258 lines
7.9 KiB
Plaintext
258 lines
7.9 KiB
Plaintext
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GADGETFILEGADGETFILEGADGETFILEGADGETFILE
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A L
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D [GADGET-TERM 1.0 S0PHTD0><!] I
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G F
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E [>PH0RMATTED 4 40 K0L00MZ!<] T
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T E
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F WR0TED BI: G
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I [=> THE GADGET MASSTER!! <=] D
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L A
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ELIFTEGDAGELIFTEGDAGELIFTEGDAGELIFTEGDAG
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HI!1!!, THIS IS LARRYE. I FURZT WANTED 2
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EXPLAIN WHYE I WR0TED THIS PR0GRAMZ.
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EWE SEE, THERE R SUM PE0PLEZ WH0E D0N'T
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ACKN0WLEDGE (KINDA LAYK WHEN CATFUR D0EZ
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N0T ACK-N0WLEDGE, ACK/NAK! GET IT!?!?!?
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EYE D0N'T, BUT S0ME1 T0LD ME T0 SAY IT
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BECUZ IT'Z PHUNNY. ANYWAY, M0VING RITE
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AL0NG) MY GRATE ELITENEZZ AND SUPER-
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HY00MAN KRAKING P0WERZ. THERE R SUM
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PE0PLE WH0E SAY THAT B942:18 IZN'T HARD
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2 D0E. THERE R EVAN SUM PE0PUL WH0 SAY
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THAT I AM ST00PID F0R FUCKING UP C0PYA
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WHEREZ.
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WELL 2 TH0SE PE0PLE, I JUST HAVE T0 SAY
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LIEZ, LIEZ, ALL LIEZ, I DIDN'T D0E IT,
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IT'S N0T MY FAULT. (REPEAT 50 TIMEZ).
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EYE D0N'T KARE IF YOU HAVE PR00F, EYE
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D0N'T KARE IF IT'Z TRUE. IT D0EZN'T
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MATTER BECUZ I YAM ELITE, AND THEREF0RE
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EXEMPT FR0M JUDGEMENT BY EVERY1 ELSE
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BUT ME.
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2 PR0VE MY ELITENEZZ I WR0TED THE GADGT
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MASSTER CRACK PHILE. IT PR0VED T0 THE
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W0RLD WHAT EVERY1 ALREADY KNEW. NAMELY
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THAT I YAM A T0TAL IDI0T, WITH A 3RD
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GRADE GRAMMATICAL STILE 2 B00T.
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^^HAY!@#!@#1! EYE DIDN'T WR0TE THAT UP
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THERE, THAT'Z AN0THER LYE BEING SPRED
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BYE MY ENIMIEZ.
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T0 FURTHER EXPREZZ MY ELITENEZZ I WILL
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SH0W T0 N0N-ELITE EYEZ 4 THE FURZT
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TYME, THE ELYTE!@#12!@ PE0PUL K0DE.
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---------------------------------------
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Elite Commandments:
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-------------------
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1] Never admit you have no idea what you're talking about.
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2] Never have a good word to say about anyone else but yourself.
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3] Join every group that will let you join. After a few weeks have passed,
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quit & claim they aren't good enough to merit your prescence.
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4] Always shift the blame to someone else. "It's not my fault" should become
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2nd nature to you.
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5] Always have nasty things to say about your so called friends behind their
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backs.
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6] Hate as many people as possible.
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7] Start as many rag wars as humanly possible. When your up against
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intelligent people (As on Adventurers Tavern, 1982-1986. RIP), and losing
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your end of the war. Say "This is stupid and childish, even if I did start
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it", and stop posting.
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8] When someone becomes pushy and openly challenges your lack of knowledge
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about something. Say "I know the answer, but you're not elite enough, so I
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can't tell you".
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9] If anyone still dares to question you then threaten them with tough things
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like getting someone to turn their phones off, or charge 10 billion toilets
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on their mothers credit card. (It doesn't matter whether or not you
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actually know how to do this, or know anyone else who will do it for you.
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This is a favorite tactic of ELITE!@ phreak groups like L0D!!@#1!.) If all
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else fails began chanting "Cable throw, Cable throw, Cable throw" or if you
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are a pirate: make a frightening rag page on them in your next Copya crack.
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[Warning: Be sure to only use this on a fellow ELITE!@#1! phreak, pirate or
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equivalent ignorant person. Anyone else will laugh at you & tell you to fuck
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off. Only adding to the questioning of your massive eliteness.]
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10] Make as big a fool of yourself as is possible. Display your ignorance and
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stupidity in a manner that will make itself noticible to the modem
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community at large. If you are a aspiring elite pirate, get your name on
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as many copya cracks as fast as possible. Or if you are a up and coming
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elite phreak, start up your own little world (or join someone else who has
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already done this, such as LOD), refuse to see anyones viewpoint but your
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own, & declare yourselves mega-elite.
