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From princeton!brahms.udel.edu!krisc Thu Dec 5 14:08:15 1991 remote from phsbb
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s
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Date: Thu, 5 Dec 91 13:44:47 -0500
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From: Kristin K Cochran <krisc@brahms.udel.edu>
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To: tjt@phsbbs.princeton.nj.us
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Subject: Re: Request
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Here you are--I'm new at this stuff, so if it doesn't work, let me know
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and I'll try again. K?
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From delawter@sage.cc.purdue.edu Wed Dec 4 18:36:41 1991
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Received: from sage.cc.purdue.edu by brahms.udel.edu with SMTP
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(5.61+/IDA-1.2.8) id AA29456; Wed, 4 Dec 91 18:36:35 -0500
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Received: by sage.cc.purdue.edu (5.61/Purdue_CC)
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id AA09899; Wed, 4 Dec 91 18:36:31 -0500
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Date: Wed, 4 Dec 91 18:36:31 -0500
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From: delawter@sage.cc.purdue.edu (michael delawter)
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Message-Id: <9112042336.AA09899@sage.cc.purdue.edu>
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To: krisc@brahms.udel.edu
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Subject: Re: Request
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Newsgroups: rec.humor
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In-Reply-To: <26189@brahms.udel.edu>
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[7m more [m
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Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
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Cc:
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Status: R
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In article <26189@brahms.udel.edu> you write:
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>Does anyone have the article with the complete set of blonde jokes (202), and a
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nything else cute--like 101 easy ways to say no, or the classic pickup
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>lines? If so, could you send them to me?
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>
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>My e-mail address is krisc@brahms.udel.edu.
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Here it is...
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The Complete Set Of Blonde Jokes (202)
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======================================
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1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
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A: Gifted!
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2. Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
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[7m more [m
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A: Alone.
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3. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
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A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
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4. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
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A: Artificial intelligence.
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5. Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
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A: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
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6. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
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A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
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7. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
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A: She'd just dyed her hair.
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8. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
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A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it
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blown around too much.
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[7m more [m
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9. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
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A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
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10. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
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A: You can park in the handicap zone.
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11. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
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A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
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12. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
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A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
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13. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
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A: It takes too long to retrain them.
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14. Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
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A: There's white-out on the screen.
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15. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
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A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
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[7m more [m
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16. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
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A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they
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go down on you.
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17. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
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A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....
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18. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
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A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
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19. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
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A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
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20. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
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A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
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21. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
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A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those
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little packages.
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22. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their
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[7m more [m
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head?
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A: All you can eat, under a buck.
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23. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
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A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
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24. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
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A: They can't find the zipper.
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25. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
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A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
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26. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more
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attractive?
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A: Her ankles.
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27. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
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A: Because red means stop.
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28. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
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A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
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[7m more [m
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29. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
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A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
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30. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
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A: They chip their teeth.
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31. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
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A: They make good ankle warmers.
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32. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
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A: Remove their underwear.
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33. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
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A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
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34. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
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A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
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35. Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?
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A: "All the blondes have gone home!"
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[7m more [m
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36. Q: What's a brunette's mating call ?
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A: Has that blonde gone yet?
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37. Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
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A: "Next!"
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38. Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax
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now in effect in Canada)
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A: Because they can spell it.
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39. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
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A: 69 plus G.S.T.
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40. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
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A: Toes go in first.
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41. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
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A: Tits go in front.
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42. Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
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[7m more [m
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A: "Have another beer."
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43. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning ?
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A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
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44. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
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A1: Introduces themself.
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A2: Walks home.
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45. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
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A: Fertilised.
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46. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
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A: Unfertilised.
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47. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
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A: Opens the car door.
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48. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex ?
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A: Kick open the car door.
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[7m more [m
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49. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
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A: More head room.
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50. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
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A: More leg room.
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51. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
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A: Bucket seats.
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52. Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
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A1: Thanks Guys.
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A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
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A3: Do you guys all play for the Swans?
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53. Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before
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having sex?
