137 lines
7.0 KiB
Plaintext
137 lines
7.0 KiB
Plaintext
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-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-
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- -
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- Anarchy Inc. Presents... (although knowing nothing about) -
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- -
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- "THE LIFE AND TIMES OF THE MODEM GEEK" -
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- -
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- by: -
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- A Modem User -
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- -
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-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-
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Welcome to the not long-awaited, not talked-about, not seen-on-TV Anarchy
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text file. You must note at this time (if you haven't already, then you are
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RETARDED) that this file is processed for 80 columns (Lord only knows how I
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managed it, since I'm a lowly 40-column'er.) But enough drivel. On with the
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text-file...
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(taken from Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary)
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com-put-er \kum-'pyut-ur\ n, -often attrib- (1646) : one that computes;
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-specif-: a programmable electronic device that can store, retrieve, and
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process data -- COM-PUT-ER-LIKE \-lik\ adj
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geek \'ge\ n [prob. fr. E dial. -geek, geck- fool, fr. LG -geck-, fr.
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MLG] (ca. 1942): a carnival performer often billed as a wild man whose
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act usu. includes biting the head off a live chicken or snake
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From these dictionary entries, one would assume that a "computer geek" is
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an electronic circus performer that does terrible things with animal heads.
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However, today's society has rapidly changed the meaning of these words for
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their convenience. Many of you have probably heard/been called/called some-
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one a "COMPUTER GEEK," so I will not go into details about this subject, as
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I have no idea where the name came from. It will be taken for granted that
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we all recognize and pretty much know whhat the definition of a "computer
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geek" is. Also note that the term "computer geek" (It's getting a bit repi-
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titious, so let's just call them "geeks") has nothing to do with a computer
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wimp. The computer wimp is somebody anxious to get his first computer, etc.
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yet doesn't know what he's doing. A geek is one that has already gotten his
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first computer, and knows EVERYTHING there is to know about programming and
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what have you. Also note that the not-so-often-heard term "computer bum" is
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something entirely different (i.e. a computer bum is one that uses his com-
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puter for term papers, games, and to let out frustration physically on...).
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The geek (as you recall, we now call our little friends simply geeks, for
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easy reference and less strain on the boredom factor) always has a few nas-
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ty habits. Here is a short, compiled list of the geek's habits:
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WHAT THE COMPUTER GEEK TENDS TO DO
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----------------------------------
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1) Races another of his kind to the computer room just as lunch hits.
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2) Carries all printouts, disks, and programming books in his backpack.
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3) Carries almost everything else he owns in his backpack. Geeks do not use
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their lockers at school, or their desks at work, for storage.
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4) Uses his computer until as late as he can get (i.e. until "mommie" tells
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her precious darling it's nighty-night time, or if he has to study for next
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month's calculus test).
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5) When called a "computer geek," informs the insulter that at least he has
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a future ahead of him, while the offender will get in trouble and spend the
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rest of his life rotting in a jail cell. Who cares if he's Class President?
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This is just a short list (excluding, of course, all the stereotypes of the
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average geek) of what our friends do so far. Anybody offended? Well, I hope
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so. It's about time you were!
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ROMANCE AND THE COMPUTER GEEK
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This will be short, as geeks see girls as "cootie-spreaders" and that all
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they will want is S-E-X. However, as the geek reaches the point in his life
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where he needs somebody of the opposite sex, he will do with about any girl
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that can't beat him up. (This excludes many females, where only the bottom
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of the barrel remains.) Told you this would be short!
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MODEM GEEKS
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I won't go into detail about the modem geeks, since there are quite a bit
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of text-files around that cover them. Let me just go over a few of the fav-
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orite expressions of this special division of computer geeks (note: this is
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no evidence that all computer geeks are modem geeks, or vice-versa. Hardly
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any computer geeks own modems, as they have trouble communicating with any-
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body, anywhere.)
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FAVORITE EXPRESSIONS OF THE MODEM GEEK
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1) "Hi. My name is [GEEK'S PSEUDONAME, IF ANY] and I would appreciate it if
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all of you would send me E-mail and be my friend."
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2) <No reply to last request> "Hey pleeeeease send me some E-mail! I'm real
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lonely, but I'm real cool, too! Leave me mail and we'll be best pals!!!1"
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3) <Only reply is a "WHAT A TURD BRAIN"> "Okay you meanies you got me real
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mad! I'll kick any of your a**es anytime!" <Must censor, being as how "mom-
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mie" is standing over his shoulder>
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4) <Upon somebody accepting the challenge> "Well, I live three states away,
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so I can't beat you up. Too bad, but leave me alone you MEEEEANIE!!!!!1"
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...So much for the modem geek. Our next section has to do with the "fun"
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things of the geek. Note: I am =NOT= referring to the good points of being
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a computer geek, as there are no good points. No, I'm talking about the fun
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things that geeks do (Or, in short-vice-versa-whatever, what computer geeks
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like to do for fun)...Here we go:
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THINGS COMPUTER GEEKS DO TO GET THEIR JOLLIES
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1) Play "Traveller" -- by the book, and no other way.
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2) Read OMNI magazines... And nothing =BUT= OMNI magazines (other than 2 or
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3 dozen computer magazines)
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3) Help their teachers clean blackboards (While in an occasional "nasty"
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mood, they may jeer at their "Absolutely ignorant" computer V teachers with
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PhD's in electronics, if and when they make a "costly mistake" in class).
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4) Go to the arcade and splurge their hard-earned quarters that they manage
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to hide away from the neighborhood bully, who always steals their shoes and
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unzips their backpacks when they aren't looking.
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5) Occasionally (but only occasionally) they just might go to the mall down
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the street <But only if that mall has the "Information Please" store, which
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has all of those "keen" spreadsheet programs for their PET computers>
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At the rate we're going, I could go on forever with all of these fun lit-
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tle tidbits of slander, but I won't, for the primary reason of not hurting
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any of our little friends' feelings (If they cry over their keyboards, they
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might get a short-circuit in the ZX388059 chip, found just behind the CC013
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primary CCU in the motherboard)... Or whatever.
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THE END
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(Betcha never saw one of those in a text-file before! HA!)
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