textfiles/humor/REAL/realwork.hum

 /^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v\
\     The Guide to Real Works Users    /
/   By The Real Works Sysop, J. Scott  \
\   As unmercifully edited by a Real   /
\   Works User, The Cruiser...         /
 \____________________________________/

Sorry Jason, I just had to make a slightly edited version for users by users..    
Please disregard this text-file.  

Real Works Users worship The International House of Pancakes.

Real Works Users think Pancake Weeble is the antichrist.

Real Works Users read all of the Octothorpe files.  Especially the ones written
		 by The Cruiser.  
		 
Real Works Users say "B00g" when someone calls them a jerk.

Real Works Users think Jolt Cola is the best thing since gerbiling.

Real Works Users own Ferrets.

Real Works Users are related or associated with a band, preferably garage or
		 basement.

Real Works Users don't believe Dow commercials. (Better living through
		 Chemistry!)

Real Works Users want to put a bomb on "The Love Boat" so they can watch
		 pieces of "Your Crew" get splattered into the ocean.

Real Works Users don't have uppercase-only computers.

Real Works Users don't have uppercase, period. They rip out the shift key.

Real Works Users think Terror Ferret exists. (They're right.)

Real Works Users noticed that the number 238-8195 plays "Yankee Doodle" on
		 a touch-tone keypad.  They also know that 312-410-7013 is The
                 Cruiser's personal answering service.

Real Works Users have noticed that Milk-Bone commercials refer as if the dog
		 is listening ("It freshens your breath!")

Real Works Users came up with a least ONE good space shuttle joke.

Real Works Users have samplers and scream into them.

Real Works Users collect textfiles.... LOTS of textfiles.

Real Works Users have READMACS if they own an IBM.

Real Works Users call phreak and hack boards, regardless of what c0mpyooter
		 they own.  "Oh, I'm on this real elite rad hack/phreak pirate
		 long distance board.  Oh, it's Apple only.  Real elite."  Sure.

Real Works Users have played at least a FEW rounds of "Let's see what happens
		 when we put it in the microwave!"

Real Works Users know what Anarchy Inc., Neon Knights, and Metal Comm. Are..

Real Works Users call the works about once a week, but stay on the full 100
		 minutes to download textfiles like a maniac.

Real Works Users freak out at family gatherings.

Real Works Users aren't afraid to leech.

Real Works Users like (understatement) Rock 'n' Roll.

Real Works Users have and worship their Works Business Cards. [Jason--I never
		 got mine... what's wrong with your secretary!]			

Real Works Users thrive on Doritos, Diet Pepsi and dial tones.

Real Works Users can get school cancelled by rubbing methalane blue [as stolen
		 from the Chem lab] all over everyone's locks, so when everyone
		 wakes up the next morning their hands will be blue.

Real Works Users loved "G.I. Joe" when they were 13, but now they find it 
		 plotless and childish.

Real Works Users don't watch weekday cartoons.  They're either practicing their
		 riffs, jamming with the band, or leeching from The Works.

Real Works Users like fire.

Real Works Users have/lust for a hard drive with 4 or more levels of 
		 subdirectories.

Real Works Users don't shovel snow - they blow it up.

Real Works Users kan spel verie phine.

Real Works Users consider suicide an alternative to bobsledding.

Real Works Users watch "Carrie" for laughs.

Real Works Users are intrigued by rubik's magic - for about 3 minutes, and then
		 they throw it out a 4 story window.

Real Works Users don't like RBBS. (Understatement).

Real Works Users like to watch the weather channel for 10 hours straight.

Real Works Users watch MTV on Sunday nights (the only useful shows are on at
		 that time.)

Real Works Users watch suicide programs to see what type of idiots say they
		 intend to kill themselves to a camera.

Whenever they're in Cleveland, Real Works Users listen to WNCX 98.5, because it
		 has the best DJs in the nation.  They also listen to WUJC 88.7
		 late at night because college radio seems to fit in with late
		 night phreaking.  Finally, they listen to WMMS 100.7 because
		 Rolling Stone magazine voted it best rock station in the 
		 nation, even though it is over-rated.

Real Works Users make their mecca to Cleveland at least once in a lifetime, 
		 and head straight for the Flats.

Real Works Users own a 4 head stereo VCR, and have worn out 2 copies of 
		 "Back to the Future" on it.

Real Works Users made themselves immortal by putting their name in an already
		 written textfile.


 Thank You.

--The Cruiser. . .



Wait a second.  What about the poor people who are reading this and don't have
		 the number to The Works?  Don't fret.  Give it a call at 
		 <914>/238-8195.