142 lines
4.2 KiB
Plaintext
142 lines
4.2 KiB
Plaintext
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WARNING!!! WARNING!!! PLEASE READ!!! VIRUS INFO!!
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Please note! The following new computer viruses
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have been detected. Please be alert for them when
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you scan your computers.
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OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive
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suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly
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expands back to 200MB.
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POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself
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a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an
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"electronic microorganism."
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PEACE CORPS VIRUS: Toughest virus you'll ever love.
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AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you
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what great service you are getting.
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MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you
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that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
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PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus
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does not horse around. It warns you of
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impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN,
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twice if by C:>.
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BILL CLINTON VIRUS: Promises to save your
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disk, then once installed, does what all of the
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other viruses tell it to do and ignores its
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installer.
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GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly
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stating, "Read my docs....No new files!" on the
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screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free
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space on your hard drive with new files.
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AL GORE VIRUS: Undistinguishable from the
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directory tree.
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MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus,
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but it refuses to run.
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TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
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ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and
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stays resident. It'll be back.
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DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from
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spawning any child process without joining into
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a binary network.
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GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but
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all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
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NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but
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it makes a lot of people really mad just
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thinking about it.
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GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PC's
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infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14
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percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5
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percent margin of error.)
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TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't"
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whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort"
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"Retry" "Fail" message.
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TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than
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any other file.
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ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes
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out of your Apple.
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CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up,
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screen splits erratically with a message
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appearing on each half blaming the other side
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for the problem.
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AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data
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is in Singapore.
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FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed
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with marrying its own motherboard.
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PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few
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minutes to ask for money.
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ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and
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lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at
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shopping malls and service stations across
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rural America.
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OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to
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become a paper shredder.
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NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
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SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you
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buy new cables, power supply and a set of
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shocks.
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JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be
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found again.
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CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every program on
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the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't
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allow the user to accomplish anything.
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KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down
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as an act of mercy.
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IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song
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(slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts
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money from your Quicken account and spends it
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all on expensive shoes it purchases through
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Prodigy.
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STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places
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where no virus has gone before.
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HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a
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day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill
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for $4,500.
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CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50
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machine perform like a 286/AT.
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CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent
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mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but
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you still love it.
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ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS: Claims that if you don't
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send it a million dollars, it's programmer will
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take it back.
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RETURNED PC VOLUNTEER VIRUS: Still the
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toughest virus you've ever loved.
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Use your virus scan, don't let any of these
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viruses happen to your PC!
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