201 lines
5.3 KiB
Plaintext
201 lines
5.3 KiB
Plaintext
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=-=-=-= The Realm Of The Rogues =-=-=-=
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(415) 941-1990
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+------------------------------------+
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! !
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! ---> A Guide to Real Gamers <--- !
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! !
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! Written by Fritz Mertens !
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! !
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! 3-15-85 !
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! !
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! Call Haunted House: 415-941-7256 !
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! !
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+------------------------------------+
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This T-file was inspired by all those Guide to Real Pirates T-files. Thanx
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guys, and I hope I can do justice to you.
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The following is a list of what real gamers do or do not do. A lot of what I
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say should not be done I do anyway.
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Well, I never said I was a REAL gamer.
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Games:
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-----
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Real gamers play AD&D.
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Correlary: Real gamers don't play Tunnels and Trolls.
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Real gamers don't buy meaningless game systems that will be obsolete next
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month (Ex. Swashbuckler)
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Real gamers think AD&D could be better, but play it anyway.
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Real gamers know that AD&D module "T2" will never come out.
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Correlary: Real gamers think "T1" sucked big time.
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Real gamers don't have characters over 18th level, as they don't cheat.
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Real gamers never play "exactly by the book."
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Real gamers own all the AD&D books with the "old covers"
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Correlary: Real gamers don't own a copy of the Fiend Folio.
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Real gamers have plastic sheets on their characters.
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Correlary: Real gamers never laminate their character sheets.
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Real male gamers don't play female characters.
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Real female gamers aren't female gamers, just girlfriends of male gamers.
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Correlary: Real female gamers weigh over 200 lbs.
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Real gamers know Gary Gygax is a jerk.
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Dice:
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----
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Real gamers never buy d30's.
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Real gamers don't buy plain dice.
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Addition: Real gamers NEVER buy Basic Set dice or Dragon Dice.
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Real gamers own at least 10d6 for that handy Fireball.
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Real gamers don't buy d6's larger than 5/8".
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Exception: Unless they use them for Privateer or as a Cow miniature.
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Real gamers buy d6's with dots and not with crummy numbers unless in a set.
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Addition: d6's with numbers always roll low.
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Real gamers don't buy round d6s.
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Real gamers don't load dice (unless they are the GM.)
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Real gamers buy d20's with all 20 numbers, not with 0-9 twice.
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Real gamers bring all their dice to every game.
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Addition: Real gamers don't show off their dice.
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Real gamers always buy dice whether they need them or not.
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Conventions:
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-----------
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Real gamers go to conventions.
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Correlary: Real gamers never go to comic conventions.
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Real gamers run a game at a con so they can get in free.
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Addition: Real gamers pre-reg if they can't run a game.
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Real gamers attend Pacificon, Dundracon and Gamescaucass.
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Correlary: Real gamers never went to Chaoticon, Augacon or Marchcon.
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Addition: Real gamers used to attend Grimcon.
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Addition to the addition: Real gamers want to go to Gen Con.
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Correlary to the second addition: Real gamers never go to Gen Con.
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Real gamers never play in AD&D/Arduin variant runs.
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Real gamers always get a hotel room.
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Addition: Real gamers NEVER commute to the con.
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Real gamers never play in games with "80%+ kill rate".
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Real gamers don't pay the absurd prices the hotel charges at the "snack bar".
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Addition: Real gamers walk across the street to the 7-11 and pick it up for
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less.
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Real gamers only watch "Zulu" and "Zulu Dawn" in the movie room.
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Correlary: Real gamers don't watch "The Dark Crystal".
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Real gamers get less than 5 hours of sleep a night.
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Correlary: Real gamers get less than 5 hours of sleep total.
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Addition to the correlary: Real gamers don't get any sleep at all.
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Miscellaneous:
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-------------
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Real gamers never have neat rooms where they live. (at least for any length
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of time).
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Real gamers don't join the RPGA.
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Real gamers are GMs as well as players.
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Real gamers read at least 6 fantasy books a year.
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Addition: Real gamers have read all the Elric books.
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Real gamers have been playing for at least 5 years.
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Real gamers are at least 14 years old.
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Real gamers paint their own miniatures.
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Addition: Real gamers never use Testor's paint on their miniatures.
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Real gamers don't wear pink shirts.
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Real gamers don't have bumper stickers on their cars that say "I brake for
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Unicorns" or "Gamers do it with dice".
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Correlary: Real gamers have bumper stickers that say "Cthulhu Saves" or
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anything by the AADA.
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Addition: Real gamers have cars.
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Real gamers don't wear t-shirts with dragons or unicorns unless they actually
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own one.
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Real gamers like Heavy Metal music.
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Correlary: Real gamers hate Heavy Metal music.
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Real gamers own computers.
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Addition: Real gamers own Apples.
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Addition to the addition: Real gamers own modems.
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Addition to the addition to the addition: Real gamers own Apple-Cats.
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Well, that's all for now, hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed typing it
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in. (Ugh!) If you have any more Real Gamer ideas, please send them to me.
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That's:
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F) Fritz
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L) Mertens
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This has been an Ed-Co production.
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(K) 3-15-85 01:31:23
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=-=-=-= The Realm Of The Rogues =-=-=-=
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(415) 941-1990
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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