-10-25 to 60-55-60 have been identified.
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Occurrence: Found wherever Man is, but seldom in the highly
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reactive, energetic singlet state. Surplus quantities
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in all urban areas.
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Physical Properties: Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at
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absolutely nothing and freezes at a moments notice.
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Totally unpredictable. Melts when properly treated,
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very bitter if not well used. Found in various states,
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ranging from virgin metal to common ore. Non-magnetic,
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but attracted to money and sports cars. In its natural
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shape, the specimen varies considerably, but it is
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often changed artificially so well that the change is
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indiscernible except to the experienced eye.
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Chemical Properties: Has great affinity for Au, Ag and Cu, especially in the
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crystalline form. May give violent reaction if left
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alone. Will absorb great amounts of food matter. Highly
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desired reaction is initiated with reagents such as
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C(2)-H(5)-OH, and sexy aftershave lotions. An essential
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catalyst is often required (you must say you love her
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at least five times daily). Reaction accelerates when
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in the dark and all reaction conditions are suitable.
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Extremely difficult to react if in the highly stable
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pure form. Yields to pressure applied at the correct
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points. The reaction is highly exothermic.
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Storage: Best results are obtained between the ages of 18 and 25
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years.
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Uses: Highly ornamental. Used as a tonics for low spirits.
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Used on lonely nights as a heating agent - if properly
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prepared.
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Tests: Pure specimens turn rosy tint if discovered in raw,
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natural state. Turns green if placed beside a better
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specimen.
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Caution: Most powerful reducing agent known to Man (income and
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ego). Highly explosive in experienced hands. Specimen
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must be used with great care if experiments are to
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succeed.
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NOTE: It is illegal to possess more than one permanent
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specimen, though a certain amount of exchange is
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permitted.
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Owen P.McArdle || NET : mcardle@apolloway.prl.philips.nl
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Philips Research Labs. || PHONE: +31-40-742824
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"Oh no, not again".
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