96 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
96 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
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From werner Wed Oct 26 14:06:34 1988
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Flags: 000000000001
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From: shefter-bret@yale.UUCP (Bret A. Shefter)
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Subject: A joke my father always liked...
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Keywords: heard it, funny, sexual
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Date: 12 Oct 88 15:30:03 GMT
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It seems this fairly succcessful businessman in his early 30's was
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getting lonely for some companionship. He was comfortably well off, lived in
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a nice apartment, had refined tastes, but somehow or other he could never find
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the perfect companion. Finally, he had an inspiration.
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So our friend strolls into a pet shop and explains his problem to the
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sympathetic clerk. The clerk thinks for a moment, then says, "I have the per-
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fect pet for you, sir," disappears into the back of the shop, and emerges with
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a small cardboard box. The gentleman opens the box, but, instead of finding a
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dog or a cat, discovers a frog.
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"A frog?" he asks disbelievingly.
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"Ah," says the salesman, "but not just any frog. I really think you'll
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be surprised with this pet. May I suggest you take it home for a trial. If it
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does not meet with your satisfaction, feel free to bring it back within a week
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for a full refund."
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Well, what can he lose, right? He pays the clerk, takes the box under
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his arm, and heads home. When he arrives, he sets the box in a corner, takes
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the lid off so the frog can breathe, and looks at it for a moment. Nothing
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special. So he steps to the bar and mixes himself a martini. Just as he brings
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it to his lips, he is startled to hear a voice say,
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"Excuse me."
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He looks around. There's no one there. He locked the door. He is five
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floors up, so there couldn't possibly be anyone outside the windows. He checks
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anyway, but there is no one there. Confused, he ponders for a moment, then
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shrugs and lifts the drink again. And again,
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"Pardon me."
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The man glances at the box. The voice seemed to be coming...from the
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frog?
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"Yes, over here."
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Perplexed, he steps to the box. The frog looks up at him.
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"I couldn't help noticing that you made yourself an excellent martini,
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there."
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The man is confused. "You...you talk?"
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The frog chuckles. "Oh, of course I talk. But that martini...well, I
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just happen to be a very particular martini drinker, and you mixed that one
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exactly the way I like mine, not too dry, not too--"
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The man recovers his poise. "Would you care for one?"
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The frog hops gratefully out of its box. "Why, thank you. Most people
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are uncomfortable around frogs, I know, but I can see this is going to be
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different."
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Well, the two get to talking, and they hit it off marvelously right
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away. The frog has the same taste in classical music that the man does, they
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both appreciate impressionist paintings, and both of them like to watch week-
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end tennis matches. When it comes time for dinner, the man carries the frog
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into the kitchen, and it offers suggestions on how to season his game hen,
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selects the perfect wine to accompany, and keeps up a steady flow of humour-
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ous conversation throughout the evening. The young man is delighted. The frog
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is, indeed, everything the pet store clerk had promised.
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Presently the man began to feel tired, so he set the frog gently in
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its box and brought it into the bedroom. As he prepared to turn the lights
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out the frog discreetly clears its throat.
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"I wonder..." it begins tentatively, "I wonder if you would mind
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very much..."
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"What is it?" the man asks.
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"Well," the frog says, "I feel so close to you...I mean, we share so
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many interests, we've eaten and drunk together...I just somehow wouldn't feel
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right sleeping in a box. Could you...do you think I might possibly just sleep
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on the pillow next to you?"
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Well, the young man sees nothing wrong with this request, so he lifts
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the frog out of its box and sets it on the pillow. He bids it good night,
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turns out the lights, and gets into bed. He is just dozing off when he hears
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another discreet cough.
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"Excuse me," the frog whispers. "I really hate to ask this, and don't
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think I mean anything by it, but..." It pauses.
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The man sighs. "What do you want?"
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The frog shifts about uncomfortably. "Well, it's just that I've grown
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accustomed to...that is...you see, I've always been kissed good night, before."
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The man shakes his head. "No. I'm sorry, but no matter how unique you
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are, you're still a frog."
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The frog interrupts. "No, no, nothing like that. Just a quick little
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peck on the forehead. Really. It would mean so much to me..."
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Well, it sounds so plaintive, and the frog really is such a wonderful
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addition to his life, that he decides that this one thing can't possibly hurt
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that much. So he screws up his courage (and his eyes), leans over, and kisses
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the frog...
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<<< POOF!! >>
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When the smoke clears, the young man is lying in bed beside a stun-
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ningly beautiful blonde, no more than sixteen years old, stark naked, smiling
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blissfully up at him.
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"And that, your Honor, is how my client came to be..."
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--
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shefter-bret@yale.ARPA
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--
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.
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