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A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
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54. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
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A: *Who cares?*
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[7m more [m
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55. Q: Why do blonds have orgasms ?
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A: So they know when to stop having sex !
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56. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm????
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A1: She drops her nail-file!!!
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A2: Who cares?
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A3: She say 'Next'
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A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder
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A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes
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A6: I mean, who really cares?
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A7: The batteries have run out.
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57. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
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A: "Thanks for the refill!"
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58. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
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A: Data transfer.
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59. Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
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A: Because they don't know any better.
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[7m more [m
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60. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
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A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
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A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
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A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
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A4: None. They can't fit.
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61. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
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A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
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62. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
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A1: They both have a black box.
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A2: Both have a cockpit.
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63. Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
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A: Not everyone has been in a 747
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64. Q: What does a dumb blonde say when she gives birth?
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A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
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65. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
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A: "Are you sure it's mine?"
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[7m more [m
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66. Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
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A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
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67. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
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A: Tell her she's pregnant.
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68. Q: What will she ask you?
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A: "Is it mine?"
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69. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart
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blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill.
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Who picks it up?
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A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus,
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the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
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70. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
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A: To see what was on the other side.
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71. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
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A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
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[7m more [m
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72. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
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A: So they know what day of the week it is.
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73. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
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A: Because it kept falling out.
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74. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?
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A: Wishful Thinking.
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75. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
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A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
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76. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the
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ground first?
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A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
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77. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
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A: Her IQ goes up!
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78. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
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[7m more [m
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A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
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79. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
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A: Butter is difficult to spread.
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80. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
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A: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
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81. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
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A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
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82. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
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A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
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83. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
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A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
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84. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
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A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
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85. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
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[7m more [m
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A: Not everybody has been in a limo.
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86. Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly
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pygmies?
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A: One's a bunch a cunning runts ...
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87. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
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A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
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88. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
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A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
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89. Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and
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a terrorist?
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A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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90. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
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A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
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91. Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common ?
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[7m more [m
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A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
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92. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
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A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
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93. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
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A: They're both empty from the neck up.
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94. Q: What do blonds and spagetthii have in common?
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A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
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95. Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
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A: They both have black roots.
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96. Q: Why did the deaf blond sit on a newspaper?
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A: So she could lip read.
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97. Q: How do you drown a blond?
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A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
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98. Q: How do you drown a blonde?
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[7m more [m
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A: Don't tell her to swallow.
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99. Q: Why did the blonde chick drown in the pool ?
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A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
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100. Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
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A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
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101. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
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A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
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A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
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102. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
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A: Proofreading.
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103. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
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A: For throwing out the W's.
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104. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
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A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
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[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
105. Q: What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date.
|
|||
|
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
106. Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
|
|||
|
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
|
|||
|
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
107. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
|
|||
|
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
108. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
|
|||
|
A: She threw it off a cliff.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
109. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw
|
|||
|
puzzle in only 6 months?
|
|||
|
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
110. Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
|
|||
|
A: "Nice tits!"
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
111. Q: How does a blonde high-5?
|
|||
|
[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
112. Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
|
|||
|
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
113. Q: Why do blondes have legs?
|
|||
|
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
|
|||
|
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
|
|||
|
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
114. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around
|
|||
|
and come home?
|
|||
|
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a
|
|||
|
television.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
115. Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
|
|||
|
A: The Blonde!
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
116. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
|
|||
|
A: Flattered.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
117. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
|
|||
|
A: They always forget the 11 in 9-1-1.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
118. Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked
|
|||
|
up by 'the fuzz'?
|
|||
|
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
119. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
|
|||
|
A: An interpreter.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
120. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
|
|||
|
A: A mental block.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
121. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
|
|||
|
A: A wind tunnel.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
122. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
|
|||
|
A: A dope ring.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
123. Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?
|
|||
|
A: Sweet Fuck All...
|
|||
|
[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
124. Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
|
|||
|
A: Frosted Flakes.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
125. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
|
|||
|
A: Frosted Flakes.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
126. Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
|
|||
|
A: Last year's hide-and-seek champ.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
127. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
|
|||
|
A: A Space Invader.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
128. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
|
|||
|
A: Branch Manager.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
129. Q: What do you call a smart blond?
|
|||
|
A: A labrador.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
130. Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
|
|||
|
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
|
|||
|
[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
131. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
|
|||
|
A: "Oh look! Doughnut seeds!"
