80 lines
3.9 KiB
Plaintext
80 lines
3.9 KiB
Plaintext
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... ...
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... THIEVE'S WORLD ...
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... 616/344-2718 ...
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... run on the one, the only, DEC Rainbow ...
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... written by the DAREDEVIL ...
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..........................................................................
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Mom I Am Really Sick
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or
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How To Fake Cold Symptoms
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Now all you dorks sitting out there in front of your crummy little mono-
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chrome monitors, we all know you will do anything to stay home and waste your
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time calling BBSes. So, this little file is going to teach you how to fake
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being sick. This is an important technique that can be used to get out of just
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about everything, so make sure you get it.
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HIGH TEMPERATURE:
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This is THE most important step in faking sick. With this ability almost any
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normal (or abnormal) mother can be convinced that you have a cold. If your
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mother feels your forehead you can: Just rub your hand quickly back and forth
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across you forehead, the friction will heat your forehead up, and fool your
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mom. Get a hot washcloth and hold it to your forehead, don't make it too hot
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or your mother will think you are on fire. If your mother uses a thermometer:
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Rub the thermometer between your hands causing friction again and giving a
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false reading. Hold the thermometer near a lightbulb (75 watt) for a shot
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time. Put the thermometer under your electric blanket or heating pad. Lastly,
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if your mom watches you while she is taking your temperature; drink a glass of
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very hot water beforehand and it will rais your mouth temperature. NOTE: Do
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not raise your temperature too high or it will be obvious you are a fake, or a
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doctor will be called.
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NAUSEA:
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For the serious faker nausea is a good weapon. This will guarantee that you
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stay home. To pretend you threw up pour a can of Turtle Soup (or any other
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kind) into the toilet. (Remember the soup should resemble your last meal).
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Also, make your breath smell bad. This is either natural, or you can eat some
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of the soup before pouring it in the toilet. If the above fails look at
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yourself in the mirror and the effects will be quite real.
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DIARRHEA:
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Faking the runs is easy. Use the same procedure as for nausea but use Chunky
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Beef Soup and don't worry about breath. If this fails eat a cheese sandwich,
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hot-fudge sundae, sauerkraut, and a little mayo. Guaranteed results.
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RUNY NOSE and SNEEZING:
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Simple, just wad up and wet some tissue and put it by your bed. For the real
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thing just sniff some pepper, and a little garlic. The effects will be quite
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real, and they may persist. You are probably a little stuffy headed anyway so
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don't sweat it (Although sweat is good for faking a cold).
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COUGHING:
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Oh come on, anyone with half a brain knows how to fake coughing. If you
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don't just close your throat and exhale.
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MENTAL TECHNIQUES:
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Make you mom think you are sick by looking unappealing. Pretend that you are
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dizzy and you are really hurting. In general make your parent fell guilty
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about making you go to school or whereever. Remember it hurts them more than
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it hurts you. Oh, don't get better too soon either or your parent will know
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there is a scam going on. Once, you have your parents convinced you have them
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at your will, make them fix meals for you and do all kinds of things (Remember
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they're on a guilt trip).
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------
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This ought to be enough to give you a good start on the idea of faking
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illnesses. So, when you get these ideas down start making up your own, as they
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say "Necessity is the mother of invention."
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