71 lines
3.4 KiB
Plaintext
71 lines
3.4 KiB
Plaintext
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Real Software Engineers Don't Read Dumps
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Real software engineers don't read dumps. They never generate them, and on the
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rare occasions that they come across them, they are vaguely amused.
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Real software engineers don't comment their code. The identifiers are so
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mnemonic they don't have to.
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Real software engineers don't write applications programs, they implement
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algorithms. If someone has an application that the algorithm might help with,
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that's nice. Don't ask them to write the user interface, though.
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Real software engineers eat quiche.
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If it doesn't have recursive function calls, real software engineers don't
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program in it.
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Real software engineers don't program in assembler. They become queasy at the
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very thought.
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Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness. This
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process doesn't necessarily involve executing anything on a computer, except
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perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package.
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Real software engineers like C's structured constructs, but they are suspicious
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of it because they have heard that it lets you get "close to the machine."
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Real software engineers play tennis. In general, they don't like any sport that
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involves getting hot and sweaty and gross when out of range of a shower. (Thus
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mountain climbing is Right Out.) They will occasionally wear their tennis togs
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to work, but only on very sunny days.
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Real software engineers admire PASCAL for its discipline and Spartan purity, but
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they find it difficult to actually program in. They don't tell this to their
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friends, because they are afraid it means that they are somehow Unworthy.
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Real software engineers work from 9 to 5, because that is the way the job is
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described in the formal spec. Working late would feel like using an
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undocumented external procedure.
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Real software engineers write in languages that have not actually been
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implemented for any machine, and for which only the formal spec (in BNF) is
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available. This keeps them from having to take any machine dependencies into
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account. Machine dependencies make real software engineers very uneasy.
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Real software engineers don't write in ADA, because the standards bodies have
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not quite decided on a formal spec yet.
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Real software engineers like writing their own compilers, preferably in PROLOG
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(they also like writing them in unimplemented languages, but it turns out to be
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difficult to actually RUN these).
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Real software engineers regret the existence of COBOL, FORTRAN and BASIC. PL/1
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is getting there, but it is not nearly disciplined enough; far too much built in
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function.
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Real software engineers aren't too happy about the existence of users, either.
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Users always seem to have the wrong idea about what the implementation and
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verification of algorithms is all about.
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Real software engineers don't like the idea of some inexplicable and greasy
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hardware several aisles away that may stop working at any moment. They have a
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great distrust of hardware people, and wish that systems could be virtual at ALL
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levels. They would like personal computers (you know no one's going to trip
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over something and kill your DFA in mid-transit), except that they need 8
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megabytes to run their Correctness Verification Aid packages.
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Real software engineers think better while playing WFF 'N' PROOF.
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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