2175 lines
97 KiB
Plaintext
2175 lines
97 KiB
Plaintext
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Newsgroups: rec.humor
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From: nathan@cco.caltech.edu (Nathan Mates)
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Subject: Clinton Jokes... Getting longer :)
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Message-ID: <1pg5aeINN6sq@gap.caltech.edu>
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Date: 2 Apr 1993 01:36:14 GMT
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Organization: California Institute of Technology, Pasadena
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Lines: 2166
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Well, thanks to the generous people who find it in the bottom of their
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hearts to respect the prez, and find their wallets threatened enough to
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tell jokes. This is the biggest collection I know about; if you have any
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more jokes, I'd love to hear them. This file and others are available by
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anonymous ftp from cco.caltech.edu, in the directory pub/humor/political...
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Nathan
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Clinton Bashing
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There were 3 high school-aged boys walking down the street in Washington.
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Suddenly, they see Bill Clinton go jogging by, and he's about to be hit by a
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car. So, they pull Bill out of the way and save his life. Bill says
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"Thank you for saving my life. I'll grant each of you one wish."
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The first boy says, "I want to go to Georgetown."
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Bill pulls some strings and gets the boy admitted.
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The second boy says "I want to get into West Point, but it normally requires
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a Congressional appointment".
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So Bill calls up his Democratic friends in Congress and gets the boy his
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appointment.
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The third boy says "I want to be bured in Arlington National Cemetary."
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Bill says "That's an odd request for a 17-year old!"
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The boy says "Yeah, but when my father finds out I saved your life he's gonna
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kill me!"
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--Thanks to Rush Limbaugh, apparently.
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POLITICALLY INCORRECT DEFINITIONS OF WHAT
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BILL CLINTON'S REALLY SAYING
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What he says............................What he means
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------
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"My fellow citizens"...................."Suckers"
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"I didn't inhale"......................."I think you're all idiots"
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"goals"................................."lies"
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"broad-based contributions"............."taxes"
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"investing in our infrastructure"......."pork-barrel spending"
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"spending cuts"........................."decimating the military"
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"jobs program".........................."military base lay-offs"
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"Vietnam"..............................."where?"
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"Attorney General"......................"the first semi-qualified woman
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I could find without a criminal
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record"
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"God bless America"....................."God help us, 'cause
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I don't have a clue"
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"Fairness".............................."screw all of you"
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"I feel your pain"......................"and I like it"
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"Economic program"......................see "investing in our
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infrastructure"
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"diversity"............................."millionaires"
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"opportunity"..........................."federal handout"
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"compassion"............................see "opportunity"
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"crime"................................."gun control/ban",
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ref "Attorney General"
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"deficit reduction".....................see "goals" and "Economic program"
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"foreign policy"........................see "Vietnam" and "spending cuts"
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"Health care reform"...................."nepotism",
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ref "broad-based contributions"
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"The Big Dinner in Los Gatos:
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After a couple of Cocktails, President Clinton and the entire Entourage were
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finally served.
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John Sculley was presented with Grilled Salmon, Garnished with a small bowl
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of Apple sauce.
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Hilliary Rodham had Breast of Chicken.
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Al Gore had Quail.... Of course.
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When the Waiter presented President Clinton with the finest Cut of
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Prime Rib you ever saw, He Looked at the plate and said " I ordered
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the Pork Chops!!" The Manager (Who was hovering at this point, said
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respectfully "Mr. President, I was there when you ordered and you
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requested the Prime Rib." Bill Replied " I never said that"..."
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The current menu at the White House
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Mar 22 1993
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From Kosher Kitchen, add 15% broad-based value-added contribution.
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Certain items may not be available from Kosher Kitchen.
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Changes in menu and kitchen by First Lady Hillary Clinton
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(NYT Feb 01 93)
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Certified by the Department of Agriculture, won the 1993 Espy award.
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NOTE: I more suggestions for a "lite" menu for Secretary Aspen. We
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do not want to contribute badly to his heart condition.
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Breakfast
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Waffles (catered by McDonald's)
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1. Pain waffle $2.25
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2. Waffle with a middle class tax cut NOT AVAILABLE(1)
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3. Waffle with Lloyd's consumption tax syrup (2) BTU-dependent
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4. Fried Waffle in Haitian Rum Sauce $3.25
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with curly-excuse potatoes $2.99
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(not available for Jesse Jackson)
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(1) It's not the #1 item on our menu. I don't know who suggested that it
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would be, but we never said it would be a balanced part of our
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nutritious healthy budget of calories.
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(2) With added ethanol. Also "reduced calorie" available, especially for
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those with gas problems.
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Fruit Loops in milk (camouflaged) 21 votes
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trial basis until July from Senate
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Nunn of the camouflage NEGOTIABLE
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"Chelsea's breakfast specials"
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{lots of sausage, bacon, and waffles}
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with Quaker Oats $3.15
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with condoms $3.50
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with RU486 (test recipe) UPON REQUEST
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Jogging track hash rounds $1000 gratuity
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Stuffed Shelby Thousands of
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Ball-and-chain, whipped, & opposition-free jobs in AL
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QUOTE: ... The day after Clinton announced his budget
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package to a joint session of Congress, Vice President
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Al Gore sought to sell the plan by visiting lawmakers.
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But he was embarrassed at a meeting in Sen. Richard
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Shelby's office when, as the cameras rolled, the Alabama
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Democrat publicly complained that the proposal was "high
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on taxes and low on cuts."
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The response from the White House was swift and
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unapologetic: officials said they would move from Alabama
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to Texas the management team for a space shuttle contract,
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a loss of 90 jobs for Shelby's state. "We tolerate
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dissention here," said one administration official familiar
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with the episode. "But he embarrassed the veep on national
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telelvision instead of speaking to us privately."
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/Clinton musters support for plans by courting congress/
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Richard Berke, NYT News Service
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Mar 08 93 from Duke _Chronicle_ p. 13.
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Budget cuts
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from Democrats Not available due
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to an "emergency"
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$30B to be announced and executed in 1997-98.
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The NY Times reports that Rep. Charles Schumer was asked why
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the Democratic plan (lots of tax increases) is better than the
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Republican plan (no tax increases). Schumer said "what makes our
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budget the best is that it can pass, and we're doing something
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about the deficit."
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RLS Mar 19 93
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from Republicans Found in trash
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1. Rep. John Kasich (R-OH) produced a Republican plan
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which would reduce the deficit by $429 B over the
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next five years, without any tax increases.
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2. Santorum-Specter plan (cut $97B of spending)
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Subject: Re: Give me specifics == Yet Another Lie
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Date: 9 Mar 93 16:26:02 GMT
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3. Gramm-Lott amendment in Senate
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4. Sen. Hank Brown (R-CO): WSJ Mar 09 93, p A16.
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5. Rep. Gerald Solomon (R-NY). Compromise bill that
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incorporated elements of the Clinton plan's
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taxes and Kasich's spending cuts. Defeated with
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the Kasich plan on Mar 18, 1993. Cuts included
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"killing" the superconducting supercollider, and
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an additional $60B in defense cuts underneath
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the defense cuts set by Bush, Powell, and Cheaney
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which were $50B beneath the 1990 Budget deal caps.
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Sandwiches
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1. The Congressional Special
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Two FAKE pork patties (it's a Kosher kitchen,
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after all), special interests, and an industrial
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strength laxative (to help it go down smooth)
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on a sesame and caraway seeded bun (to show
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the bun's cultural diversity) $3.95
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Tenderheart recipe
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25% fewer staff members than the old WH menu,
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but have yet to see if the Congressional
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Special's recipe will follow the lead $4.50
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2. The Social Security Special SEE NOTE
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3. Spotted Owl Wings @ SEE NOTE
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4. Fried chicken lips (demonstrated by DNC) $120 K
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cf. The Economist, Feb 27; RLS Mar 08 93
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5. Supreme Choice Sandwich $13.20
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May substitute for White bread anything that is
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tested pro-choice, has minority status, and has
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liberal activist connections to Clinton's law
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school profs at Yale.
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6. Carville's Blackened Louisiana Basketball Final Four
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tickets
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Carville was also asked why so many campaign officials had been
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brought back to the White House to straighten things out. He
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replied "well, it's like how many blacks you played on the
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basketball team in Louisiana 20 years ago - the rule was three
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at home, four on the road, and five when you're behind."
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Reported in RLS Feb 26 93
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[Right after he had been brought into the White House to fix
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the Clinton administration's mess of things, Carville talked
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about how "the President is doing a fine job, but the
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problem is we don't know what to do with her husband."]
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NOTE: Cannot be served at this time, as it is an endangered species.
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- VP A.G.
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@ Spotted Owl Wings is an actual menu item at the Bordermine Cafe in
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Colorado [RLS Feb 03 93]
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Entrees
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1. Sacrificial Republiclamb with scapegoat cheese ***SPECIAL***
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with Ronaroni memory of 1980s
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with Broccoli guilt of Horton
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with Quail and a baked potatoe price is a joke
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2. The Rainbow Cabinet Trout
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(confirmed in less than a month)
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in a special interest jus $11.00
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with a salad fit for millionaires $9.00
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a la Hillary (grilled over wood for at least
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90 min) $7.95
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feminist flambe' (a sprinkling of womyn/en) $7.75
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with Reich-a-roni (laborously stirred) $7.50
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in a Ron Brown sauce (w/o Social Sec Sauce,
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with golden parachutes) $1.4M
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with Zoe-cchuni NO LONGER
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AVAILABLE
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Nevada-style (all croutons from Reno) $8.36
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a la Gore (without fish, not cooked over a stove, no nukes
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or microwaves, not stored in a Freon-using refrigerator ... hell, it's
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just pieces of raw organically grown grass) $9.50
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3. Suefood Surprise
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with a cabinet full of lawyers $10.95
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with a cabinet full of millionaires $10.95
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with a "leaner" bureaucracy $10,950
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fully serviced by illegal immigrants NOT AVAILABLE
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with micromanagement NO EXTRA CHARGE
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Children's Legal Defense Fund Portion
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with a parental lawsuit and an Al Gore
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Environmentally sound coloring book
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(bag of crayons, no book - would mean
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the death of a tree!) PARENTS BILLED
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4. Stephanopoultry assortment (from the "Chicken Plant")
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without a Dee-Dessert $6.75
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with a large Gephardt role $7.95
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special prosecutor UPON REQUEST
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5. (Mis)Steak of the Union $10.15
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Burned to a crisp. (Hey I guess we asked for it.)
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6. Forest Gridlock Summit Vegetarian Pizza
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(may substitute marijuana for oregano
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in Arkansas:: 01/28 AP Report) $8.95
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"WORKING TOWARD NEW, BALANCED AND COMPREHENSIVE POLICY
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FOREST CONFERENCE SET FOR APRIL 2 IN PORTLAND, OR
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After Years of Gridlock, Action to Save Jobs and Precious Resources
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... It is time to break the gridlock that has blocked action
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and bring all sides together to craft a balanced approach to
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the economic and environmental challenges we face."
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Wed Mar 10 93 White House Press Release
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Beverages
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1. Hope Springs Eternal (Flavored dirty tap water from the Arkansas River
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near the "Chicken Plant")
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In a recycled glass or plastic bottle
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(BYO Bottle) $2.25
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"Dolphin-Free" $2.95
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"Soak the Rich" punch
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We'll back a truck to the nearest
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window, stick a nozzle in your mouth, and
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irrigate you like some Tennessee Valley
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Authority project. UPON REQUEST
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2. Celestial Blackmail Teas $100K
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[Celestial Teas targeted by the New York Boycott Colorado
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group, which was formed in protest of Colorado's rejection of Amendment
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2. Story by Walter Smith, Colorado Springs IT Center, Feb 05 93]
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3. Shalala Shake $2.50
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Milk shake with PC pudding and a pink flamingo
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decoration. Stirred with tongue depressor.
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[Inspired by a picture of 1000 plastic pink flamingoes placed on
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a quad area in the University of Wisconsin.]
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4. CAFE au EPA 40 mpg
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5. Dallas Cowboy Stampede Scalp of Wash Redskin
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Dee-Desserts
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Slick Willy Long Island % $1.00
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Hillary's health care cookies $2.99
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with Celestial Blackmail Tea $3.99
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Triple layer-of-taxes cake (SALE PRICE!!!!) $30K or more
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Schoolhouse deficit cake $128.31
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Sweet death of pro-life movement (Gunned down) Freedom of Choice
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Access Act Passage
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% Really, this is an actual menu item in Harry's Chocolate Shop,
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an adult bar in West Lafayette IN. (It's $3.00 w/tax.)
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Source: Kevin L. Stamber, Purdue Univ.
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********** SPECIAL NOTICE ********** SPECIAL NOTICE **********
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Any item from the old John F. Kennedy menu 15% off menu price.
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Any item from the old Franklin Roosevelt menu is 20% off.
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Any item from Eleanor Roosevelt's recipe book is FREE!!!!!!
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**************************************************************
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LIST OF FINANCIAL PATRIOTS
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Larry Villella, a 14-y.o. in Fargo ND [Feb 22 93] $1000.00
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"I think you're really a symbol of what's best
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in this country, and I'm proud of you and I
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thank you for doing this." -- Bill Clinton
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An elementary school [RLS Mar 08 93] $ 130.00
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An elementary school [RLS Mar 08 93] $ 200.00
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Liz Smith, gossip columnist, NY Newsday [Mar 03 93]:
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"Now is your chance actively to help Uncle Sam with his
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deficit headache. Do you want to do something useful,
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while waiting as Congress tries to sweat out and melt
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down President Clinton's new tax program? Well, you can!
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Simply figure out how much you can bear to part with and
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make out a check to the government of the US, marking it
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as a contribution to help reduce the deficit.
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"This is a trendy and good thing, no matter how
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big or small your contribution, and it is something that
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more and more people are doing to show they really want
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the deficit reduced. If everybody in the country sent a
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small check or money order, it could make a very big
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impact. Address your envelopes to President Bill Clinton,
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The White House, 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., Washington DC 20500."
