75 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
75 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
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(Taken from an actual Compaq ad in a British magazine.)
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Compaq Wishes To Apologize For This Advertisement.
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In particular, we wish to apologize for the headline. We suggest you
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skip it and go straight to the rest of the ad, after which you should
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simply FILL IN AND POST THE COUPON. If you haven't got time to read
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the ad, SIMPLY FILL IN AND POST THE COUPON. On your way to POST THE
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COUPON you may pass a COMPAQ dealer in which case simply GO IN AND BUY
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A COMPAQ. This will save you the price of a stamp.
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HOW TO PROVE THAT COMPAQ RUNS 30% FASTER THAN IBM. Buy two greyhounds,
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name one COMPAQ and the other IBM. Feed COMPAQ on lean steak and IBM on
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old socks stuffed with rabbit droppings. After a month, enter both in
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the 3.30 at Hackney and you will notice that Compaq runs at least 30%
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faster than IBM. Of course, this test is totally unfair and one-sided,
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but gives the same result as racing the computers in your office.
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PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST NASTY ACCIDENTS. (Picture of statue w/o arms
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or legs is shown at left.) This is what happens to computer operators
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who lose all the data on an important disk. Protect yourself with a
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built-in tape back-up safety system. Too bad if you own an IBM or some
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other make, only COMPAQ computers have them.
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SIN IN STYLE -- SOFTWEAR WORLD.
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Sorry. Wrong. Terribly sorry. Sorry to disappoint those of you who
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were hoping for something titillating, but this whole section is in fact
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the result of a silly spelling mistake. Instead of softwear, please read
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software. Then reach for any IBM catalogue, in which you will find
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listed thousands of programs you can run on COMPAQ computers. So sorry.
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WHAT PERCENTAGE OF IBM SOFTWARE WILL RUN ON A COMPAQ? By sheer
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coincidence, this is the same percentage of waiters in Indian restaurants
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who hail from the small Bangladeshi town of Sylhet. Nearly 100%. For
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further details and first-class lamb dhansak, ring 01-836 9787.
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BYTES OF RAM. The compaq deskpro 286 offers 8.2 megabytes of RAM. IBM's
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PC AT can only manage a 3 megabyte nibble. Cheez, even our carry-away
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Portable does 2.6 megabytes.
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THE COMPAQ DUAL_MODE MONITOR. At last, a monitor lizard that can display
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both high resolution text and high resolution graphics on one screen.
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IBM's (and all their spawn) need separate iguanas for text and graphics.
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More details from our sales reptiles. Contact them on 01-940 8860.
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SIMPLE ANT MATHS: LESSON 1. Let one ant equal one byte of information.
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COMPAQ's built-in mass storage can hold 70,000,000 of the little
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blighters, (30,000,000 more than IBM can). Now calculate how many ants
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are needed to fill the great pyramid of Giza.
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FILL IN THIS COUPON NOW.
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______________________________________________________________________
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| TO: COMPAQ Computer Ltd., Freepost, Richmond, Surrey, TW91BR. |
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| I understand that COMPAQ computers run IBM software 30% faster, are |
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| more powerful with more storage, a unique tape backup system and dual|
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| mode monitor, but frankly I can't believe COMPAQ's are this good, |
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| otherwise why isn't everyone using them except come to think of it |
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| COMPAQ is already No. 2 in the States but then the Yanks are a funny |
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| bunch I mean they eat raw steak for breakfast and they've all got |
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| absurd names like Chuck and Waldo of course everyone's always |
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| knocking America but where would we be without the Harvey Wallbanger |
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| so rush me more details of your marvelous computers. |
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| Name _______________________________________________________________ |
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| Company_____________________________________________________________ |
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| Inside Leg_________________ Favourite Singer_______________________ |
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| Address_____________________________________________________________ |
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| AMAZING FREE OFFER. We'll give you a COMPAQ DESKPRO 286 ABSOLUTELY |
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| FREE when you give us 3,694.99 pounds. |
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| ( ) tick here for FREE death watch beetle. |
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|______________________________________________________________________|
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<EFBFBD>
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