69 lines
3.0 KiB
Plaintext
69 lines
3.0 KiB
Plaintext
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SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction,
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beer is unusually pale and clear.
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FAULT: Glass empty.
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ACTION REQUIRED: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
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SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction,
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and the front of your shirt is wet.
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FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to
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wrong part of face.
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ACTION REQUIRED: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror.
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Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.
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SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
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FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
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ACTION REQUIRED: Turn glass other way up so that open end points
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toward ceiling.
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SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
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FAULT: Improper bladder control.
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ACTION REQUIRED: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while
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complain to the owner about its lack of house
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training and demand a beer as compensation.
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SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
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FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
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ACTION REQUIRED: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
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SYMPTOM: Floor swaying.
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FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to
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air-hockey game in progress.
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ACTION REQUIRED: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.
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SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
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FAULT: You are being carried out.
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ACTION REQUIRED: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
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If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.
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SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and
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flourscent light strip across it.
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FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
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ACTION REQUIRED: If your glass is full and no one is standing on
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your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone
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to help you get up, lash yourself to bar.
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SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigare
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)
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& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845
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Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649
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Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766
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realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043
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Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102
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Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives,
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arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality,
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insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS.
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Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are,
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where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother.
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"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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