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A prison inmate at Somers CT [RLS Mar 17 93] $ 25.00
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WEBSTER'S CLINTONESE - TO - ENGLISH DICTIONARY (FIRST EDITION)
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CLINTONESE ENGLISH
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__________ _______
|
|||
|
|
"My fellow citizens" "Suckers"
|
|||
|
|
"I didn't inhale" "I think you're all idiots"
|
|||
|
|
"goals" "lies"
|
|||
|
|
"broad-based contributions" "taxes"
|
|||
|
|
"investing in our infrastructure" "pork-barrel spending"
|
|||
|
|
"spending cuts" "decimating the military"
|
|||
|
|
"jobs program" "military base lay-offs"
|
|||
|
|
"Vietnam" "where?"
|
|||
|
|
"Attorney General" "the first semi-qualified woman
|
|||
|
|
I could find without a criminal
|
|||
|
|
record"
|
|||
|
|
"God bless America" "God help us, 'cause
|
|||
|
|
I don't have a clue"
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
US President Bill Clinton plans to reduce the budget deficit by an appeal to
|
|||
|
|
sacrifice. The problem, however, is that every time he gets near a virgin...
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
In an article on Northern Ireland, the political party Sinn Fein
|
|||
|
|
was described as the political wing of the IRA. I guess that
|
|||
|
|
makes the U.S. Democratic Party the political wing of the IRS.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
President Clinton had heard of all the starving people in Somalia, and wanted
|
|||
|
|
to get a look for himself. He ordered his aides to prepare Air Force One.
|
|||
|
|
On the plane, the president looked down with his binoculars, and said "My
|
|||
|
|
God! Look at them! Skinny, starving -- where are our troops?"
|
|||
|
|
An aide chimed in: "Er, Mr. President... that's not Somalia. It's Arkansas."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
VoiceFromWhiteHouse> Sorry, but we just have to cut all our
|
|||
|
|
- non-essential staff here
|
|||
|
|
(voice revealed to be Hillary)
|
|||
|
|
Hillary> So, Bill, I'll give you 'til 5 to get out!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Reporter 1> The cult members seem totally brainwashed, and still
|
|||
|
|
place their blind faith in a false savior offering hollow promises of
|
|||
|
|
salvation!
|
|||
|
|
Reporter 2> And that concludes our report from the Clinton White
|
|||
|
|
House
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Slick Willie appoints his wife to chair health care reform and now appoints yet
|
|||
|
|
another Kennedy to be, of all things, Ambassador to Ireland. Who said nepotism
|
|||
|
|
in American government is dead?
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary is being driven around Washington D.C. and spots
|
|||
|
|
a little boy sitting in a park with a wagon. She thinks,
|
|||
|
|
'this is a great press opportunity' so she has her driver
|
|||
|
|
pull over. She gets out to talk to the little boy and
|
|||
|
|
discovers that he has 6 little puppies in the wagon.
|
|||
|
|
She comments on how nice they are and the little boy says
|
|||
|
|
'thank you ma'm, they're Democrats!' Of course Hillary is
|
|||
|
|
extremely pleased by this.
|
|||
|
|
A few days later, Bill decides to take one of his jogs down
|
|||
|
|
to McDonalds, which is close to the park, and Hillary mentions
|
|||
|
|
that if he should see a little boy with a wagon he should
|
|||
|
|
stop and talk to him. Well, Bill sees the little boy with
|
|||
|
|
his wagon and puppies so he tells the little boy 'what nice
|
|||
|
|
puppies those are!' The boy says, 'Thank you sir. They're
|
|||
|
|
Republicans!' 'Wait a minute,' says Bill, 'Hillary told
|
|||
|
|
me that they're Democrats.' The boy responds, 'Yes sir,
|
|||
|
|
but now their eyes are open!'
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Bill Clinton dies and goes to the pearly gates, where St.Peter asks him
|
|||
|
|
who he is and what he did. Bill replies, "I am Bill Clinton, and
|
|||
|
|
I was president of the United States!" St. Peter says, "Ok, I will
|
|||
|
|
take you to meet the Lord." So they go to meet the Lord, who says
|
|||
|
|
"Who are you and what have you done?" Clinton replies, "I am Bill
|
|||
|
|
Clinton and I was president of the U.S.A.!" The Lord then says,
|
|||
|
|
"Come Bill, sit on my right hand." Clinton then sits down to the right
|
|||
|
|
of the Lord, extremely happy.
|
|||
|
|
Al Gore then dies and goes to the pearly gates, where St. Peter asks him
|
|||
|
|
who he is and what he did. Al replies much the same as Bill did,
|
|||
|
|
stating that he is Al Gore and was Vice-president of the US. St.
|
|||
|
|
Peter then takes him to meet the Lord, who offers Al the seat on his
|
|||
|
|
left side. Al accepts, and like Clinton, is ecstatic.
|
|||
|
|
After a while, Hillary dies and gets to the gates. St. Peter asks who she is
|
|||
|
|
and what she did, to which she replies, "Hillary Rodham Clinton, wife
|
|||
|
|
of the president of the US." Peter then takes her in to meet the Lord
|
|||
|
|
who repeats the question, "Who are you and what have you done?"
|
|||
|
|
Hillary replies, "I am Hillary Rodham Clinton, and you are in my seat!"
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Didja hear that in response to Pres. Bill's habit of dropping
|
|||
|
|
in on local McDonalds the McD's national management has annouced
|
|||
|
|
a commemrative double cheeseburger, the McClinton?
|
|||
|
|
Of course, when you get it, the price has doubled, and it's got
|
|||
|
|
half the meat.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in-
|
|||
|
|
Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?)..
|
|||
|
|
After throwing one of his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down),
|
|||
|
|
I half expected him to give the order, "Let's turn this thang around.
|
|||
|
|
We're taking 'er to the dump."
|
|||
|
|
Or "Are there any communists on board? How'd you like to be in charge
|
|||
|
|
of a floor of the Pentagon?"
|
|||
|
|
Or "Those who voted for me, step forward. The rest of you are out of
|
|||
|
|
work."
|
|||
|
|
Or "I want you to re-target those missles from Moscow to EIB headquarters."
|
|||
|
|
Or "Admiral, tell me about your plans for Gay Heritage Month..."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Zipity do dah,
|
|||
|
|
Zipity ay,
|
|||
|
|
Billy boy's the prez,
|
|||
|
|
Now we're all gonna pay.
|
|||
|
|
They'll take all your money,
|
|||
|
|
And give it away.
|
|||
|
|
They'll leave you with nothin
|
|||
|
|
for a rainy day.
|
|||
|
|
[ Chorus ]
|
|||
|
|
He's got a big chip on his shoulder
|
|||
|
|
dont ask me why, cause I don't know.
|
|||
|
|
He seems to really hate the mid class
|
|||
|
|
he wants to knock you right down on you'r fat ass.
|
|||
|
|
Zipity do dah
|
|||
|
|
Zipity ay
|
|||
|
|
Congress is behind him
|
|||
|
|
now we're all gonna pay.
|
|||
|
|
Energy taxes are rising each day
|
|||
|
|
my house is gettin colder cause the gas went away
|
|||
|
|
I can't fill my car so I can'v get away
|
|||
|
|
Dr. Kervorkian take my troubles away.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The two U.S. cities with the highest alcohol consumption
|
|||
|
|
are Las Vegas and Washington, DC.
|
|||
|
|
The difference between the two is that in Washington the
|
|||
|
|
drunks are gambling with *our* money!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
WGST radio in Atlanta reported yesterday that the Clinton's cat Socks arrived
|
|||
|
|
at the White House after being driven from Arkansas by a friend.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Acording to the reporter, "Socks ran around the room becoming familar with the
|
|||
|
|
new surroundings. There was that one embarassing moment though when Socks, as
|
|||
|
|
cats will do, began scratching a post. Unfortunately, it was Vice President
|
|||
|
|
Al Gore."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"A Gore friend told him to urge Clinton to pick Sigourney Weaver
|
|||
|
|
for Attorney General: 'She knows how to handle aliens.'"
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Arkansas 12th Grade Reading Test
|
|||
|
|
Slick Willy, Administrator
|
|||
|
|
Test #1 Test #2
|
|||
|
|
MR Farmers MR Snakes
|
|||
|
|
MR KNOT MR KNOT
|
|||
|
|
OSAR OSAR
|
|||
|
|
CMMT Pockets CMBDI's
|
|||
|
|
LIB LIB
|
|||
|
|
MR Farmers MR Snakes
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Test #3 Test #4
|
|||
|
|
MR Ducks MR Mice
|
|||
|
|
MR KNOT MR KNOT
|
|||
|
|
OSAR OSAR
|
|||
|
|
CM Wangs CMEDBD Feet
|
|||
|
|
LIB LIB
|
|||
|
|
MR Ducks MR Mice
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Test #5
|
|||
|
|
CM Puppies
|
|||
|
|
MR KNOT Puppies
|
|||
|
|
OSAR
|
|||
|
|
CMPN
|
|||
|
|
LIB
|
|||
|
|
MR Puppies
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
After taking un-official office, Hillary wants to have her middle
|
|||
|
|
name used when news reports refer to her, Hillary Rodham Clinton.
|
|||
|
|
Since she is quite assertive and is giving Mr. Bill and
|
|||
|
|
others advice on many matters, maybe she should be called
|
|||
|
|
Hillary "Ram-rod 'em" Clinton.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Q: How does Bill Clinton say "Fuck you"?
|
|||
|
|
A: "Trust me."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
It is said that Bill Clinton is considering changing the Democratic Party
|
|||
|
|
emblem from a donkey to a condom, because it stands for inflation, protects a
|
|||
|
|
bunch of pricks, halts production, and gives a false sense of security while
|
|||
|
|
being screwed.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
If Bill Clinton wins the election this November, they're going to have an
|
|||
|
|
air-conditioned sauna installed in the White House -- so he can have it both
|
|||
|
|
ways.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Bill Clinton is *so* fat, when he wears his yellow raincoat, people shout,
|
|||
|
|
"Taxi!"
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Bob Kerrey, when asked about Bill Clinton evading the draft: "Do I care if he
|
|||
|
|
evaded the draft? Well, a part of me does." [Bob Kerry lost an leg in
|
|||
|
|
Vietnam.]
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Q: What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?
|
|||
|
|
A: Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.
|
|||
|
|
A: One has two boobs, the others *are* two boobs.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton apart from a cow?
|
|||
|
|
A: By the wise look in the eyes.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Richard Belzer told this joke on TV today, apparently after watching Bill
|
|||
|
|
Clinton's performance in last night's debate (loosely paraphrased):
|
|||
|
|
Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton from a bunch of dead bodies?
|
|||
|
|
A: He's the stiff one.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I heard that some of the women in Arkansas are so fast that they have to put
|
|||
|
|
a governor on them!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"One thing's for sure about Clinton...
|
|||
|
|
-- He sure doesn't neglect domestic affairs!"
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Q: What does Gennifer Flowers do when she misses Bill Clinton?
|
|||
|
|
A: Eats Waffles
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
My brother explained why Bill Clinton is having so many woes:
|
|||
|
|
Bill Clinton has been in the Flowers and weeds!!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
So it's about Bill Clinton's new revelations about his sex life. Seems today
|
|||
|
|
he finally admitted that he had sex with Gennifer Flowers a couple of times...
|
|||
|
|
...but he didn't come.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
They said in the debates that Governor Clinton's home state of Arkansas has
|
|||
|
|
the lowest teen pregnancy rate in the nation... I'd like to thank the
|
|||
|
|
governor for wearing a condom."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
It's interesting that Bill Clinton chose a a running mate who DID inhale.
|
|||
|
|
Perhaps had the country paid more attention to Gennifer Flowers, Clinton
|
|||
|
|
would have picked Gary Hart instead.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
From a Mike Royko column:
|
|||
|
|
Gov. Clinton, after that blond bimbo got up on TV and said you had been her
|
|||
|
|
lover boy for years, you and your wife went on TV and your wife was
|
|||
|
|
affectionate, supportive and calm. Would you care to share with millions of
|
|||
|
|
American men how the heck you managed to talk your way out of that pickle?
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Bill Clinton is *so* fat, when he makes love to two women at the same time,
|
|||
|
|
they never see each other.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?
|
|||
|
|
A: A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Aides for presidential candidate Bill Clinton hotly denied new allegations of
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
misconduct. Officials of the company marketing the popular "Where's Waldo"
|
|||
|
|
puzzles noted a striking resemblance while examining the bare-breasted woman
|
|||
|
|
depicted frolicking in the water with an as-yet-unidentified man.
|
|||
|
|
Clinton denies that he has ever met the woman, and says he was with Waldo the
|
|||
|
|
whole time.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?
|
|||
|
|
A: Two -- One to promise he'll do it better than anyone else and
|
|||
|
|
one to obscure the issues.
|
|||
|
|
A: None -- He'll only promise "change."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
George Bush:
|
|||
|
|
"Change, change, change... That's all we'll have in our pockets if Bill
|
|||
|
|
Clinton is elected president."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Heard on MTV News:
|
|||
|
|
"Bill's brother who who owns a band, Politics, will be playing at the
|
|||
|
|
inauguration if Bill Clinton gets elected. Bill's brother will bring down the
|
|||
|
|
house just like Bill Clinton will bring down the country."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Did you hear Hillary Clinton ate beans on Friday night so
|
|||
|
|
she could take a bubble bath on Saturday?