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Remember: When in doubt, repeat to yourself the sacred chant: "I am elite, I
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can't be wrong, I am elite, I am always right and know everything", repeat
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until your confidense is restored (Humming, or accompanyment by a choir, is
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optional).
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Also be certain to rag on anyone who displays any kind of knowledge about
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anything, and is not currently ELITE!@# If he's not elite, he can't be right.
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After all, everyone in the universe cares about the "elite hierarchy!", its
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what makes the world go around!@#21!!!!
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[National Enlightener!]
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- 4 yr. old boy is the anti-christ.
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- Robert Woodhead (Co-Author of Wizardry for the Apple) suggests that all
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pirates be flogged to death, and recommends that their parents use birth
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control next time.
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- Aliens from the planet z0d abduct Mrs. Glop, force her to participate in a
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heated 56 way orgy, then dump her into her backyard.
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- King Blotto talks to newsweek for the 93rd time in 2 weeks. Ms. Blarf the
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secretary finally tells him the shattering truth that they don't care
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anymore. Blotto is now sending his up to the minute exposes' to Young Miss
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magazine & Bingo news around the world.
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- 19 yr. old boy goes on a spree and kills 98. When questioned by auth-
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orities, his response: "I was bored"
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- Lord Digital & Mr. Xerox buy an island in the carribean and found a new
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religion, with themselves declared as the gods. Prospective initiates must
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prove their worth by boot tracing a protected copy of 1 of the Phantom Access
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disks, while making AUM sounds & signing away all their wordly wealth.
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- Water is a deadly toxin. Report on page 938.
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- Group of NJ wiz kids use mental telepathy and a micromodem to rearrange the
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orbit of US. Satelites. "I've never seen nothin' like it" declares computer
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authority, Sheriff Ima Fool. The U.S.S.R. expresses interest in hiring the
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offenders.
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- Is your dog really an alien from outer space? take the quiz on page 437 and
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find out.
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- Conference on piracy and it's effects on computer companies. Part 11932 of
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an ongoing tirade of threats, suggest ions, counter-threats, and all around
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stupidity. [Sorry this story has been cancelled since our ex-reporter fell
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asleep during the opening comments.]
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- Are YOU really an alien from outer space? take the quiz on page 438 and find
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out.
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- $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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$ Betty Crocker Home Cooking Book 1 $
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$$$$$$=> Typed By Lex Luthor <=$$$$$$
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$=> Copied From BC Home Cooking 1 <=$
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$$$$$$$$$$=> Uploaded by <=$$$$$$$$$$
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$ $
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$$$$$$$$$$=> Lex Luthor! <=$$$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$=> & The Legion of Doom! <=$$$$$
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$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$
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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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- Buy land on Alpha Centuri. Avoid the rush on this soon to be, prime real
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estate. Details on page 230.
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All this and much much more! only in:
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[ELITE NEWS WEEKLY!]
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"I can't be wrong... I'm elite!"
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---------------------------------------
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We gratefully acknowledge all mentioned parties, for being the way they are. &
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express our most sincere apologies to Young Miss (TM) magazine, for having the
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audacity to suggest they would stoop so low, as to printing commentary from
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King Blotoe.
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---------------------------------------
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D000DZ, N0WE TELLE ME THAT I YAM N0T A
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TRUE ELYTE!???!?!?!? D0N'T EYE PH0LL0W
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EACH AND EVERY1 0PH THE TEN (10) ELITE
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K0MMANDMENTZ?!?!?!? 0PH K0RSE EYE D0E!
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THATZ BECUZ I YAM A TRUE ELYTE!@#!#@!!
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N0W, T0 PR0VE MY T0TAL ELITENEZZ F0R
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ALL TYME, F0R ANY1 LEFT WH0 STILL
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KEWSTI0NZ IT:
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GADGET-TERM!
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A BREAKTHR0UGH IN TELEC0MMUNIKATI0NZ!
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KUMMING S00N!
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GADGET-SEND!
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BE L00KING 4WARD 2 IT D00DZ!
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LARRYE
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GADGET MASSTER
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FURZT KLAZZ
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PS. IF U G0T ANY TRUBEL WITH MY AWES0ME
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PR0GRAM (I KN0W ITZ K0MLEX, CUZ I YAM
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VERY ADVANCED), THEN GIVE MY 24 H0TLINE
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A KAWL: 718-996-2319
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L8R0[\] ALL U ELYTEZ. AND UNELYTE M0EZ!
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THE Gadget [Found mah sHiFt key] mASSter
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!!11@1111@111@@1111122@11222!!!!22!!@!#!
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***** <-- 5ive star
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Digital Gang
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EPG
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First Class
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/EX
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QUIT
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STOP
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I AM DONE NOW
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END
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HELP ME
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?
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.?
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.S
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SHIT
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WHATS WR0NG?
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G0DDAMN IT.
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.SABE MASSAGE
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.SABE
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{~_
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(>
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