114 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
114 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
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+====================================+
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! A GUIDE TO REAL SKIMBOARDERS !
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! !
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! Compiled by Mr. Wizard !
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+====================================+
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+====================================+
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This is a guide as to what REAL skimboarders pratice. There is no room here
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for "pseudoskimmers," as you must use this as a guide for self improve- ment.
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There is always room for improvement, so I suggest you adjust yourselves
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accordingly to avoid being laughed at.
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+====================================+
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Corollary: Real skimboarders make their own boards.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders don't decorate their homemade boards with magic
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markers, but with colored resins.
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Corollary: If real skimboarders are wealthy enough, they buy a J.GORDON.
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Corollary: Skimboarders who buy J.GORDONs use them to their full extent, not
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just show them off.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders don't have round boards.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders have bevelled boards, except in the case of
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J.GORDONs.
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Addition to the corollary: Real skimboarders don't have stupid-looking boards
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or shapes that don't work.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders don't waste their time on flat beaches--- if
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they can help it.
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Addition to corollary: --- unless they are practicing for a contest.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders go for the real thing-----SHOREBREAK!
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Corollary: Real skimboarders know that the most superior boards around for
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shorebreak are foamies and some J. GORDONs.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders try to find out where contests are.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders don't chew gum while skimboarding.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders don't wear walkmans or backpacks while
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skimboarding.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders go on as little water as possible.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders aren't proud of "battle scars" (rock dings)
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because they know they make rad boards look like crap.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders repair dings as soon as possible.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders don't go on suicide runs over pebbles.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders don't carve the rough unless they are going fast
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and/or the rough is deep.
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Addition to the corollary: Real skimboarders don't carve 6" rough unless they
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are bored out of their skulls, in which case they quit for a while.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders make the most of every ride (except in the above
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situation).
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Corollary: Real skimboarders don't try to skim on their boogieboards.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders are reluctant to answer questions like "What is
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that?" and "Where did you get that?" asked by ASS-WHITE tourists
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(but answer them anyway).
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Corollary: Real skimboarders usually hate tourists except for the gawking,
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pointing, and idolizing that they do.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders don't care if they mess up.
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Addition to the corollary: Real skimboarders know that it's okay to mess up,
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and that if one doesn't once in a while, there's something wrong.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders are willing to try new tricks.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders laugh out loud (or at least bust up inside) at
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pseudoskimmers who talk up their weak, inferior moves.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders don't use poses to impress anyone else but
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judges.
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Addition to the corollary: Real skimboarders also use poses to outdo someone
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they are competing against.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders accept female skimmers because they are being
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adventurous females.
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Addition to the corollary: Real skimboarders don't jeer at female skimmers
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because they just might blow away everyone else.
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Corollary: Real skimboarders try to attain the ultimate--------------- the
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skimboard AERIAL.
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***************************************
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Look for my upcoming t-file
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"Real Boogieboarders
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Don't Go Straight"
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+===========================+
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! A !
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! Mr. Wizard !
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! PRESENTATION !
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+===========================+
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