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
BILL CLINTON STATUE COMMITTEE
|
|||
|
|
1040 Bufoo Street
|
|||
|
|
Little Rock, AR 72205
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Dear Friend,
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for raising five
|
|||
|
|
million dollars for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame in
|
|||
|
|
Washington D.C.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was not
|
|||
|
|
wise to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a
|
|||
|
|
lie, nor beside Senator Joe McCarthy, who never told the truth, since Bill
|
|||
|
|
Clinton could never tell the difference.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
We finally decided to place it beside the statue of Christopher Columbus, the
|
|||
|
|
greatest Democrat of all. He left not knowing where he was going, did not
|
|||
|
|
know where he was, returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on
|
|||
|
|
borrowed money.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Over 5,000 years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your
|
|||
|
|
shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised
|
|||
|
|
Land!" Nearly 5,000 years later, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit
|
|||
|
|
on your asses, and light up a Camel, this IS the Promised Land!" Now, Bill
|
|||
|
|
Clinton is going to steal your shovels, kick your asses, raise the price of
|
|||
|
|
Camels, and mortgage the Promised Land.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
If you are one of the fortunate few who has anything left after taxes, we
|
|||
|
|
expect a generous contribution to this worthwhile project.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Fraternally,
|
|||
|
|
The Bill Clinton Statue Committee
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Q: How do you break a Bill Clinton supporter's finger?
|
|||
|
|
A: Punch him in the nose.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying?
|
|||
|
|
A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the answer to this one.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and Bill Clinton's campaign limo?
|
|||
|
|
A: A porcupine has pricks on the outside.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
A man was walking along when he spotted a small boy busily constructing
|
|||
|
|
something. He approached the boy and was shocked to see him playing with cow
|
|||
|
|
manure! For lack of anything better to say, he asked, "Little boy, what ARE
|
|||
|
|
you doing?"
|
|||
|
|
The boy replied, "I am making George Bush, Mister."
|
|||
|
|
Now thoroughly taken aback, the man asked, "Why are you making George Bush?
|
|||
|
|
Why not make, er, Bill Clinton?"
|
|||
|
|
The boy answered, "Oh no Mister, I can't make Bill Clinton."
|
|||
|
|
"But why not?" asked the man.
|
|||
|
|
The boy replied "Well, Mister, there isn't enough bullshit here to make Bill
|
|||
|
|
Clinton."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Arsenio:
|
|||
|
|
I heard that Harris [headed for the electric chair] was going to imitate Bill
|
|||
|
|
Clinton...
|
|||
|
|
He wouldn't inhale...
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
TRUE STORY
|
|||
|
|
A friend told me he saw this on F-Troop last night:
|
|||
|
|
The Captain, the Chief, and an Inspector General were discussing the Chief's
|
|||
|
|
breaking of a Treaty. The following was the dialog:
|
|||
|
|
Inspector General: But Chief, how could you break the treaty?
|
|||
|
|
You smoked the peace pipe with us!
|
|||
|
|
Chief: Ah, yes. But, I didn't inhale!
|
|||
|
|
HELLO! Sound familiar everybody? Not only can't Clinton tell the truth,
|
|||
|
|
but he plagiarizes his lies!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
There was a line in George's speach where he said I raised taxes 1 time and I
|
|||
|
|
lived to regret it. Bill Clinton did it 132 times and loved every minute.
|
|||
|
|
(I thought he was going to add: And it's the same way on adultry.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Governor Bill Clinton had billed himself as a common man's president. In
|
|||
|
|
order to garner the votes of two states, he decided to go baby-kissing and
|
|||
|
|
flesh-pressing along the border of Louisiana and Arkansas. There, he
|
|||
|
|
encountered a strange fellow working at a gas station, a common man if there
|
|||
|
|
ever was one.
|
|||
|
|
"Sir, I'm Governor Bill Clinton, and I'm running for president," said Gov.
|
|||
|
|
Clinton, extending his hand out for a handshake.
|
|||
|
|
"That's mighty fine! I'm a great admirer of yours, Governor. You've done
|
|||
|
|
great things for the state of Arkansas," replied the man enthusiastically.
|
|||
|
|
The odd man, noticing the Governor's outstretched hand, shook his head sadly
|
|||
|
|
and said, "I'm sorry Governor. As much as I'd like to shake your hand, I
|
|||
|
|
can't do it right here. However, I will shake your hand if you cross the
|
|||
|
|
highway with me."
|
|||
|
|
Willing to do anything for a vote, Clinton agreed and crossed the highway
|
|||
|
|
with the man. Upon reaching the other side, the odd man vigorously shook the
|
|||
|
|
Governor's hand. Curious, Clinton asked of the man, "Why is it that I may
|
|||
|
|
shake your hand only after crossing the highway with you?"
|
|||
|
|
The man replied, "Oh, that's simple, Governor. You see, that there was
|
|||
|
|
Louisiana, and this here is Arkansas. Everyone knows that boob touching is
|
|||
|
|
legal only in Arkansas."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Reagan speech 8/17/92, referring to Bill Clinton (with veiled reference to
|
|||
|
|
Lloyd Bentson's comment to Dan Quayle during the 1988 VP debate; also after
|
|||
|
|
joking about his (Reagan's) advanced age):
|
|||
|
|
All right. Listen to me. This fellow they've nominated claims he's the new
|
|||
|
|
Thomas Jefferson. Well, let me tell you something. I knew Thomas Jefferson.
|
|||
|
|
He was a friend of mine. And, governor, you're no Thomas Jefferson.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Reagan speech 8/17/92 at Republican National Convention:
|
|||
|
|
When we see all that rhetorical smoke billowing out from the Democrats,
|
|||
|
|
ladies and gentlemen, I'd follow the example of their nominee: Don't inhale.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Bill Clinton justifies his proposed increases in government spending by
|
|||
|
|
dividing it into investment spending and consumption spending:
|
|||
|
|
GNP = C + I + Government Investment + Government Consumption
|
|||
|
|
He claims that goverment investment is productive and is worth running a
|
|||
|
|
deficit for.
|
|||
|
|
The question is whether the government can really make that many investments
|
|||
|
|
that are better than private sector investments. People are scared that under
|
|||
|
|
Bill Clinton and the Democrats, we will instead get:
|
|||
|
|
GNP = C + Pork Barrel + White Elephants
|
|||
|
|
+ Bureaucracy + Inefficiency
|
|||
|
|
+ Uncontrolled Costs
|
|||
|
|
+ Politically Correct Spending
|
|||
|
|
+ Outrageous Boondoggles
|
|||
|
|
+ $500 Billion Bank Bailouts
|
|||
|
|
+ Favors to Lobbyists
|
|||
|
|
+ More Favors to Big-Voting-Bloc Special Interests
|
|||
|
|
+ Even More Favors to Big-Money Campaign Contributors
|
|||
|
|
Most people don't think that politicians, government bureaucrats and academic
|
|||
|
|
economists would know an efficient investment from a hole in the wall. They
|
|||
|
|
think that politicians would end up calling everything they like, including
|
|||
|
|
increases in their own salaries, a form of investment.
|
|||
|
|
DLC STUDIOS
|
|||
|
|
Presents
|
|||
|
|
SLICK WILLIE
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
One Man's Story Of Saying Whatever It Takes To Get Elected
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
He'll do to America what he did to Arkansas.
|
|||
|
|
He won't inhale.
|
|||
|
|
He won't take us to war... because he wouldn't go himself.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary Clinton as "Tammy Wynette" Gennifer Flower as "The Bimbo"
|
|||
|
|
Ted Kennedy as "His Chaperone" Mario Cuomo as "The Godfather"
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Don't Miss the Sequel: GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
DLC Studios presents
|
|||
|
|
BILL CLINTON as "SLICK WILLIE"
|
|||
|
|
in a BLOODWORTH-THOMASON production
|
|||
|
|
Executive Producer: RON BROWN
|
|||
|
|
Directed By: JAMES CARVILLE
|
|||
|
|
Screenplay by: GEORGE MCGOVERN
|
|||
|
|
Based on the Book By: GLORIA STEINEM
|
|||
|
|
Music by: SISTER SOULJAH Performed by: ICE-T
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Featuring:
|
|||
|
|
JESSE JACKSON as "THE RAPPER"
|
|||
|
|
AL GORE as "THE TREE HUGGER"
|
|||
|
|
PAUL TSONGAS as "ELMER FUDD"
|
|||
|
|
JERRY BROWN as "GOVERNOR MOONBEAM"
|
|||
|
|
Special Apperances by:
|
|||
|
|
JIMMY CARTER WALTER MONDALE MICHAEL DUKAKIS
|
|||
|
|
ARSENIO HALL THE HIPPIES THE YIPPIES
|
|||
|
|
HISPANIC LESBIANS AGAINST RACISM
|
|||
|
|
COMMITTEE TO SAVE THE GAY WHALES ACT UP EARTH FIRST!
|
|||
|
|
UNIVERSITY OF ARKANSAS ROTC UNIT
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Soundtrack Available On Rated R: Ridiculous
|
|||
|
|
TIME-WONDER TAXPAYER BEWARE
|
|||
|
|
Records and Tapes
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
George Bush:
|
|||
|
|
"When Bill Clinton blows his taxophone, America will be singing the blues."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
THE ADVENTURES OF PRESIDENT BILL
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
It's Friday night and President Bill is working late in the White House.
|
|||
|
|
Suddenly the big, red telephone on his desk rings.
|
|||
|
|
RINGGGGGGGGGG, RINGGGGGGGGGG, RINGGGGGGGGGG
|
|||
|
|
President Bill:
|
|||
|
|
Hello! Hello!
|
|||
|
|
Voice on the Line:
|
|||
|
|
President Bill! We have a report that Boris Yeltsin
|
|||
|
|
just ordered the launch of all Russian missiles
|
|||
|
|
in a full-scale nuclear attack against the United States!
|
|||
|
|
President Bill: [take-off on a Clinton tirade against Jesse Jackson]
|
|||
|
|
AW SHIT!!!
|
|||
|
|
HE SAID HE WOULDN'T DO IT!
|
|||
|
|
THAT DIRTY, DOUBLE-CROSSING BACKSTABBER!
|
|||
|
|
SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!
|
|||
|
|
BAM!!! goes the receiver back in the red telephone's cradle.
|
|||
|
|
President Bill grabs the briefcase next to his desk,
|
|||
|
|
whirls the combination locks, flings open the lid,
|
|||
|
|
and jabs in a series of top-secret access codes.
|
|||
|
|
A voice comes over the briefcase speaker.
|
|||
|
|
Voice:
|
|||
|
|
Mr. President, is this a drill?
|
|||
|
|
President Bill:
|
|||
|
|
Listen to me.
|
|||
|
|
We're being attacked by the Russians.
|
|||
|
|
Launch a full-scale response immediately.
|
|||
|
|
Voice:
|
|||
|
|
Are you sure, Sir?
|
|||
|
|
President Bill:
|
|||
|
|
HELL YES!!!
|
|||
|
|
FIRE THE MISSILES!!!
|
|||
|
|
FIRE THE GODDAMN MISSILES!!!
|
|||
|
|
Voice:
|
|||
|
|
OK Sir, we're launching them this minute.
|
|||
|
|
President Bill:
|
|||
|
|
Thank you, Son!
|
|||
|
|
The speaker goes silent and President Bill collapses in his chair.
|
|||
|
|
Suddenly, an aid flings open the door and bursts into the room.
|
|||
|
|
Aid:
|
|||
|
|
Hey Bill! Neat joke, huh?
|
|||
|
|
Sounded real, didn't it?
|
|||
|
|
Attacked by the Russians! What a gag!
|
|||
|
|
Hey, you want something from the kitchen, Bill?
|
|||
|
|
How about a Pizza or something?
|
|||
|
|
Say Bill, are you OK? You look kinda pale.
|
|||
|
|
You OK Bill?
|
|||
|
|
Bill???
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I just realized why Clinton visited Tandem yesterday rather than Sun or HP
|
|||
|
|
which would have brought larger crowds.
|
|||
|
|
He thought Tandem would be a friendlier crowd when he heard they were a
|
|||
|
|
"fault tolerant" company.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Reporter: Governor Clinton, what damage do you think has been done to your
|
|||
|
|
campaign by your wife's comment the other day about how "Hitler was really a
|
|||
|
|
great guy" ?
|
|||
|
|
Clinton: (Mixture of sadness and anger, but articulate as always.) Hilary and
|
|||
|
|
myself are shocked, outraged, and deeply saddened by this terrible
|
|||
|
|
misunderstanding. The media hype is way out of proportion. You guys should
|
|||
|
|
know us by now--we would never say anything like that. And though she did say
|
|||
|
|
a few things about Germany she certainly didn't mean anything offensive by
|
|||
|
|
her remarks, which I might add have been willfully and shamefully taken out
|
|||
|
|
of context and distorted. There is nothing in my life, or Hilary's life,
|
|||
|
|
which can be construed as deroguerotory toward the German people. We honor
|
|||
|
|
them. Some of our best friends are Germans. My own grandmother was
|
|||
|
|
one-quarter German. And it certainly isn't true that Germans are excluded
|
|||
|
|
from our country club. In my eleven years as Governor of Arkansas I was
|
|||
|
|
responsible for hiring more German-Americans than my three predecessors
|
|||
|
|
combined. We have some pie charts which we'll pass around for all you boys
|
|||
|
|
so you have the whole story. Once the American people know all the facts
|
|||
|
|
they'll understand just how ridiculous this is.
|
|||
|
|
Part of this just naturally comes from being the frontrunner, although I
|
|||
|
|
never thought of myself that way or wanted to be called that. You boys just
|
|||
|
|
keep taking your best shots. The American people have seen the worst of me
|
|||
|
|
and they aren't turned off by what we stand for. But this latest outrage is
|
|||
|
|
just too much. You boys ought to be ashamed. Sleaze for soundbites, trash for
|
|||
|
|
cash, that's what this is. We have good reason to believe the audio tapes
|
|||
|
|
were doctored. We're not even sure if that's Hilary's voice. You guys ought
|
|||
|
|
to have checked this out better before launching a major attack on my wife.
|
|||
|
|
The whole story was phony to begin with. In fact, our sources suggest that
|
|||
|
|
this is is just the latest manifestation of the viscious smear campaign
|
|||
|
|
orchestrated by the white house, who have declared many times that they will
|
|||
|
|
do whatever it takes to win this election. And that's part of the reason tha
|
|||
|
|
we're so outraged about this--the very gall of the whole thing. The only
|
|||
|
|
nazis you find in America these days are people like David Duke, who of
|
|||
|
|
course is a Republican, not a Democrat. But I certainly don't mean to imply
|
|||
|
|
that George Bush has any Nazi skeletons in his closet. As I told Hilary just
|
|||
|
|
this morning, "Two wrongs don't make a right."