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
132. Q: Why do blonds have two more brain cells than a cow ?
|
|||
|
A: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
133. Q: Why don't blonds breast feed?
|
|||
|
A: Because they always burn their nipples.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
134. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
|
|||
|
A: To cover up the valve stem.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
135. Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
|
|||
|
A: Spot.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
136. Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
|
|||
|
A: Air Supply.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
137. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
|
|||
|
A: The back of her head.
|
|||
|
[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
138. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's
|
|||
|
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
139. Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
|
|||
|
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
140. Q: Why did God create blondes?
|
|||
|
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
141. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
|
|||
|
A: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
142. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
|
|||
|
A: A blond electrician
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
143. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
|
|||
|
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
|
|||
|
A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
144. Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ????
|
|||
|
[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
145. Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
|
|||
|
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
146. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
|
|||
|
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
147. Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
|
|||
|
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
148. Q: Why do blondes have periods?
|
|||
|
A: They deserve them.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
149. Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
|
|||
|
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
150. Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
|
|||
|
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
151. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
|
|||
|
[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
152. Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
|
|||
|
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
153. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see
|
|||
|
where the sun went ? It finally dawned on here.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
154. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw
|
|||
|
a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute,
|
|||
|
she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said
|
|||
|
"CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she
|
|||
|
had cleaned 43 restrooms.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
155. How about the suicide blonde,
|
|||
|
she dyed by her own hand.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
156. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette
|
|||
|
says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops,
|
|||
|
looks up, and says, "Where?"
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
157. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the
|
|||
|
wrong way on a one-way street.
|
|||
|
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
|
|||
|
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the
|
|||
|
people were leaving.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
158. A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway.
|
|||
|
"Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?"
|
|||
|
"Driver's licence? What's that?..."
|
|||
|
"It's a little card with your picture on it."
|
|||
|
"Oh, duh! Here it is..."
|
|||
|
"May I have your car insurance?"
|
|||
|
"What's that?..."
|
|||
|
"It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car."
|
|||
|
[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
"Oh this? Duh! Here you go..."
|
|||
|
The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde
|
|||
|
exclaims:
|
|||
|
"Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
159. Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron", then we
|
|||
|
could do without the ironing lady.
|
|||
|
Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly we could do
|
|||
|
without the gardener.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
160. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
|
|||
|
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
|
|||
|
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
|
|||
|
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
|
|||
|
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
161. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of
|
|||
|
them decides to call 911:
|
|||
|
[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing
|
|||
|
a light bulb.
|
|||
|
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
|
|||
|
Blonde: Yes.
|
|||
|
Operator: The power in the house in on?
|
|||
|
Blonde: Of course.
|
|||
|
Operator: And the switch is on?
|
|||
|
Blonde: Yes, yes.
|
|||
|
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
|
|||
|
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
|
|||
|
Operator: Then what's the problem?
|
|||
|
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and
|
|||
|
we all fell and hurt ourselves.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
162. What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
|
|||
|
He wanted to know who the other man was...
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
163. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead,
|
|||
|
and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and
|
|||
|
[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to
|
|||
|
try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really
|
|||
|
tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired
|
|||
|
to go on, so she drowned.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it.
|
|||
|
I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and
|
|||
|
starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more
|
|||
|
endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even
|
|||
|
got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think
|
|||
|
I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles,
|
|||
|
15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight,
|
|||
|
but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
164. This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when
|
|||
|
the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull
|
|||
|
you finger out, I'll sink?"
