52 lines
1.8 KiB
Plaintext
52 lines
1.8 KiB
Plaintext
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HOW TO RECOGNIZE A COMPANY CAR
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Why are company cars so popular? The reason seems to be that they have
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special features not found in private automobiles.
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1. They travel faster in all gears, especially reverse.
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2. They accelerate at a phenomenal rate.
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3. They enjoy a much shorter braking distance.
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4. They have a much tighter turning radius.
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5. They can take bumps at twice the speed of private cars.
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6. Oil and tires pressures and battery and water levels do not need to
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be checked nearly so often.
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7. The floor is shaped just like an ashtray.
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8. They only burn the highest price gas.
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9. They do not have to be garaged at night.
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10. They can be driven up to 100 miles with the oil warning light on.
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11. They need cleaning less often, especially inside.
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12. The suspension is reinforced to allow concrete slabs, heavy
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building materials, postage meters and furniture to be carried.
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13. They are adapted to allow reverse to be engaged while the car is
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still moving forward.
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14. The tire walls are designed for bumping into and over curbs.
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15. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by the
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adjustment of the radio volume control.
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16. No security is needed. They may be left anywhere, unlocked, with
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the keys in the ignition.
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17. The wiper blades are equipped with a magnetic device which attracts
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parking tickets. These tickets are great for cleaning windows,
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wiping up grease or oil spots, and stuffing holes in the upholstery.
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18. Even minor mechanical repairs take at least a week to fix, making
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it necessary to rent a car -- a Porsche 928S.
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19. They are programmed to self-destruct a 60,000 miles, which ensures
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that the driver will have a new car every 2 years.
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