textfiles/humor/COMPUTER/c64.txt

                     The Commodore 64 User
                             - A Text File -
                    by Frank LaRosa / Searchlight BBS

          There have been enough bad things said about the Commodore
     64 computer- what can you say about a machine that uses serial
     ports for disk I/O- but it is, after all, a computer, and I'll
     program just about anything I can get my hands on; in fact, I
     consider it an extra challenge to write meaningful programs on
     a sub-computer like the 64. But hardware differences aside,
     its not the C64 itself that bothers me... its the C64 user. 
     The mass marketed Commode-Door has given us a new breed of
     computer user: He is no longer the inquizitive computer genius
     of the early years, and lacks even the cleverness of the
     systems "hacker". Instead he is discourteous, selfish, and
     often downright stupid- a computer "abuser". 
          Now I'm not refering to all C64 users, of course. In fact
     I know several who are not like this at all, most of whom
     bought their 64's out of either financial distress or sheer
     ignorance. These are not true "64 users" but merely "64
     owners", decent people who just happen to have a C64. 
          Anyway, as a Sysop I've had the opportunity to watch many
     C64 users log onto my system. Whenever I see a caller typing
     "NEW" at the login prompt I begin to fear the worst. The 64
     user always logs in as "BLACK MASTER" or "HULK HOGAN" or
     "RAMBO" (few girls, by the way, are hardcore "Commies"). He
     always has trouble with the phone number, and thinks he's
     gotten away with something when the computer accepts
     "XXX-XXX-XXXX" as his input. He thinks, of course, that he is
     connected to another C64- what ever happened to "Innocent
     until proven guilty"? 
          Now my BBS is an "original" system and doesn't have the
     usual command structure, but this does not impress the C64
     user. For example, when he sees commads such as LIST, MAIL,
     and CHAT, he assumes you can just type L, M, C, etc.
     regardless of the fact that many commands begin with the same
     letter. One of the first things he notices is that the text is
     60 or so columns wide- it doesn't fit on his 40 column screen. 
     I watch the bulletins zip by from my side and wonder how he
     can read it so quickly- never mind that it says "USE CTRL-S TO
     PAUSE" in several prominent places. Nobody uses pause. To this
     day there have only been 4 verified incidences of its use. Of
     course, most C64 boards, due to their swift disk drives, give
     you the benefit of "auto-pause" during most operations when
     the system has to stop for disk access. To this end the C64
     user is totally unfamilliar with any such operations. (Want to
     have fun? Try inviting a 64 user over to test out your new
     1200 baud modem...) 
          So he logs on finds himself faced with an unusual prompt. 
     Usually he's smart enough to enter '?' for the menu; he stares
     at the list of commands for a long time as I wonder what his
     first choice will be. Never mind that he's logged into a
     totally new system. Hes looking for "Download". The more
     determined will even type "D" several times before they give
     up, hit CHAT, and say "how do you get to the downloads?" But
     even the ones who are smart enough to get to the "FILES"
     section can't begin to comprehend that the files listed aren't
     for the C64- I can't help but wonder how many copies of my
     TRS-80 word processing utility, "SPACE", are sitting on
     Commodore disks. Of course there are also text files available
     for any computer, but these are of little interest given the
     fact that C64 users cannot, in fact, read. 
          The heart of the bbs- the message boards and E-mail- are
     mostly ignored by the 64 user. By this time he's beginning to
     suspect that this is not a C64 bbs at all (although it doesnt
     look like RBBS either, which is the only non-64 system that
     C64 users have ever heard of). If I'm lucky he just logs off
     and I have the pleasure of never seeing him again. But maybe
     he'll CHAT and ask me about the bbs. 

          "HELLO? DO YOU HAVE D/L ON THIS BOARD?" 
          "No." 
          (long pause) "OH. WELL YOU WANT TO TRADE?" 
          "I dont know. (I decide to play along with him) 
           Do you use LDOS?" 
          "WHAT?? I GOT ALL THE LATEST GAMES!" 
          "Yeah. Well I dont have a C64." 
          (a long pause. Some will hastily log off at this point [I
     HAVE TO GO], while others will simply drop carrier. However a
     few of the more dazed will continue:) 
          "OH. WELL PUT THE SYSOP ON MAYBE HE WANTS TO TRADE." 

          Besides being a leech, the 64 user thinks that his
     computer is the best and only system worth having. Even when
     they discover my system isn't a 64, they ask me if its
     possible for me to support C64 downloads- if there is any way
     to convert any of my software to run on the C64- or whether I
     want to buy a 64 "real cheap". As if Toys-R-Us doesnt sell
     them cheaply enough. 
          The C64 user is also painfully stupid. He extracts no
     meaning from such phrases as "Type ? for menu", "Press any key
     to continue", and (especially) "Enter your REAL name". The 64
     user can seem to read bulletins and other information so
     quickly because he does not, in fact, read such things, but
     has learned that they all say "Please donate money" or "Please
     upload as well as download files". 
          Sevral companies see the 64 attitude as the next step in
     computer literacy, and are developing new "Moron Tolerant"
     software. An example is the "Simple 64" bbs. This unique
     system has no menus or prompts of any kind, but simply begins
     downloading video game software to the remote system
     immediately upon being connected.