|
|||
|
|
It also comes as no surprise that Governor Brown has jumped on the bandwagon
|
|||
|
|
and has repeated these ridiculous charges every chance he gets. It is clearly
|
|||
|
|
in Governor Brown's interest to do whatever he can to turn the discussion
|
|||
|
|
away from his "flat tax" proposal which would spell disaster for the people
|
|||
|
|
of this nation. And former Senator Tsongas, although he tried to claim he
|
|||
|
|
was above such things, has also chimed in with a few comments of his own and
|
|||
|
|
he maintains he isn't even running any more. Unlike Senator Tsongas and
|
|||
|
|
Governor Brown, I've always tried to focus on issues, and God knows we've
|
|||
|
|
tried to avoid misleading or negative campaigning of any kind.
|
|||
|
|
(Turning up the heat, getting more dramatic.)
|
|||
|
|
The millions of citizens of this great country who are out of work or scared
|
|||
|
|
of losing their jobs or their health insurance know what I stand for. People
|
|||
|
|
are genuinely disillutioned with the way things are in Washington, and this
|
|||
|
|
kind of sideshow just reinforces their disgust. People have been let down,
|
|||
|
|
they've been shafted by Washington. They want to know whether they have a
|
|||
|
|
vehicle for their resentment. I have always run my campaigns as a change
|
|||
|
|
agent. I'm as much of an outsider as anybody. I ran the first ad against the
|
|||
|
|
congressional pay raise!
|
|||
|
|
Certainly this is a sad commentary on the manipulation of the media, and the
|
|||
|
|
people, by evil forces who oppose our candidacy. Here we are trying to bring
|
|||
|
|
everyone together in this country so that we can work for the future, and
|
|||
|
|
once again viscious lies are spread about us and guerilla tactics are used
|
|||
|
|
against us. Besides, I thought you guys were supposed to be on my side. It is
|
|||
|
|
just plain cowardice to keep bringing this up and attacking my wife instead
|
|||
|
|
of raising honest issues like the need for more submarines, my support for a
|
|||
|
|
middle class tax cut, the way Senator Tsongas wants to break the backs of
|
|||
|
|
poor honest retired folks by slashing their social security payments, how
|
|||
|
|
opposed I am to raising the gas tax, or the way Jerry's flat tax would
|
|||
|
|
cripple the nation. Maybe Hilary should have just stayed home in Arkansas and
|
|||
|
|
baked some cookies.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Saw this on "In Living Color" last night:
|
|||
|
|
Barbara Bush to Hillary Clinton: "Your daughter's so ugly Woody Allen
|
|||
|
|
wouldn't touch her."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
New campaign slogan for Gov. Clinton:
|
|||
|
|
Smell my lips.....No more Bush
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I heard Bill Clinton was Grand Marshal of a stock car race during the Labor
|
|||
|
|
Day weekend. A politician strikes me as an excellent choice to preside over
|
|||
|
|
an event where people drive in circles at high speed.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Ya know, I kinda hope that Clinton does get elected... It will be the first
|
|||
|
|
time in a long while that I'll have been able to *really* enjoy political
|
|||
|
|
humor...
|
|||
|
|
Bill Clinton has been advised by doctors to save his voice and
|
|||
|
|
not speak a single word for the next couple days.
|
|||
|
|
Guess this means he'll have to contradict himself in mime...
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Bill Clinton is *so* fat when he sits around the White House, he sits
|
|||
|
|
*around* the White House.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Acronyms:
|
|||
|
|
CLINTON = Chicken Lickin' Idiot Now Taking Over Nation
|
|||
|
|
CLINTON = Crazy Liberal Intent On Needlessly Trashing Our Nation
|
|||
|
|
CLINTON = Clearly Loose Internal Navigation Techniques Occupy Never-Neverland
|
|||
|
|
GORE = Genniffer's Only Remaining Enterprise
|
|||
|
|
GORE = Greatly Oriented to Radical Ecology
|
|||
|
|
EARTH DAY = Ecological Alarmism Retold To Hysterical Dopes And Youngsters
|
|||
|
|
GORE = Great One Regulating Everything
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Well, now that the election will be a thing of the past tonight, I guess Bill
|
|||
|
|
Clinton will be glad. Why you ask?
|
|||
|
|
So he can put Jennifer Flowers to bed! [literally]
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving
|
|||
|
|
this year?
|
|||
|
|
A: Because they're sending their turkey to the White House!
|
|||
|
|
A2: Because they can't afford any more pork
|
|||
|
|
A3: Reagan ate all the jellybeans
|
|||
|
|
A4: They've been having turkey FOR YEARS
|
|||
|
|
A5: Because Bill is having Gennifer
|
|||
|
|
A6: Because Clinton "invested" all the turkey.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
If you don't like BUSH, you're a homo.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Why does Hillary have a big mouth?
|
|||
|
|
She likes to bl** whales.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Why does hillary have a grimace on her face?
|
|||
|
|
Bill forgot to take the di*** out.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Why did Bill use the di***?
|
|||
|
|
Because Hillary bit it off!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Why did Gennifer Flowers leave Bill and talked?
|
|||
|
|
Bill had NOTHING to give her!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
About the porno film,
|
|||
|
|
Slick Willie bl*** the country.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
And a Perot Joke:
|
|||
|
|
Doesn't Perot look like Radar 30 years later?
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
And another Clinton joke:
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary isn't just butt ugly, she's up-butt ugly!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Vote Democrat... It's easier than getting a job
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Come April 21, Many Americans will be seeing the following 1040EZ, Thanks to
|
|||
|
|
Bill Clinton:
|
|||
|
|
Enter your salary from last year on line 1. ..........line 1_____________
|
|||
|
|
Please remit Line 1 for tax due.
|
|||
|
|
Put all Comments/ Complaints in the box that follows: -------
|
|||
|
|
| |
|
|||
|
|
| |
|
|||
|
|
-------
|
|||
|
|
Yes, I would like to give $1 for a re-elect the president fund...
|
|||
|
|
-------
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
does Bill Clinton really live on Bufoo Street?
|
|||
|
|
Is that short for buffoon street?
|
|||
|
|
Its great that Clinton is such a common place name...
|
|||
|
|
It makes for great signs (thanks, Rush) like ...
|
|||
|
|
<PROSPERITY
|
|||
|
|
CLINTON
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
CLINTON AVE
|
|||
|
|
DEAD END
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
CLINTON
|
|||
|
|
PROMISCUITY AHEAD
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
==========
|
|||
|
|
Subject: something to show for it
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Last night David Lettermen mentioned that Gennifer Flowers is going to do a
|
|||
|
|
"spread" in the December Penthouse magazine.
|
|||
|
|
He remarked that it will be good, for once, to see something that a Presidential candidate has done.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
==========
|
|||
|
|
And now something NEW and ORIGINAL...
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
President-Elect Clinton promises to make the administration more
|
|||
|
|
representative of the population. Well, I think he should consider making
|
|||
|
|
Millie the Dog Secretary of State. After all, President Bush recommends her
|
|||
|
|
highly "knows more about international relations than those two bozos
|
|||
|
|
combined.." and after all, how many dogs have been appointed Secretary of
|
|||
|
|
anything?
|
|||
|
|
And finally, the way things are going to be under Clinton, we won't have any
|
|||
|
|
stature as a superpower any more, so we might as well have a Secretary of
|
|||
|
|
State that barks if someone breaks in.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
On the front page of the 11/9/92 New York Times, there is a piece
|
|||
|
|
entitled "Clinton, After Raising Hopes, Now Tries to Lower Expectations."
|
|||
|
|
In this piece, the major campaign promises made by President-Elect Clinton
|
|||
|
|
are summarized as follows.
|
|||
|
|
1. He said he would end welfare "as we know it."
|
|||
|
|
2. He would restore America's industrial manufacturing base so that good,
|
|||
|
|
high-paying jobs are widespread.
|
|||
|
|
3. He would insure that no working family would fall below the poverty line.
|
|||
|
|
4. He would make "health care a right, not a privilege," for all Americans
|
|||
|
|
without subjecting businesses to an additional tax burden or rationing health
|
|||
|
|
care.
|
|||
|
|
5. He promised to eliminate adult illiteracy in five years.
|
|||
|
|
6. He promised to halve the Federal deficit in four years without raising
|
|||
|
|
taxes on the middle class or significantly cutting the Government entitlement
|
|||
|
|
programs that account for the bulk of Federal spending.
|
|||
|
|
7. He promised offering a modest tax break to the middle class.
|
|||
|
|
8. He would guarantee all Americans either a college education or two years
|
|||
|
|
of vocational training after high school, under the guidance of a national
|
|||
|
|
service program that would "solve the problems of this country while
|
|||
|
|
educating a generation of Americans."
|
|||
|
|
9. Mr. Clinton pledged to keep abortion legal while "making it as rare as
|
|||
|
|
possible."
|
|||
|
|
10. He promised to end racial, religious, geographical, and sex-oriented
|
|||
|
|
divisions in society.
|
|||
|
|
11. He promised to safeguard environmental concerns without costing jobs.
|
|||
|
|
12. He promised to protect the rights and privileges of workers without costing business growth.
|
|||
|
|
Good Luck, Bud!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Wary Klink Live-Pillory Clinton
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Wary: "Hello, welcome to Wary Klink Live. Tonight's guests will be
|
|||
|
|
First Lady elect Pillory Clinton. In our second hour, our
|
|||
|
|
guest will be Dr. Heidrich Von Schmillshonshtenstenton D.D.S.,
|
|||
|
|
P.A., Ph.D., M.D., A.C.L.U A.F.L.-C.I.O, A.S.A.P., A.S.P.C.A.,
|
|||
|
|
S.P.Q.R., C.I.A., F.B.I., I.R.S., nd H.R.S., discussing the
|
|||
|
|
finer points of redneck philosophy. (Titles and Degrees 1.)
|
|||
|
|
Welcome Mrs. Clinton.
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: Thank you it is a pleasure to be here.
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Now, we will open the phones in a moment, but first, how does
|
|||
|
|
it feel to have singlehandedly ruined this country's economic
|
|||
|
|
structure? (Emotional Terms 2.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: Wonderful, Wary. It's an incredible power trip to hold the
|
|||
|
|
future of an entire nation in your hands. I won't enjoy
|
|||
|
|
destroying this nation from the ground up, much, but it must
|
|||
|
|
be done. Change must come, and tearing it up and starting
|
|||
|
|
from scratch is the only way.(Radicalism 3.)
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Well, good for you. Now, to our first caller from Xanadu,
|
|||
|
|
Nebraska.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 1: Miz Klinton, I am a profezzor of Eaztern Philozophiez, and I
|
|||
|
|
find your previouz statements to be grozzly offenzive. How
|
|||
|
|
can you claim that a pro Marxist/Leninst/Stalinist policy is
|
|||
|
|
the best course when Lao Tsu clearly statez that eventz muzt
|
|||
|
|
be allowed to take their courze if the society is to reach a
|
|||
|
|
higher level.(Status 4.)
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: Everyone is against me, I can't understand it, I want to help
|
|||
|
|
the nation!
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Next caller. (Click) Umm...this caller is from Pigsnout,
|
|||
|
|
Georgia.
|
|||
|
|
Caller II: (German accent) Hello, this is Dr. Schimillschonshtenstenton,
|
|||
|
|
I regret that I will be unable to attend your show this
|
|||
|
|
evening as I have had car trouble here in town. However the
|
|||
|
|
wonderful people of the town have graciouly offered to
|
|||
|
|
provide the entertainment for the evening.
|
|||
|
|
Wary: How is that Mr Schim... Doctor
|
|||
|
|
Caller II: We are going to watch some film called "Deliverance". I'm
|
|||
|
|
told it's quite good.
|
|||
|
|
Wary: I'm terribly sorry doctor, but enjoy the movie.
|
|||
|
|
Caller II: I'm cartain I will, they are such a polite and forthcoming
|
|||
|
|
people (Appearance 5.)
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Our next caller is from San Juan, excuse me San Joo Wahn, Texas
|
|||
|
|
Caller 3: (southern twang) I want to talk to that wife of a commie
|
|||
|
|
sympathiser!
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Please, sir, keep the insults to a minimum.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 3: Bush and Quayle weren't that bad, we have had 12 years of
|
|||
|
|
republican presidency, why change it now? (Conservatism 6.)
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: I find it impossible to believe that anyone could find any
|
|||
|
|
benefit from a republican presidency! (Inconceivability 7.)
|
|||
|
|
Caller 3: You What!
|
|||
|
|
Wary: People, don't fight. I'm sure the answer lies somewhere
|
|||
|
|
between your two views. Can't we all just get along?
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: No.
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Okay. Next caller from Vallder, Colorado.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 4: Hi, my name is Edward Winslow, and I am a former Perot
|
|||
|
|
supporter.
|
|||
|
|
Class: HI EDWARD!
|
|||
|
|
Caller 4: I really don't understand all this pro-Clinton sentiment.
|
|||
|
|
Clinton's presidency will be the biggest bomb in American
|
|||
|
|
history (Metaphor 8.)
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Mrs...
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: Ms.
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Sure. Ms Clinton, your response.
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: I agree, my presidency will be an explosive one, impacting
|
|||
|
|
every aspect of American society. (Shift of Meaning 9.)
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Excuse me, I think he means...
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: Next caller.
|
|||
|
|
Wary: ... that ...
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: NEXT CALLER
|
|||
|
|
Wary: (sigh) from Waldorf, Michigan.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 5: Ms. Clinton, I agree with you whole-heartedly in every aspect
|
|||
|
|
of your philosophy. Your views on the socio-political
|
|||
|
|
ramifications of the subcouncious integral psychosexual male
|
|||
|
|
egobarrier are simply brilliant. (Technical Jargon 10.)
|
|||
|
|
Wary: What?
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: Shut up, Wary.
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Hey...
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: Stay on the line caller, I'll discuss my new theories and
|
|||
|
|
policies with you after the show.
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Can I have my show back now?
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: Yes, you may.
