114 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
114 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
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Totally Nasty & Bad Jokes (urghhhhh)
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If you're easily offended..hit
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the big ole spacebar...read
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further only with an empty stomach
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Give me no grief for including
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these...you can buy Gross Jokes
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type books in any store...and
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these jokes belong there!
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Jokes submitted by Dr. Scar.
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-----------------------------------
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1. What does Linda Lovelace and the Bermuda Triange have in common. -They
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both eat seamen.
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2. How do you get four queers on a bar stool? -Turn it upside down.
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3. What do you do in case of fallout? -Put it back in and take shorter
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strokes.
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4. What do you do with a dog that doesn't have any legs? -Take him for a
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drag.
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5. Why is there a string on the end of a tampon? -So you can floss after
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you eat.
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6. What did Jim Brady (Reagan aide) say when asked how he felt about his
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job? -I must have had a hole in my head to take this job; if I had half a
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brain I'd leave.
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7. One ovarie to another, "Hey, did you order some furniture?" The other
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one, "No, why?" -"There's a couple of nuts outside trying to shove an organ
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in."
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8. How do you know that an elephant's been fucking in your garage? -Your
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hefty bags are missing.
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9. What does a guy with a 12 inch cock have for breakfast? -I usually have
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bacon, eggs...
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1O. You know it's going to be a bad day when you get to your office and the
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6O Minutes News Team is waiting.
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11. What's the ultimate rejection? -You're masturbating and your hand falls
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asleep.
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12. This really conceited guy is screwing this really conceited girl and she
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says, "Aren't I tight?" He says, "No, just full."
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13. Why are hockey goaltenders and Polish girls alike? -They both change
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their pads after 3 periods.
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14. Why did God create the orgasm? -So Blacks would know when to stop.
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15. Why is being a dick not all it's cracked up to be? -First of all you
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have a head but no brains; there's a couple of nuts following you around all
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the time; your next door neighbor is an asshole and your best friend is a cunt.
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16. Why do women have 2 holes so close together? -In case you miss.
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17. How do you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? -If she farts her
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ankles swell.
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18. Where do you get virgin wool? -From ugly sheep.
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19. What did Adam tell Eve? -Stand back, I don't know how big this thing
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gets.
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2O. Did you hear about the Deaf O.B.-Gynocologist? -He had to learn how to
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read lips.
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21. What goes into thirteen twice? -Roman Polanski
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22. Why do hummingbirds hum? -Because they don't know the words.
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23. What's ugly, yellow, and sleeps alone? -Yoko Ono
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24. Where is an elephant's sex organ? -In his feet; if he steps on you,
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you're fucked.
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25. Did you hear about the Greek that left home because he didn't like the
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way he was being reared?
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26. Why don't Puerto Ricans have checking accounts? -Because it's hard to
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sign checks with a spray can.
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27. What do you say to a one legged hitch-hiker? -Hop in.
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28. This guy walks in a bar, walks up to the bartender and says, "I'd like a
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scotch & soda and I'd like to buy that douche-bag at the end of the bar a
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drink." The bartender says, "Hey, she's a regular and you can;t be talking
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about her that way." The guy says, "Okay, I'd like to buy that nice young lady
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at the end of the bar a drink." The bartender says, "That's more like it," and
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he walks up to the girl and asks her what she wants to drink. She says,
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"Vinegar and water."
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29. Why are eggs so frustrated? -Because they only get laid once, they only
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get eaten once, and you've got to boil them to get them hard.
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3O. This face seats five, let me clear off a place for you.
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