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
165. Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down
|
|||
|
and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks
|
|||
|
and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No.
|
|||
|
Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one
|
|||
|
half hour later they were both killed by a train.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
166. The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what
|
|||
|
was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her.
|
|||
|
Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about
|
|||
|
the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can fuck and
|
|||
|
suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook"
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
167. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of
|
|||
|
their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting
|
|||
|
to rain and the top is down!
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
168. Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
A: Two brunettes.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
169. Q: Why was the blonde depressed when she received her driver's license?
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
A: Because she got an F in sex.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
170. Q: What do you call a brunette and four blondes standing on a street corner
|
|||
|
?
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
A: Regular price, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, 4 bucks!
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
171. Did you hear about the blonde who:
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
had more on her body than on her mind?
|
|||
|
was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
|
|||
|
took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
|
|||
|
got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
|
|||
|
was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?
|
|||
|
had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
|
|||
|
[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
|
|||
|
was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat?
|
|||
|
after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
|
|||
|
went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
|
|||
|
brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
172. Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
173. There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natel
|
|||
|
checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the
|
|||
|
baby concieved ?"
|
|||
|
"He was on top ", she replyed.
|
|||
|
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
The second woman was asked the same question.
|
|||
|
"I was on top ", was the reply.
|
|||
|
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears.
|
|||
|
[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
"Whats the matter ?" asked the doc.
|
|||
|
"Am I going to have puppies ?".....
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
174. Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a
|
|||
|
street corner?
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
A: 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
175. Q: What's the difference between a blond and a shopping cart.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
A: A shopping cart has a mind of it's own.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
176. Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
|
|||
|
A: A waste.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
177. Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?:
|
|||
|
"Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
|
|||
|
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
178. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
|
|||
|
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she
|
|||
|
[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
did with her pencil.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
179. Blondes...
|
|||
|
They take a lickin', and keep on...
|
|||
|
Lickin!
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
180. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up
|
|||
|
to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the
|
|||
|
bird drops a load when it was directly over her.
|
|||
|
The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth
|
|||
|
open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!"
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
181. Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death
|
|||
|
in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
|
|||
|
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
182. Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
183. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
|
|||
|
[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's
|
|||
|
off.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
184. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York
|
|||
|
?
|
|||
|
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men !
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
185. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
|
|||
|
A: Humpme Dumpme.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
186. Q: Why aren't BLONDES good cattle herders?
|
|||
|
A: Because the can't even keep two calves together!
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
187. Q: Why do blondes tattoo their zipcode under their belly button?
|
|||
|
A: So they can get the male into the right box.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
188. Q: What do blondes and cow chips have in common?
|
|||
|
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
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189. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
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A: A whine cellar.
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[7m more [m
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190. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
|
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A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold!
|
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191. Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
|
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A: She fell out of the tree.
|
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192. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
|
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A: An Air Bag
|
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193. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
|
|||
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A: Never mind that! What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?
|
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|
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194. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
|
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A: She realized she had given her last blowjob.
|
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|
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195. Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
|
|||
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A: A thought.
|
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196. Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
|
|||
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A: They both drip when they're fucked.
|
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[7m more [m
|
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197. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
|
|||
|
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it
|
|||
|
won't follow you around for a week.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
198. Q: What is the difference between a blondes legs and cold butter?
|
|||
|
A: Cold butter is difficult to spread.
|
|||
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|
|||
|
199. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles"
|
|||
|
referred to her ears?
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
200. Q: What do a blonde and Presdient Gorbachev have in common?
|
|||
|
A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
201. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
|
|||
|
A: He knows who the ten men were.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
202. Q: Why did they call the blond "Twinkie"?
|
|||
|
A: She was always being filled with cream.
|
|||
|
--
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
[7m more [m
|
|||
|
|
|||
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|
|||
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--
|
|||
|
Michael Delawter | "I was thinking of the last words of
|
|||
|
delawter@sage.cc.purdue.edu| Socrates when he said....
|
|||
|
---------------------------+ I DRANK WHAT!!" - Chris Knight
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
Have fun!!
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
Kris
|
|||
|
|
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Next/2 Mail> |