textfiles/humor/COMPUTER/comparo.txt

			      My Favorite Things
			     J. Benson & J. Doll

		    (To the tune of "My Favorite Things")


Card reader managers, output addresses,
Drum operations and other such messes,
Job names consisting of character strings-
These are a few of my favorite things.

Input drum managers, functions external,
Signals and waits in a quite busy kernel;
All of the heartbreaks that debugging brings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Run-time errors,
Missing modules,
Sleep I haven't had.
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I still feel real bad!

Five job descriptors and processes blocking
See the professor with both my knees knocking;
Red eyes encircled by darkening rings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Run-time errors,
Missing modules,
Sleep I haven't had.
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I still feel real bad!

			I've Been Working On A Kernel
			     J. Benson & J. Doll

	     (To the tune of "I've Been Working on the Railroad")


I've been working on a kernel
All the livelong night.
I've been working on a kernel
And it still won't work quite right.
All the queues are always empty,
All the pointers nil;
All I get are run-time errors,
Buffers that won't fill.

Buffers that won't fill,
Buffers that won't fill,
Buffers that won't fill at all, at all!
Buffers that won't fill,
Buffers that won't fill,
Buffers that won't fill at all!


             (to the tune of _T_h_e _G_i_r_l _f_r_o_m _I_p_a_n_e_m_a)
   (inspired by an attempt to write a UNIX-like OS in Pascal)
                         by Brad Needham


     Clean and swift and small and simple
     The Bell Lab's UNIX system is published
     And when they read it
     Each one who reads it goes "aah".

     Files it has -- so elementary
     File names too, that move so gently
     That when they read it
     Each one who reads it goes "aah".

     Oh, but I read it so sadly!
     So much is lost in translation.
     How could I code it so badly?
     And how could they blame it on me?
     I write in Pascal, not in C.

     Clean and swift and small and simple
     The Bell Labs UNIX system is published
     And when I read mine, I cry
     Cause it's not in C.
           it's just not in C.
        no it's just not in C.
                                      
  


                   AAAnnnooottthhheeerrr GGGllliiitttccchhh iiinnn ttthhheee CCCaaallllll


           (to the tune of _A_n_o_t_h_e_r _B_r_i_c_k _i_n _t_h_e _W_a_l_l)
                by decvax!utzoo!utcsrgv!roderick



     We don't need no indirection
     We don't need no flow control
     No data typing or declarations
        Hey! Did you leave the lists alone?

     _C_h_o_r_u_s:
        All in all, it's just a pure-LISP function call.

     We don't need no side effect-ing
     We don't need no scope control
     No global variables for execution
        Hey! Did you leave those args alone?

     (_C_h_o_r_u_s)

     We don't need no allocation
     We don't need no special nodes
     No dark bit-flipping in the functions
        Hey! Did you leave the bits alone?

     (_C_h_o_r_u_s)

     We don't need no compilation
     We don't need no load control
     No link edit for external bindings
        Hey! Did you leave that source alone?
                                                     CCC Songbook

     (_C_h_o_r_u_s) and repeat


                     GGGoooddd RRReeesssttt YYYeee CCCSSS SSStttuuudddeeennntttsss


          (to the tune of _G_o_d _R_e_s_t _Y_e _M_e_r_r_y _G_e_n_t_l_e_m_e_n)
                     *** author from SFC ***
                      from WPI in Mass,???
             modified by Charles LaBrec and friends,



     God rest ye CS students now
        Let nothing you dismay,
     The VAX is down and won't be up
        Until the first of May
     The program that was due this morn
        Won't be postponed they say.

     _C_h_o_r_u_s:
             Oh, tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy,
             Oh, tidings of comfort and joy!

     The bearings on the disk are gone,
        And bits are dropping too,
     We've found a bug in C,
        And Pascal can't tell false from true,
     And now we find that we can't get at
        Berkeley's 4.2.

     (_C_h_o_r_u_s)

     And all you fans of matrix math
        Who would use APL,
     You'd find out if the VAX were up,
        It wouldn't work too well,
     And if you try, then it'll say
        That you can go to . . . well . . .

     (_C_h_o_r_u_s)

     We've just received a call from DEC,
        They'll send without delay
     A system they call RSuX
        It takes nine hundred k,
     The staff committed suicide
        We'll bury them today.

     (_C_h_o_r_u_s)

     And now more cheery news for you,
        The network's also dead,
     You'll have to run your programs on
        The IBM instead,
     The turnaround time's nineteen weeks
        And only cards are read.
                                                     CCC Songbook

     (_C_h_o_r_u_s)

     And now we'd like to say to you
        Before we go away,
     We hope the news we've brought to you
        Won't ruin your whole day,
     You've got another program due
        Tomorrow, by the way.

     (_C_h_o_r_u_s)