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Next Caller from New Jonestown, Arkansas.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 6: We just called to say that all five thousand of us here in New
|
|||
|
|
Jonestown support you Ms Clinton, and we're holding a party in
|
|||
|
|
your honor, hey, this many of us can't all be wrong. (aside)
|
|||
|
|
Hey, is that Kool-Aid ready yet? (Numbers 11.)
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: It's good to know that some americans are intelligent, thank
|
|||
|
|
you for your support.
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Next caller from Gernee, New Zealand.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 6: 'ello, I can't see why you yanks dumped Bush, af'er all, you
|
|||
|
|
know what they say. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
|
|||
|
|
(Sophistical Formula 12.)
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Excellent, my foreign friend.
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: Just what we need, competitors telling us how to run our
|
|||
|
|
country. This is what dragged us down in the first place.
|
|||
|
|
(Causal Oversimplification 12).
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Next Caller, after all we wouldn't want to run up his phone
|
|||
|
|
bill.
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: I have a few choice words for that man!
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Too late Pillory, next caller from New Orleans, Louisiana.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 7: Yeah, is this Geno's Bar?
|
|||
|
|
Wary: No, wrong number
|
|||
|
|
Caller 7: You sure this ain't Geno's?
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Yes, this is Wary Klink, Live.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 7: Oh, anyway, you really ought to try Geno's. It has awesome
|
|||
|
|
food. Geno's is my favorite bar. In fact, why don't you come
|
|||
|
|
to Geno's after work? (Repetition 13.)
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Next caller from Fallax, Montana.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 8: Clintons Must Die! Clintons Must Die! Clintons Must Die!
|
|||
|
|
(Slogan 14.)
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Next Caller.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 9: Hi, I'm from Boston, and what I want to know is why people
|
|||
|
|
would elect someone like you as President. I mean that's
|
|||
|
|
like putting a serial killer in a nursing home. (Similie 15.)
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: What is wrong with you people? What good could come from any
|
|||
|
|
Republican, no matter how liberal? (Prejudice 16.)
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Next Caller from Saldo, California.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 10: Ms Clinton, I'm sure your administration will have long
|
|||
|
|
lasting effects on the nations future. (Vagueness 17.)
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: ... Thank You...
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Next Caller from Juno Alaska.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 11: Congratulations on winning the White House, Ms. Clinton. May
|
|||
|
|
your term of office be short and uneventful.
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: ...
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Next caller from Little Rock Arkansas.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 12: Honey, this is Fuzzy, what kind of peanut butter was I
|
|||
|
|
supposed to get.
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: Jif, Bill.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 12: Oops, I got skippy, but you can't really blame me, after all,
|
|||
|
|
I have so much to remember. All those bills you told me to
|
|||
|
|
sign, an entire shopping list, what size panty hose you
|
|||
|
|
wear... (Rationalization 18.)
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Panty Hose?
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: Bill, that was inappropriate.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 12: Hey, if you can call me out of a disaster relief meeting to
|
|||
|
|
tell me to pick up some tuna, I should certainly be able to
|
|||
|
|
call you about peanut butter! (Nor Drawing the Line 19.)
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Panty Hose?
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: Is it too much for me to hope for that you would remember
|
|||
|
|
three senteces together without a week's worth of coaching?
|
|||
|
|
Caller 12: Next caller.
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Hoboken, New Jersey. (aside) Panty Hose?
|
|||
|
|
Caller 13: Hi, I'm a ultra-ultra left Marxist. I think that if we just
|
|||
|
|
dissolved all the world governments, every one would stop
|
|||
|
|
fighting and save the environment. (Wishful Thinking 20.)
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: Sure, and Stalin was a humanitarian.
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Next Caller from Nattlemeyer, Vermont
|
|||
|
|
Caller 14: I am a Political Science professor from Mannington College
|
|||
|
|
and I find that both sides have their merits. I feel that
|
|||
|
|
more data must be gathered before we can decide if replacing
|
|||
|
|
Bush was a positive step. (Academic Detatchment 21.)
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: Look, we won't have any fence walkers in this administration!
|
|||
|
|
Either you support the reforms we will make, or you are
|
|||
|
|
against them, period. (Drawing the line 22.)
|
|||
|
|
Wary: Gee, we have another caller, what a surprise.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 15: Hey, I've got your number boss-lady. You claim that you want
|
|||
|
|
to help the nation, yet your husband said, and I quote "...We
|
|||
|
|
will if elected, ... raise taxes, ... send ... jobs
|
|||
|
|
overseas,... and spend more..." (Quotation out of Context 23.)
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: I don't recall him saying any such thing.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 15: He said EVERY word of it ma'am.
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: I'm sure he did SAY every word of it, just not all together.
|
|||
|
|
(Emphasis 24.)
|
|||
|
|
Wary: One last caller and then our time is up for the evening.
|
|||
|
|
Kalleytrepp, your on the air.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 16: Mrs. Clinton...
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: Ms.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 16: Excuse me?
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: Ms., not Mrs. Mrs. is an archaic and degrading term whose
|
|||
|
|
sole purpose is to keep women in their traditional role as
|
|||
|
|
second class citizens.
|
|||
|
|
Caller 16: Can you please define a "second class citizen"
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: Certainly, one who is denied certain rights and privaleges
|
|||
|
|
Caller 16: Such as?
|
|||
|
|
Pillory: Such as... Well um, take for example..(Abstract Terms 25.)
|
|||
|
|
Wary: That's all the time we have this evening, we'll see you next
|
|||
|
|
week when we will have lame duck president George Bush as our
|
|||
|
|
guest.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Remember, send praises, flames, and bomb threats to lhenso@unf6.cis.unf.edu!
|
|||
|
|
--------
|
|||
|
|
No, but on last night's tv show, Rush mentioned the new song, "Inhale to the
|
|||
|
|
Chief."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
November 11, 1992:
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Bill Clinton (President-Elect) was at the Arkansas War Veterans Memorial
|
|||
|
|
Service today. THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS. A DRAFT DODGER "honoring" war veterans
|
|||
|
|
with his presence?
|
|||
|
|
Okay, okay. Let's just put this in perspective.
|
|||
|
|
Bill Clinton at the Veterans' Day Memorial is like:
|
|||
|
|
* Sinead O'Connor at Burger King
|
|||
|
|
* Willie Horton outside prison
|
|||
|
|
* Jerry Brown having Earth citizenship
|
|||
|
|
* Gloria Steinem chasing men
|
|||
|
|
* Madonna teaching chastity
|
|||
|
|
* Jack Kervorkian doing CPR
|
|||
|
|
* Earth First! running a logging company
|
|||
|
|
* Fidel Castro joining Amnesty International
|
|||
|
|
* The Sacramento Kings at the NBA Playoffs
|
|||
|
|
* Dr. Spock giving corporal punishment
|
|||
|
|
* David Duke in the NAACP
|
|||
|
|
* Van Halen teaching classical music
|
|||
|
|
* Molly Yard in a swimsuit
|
|||
|
|
* Steve "Dennis Hall" Chaney actually *being* "pro-life"
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
What Is A Deathocrat Made Of?
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Oh, what is a Deathocrat made of?
|
|||
|
|
Of purple haze and militant gaze.
|
|||
|
|
That's what a Deathocrat's made of.
|
|||
|
|
Of sullen cynics, abortion clinics.
|
|||
|
|
That's what a Deathocrat's made of.
|
|||
|
|
Of pseudo-scholars and guilt trip wallowers,
|
|||
|
|
hollow woe hollerers and hollower followers,
|
|||
|
|
cowerers, glowerers, frivolous borrowers.
|
|||
|
|
That's what a Deathocrat's made of.
|
|||
|
|
Party of the strange and twisted.
|
|||
|
|
Champion of each vice once hissed at.
|
|||
|
|
Mockers of the tried and true.
|
|||
|
|
Seekers who have not A CLU.
|
|||
|
|
Where kinky notions find a home,
|
|||
|
|
from whence the dinky dollar is thrown
|
|||
|
|
to anywhere unjustified
|
|||
|
|
from out the middle class's hide.
|
|||
|
|
Pretenders pressing vague agendas,
|
|||
|
|
they pose as philanthropic menders.
|
|||
|
|
Pitting class and class and class,
|
|||
|
|
these scions of the stubborn ass.
|
|||
|
|
Kill a tree and risk their might!!
|
|||
|
|
Abortion? ... Why, a woman's right!
|
|||
|
|
Depict George Bush as mad aggressor,
|
|||
|
|
Castro as some quaint professor.
|
|||
|
|
Appeasing all tyrants who act with bold violence,
|
|||
|
|
with wishfullness, wistfullness, blissful dead silence,
|
|||
|
|
they cheat on their spouses and back revolutions
|
|||
|
|
where Marx and machine guns are posed as solutions.
|
|||
|
|
They run in circles, swim in fees,
|
|||
|
|
fly from responsibility.
|
|||
|
|
A criminal will earn their pity
|
|||
|
|
while victims mount in every city.
|
|||
|
|
"The poor", they say, "we help upgrade!"
|
|||
|
|
but back in 1978
|
|||
|
|
with Democrats as the ruling tenants
|
|||
|
|
of White House, Congress, and the Senate,
|
|||
|
|
gaslines grew, inflation soared!
|
|||
|
|
The poor did better under Ford.
|
|||
|
|
Jimmy and Fritz looked pale and wan.
|
|||
|
|
"Who can we possibly blame this on?"
|
|||
|
|
The people, that's who, as they did when they said,
|
|||
|
|
"Things are bad ... they won't get better.
|
|||
|
|
It's not our fault. Go wear a sweater."
|
|||
|
|
They spent other folks' money to garner votes and praises,
|
|||
|
|
leaving indexed taxing brackets that meant automatic raises,
|
|||
|
|
that moved the poor and middle class,
|
|||
|
|
their 'special friends', they said,
|
|||
|
|
to brackets where scant years before
|
|||
|
|
the rich and fat had laid.
|
|||
|
|
And when Reagan said at last, "Indexing has to go!",
|
|||
|
|
they said, "The old will soon be dead!"
|
|||
|
|
and similar cries of woe.
|
|||
|
|
They cursed and wurst and fairly burst with ugly histrionics.
|
|||
|
|
Inflation fell. But what the hell, it can't be Reaganomics!
|
|||
|
|
The man's success left them a mess when he said with rhetoric blistery,
|
|||
|
|
"The dreaded reds will make their beds on the old ash heap of history!
|
|||
|
|
"Abortion is lethal and communists evil!!"
|
|||
|
|
Oh, how these rubes are uncouth!
|
|||
|
|
What gay-bashing, chauvinist, war-monger bigots!
|
|||
|
|
When will they ever see truth?
|
|||
|
|
So what is a Deathocrat made of?
|
|||
|
|
What IS a Deathocrat made of?
|
|||
|
|
Of moral despoilers, and strident annoyers,
|
|||
|
|
devious lawyers, and porno mag voyeurs,
|
|||
|
|
of prayer interdiction and socialist fiction,
|
|||
|
|
stupid decisions and history revisions.
|
|||
|
|
Of shear abdication as sex education,
|
|||
|
|
equivocation and scorn for our nation.
|
|||
|
|
Of asinine fratricide.
|
|||
|
|
Bully for OUR side!
|
|||
|
|
That's what a Deathocrat's made of.
|
|||
|
|
AMEN!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I thought you'd all like to hear about the potential candidates meeting
|
|||
|
|
with the Wizard of Oz...
|
|||
|
|
First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said, "Everyone says I have
|
|||
|
|
no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart".
|
|||
|
|
So the Wiz said,"So be it".
|
|||
|
|
Second was Dan Quayle. He said to the Wiz, "People think I'm unintelligent
|
|||
|
|
and have no common sense what so ever...I wish to have a Brain".
|
|||
|
|
The Wiz said, "So be it".
|
|||
|
|
Third was Ross Perot. "People say I have no confidence and I lack conviction...
|
|||
|
|
..I wish to have some Courage".
|
|||
|
|
And then Bill Clinton approached the Wizard.
|
|||
|
|
The Wizard looked at him, and said, "Well, what do you want?"
|
|||
|
|
To which Clinton replied, "I'm here for Dorothy!"
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Those who say the Gang of Four in China are dead have been proven wrong by
|
|||
|
|
the presense of Bill Clinton, Hilary Clinton, Tom Foley, Richard Gephardt,
|
|||
|
|
and George Mitchell together in Little Rock last night. Let's hope there is
|
|||
|
|
no conservative student rally in Lafayette Park or they will send in the only
|
|||
|
|
tank of the U.S. Army on them.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hiliary stopped using her maiden name when she found out from Gennifer who
|
|||
|
|
the REAL Rodman was.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Q: What was Bill and Chelsie Clinton doing in the voting booth?
|
|||
|
|
A: Bill was giving his daughter a lesson in Civics, how to sc#$w the people!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
It has finally happened. The uneducated finally voted. I can't think of
|
|||
|
|
anything funnier than what happened on Nov. 3, 1992. I heard this on the
|
|||
|
|
news, honest, Mr. Bill "Why no, I didn't inhales, why do you ask?" Clinton
|
|||
|
|
received more than 50% of the votes from people who did not graduate
|
|||
|
|
highschool.
|
|||
|
|
Sorry, but that does not make me feel comfortable.
|
|||
|
|
I find it very difficult to believe that someone would vote for a person who
|
|||
|
|
committed adultery, and lied, about the same thing, three times! This is
|
|||
|
|
living proof that christian, or even pseudo-christian, morals have no place
|
|||
|
|
in America.
|
|||
|
|
Cudos to those for the funniest laugh I have ever had.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
1) So what if Bill did it with Jennifer or Gennifer or
|
|||
|
|
whatever her name is? A little playfulness doesn't seem to have
|
|||
|
|
affected John F. Kennedy's standing as one of the great Presidents of
|
|||
|
|
our history.
|
|||
|
|
And in order to live up to his standard, if Clinton is elected, I guess he'll
|
|||
|
|
have to fuck Madonna and get the CIA to stage her "suicide".
