textfiles/humor/JOKES/love80s.txt

Love in the Eighties

    I was working part time in a five and dime.  My boss was Mr.
Magee.  He was six foot four and full of muscles and walked like an
Egyptian, but I was happy to be stuck with him.  One manic Monday, 
while I was busy working for the weekend, I overheard him make a
careless whisper. He told two of my co-workers, Jack and Diane, that
I gave love a bad name.
    Well, I got so emotional, baby.  I told him to say say say what he
wants, but  don't play games with my affection.  He told me it was hard 
for him to say he's sorry and not to worry, to be happy.  Then
he blamed it on the rain.  He was so out of touch.  It just took my 
breath away.  I couldn't fight this feeling any longer.  I asked him 
"What's love got to do with it?"  He told me to get outta his store 
and his dreams and into my car.
    So I figured I might as well jump.  I cut footloose, went home and
called my girl, Jenny.  (You already know the number)  She was on the 
other line with Amanda.  They were talking about Mickey and 
how he was so fine.  That  blew my mind! Was she really going out
with him? I told her that I had just called to say I love her.
    She told me she had been saving all her love for me, but now she
was   looking for a new love - hasta la vista, baby.  I thought "I can't 
go for that - no can do! Bring me a higher love!"  I called 
up some of my old west end girls, hoping that one of them would want
to get physical all night long (all night).  First I  called Billie
Jean - she told me to beat it.  I called Rosanna - her sister
Christian blessed the rains down in Africa and then hung up on
me.  Come on, Eileen! ... no answer.  Nobody told me there'd be
days like these!
     I was feeling like the owner of a lonely heart.  Then, out of 
the blue, my best friend's girlfriend (she used to be mine) Roxanne 
calls.  Yes, the real Roxanne.  She told me she still hadn't found
what she's looking for and that she wanted to take on me.  I said
"I thought you were Jessie's girl."  She said "Don't you want me? 
You don't have to put on the red light - I'm on my own." What a 
feeling! I had the eye of the tiger.
     Who was I f-f-f-foolin?  Roxanne drove me crazy like no one else.
She's a beauty! She blinded me with science, and weird science at
that.  There  was always something there to remind me of her and I
just knew that I'd have the time of my life. I wasn't about to
la-di-da-di.  I jumped in my little red Corvette and  rocked down
to Electric Avenue.  I got my mind set on her.  When I got to her
house (in the middle of her street) I ran.  I rapped on her front
door and to this rapper's delight, i heard a voice say "Who can 
it be now?"
     "Here I am, the one that you love", I replied.  I let my love
open the door and was immediately lost in her eyes.  I felt like a
virgin touched for the very first time.  She loosened her blouse and 
said "Rock me Amadeus!"  Well, I felt it was my prerogative to bust a
move.  I told her "I'll tumble for ya!" as I pinned her on the stairs,
hungry like the wolf.
     Just then I felt an invisible touch on my shoulder.  "Turn
around bright eyes!"  said a familiar voice.  As I did, Jessie hit
me with a sledgehammer of an uppercut that spun me right round like a 
record.  He was hangin' tough and continued to roll with it, knocking 
the wind from beneath my wings - broken wings by this time.  He rocked
me tonight, for old time's sake, beating me from head to toe, until
my true colors were black and blue and blood was spilling from
my mouth like red, red wine.
     "You don't owe me money for nothing!" he snarled.  At this point
I was livin' on a prayer.  I crawled back to my little red Corvette
and drove home thinking about how my tainted love had cut like a 
knife - how it seems that every rose, truly, has its thorn.  No
longer do  I want to know what love is.  Love stinks.