70 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
70 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
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From genrad!decvax!microsoft!uw-beaver!tektronix!orca!davidl Thu Dec 15 13:03:52 1983
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Relay-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site mit-eddie.UUCP
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Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 (Tek) 9/26/83; site orca.UUCP
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Path: mit-eddie!genrad!decvax!microsoft!uw-beaver!tektronix!orca!davidl
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From: davidl@orca.UUCP (David Levine)
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Newsgroups: net.jokes
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Subject: A nightmare
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Message-ID: <401@orca.UUCP>
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Date: Thu, 15-Dec-83 13:03:52 EST
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Article-I.D.: orca.401
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Posted: Thu Dec 15 13:03:52 1983
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Date-Received: Sun, 18-Dec-83 07:13:47 EST
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Organization: Tektronix, Wilsonville OR.
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Lines: 55
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Last night I dreamed that the Real World had adopted the "Unix Philosophy."
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I went to a fast-food place for lunch. When I arrived, I found that
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the menu had been taken down, and all the employees were standing in a
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line behind the counter waiting for my orders. Each of them was
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smaller than I remembered, there were more of them than I'd ever seen
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before, and they had very strange names on their nametags.
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I tried to give my order to the first employee, but he just said
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something about a "syntax error." I tried another employee with no more
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luck. He just said "Eh?" no matter what I told him. I had similar
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experiences with several other employees. (One employee named "ed"
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didn't even say "Eh?," he just looked at me quizzically.) Disgusted, I
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sought out the manager (at least it said "man" on his nametag) and
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asked him for help. He told me that he didn't know anything about
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"help," and to try somebody else with a strange name for more
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information.
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The fellow with the strange name didn't know anything about "help"
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either, but when I told him I just wanted to order he directed me to a
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girl named "oe," who handled order entry. (He also told me about
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several other employees I couldn't care less about, but at least I got
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the information I needed.)
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I went to "oe" and when I got to the front of the queue she just smiled
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at me. I smiled back. She just smiled some more. Eventually I
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realized that I shouldn't expect a prompt. I asked for a hamburger.
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She didn't respond, but since she didn't say "Eh?" I knew I'd done
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something right. We smiled at each other for a little while longer,
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then I told her I was finished with my order. She directed me to the
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cashier, where I paid and received my order.
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The hamburger was fine, but it was completely bare... not even a bun.
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I went back to "oe" to complain, but she just said "Eh?" a lot. I went
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to the manager and asked him about "oe." The manager explained to me
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that "oe" had thousands of options, but if I wanted any of them I'd
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have to know in advance what they were and exactly how to ask for them.
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He also told me about "vi," who would write down my order and let me
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correct it before I was done, and how to hand the written order to
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"oe". "vi" had a nasty habit of writing down my corrections unless I
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told her that I was about to make a correction, but it was still easier
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than dealing directly with "oe."
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By this time I was really hungry, but I didn't have enough money to
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order again, so I figured out how to redirect somebody else's order to
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my plate. Security was pretty lax at that place.
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As I was walking out the door, I was snagged in a giant Net. I
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screamed and woke up.
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--
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David D. Levine (...decvax!tektronix!tekecs!davidl) [UUCP]
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(...tekecs!davidl.tektronix@rand-relay) [ARPA]
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