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I thought you'd all like to hear about the potential candidates meeting
|
|||
|
|
with the Wizard of Oz...
|
|||
|
|
First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said, "Everyone says I have
|
|||
|
|
no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart".
|
|||
|
|
So the Wiz said,"So be it".
|
|||
|
|
Second was Dan Quayle. He said to the Wiz, "People think I'm unintelligent
|
|||
|
|
and have no common sense what so ever...I wish to have a Brain".
|
|||
|
|
The Wiz said, "So be it".
|
|||
|
|
Third was Ross Perot. "People say I have no confidence and I lack conviction...
|
|||
|
|
..I wish to have some Courage".
|
|||
|
|
And then Bill Clinton approached the Wizard.
|
|||
|
|
The Wizard looked at him, and said, "Well, what do you want?"
|
|||
|
|
To which Clinton replied, "I'm here for Dorothy!"
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
What is the difficulty with writing a PDP-8 program to emulate Bill Clinton?
|
|||
|
|
Figuring out what to do with the other 3K.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
From The Wall Street Journal, 11/19, page one (reprinted w/out permission)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"Reality Sets In: Clinton Advisors Find
|
|||
|
|
Promises are Easier to Make Than Keep"
|
|||
|
|
----
|
|||
|
|
"They are Drawing Up Lists of Tax Increases and Cuts in
|
|||
|
|
Entitlement Programs / One Target: Big Corporations"
|
|||
|
|
----------
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"WASHINGTON -- Bill Clinton's advisors are already realizing that campaign
|
|||
|
|
promises are easier to make than to keep. During the campaign, Mr. Clinton
|
|||
|
|
promised not only to shield the middle class from tax increases but to cut
|
|||
|
|
their taxes. He promised to halve the deficit in four years. He said his
|
|||
|
|
rivals -- not he -- were the ones who would slash government benefits that
|
|||
|
|
go to the middle class.
|
|||
|
|
"...But now, a sobering reality is sinking in... the president-elect's new
|
|||
|
|
economic transition team, headed by Harvard Prof. Robert Reich, is drafting
|
|||
|
|
lists of spending cuts and tax increases -- euphemistically described as
|
|||
|
|
'loophole closers' -- that go well beyond those in the economic plan set
|
|||
|
|
forth during the Clinton campaign. One juicy target for new taxes: U.S.
|
|||
|
|
corporations. A potential source of big spending cuts: the costly,
|
|||
|
|
fast-growing 'entitlement' programs, many of which shower benefits on the
|
|||
|
|
middle-class people Mr. Clinton promised to protect.
|
|||
|
|
"...Simply put, Mr. Clinton has to decide -- much as President Bush did four
|
|||
|
|
years ago -- whether to break his campaign promises early on, when he has the
|
|||
|
|
most political capital, or later, when he might hope the public has forgotten
|
|||
|
|
them.
|
|||
|
|
"...many budget experts in both parties -- and some of them under
|
|||
|
|
consideration for senior posts in the Clinton administration -- say it is
|
|||
|
|
almost impossible to exempt the middle class from pain and reduce the
|
|||
|
|
deficit substantially." [Quoted is Alice Rivlin, former head of CBO, said to
|
|||
|
|
be under consideration for a 'top economic post.']
|
|||
|
|
"...Rep. Leon Panetta, a California Democrat and House Budget Committee
|
|||
|
|
chairman, says, 'If you're putting together a significant deficit-reduction
|
|||
|
|
package, the middle class is going to carry part of that burden. There's no
|
|||
|
|
way to avoid that."
|
|||
|
|
"In another warning suggesting that he is thinking more seriously about the
|
|||
|
|
deficit, [Clinton] recently said that 'all have to sacrifice and contribute
|
|||
|
|
over the long run.' When pressed about his promised tax cut for middle-class
|
|||
|
|
families [as published by the Clinton campaign; it's on paper], he didn't
|
|||
|
|
exactly offer any guarantees..."
|
|||
|
|
So the issue before us is this: Clinton's team has only NOW stumbled upon
|
|||
|
|
the numbers that his opponents (and some media) were pointing to, all during
|
|||
|
|
the campaign? The same facts, figures, and statistics that his team is now
|
|||
|
|
using as a basis to break their promises are not new; they were available to
|
|||
|
|
ANY citizen at ANY time during the campaign, in any dime-store almanac -- and
|
|||
|
|
obviously ignored by the Clinton team.
|
|||
|
|
In fact, the article includes a table -- again, available to any citizen who
|
|||
|
|
cared to know the truth -- showing that families with incomes below $80,000
|
|||
|
|
(the class Clinton promised to protect) accounted for 75% of the personal
|
|||
|
|
income reported to the IRS in 1990. How can Clinton et al pretend that these
|
|||
|
|
numbers didn't exist during the campaign?
|
|||
|
|
One can only conclude that Clinton and his were completely ignorant of
|
|||
|
|
reality -- and/or that they lied outright.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Four doctors, a German, a Frenchman, a Russian, and an American are
|
|||
|
|
discussing state of the art medicine at an international doctors convention.
|
|||
|
|
The Frenchmen proclaims "Ahh, medicine in France is so advanced that we can
|
|||
|
|
put a liver in a man and have him back to work in 6 weeks."
|
|||
|
|
The German says "That's nothing. In Germany we can put a lung in a man and
|
|||
|
|
have him back to work in 4 weeks."
|
|||
|
|
The Russian says "You guys know nothing about medicine. Surgery in Russia is
|
|||
|
|
so advanced that we can take half a heart from one man, put it in another, and
|
|||
|
|
have both out of bed and looking for work in 2 weeks."
|
|||
|
|
The American doctor just shakes his head. "You are all so backward. We can
|
|||
|
|
take an ***hole out of Arkansas, put him in the White House, and the very next
|
|||
|
|
day half the country will be looking for work!"
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Which is worse, a Vice-President who can't spell or a President who can't add?
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Two guys are sitting at a bar talking politics when one asks the other what he
|
|||
|
|
thinks Clinton should do with the abortion bill.
|
|||
|
|
He replies "I think he should pay the damn thing."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
This is a true fact. Shortly before Bill Clinton took the inaugural oath
|
|||
|
|
of office, the band struck up the theme song from Monty Python.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
If this was actually programmed by Clinton's staff, it may forbode an
|
|||
|
|
interesting four years. Alternate theory: some undergraduates from
|
|||
|
|
Caltech swapped the band's sheet music.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
YOUR NEW OFFICIAL TAX FORM
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
1. Enter your social security number:
|
|||
|
|
___-__-____
|
|||
|
|
2. How much money did you make last year?
|
|||
|
|
___________
|
|||
|
|
3. Send it in.
|
|||
|
|
4. How much money do you have in savings?
|
|||
|
|
5. Send that in, too.
|
|||
|
|
6. Please enter comments/complaints here: [ ]
|
|||
|
|
Jesse's addendum:
|
|||
|
|
Oh, BTW, we'll be taking your pension fund too.
|
|||
|
|
And we're taxing your company out of existence. Please attach "YOUR NEW
|
|||
|
|
OFFICIAL WELFARE APPLICATION FORM".
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Clinton: "I will consult both sides of the issue on Free Trade."
|
|||
|
|
Reporter: "Uh, That would be you Governor Clinton!"
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of
|
|||
|
|
the year. For 1992's parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton to
|
|||
|
|
come watch it with them.
|
|||
|
|
The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of
|
|||
|
|
infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They
|
|||
|
|
had mobile ballistic missile launchers, electronic jamming vehicles, and
|
|||
|
|
throughout the entire time the formations were overflown by squadrons of the
|
|||
|
|
most advanced interceptors, fighters, and long-range tactical and strategic
|
|||
|
|
bombers. Clinton, who had never been this close to war in his life, was
|
|||
|
|
suitably impressed.
|
|||
|
|
Then he noticed that, way back at the end of the parade, there was a
|
|||
|
|
disorganized, messy bunch of men in rumpled suits tagging along behind the
|
|||
|
|
last artillery pieces.
|
|||
|
|
"Who are they?" he asked.
|
|||
|
|
"Ah," said Yeltsin, "those are our economists!"
|
|||
|
|
"But I thought this parade was military..." said Clinton, confused.
|
|||
|
|
"Mr. Clinton," said Gorbachev, "have you SEEN the damage those men can do?"
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Q: What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
|
|||
|
|
A: A girl that can run faster than the Governor.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Q: What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes *he* did?
|
|||
|
|
A: A dead girlfriend.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I just heard that Bill Clinton visited the White House a couple of days ago
|
|||
|
|
and got quite a surpirse. I guess he was jogging one morning and saw that
|
|||
|
|
someone had written "Clinton Sucks!" in the snow (you know, yellow snow?).
|
|||
|
|
Anyway, Clinton was furious and ordered an investigation. And so after the
|
|||
|
|
investigation was completed Clinton demanded the results. The head of the
|
|||
|
|
Secret Service said "Well Sir, we have a problem. We did tests on the urine
|
|||
|
|
and determined that it belonged to Jesse Jackson, but that's not the problem.
|
|||
|
|
The problem is that it is Hillary's handwriting!"
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"On the first day of Clinton, he promised we will see a tax cut for you and
|
|||
|
|
for me.
|
|||
|
|
"On the second day of Clinton, he promised we will see two more million jobs,
|
|||
|
|
and a tax cut for you and for me.
|
|||
|
|
"On the third day of Clinton, he promised we will see three liberal judges,
|
|||
|
|
two more million jobs, and a tax cut for you and for me.
|
|||
|
|
"On the fourth day of Clinton, he promised we will see four balanced budgets,
|
|||
|
|
three liberal judges, two more million jobs, and a tax cut for you and for me.
|
|||
|
|
"On the fifth day of Clinton, he promised we will see five folding wings of
|
|||
|
|
the Air Force. Four balanced budgets, three liberal judges, two more million
|
|||
|
|
jobs, and a tax cut for you and for me.
|
|||
|
|
"On the sixth day of Clinton, he promised we will see six billion in aid to
|
|||
|
|
students, five folding wings of the Air Force. Four balanced budgets, three
|
|||
|
|
liberal judges, two more million jobs, and a tax cut for you and for me.
|
|||
|
|
"On the seventh day of Clinton, he promised we will see seven days a week of
|
|||
|
|
health care, six billion in aid to students, five folding wings (of the Air
|
|||
|
|
Force). Four balanced budgets, three liberal judges, two more million jobs,
|
|||
|
|
and a tax cut for you and for me.
|
|||
|
|
"On the eighth day of Clinton, he promised we will see aid to Somalia, seven
|
|||
|
|
days a week of health care, six billion in aid to students, five folding wings
|
|||
|
|
(of the Air Force). Four balanced budgets, three liberal judges, two more
|
|||
|
|
million jobs, and a tax cut for you and for me.
|
|||
|
|
"On the ninth day of Clinton, he promised we will see `nein' to German
|
|||
|
|
competitors, aid to Somalia, seven days a week of health care, six billion in
|
|||
|
|
aid to students, five folding wings (of the Air Force). Four balanced budgets,
|
|||
|
|
three liberal judges, two more million jobs, and a tax cut for you and for me.
|
|||
|
|
"On the tenth day of Clinton, he promised we will see attention to the
|
|||
|
|
deficit, `nein' to German competitors, aid to Somalia, seven days a week of
|
|||
|
|
health care, six billion in aid to students, five folding wings (of the Air
|
|||
|
|
Force). Four balanced budgets, three liberal judges, two more million jobs,
|
|||
|
|
and a tax cut for you and for me.
|
|||
|
|
"On the eleventh day of Clinton, he promised we will see eleven billion for
|
|||
|
|
Boris, attention to the deficit, `nein' to German competitors, aid to Somalia,
|
|||
|
|
seven days a week of health care, six billion in aid to students, five folding
|
|||
|
|
wings (of the Air Force). Four balanced budgets, three liberal judges, two
|
|||
|
|
more million jobs, and a tax cut for you and for me.
|
|||
|
|
"On the twelfth day of Clinton, he promised we will see twelve jobs for
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, eleven billion for Boris, attention to the deficit, `nein' to German
|
|||
|
|
competitors, aid to Somalia, seven days a week of health care, six billion in
|
|||
|
|
aid to students, five folding wings (of the Air Force). Four balanced budgets,
|
|||
|
|
three liberal judges, two more million jobs, and a tax cut for you and for me."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
LITTLE ROCK --- Right before Christmas, President-elect Bill Clinton lost his
|
|||
|
|
voice, probably because of allergies to all the Christmas greenery at the
|
|||
|
|
Arkansas governor's mansion. The President-elect puts up with the allergies
|
|||
|
|
to get in the holiday spirit -- he "hangs pine garlands and mistletoe," but
|
|||
|
|
he was surprised they bothered him because he doesn't inhale. An aide said
|
|||
|
|
the allergies are "nothing to worry about," they just make the president-elect
|
|||
|
|
stuffed up and irritable. The future President was quoted as saying something
|
|||
|
|
like "I doad doe whad de fug yur talkin' aboud. I feel fide. I could
|
|||
|
|
negoadiate a tready. Bud off. Get owda here." Given how often he loses his
|
|||
|
|
voice, his aides say the President-elect is learning "an internationally
|
|||
|
|
understandable set of gestures," in case he has to negotiate when he is
|
|||
|
|
totally voiceless and cranky.
|
|||
|
|
In a related story, Clinton aides refused to explain why there is
|
|||
|
|
mistletoe hung over such odd locations as the secretarial pool, near the
|
|||
|
|
women's restroom, and on Gennifer Flower's automobile dashboard.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Well, we're now a week into the Clinton administration, and the problems
|
|||
|
|
of the nation have been solved. Taxes on the middle class have been cut.
|
|||
|
|
President Clinton has taken a stance against waste and ordered a 10%
|
|||
|
|
across-the-board cut in government spending, and a national health care
|
|||
|
|
plan has been put together to provide basic medical services at a
|
|||
|
|
reasonable cost, one which will be competitive with commercial insurers.
|
|||
|
|
Ha ha, only kidding....
|
|||
|
|
Actually, Mr. Slick has barely figured out how to operate the desk phone
|
|||
|
|
in the oval office, and the feces are striking the ventilation equipment
|
|||
|
|
with a rythym that might make for a good rap tune.
