82 lines
4.2 KiB
Plaintext
82 lines
4.2 KiB
Plaintext
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MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic Church
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By Hank Vorjes
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VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square
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this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the
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Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in
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exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock.
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If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software
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company has acquired a major world religion.
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With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior
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vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software
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Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and
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Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said
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MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.
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"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to
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ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the
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Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for
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a broader range of people."
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Through the MICROSOFT Network, the company's new on-line service, "we
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will make the sacraments available on-line for the first time" and
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revive the popular pre-Counter-Reformation practice of selling
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indulgences, said Gates. "You can get Communion, confess your sins,
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receive absolution -- even reduce your time in Purgatory -- all without
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leaving your home."
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A new software application, MICROSOFT Church, will include a macro
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language which you can program to download heavenly graces
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automatically while you are away from your computer.
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An estimated 17,000 people attended the announcement in St Peter's
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Square, watching on a 60-foot screen as comedian Don Novello -- in
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character as Father Guido Sarducci -- hosted the event, which was
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broadcast by satellite to 700 sites worldwide.
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Pope John Paul II said little during the announcement. When Novello
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chided Gates, "Now I guess you get to wear one of these pointy hats,"
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the crowd roared, but the pontiff's smile seemed strained.
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The deal grants MICROSOFT exclusive electronic rights to the Bible and
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the Vatican's prized art collection, which includes works by such
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masters as Michelangelo and Da Vinci. But critics say MICROSOFT will
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face stiff challenges if it attempts to limit competitors' access to
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these key intellectual properties.
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"The Jewish people invented the look and feel of the holy scriptures,"
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said Rabbi David Gottschalk of Philadelphia. "You take the parting of
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the Red Sea -- we had that thousands of years before the Catholics came
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on the scene."
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But others argue that the Catholic and Jewish faiths both draw on a
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common Abrahamic heritage. "The Catholic Church has just been more
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successful in marketing it to a larger audience," notes Notre Dame
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theologian Father Kenneth Madigan. Over the last 2,000 years, the
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Catholic Church's market share has increased dramatically, while
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Judaism, which was the first to offer many of the concepts now touted
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by Christianity, lags behind.
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Historically, the Church has a reputation as an aggressive competitor,
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leading crusades to pressure people to upgrade to Catholicism, and
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entering into exclusive licensing arrangements in various kingdoms
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whereby all subjects were instilled with Catholicism, whether or not
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they planned to use it. Today Christianity is available from several
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denominations, but the Catholic version is still the most widely used.
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The Church's mission is to reach "the four corners of the earth,"
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echoing MICROSOFT's vision of "a computer on every desktop and in every
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home".
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Gates described MICROSOFT's long-term strategy to develop a scalable
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religious architecture that will support all religions through
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emulation. A single core religion will be offered with a choice of
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interfaces according to the religion desired -- "One religion, a couple
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of different implementations," said Gates.
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The MICROSOFT move could spark a wave of mergers and acquisitions,
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according to Herb Peters, a spokesman for the U.S. Southern Baptist
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Conference, as other churches scramble to strengthen their position in
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the increasingly competitive religious market.
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