|
|||
|
|
The leaders of the Senate - folks like Dan Moynihan and Sam Nunn (both
|
|||
|
|
democrats, BTW) are looking downright embarassed at the simultaneous
|
|||
|
|
display of supreme arrogance and ignorace that seems to characterize the
|
|||
|
|
Clinton administration. Republican house members are being
|
|||
|
|
uncharacteristically quiet - perhaps just letting Mr. Slick select his
|
|||
|
|
rope?
|
|||
|
|
(Another possibility is that we will see a congress and senate that will
|
|||
|
|
realize that they basically have a loose cannon in the White House, and
|
|||
|
|
do their best to minimize the damage. And the thought of Congress being
|
|||
|
|
more responsible than the president is Scary. Stock-up-on-ammunition-
|
|||
|
|
and-canned-goods type of Scary.)
|
|||
|
|
Taxes: Better get out the vaseline, folks: That 4% tax increase that was
|
|||
|
|
only going to apply to people making over $200k looks like it might
|
|||
|
|
actually be 8%, and the folks making less than half that $200k figure
|
|||
|
|
are getting ready for a "regrettable necessity" announcement expected in
|
|||
|
|
the next couple of months. The latest estimate is that, if he wants to
|
|||
|
|
provide any cut, even to the absolute lowest brackets, he's going to
|
|||
|
|
have to start boosting taxes at a family income of about $50k.
|
|||
|
|
Oh, and everybody better get used to paying more for gas: Al Gore (who
|
|||
|
|
has done something remarkable by making Dan Quayle look like a model of
|
|||
|
|
sophistication and intellect) has discovered oxygenated gas. Even though
|
|||
|
|
it's been proved irrefutably that this has no measurable benefit (and,
|
|||
|
|
in fact, several drawbacks - one of them being a significantly higher
|
|||
|
|
cost). Oh, and you're going to be getting slapped with an Energy Tax,
|
|||
|
|
but poor folks might be entitled to a rebate from an agency whose
|
|||
|
|
existance will be paid for with the gas tax, and whose sole purpose will
|
|||
|
|
be to administer the collection and disbursement of energy taxes.
|
|||
|
|
Latest news is that, even with the worst-case tax increases, Clinton's
|
|||
|
|
health plan will end up gobbling up more money than his spending cuts
|
|||
|
|
and tax increases will raise, and boost the deficit just a teensy,
|
|||
|
|
weensy bit. Say a couple hundred billion or so. And that's from the
|
|||
|
|
democratic spin doctors, who are making a valiant effort at damage
|
|||
|
|
control, so you can be pretty sure that the Actual Mileage Will Probably
|
|||
|
|
Be Lower.
|
|||
|
|
I can sense a feeling in America, something like that of a drunk waking
|
|||
|
|
up on Saturday morning, going "oh God, what did I do?" Well, folks, a
|
|||
|
|
couple of Tylenol ain't even going to touch the headache that Slick
|
|||
|
|
"Night Train" Clinton is going to give you! When Clinton was elected, I
|
|||
|
|
hoped that I'd be able to get a few laughs at his spastic attempts to
|
|||
|
|
manage the country - but what I'm presented with, reading the paper
|
|||
|
|
every day, is an embarassment of riches. The man makes George Bush look
|
|||
|
|
like a distinguished elder statesman.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Slick Willy's Queen Berets (sung to the tune of The Green Berets)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Falling fairies from the skies;
|
|||
|
|
I broke a nail, oh I could cry;
|
|||
|
|
Don't you like how my tushy sways;
|
|||
|
|
We are the fags of the Queen Berets.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Slick Willy's words upon my ears;
|
|||
|
|
"You guys have rights, be proud you queers;"
|
|||
|
|
I once was scared, now I'm OK;
|
|||
|
|
Cause I'm a fag in the Queen Berets.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Put silver earclips on our nuts;
|
|||
|
|
We love the pain, now spank our butts,
|
|||
|
|
The way you walk is awfully cute;
|
|||
|
|
I sure would love to pack your chute.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
This Army stuff is really slick;
|
|||
|
|
Free meals and clothes and lots of dick;
|
|||
|
|
When I retire, I'll still get paid;
|
|||
|
|
So thank you Bill, from the Queen Berets.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
When my lover gets aids, I will not worry;
|
|||
|
|
If the government won't pay we'll leave it to the jury;
|
|||
|
|
All medical bills paid, I'm no longer afraid;
|
|||
|
|
Thank you tax payers, from the Queen Berets.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I can't wait to jump in a fox hole;
|
|||
|
|
I just hope that it's with Bob Hope;
|
|||
|
|
They say he cares about all us soldiers;
|
|||
|
|
We'll find out, when my hands are on his shoulders.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
At the end of day we turn out the lights;
|
|||
|
|
Practice torpedo runs into the night;
|
|||
|
|
Then we practice our fencing, I thay touche;
|
|||
|
|
We are the fags of the Queen Berets.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
======================================================
|
|||
|
|
FROM NATIONAL REVIEW, February 15 1993, The Week, p.14
|
|||
|
|
======================================================
|
|||
|
|
"Little noted by the press, vegetable-rights activists raided the
|
|||
|
|
kitchen of the Willard Hotel in Washington, D.C., and liberated
|
|||
|
|
several vegetables and fruits that were to be murdered and eaten by
|
|||
|
|
PETA at its inauguration gala."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
What's clintor's executive order #1?
|
|||
|
|
Flowers by his bedside.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Did you hear that Dr. Kevorkian has renamed his death machine
|
|||
|
|
"CLINTONATOR"?
|
|||
|
|
Unlike a respirator it doesn't let the patient inhale.
|
|||
|
|
(I think this came from Rush L.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The way the tax scheme will run in the next few years:
|
|||
|
|
1993: Anyone who earns more than $25,000 a year and is not working for a
|
|||
|
|
federal, state, or local gov't agency is RICH and will be taxed into poverty.
|
|||
|
|
1994: Anyone who earns more than $25,000 a year is RICH and will be taxed into
|
|||
|
|
poverty.
|
|||
|
|
1995: Anyone who is not working for a federal, state, or local gov't agency is
|
|||
|
|
RICH and will be taxed into poverty.
|
|||
|
|
1996: Anyone who earns is RICH and will be taxed into poverty.
|
|||
|
|
("Clinton presidency" is a tasteless joke in itself.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Besides, where's the Gore quote during the inauguration:
|
|||
|
|
AG: Who's that guy? (pointing to a bust of ...)
|
|||
|
|
Guide: That's President George Washington. (after he had said it about
|
|||
|
|
a minute before)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
There's also Chelsea's "rash" comment: She needed medication at Sidwell
|
|||
|
|
Friends, and the nurse couldn't give her any medication without having
|
|||
|
|
contacted the parents. Chelsea said something like, "Oh that's okay. My
|
|||
|
|
mom's been pretty busy lately. Better call my dad."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
1993
|
|||
|
|
HILLary, BILLarY, Socks
|
|||
|
|
Its time to sell my stocks
|
|||
|
|
The market is down
|
|||
|
|
And the clown's in town
|
|||
|
|
HILLary, BILLarY, Socks
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
1994
|
|||
|
|
HILLary, BILLarY, Socks
|
|||
|
|
I must sell my smocks
|
|||
|
|
National Healthcare is in
|
|||
|
|
How can I win?
|
|||
|
|
HILLary, BILLarY, Socks
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
1995
|
|||
|
|
HILLary, BILLarY, Socks
|
|||
|
|
I think I'll sell my socks
|
|||
|
|
My feet will be cold
|
|||
|
|
But I am not old
|
|||
|
|
HILLary, BILLarY, Socks
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
1996
|
|||
|
|
HILLary, BILLarY, Socks
|
|||
|
|
I now live in a box
|
|||
|
|
Thanks for the crate
|
|||
|
|
But the TAX was too great
|
|||
|
|
HILLary, BILLarY, Socks
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Sock.
|
|||
|
|
I now live in a box.
|
|||
|
|
I once lived in a crate,
|
|||
|
|
But the tax was too great.
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Sock.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Socks.
|
|||
|
|
The economy's taking hard knocks.
|
|||
|
|
We voted to end...
|
|||
|
|
We got "tax and spend"
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Socks.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Socks.
|
|||
|
|
Credibility's on the rocks.
|
|||
|
|
From: a chicken in every pot.
|
|||
|
|
To: a chicken who smoked pot.
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Socks.
|
|||
|
|
(okay, so the meter's a little off ;-)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Socks.,
|
|||
|
|
My Taxes are up like my cock.
|
|||
|
|
Took a look down,
|
|||
|
|
But all I could do was frown,
|
|||
|
|
Because the government removed my crown.
|
|||
|
|
-Ross Perot '93
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary Billary Socks.
|
|||
|
|
The First Lady wears the jocks.
|
|||
|
|
Jennifer said
|
|||
|
|
He's good in bed,
|
|||
|
|
But the voters don't give a shnocks.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary Billary Socks.
|
|||
|
|
They listen when She talks.
|
|||
|
|
"Now listen to me,"
|
|||
|
|
Said she to he,
|
|||
|
|
"Or else I'll change the locks."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary Billary Socks.
|
|||
|
|
The Congress of Hard Knocks.
|
|||
|
|
Please send a fax
|
|||
|
|
To axe the tax,
|
|||
|
|
Or else they'll clean our clocks.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Socks, and Bill.
|
|||
|
|
The conservatives have had their fill.
|
|||
|
|
The liberals are back.
|
|||
|
|
And on the attack.
|
|||
|
|
And finally paying that bill. (alternate last line: The conservatives are
|
|||
|
|
best told to chill.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Socks,
|
|||
|
|
The Dems are breaking gridlocks.
|
|||
|
|
Now won't it be fun
|
|||
|
|
to see something get done.
|
|||
|
|
While the right-wing is taking it's knocks.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Socks, and Bill
|
|||
|
|
The Liberals say now they will
|
|||
|
|
pay off the debt
|
|||
|
|
with the poor well kept
|
|||
|
|
It's straight from Capitol Hill
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
But the libs are in for a scare
|
|||
|
|
Cause Slick Willy just isn't aware
|
|||
|
|
That raising our tax
|
|||
|
|
And spending the max
|
|||
|
|
Will leave our economy bare.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Socks, and Bill
|
|||
|
|
The Liberals say now they will
|
|||
|
|
pay off the debt
|
|||
|
|
with the poor well kept
|
|||
|
|
It's straight from Capitol Hill
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
But the libs are in for a scare
|
|||
|
|
Cause Slick Willy just isn't aware
|
|||
|
|
That raising our tax
|
|||
|
|
And spending the max
|
|||
|
|
Will leave our economy bare.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
You can sing it to the tune of "I'm Popeye the Sailor Man."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary,, Socks....
|
|||
|
|
Bill likes men who suck cocks.
|
|||
|
|
Can the Army cope,
|
|||
|
|
While picking up the soap?
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Socks....
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Socks
|
|||
|
|
Now empty are our Docks
|
|||
|
|
The tariffs so high
|
|||
|
|
They reach the sky
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Socks
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Socks
|
|||
|
|
The mice ran up the clock
|
|||
|
|
The tax hit all
|
|||
|
|
Except the Ball
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Socks
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Socks
|
|||
|
|
How empty are our docks
|
|||
|
|
The taxes hit and down we fell
|
|||
|
|
Except for those on the Hill
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Socks
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I've heard there's a new programming language out from
|
|||
|
|
University of Tennessee. It's called Algor.
|
|||
|
|
There are some problems with it though. The syntax is very
|
|||
|
|
formal and inflexible. And it's not a very powerfull language either,
|
|||
|
|
since it won't allow you to alter the operating environment.
|
|||
|
|
Personally, I don't think it'll be even around in four years.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Everyone complained when Quayle misspelled potato. How come no one's been
|
|||
|
|
screaming about Clinton's gaffe? He clearly spelled BUTT incorrectly when
|
|||
|
|
he said, "I'm gonna tax your BTU's..." -- Tony
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
(to the tune of "THE ADAMS FAMILY")
|
|||
|
|
They're slimy and they're cheesy
|
|||
|
|
They're dedicated P.C.
|
|||
|
|
They're altogether sleazy
|
|||
|
|
The Clinton Family
|
|||
|
|
da da da da tax tax
|
|||
|
|
da da da da tax tax
|
|||
|
|
da da da da da da da da da da da da tax tax
|
|||
|
|
Their policies are daft
|
|||
|
|
They'll gladly accept graft
|
|||
|
|
Bill dodged the draft
|
|||
|
|
The Clinton Family
|
|||
|
|
da da da da
|
|||
|
|
da da da da
|
|||
|
|
da da da da da da da da da da da da tax tax
|
|||
|
|
They're politics will disgrace
|
|||
|
|
Your income will be displaced
|
|||
|
|
Their daughter is a dog-face
|
|||
|
|
The Clinton Family
|
|||
|
|
da da da da
|
|||
|
|
da da da da
|
|||
|
|
da da da da da da da da da da da da tax tax
|
|||
|
|
The wife is a commie
|
|||
|
|
The husband is balmy
|
|||
|
|
The A.G. is not a mommie
|
|||
|
|
The Cinton Family
|
|||
|
|
da da da da
|
|||
|
|
da da da da
|
|||
|
|
da da da da da da da da da da da da tax tax
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Socks,
|
|||
|
|
Our prez is taking knocks,
|
|||
|
|
We all have played,
|
|||
|
|
But the bills need paid,
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Socks.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
[RADIO 30 SEC. SPOT]
|
|||
|
|
[SFX - OFFICE SOUNDS IN B.G.]
|
|||
|
|
[ROY]
|
|||
|
|
Hey, Dale - I didn't expect to see you at work - I heard you got
|
|||
|
|
fired last week.
|
|||
|
|
[DALE]
|
|||
|
|
I was. But that was before I asserted my rights under the Family
|
|||
|
|
Leave Plan.
|
|||
|
|
[ROY]
|
|||
|
|
But, Dale - you don't HAVE a family.
|
|||
|
|
[DALE]
|
|||
|
|
A minor detail, Roy. I called the Law Firm of Rodham & Clinton and
|
|||
|
|
they took my case, got my job back, got my gay brother an
|
|||
|
|
officer's commision in the Army, and promised to line my wallet
|
|||
|
|
with the cash they're gonna get my soaking my middle-class, fat-cat
|
|||
|
|
boss! I'm on Easy Street. Why, I'm as good as tenured! They
|
|||
|
|
couldn't fire me now if they WANTED to!
|
|||
|
|
[SFX - FADE OUT]
|
|||
|
|
[ANNOUNCER]
|
|||
|
|
Are you out of work? Do you care? At the Law Firm of Rodham &
|
|||
|
|
Clinton, we don't care if you've ever put in an honest day's
|
|||
|
|
work in your life. We think you deserve all the money you can get,
|
|||
|
|
regardless of your ability or willingness to work. Call today, and
|
|||
|
|
ask about our "Buy Now, Suffer Later" program. Your first
|
|||
|
|
consultation is free. As an added bonus, the first 50 callers will
|
|||
|
|
receive, absolutely free, a pair of monogrammed rose-colored
|
|||
|
|
glasses, and a list of promises not worth the paper they're
|
|||
|
|
printed on. So if you're one of the "motivationally challenged" and
|
|||
|
|
want to get what you feel is coming to you, don't wait. Call
|
|||
|
|
today!
|
|||
|
|
[ANNOUNCER #2 - TAG ENDING]
|
|||
|
|
The Law Firm of Rodham & Clinton is a Professional Abbomination,
|
|||
|
|
licensed to steal in 50 States and in the District of Columbia.
|
|||
|
|
Call us today! The Law Firm of Rodham & Clinton - where "Soak the
|
|||
|
|
Rich (and the not-so-rich) is our ONLY business!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
BTW - if they get divorced, do you think Hillary will get to keep
|
|||
|
|
the house?
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary Billary Socks.
|
|||
|
|
The President's head's full of rocks.
|
|||
|
|
He wants us to pay
|
|||
|
|
More in taxes today.
|
|||
|
|
Guess I'll have to wear holes in my socks.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary Billary Socks.
|
|||
|
|
The President's head's full of rocks.
|
|||
|
|
His back's made of noodles
|
|||
|
|
His cat chases poodles,
|
|||
|
|
And his wife stirs a cauldron in frocks.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary Billary Socks.
|
|||
|
|
Let's stuff them all into a box.
|
|||
|
|
Then drive down the road
|
|||
|
|
With the slippery load
|
|||
|
|
And hope it don't wear out the shocks.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Slick Willie you making us gag,
|
|||
|
|
Your plan is NOT in the bag,
|
|||
|
|
Your giving us the curse,
|
|||
|
|
Now what could be worse?
|
|||
|
|
4 years with Hillary on the rag!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hey Bill, the truth cant be ducked,
|
|||
|
|
In '96 the Dems will be bucked,
|
|||
|
|
If they dont take it on the chin,
|
|||
|
|
And we vote the bastards back in,
|
|||
|
|
This nation will surely be fucked!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Slick-Willie, you make us gag,
|
|||
|
|
Your plan is NOT in the bag,
|
|||
|
|
You're giving us the curse,
|
|||
|
|
Now what could be worse?
|
|||
|
|
4-years with Hillary on the rag.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hey Bill, the truth can't be ducked,
|
|||
|
|
In '96 the dems will be bucked,
|
|||
|
|
If you don't take it on the chin,
|
|||
|
|
And we vote you bastards back in,
|
|||
|
|
This nation will surely be fucked!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Socks.
|
|||
|
|
The Prez to the nation now talks:
|
|||
|
|
"I'll cut spending," he said
|
|||
|
|
"Just as soon as I'm dead."
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, Socks.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Everyone complained when Quayle misspelled potato. How come no one's been
|
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screaming about Clinton's gaffe? He clearly spelled BUTT incorrectly when
|
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|
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he said, "I'm gonna tax your BTU's..." -- Tony
|
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There are too many bills to pay without having to pay the one in washington.
|
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|
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As I was walking out of the county recreation center today
|
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|
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I noticed a slide flash on a closed circuit TV display that
|
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announced:
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Animal Lover's Dance,
|
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|
|
at Hidden Pond
|
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|
|
Now I realize that Bill and Hillary are in the White House
|
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|
|
and we're rid of a lot of those puritanical sexual hangups
|
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|
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of the Bush administration, but is this REALLY the sort of
|
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|
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thing our tax dollars should be sponsoring?
|
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|
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|
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|
|
A little publicized Grammy Award:
|
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|
|
In the category, best new government artist
|
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|
|
"Baby, Give it Back" by Sir Tax-a-Lot (William Jefferson Clinton)
|
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|
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|
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|
|
Hospital sources report that Defense Secretary Les Aspin
|
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|
|
is having a "change of heart" about gays in the military.
|
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|
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|
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|
|
Health care costs rise uncontrollably. In England, they have begun
|
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|
|
rationing health care services and in some cases they have waiting lists
|
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|
|
for certain services. In fact, they now have a nine month waiting list for
|
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|
|
abortions.
|
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|
|
|
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|
|
Clinton told his wife: I am sick of politics and formal life.
|
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|
|
Why don't you take a break and relax? She asked. He asked how?
|
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|
|
She said I've heard of this place in DC on a hill on the ocean,
|
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|
|
we can go there as anonymous and be ourselves. So they both
|
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|
|
descized (sp?) themselves; dressed up in normal cheap clothing,
|
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|
|
and drove a cheapy car to the location. They got in a
|
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|
|
romantic-kissing-and-*** atmosphere, the police shows up,
|
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|
|
Police: Give me some id young man; you are under arrest.
|
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|
|
BIll : Why, I've never done anything like this before, forget
|
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|
|
about my id, PLEASE.
|
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|
|
Police: I don't have to go thru this everyday, I know you've never
|
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|
|
done it, but this bitch with you comes here everyday .
|
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|
|
|
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|
|
Hillary Clinton is NOT running the country. Elanor Roosevelt is :-)
|
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|
|
(If case you don't know, Hillary has admitted to having private,
|
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|
|
imaginary conversations with Elanor Ro0osevelt)
|
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|
|
|
|||
|
|
CLINTON'S APPOINTMENTS
|
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|
|
HOUSING LEONA HELMSLEY
|
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|
|
TRANSPORTATION TED KENNEDY
|
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|
|
TREASURY C. KEATING
|
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|
|
VET. ADMIN JANE FONDA
|
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|
|
EDUCATION DAN QUAYLE
|
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|
|
HEALTH DR. KERVORKIAN
|
|||
|
|
CIA ROSS PEROT
|
|||
|
|
NASA JERRY BROWN
|
|||
|
|
HOUSE SPEAKER STOCKDALE
|
|||
|
|
HEALTH/HUMAN RES. MAGIC JOHNSON
|
|||
|
|
LABOR MURPHY BROWN
|
|||
|
|
PROTOCOL ROSEANN BARR
|
|||
|
|
EEO DAVID DUKE
|
|||
|
|
FAMILY VALUES WOODY ALLEN
|
|||
|
|
WHITE HOUSE STAFF JENNIFER FLOWERS
|
|||
|
|
DRUG CZAR MARION BARRY
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"Today that President Clinton commenced the first round of White
|
|||
|
|
House staff cuts. It is also reportedly the first time
|
|||
|
|
Mr. Clinton has given a woman a pink slip that he hasn't asked
|
|||
|
|
her to try on first..."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Did you know Bill Clinton has AIDS?
|
|||
|
|
What do you expect when you screw everyone in the country?
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Bill and Hillary were going down a back road and stopped at a
|
|||
|
|
Gas station. As the guy was filling up their car (he was dressed
|
|||
|
|
like a typical grease-jockey) he said to Hillary "I went to High
|
|||
|
|
School with you". She recognized him and agreed with him.
|
|||
|
|
Later as they were driving down the road Bill said "If you had
|
|||
|
|
married him you wouldn't be married to the President".
|
|||
|
|
Hillary said "O yes I would - He would be President."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
here are some names for our 42nd president:
|
|||
|
|
Commander-in-thief
|
|||
|
|
Wilhelm von TaxUndSpendenHeim
|
|||
|
|
Bilhelm von Bubbastein
|
|||
|
|
Wilhelm von KleinerStein (Lil' Rock Ark. in german!)
|
|||
|
|
Hillary Rodham
|
|||
|
|
One-term-Willy-Nilly
|
|||
|
|
the Great Pretender
|
|||
|
|
Bilhelm HotAirenHof
|
|||
|
|
etc...
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I came up with this idea for a different kind of version of Fleetwood's
|
|||
|
|
Don't Stop, I thought it was fitting since Clinton and Gore played this song
|
|||
|
|
at their election party.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
> "Don't Stop" (real lyrics have "> >" before them)
|
|||
|
|
>
|
|||
|
|
> (original words by Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac)
|
|||
|
|
>
|
|||
|
|
> If you wake up and don't want to smile,
|
|||
|
|
> If it takes just a little while,
|
|||
|
|
> Open your eyes and look at the day,
|
|||
|
|
> You'll see things in a different way.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
If you wake up and don't want to file
|
|||
|
|
It takes just a little while
|
|||
|
|
Open your eyes and you're gonna pay
|
|||
|
|
You'll see things in Hillary's way
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
> Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
|
|||
|
|
> Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
|
|||
|
|
> It'll be, better than before,
|
|||
|
|
> Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Don't start thinking about low taxes
|
|||
|
|
Don't start, cause they won't be here,
|
|||
|
|
They'll be, higher than before,
|
|||
|
|
Reagan is gone, Reagan is gone
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
> Why not think about times to come,
|
|||
|
|
> And not about the things that you've done,
|
|||
|
|
> If your life was bad to you,
|
|||
|
|
> Just think what tomorrow will do.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Why not think about bad times to come,
|
|||
|
|
And not about the things that you've won,
|
|||
|
|
If your life was bad to you,
|
|||
|
|
Just think what Bill Clinton will do!!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
> Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
|
|||
|
|
> Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
|
|||
|
|
> It'll be, better than before,
|
|||
|
|
> Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Don't start thinking about low taxes,
|
|||
|
|
Don't start, cause they won't be here,
|
|||
|
|
They'll be, higher than before,
|
|||
|
|
Clinton/Gore won, Clinton/Gore won
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
> All I want is to see you smile,
|
|||
|
|
> If it takes just a little while,
|
|||
|
|
> I know you don't believe that it's true,
|
|||
|
|
> I never meant any harm to you.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
All I want is to see you file,
|
|||
|
|
It takes just a little while,
|
|||
|
|
I know you don't believe that it's true,
|
|||
|
|
I never meant any promise to you.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
> Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
|
|||
|
|
> Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
|
|||
|
|
> It'll be, better than before,
|
|||
|
|
> Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Don't start, thinking about your money,
|
|||
|
|
Don't start, it'll soon be here,
|
|||
|
|
It'll be used, better than before,
|
|||
|
|
Reagan is gone, Reagan is gone.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
> Don't you look back,
|
|||
|
|
Don't you feel taxed
|
|||
|
|
> Don't you look back.
|
|||
|
|
Don't you feel taxed
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Dateline: Washington, DC February 26, 1993
|
|||
|
|
When questioned by reporters shortly after the World Trade Center
|
|||
|
|
terrorist bomb exploded, the President responded, "If Congress will
|
|||
|
|
just pass the Brady Bill, I'll sign it." Mr. Clinton further said, "If
|
|||
|
|
the passage of this much needed legislation had not been obstructed by
|
|||
|
|
the National Rifle Association, this senseless tragedy would not have
|
|||
|
|
occurred, because there would have been a mandatory seven day waiting
|
|||
|
|
period in place before this assault-type car bomb could have been
|
|||
|
|
used." In closing, Mr. Clinton said, "I urge Congress to break the
|
|||
|
|
gridlock and act today to prevent further atrocities of this kind from
|
|||
|
|
occurring."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Q: What's the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?
|
|||
|
|
A: NO FEE - If No Recovery!!!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. (UPI) -- President Clinton said Monday life is
|
|||
|
|
more dangerous in America than in war-torn Somalia for many people
|
|||
|
|
because of a glut of firearms and endorsed passage of a bill requring a
|
|||
|
|
five-day waiting period before a handgun may be purchased.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Bumper sticker on Arkansan car:
|
|||
|
|
If you can read this
|
|||
|
|
You're not from here
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The Secret Service has been worried by Bill Clinton's practice
|
|||
|
|
of taking early morning jogs. They got a real scare the other
|
|||
|
|
day when somebody threw a beer at the president. Fortunately,
|
|||
|
|
it turned out to have been a draft, and Clinton was able to
|
|||
|
|
dodge it.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"I celebrated Presidents' Day in an authentic manner. I jogged to McDonald's,
|
|||
|
|
had a couple Big Macs, broke some promises from a couple months ago, and
|
|||
|
|
then took some money from some average middle-class citizens."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Subject: Heard this on CNN
|
|||
|
|
A condom manufacturer, trying to capitalize on the popularity (?) of
|
|||
|
|
President Bill Clinton, is introducing a new line of condoms called the
|
|||
|
|
"Slick Willie."
|
|||
|
|
[I assume its lubricated...]
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Bill Clinton will launch health consciousness campaign and promote
|
|||
|
|
jogging and reportedly he asked Hillary would she run.
|
|||
|
|
"No", she said,"not now, not until '96."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hillary, Billary, and Socks,
|
|||
|
|
with the Clintons, the White House surly rocks.
|
|||
|
|
But will the nation come to grips,
|
|||
|
|
when, in the spirit of "Read my lips",
|
|||
|
|
we fill in more in the "Amount you owe" box.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
CLINTONIA - any of a genus of herbs of the lily family with
|
|||
|
|
yellow flowers on a naked stalk.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
--
|
|||
|
|
* Nathan Mates nathan@cco.caltech.edu * MSC #850, Pasadena CA 91126
|
|||
|
|
* No fancy quote, no disclaimers for irate employers, no .sig-- oops,
|
|||
|
|
* Too late for that! Several Megabyte joke collector and IIGS hacker
|
|||
|
|
* operating out of Caltech, the world's best place for an education!
|
|||
|
|
|